2. Sexual Assault Awareness Month 2012 Bystander Intervention & Supporting A Survivor Shatter the silence of sexual violence! www.pavingtheway.net

3. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Welcome to SAAM 2012!

4. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Overview Brief review of important definitions and stats Rape Trauma: In a Survivor’s shoes Male Survivors How to Support a Survivor Bystander Intervention Roles, Examples and How Tos

5. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Brief Overview of Definitions and Stats Sexual Violence - Any act sexual in nature, whether verbal or physical, that breaks a person’s trust, violates their safety, or impedes upon their sexual autonomy. Sexual violence includes and is not limited to sexual harassment, sexual assault and rape. It also does not specify a gender or age and can be understood to encompass domestic violence or any violence based on one’s sexual identity.

6. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Brief Overview of Definitions and Stats Consent: Sexual activity requires consent, which is defined as clear, unambiguous, and voluntary agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity. Consent cannot be inferred from the absence of a "no"; a clear "yes," verbal or otherwise, is necessary. Although consent does not need to be verbal, verbal communication is the most reliable form of asking for and gauging consent, and individuals are thus urged to seek consent in verbal form. Talking with sexual partners about desires and limits may seem awkward, but serves as the basis for positive sexual experiences shaped by mutual willingness and respect.

7. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Brief Overview of Definitions and Stats Consent Definition Continued: Consent cannot be obtained from someone who is asleep or otherwise mentally or physically incapacitated, whether due to alcohol, drugs, or some other condition. Consent cannot be obtained by threat, coercion, or force. Agreement given under such conditions does not constitute consent. Consent must be clear and unambiguous for each participant throughout any sexual encounter. Consent to some sexual acts does not imply consent to others, nor does past consent to a given act imply ongoing or future consent. Consent can be revoked at any time. For all of these reasons, sexual partners must evaluate consent in an ongoing fashion and should communicate clearly with each other throughout any sexual encounter.

8. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Brief Overview of Definitions and Stats 1 in 4 women will be and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18. (USDOJ) Girls 16-19 are 4x more likely to experience a rape 12% of girls and 5% of boys in high school have been sexually assaulted 93% knew the perpetrator (www.rainn.org)

9. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org RAPE TRAUMA In a Survivor’s Shoes

10. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Emotions Following a Sexual Assault Guilt Shame Confusion Anxiety Anger Denial Loss of Control & Safety Self-Blame Humiliation Disgust

11. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Rape Trauma Syndrome 1) The Acute Phase Feelings of shock, disbelief and helplessness Concern about pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, or injury Inability to concentrate Some victims may seem completely in control, like nothing happened (www.SafeFromAbuse.org)

12. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Rape Trauma Syndrome 2. The Repression Phase Avoids thinking and talking about the assault Experiences Anger Tells others he/she is “over it” Minimizes the assault, “It wasn’t so bad” (www.SafeFromAbuse.org)

13. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Rape Trauma Syndrome 3. The Reorganization Phase Hypervigilance Depression Flashbacks & nightmares Lack of trust Fear & avoidance of people & places that remind him/ her or the assault (www.SafeFromAbuse.org)

14. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Rape Trauma Syndrome 4. The Integration Phase Regains feelings of control and safety Shifts blame from self to perpetrator Regains Trust in Others (www.SafeFromAbuse.org)

15. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Male Survivors of Sexual Assault A male survivor of sexual assault, like any survivor, experiences an array of negative emotions However, males may be less likely to seek social support Stereotypes suggest that men cannot be victims of sexual assault; these societal reactions can have a profound impact on survivors’ coping processes (www.rainn.org)

16. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Male Survivors of Sexual Assault OUTCOMES Depression Sexual Confusion Self-blame Paranoia Hostility Emotional Withdrawal Alienation Feelings of being less than a man Negative impact on personal relationships Anger Fear www.rainn.org

17. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org HOW TO SUPPORT A SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVOR Supporting A Survivor PSA:

18. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Help a Survivor! Studies show that the first person a survivor tells… If that person reacts well, it can greatly help the healing process!

19. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Supporting A Survivor Every survivor reacts differently following a sexual assault Some might express intense emotions and behaviors, including: crying, shaking, etc. However, others appear to have little to no emotion Some people may even be smiling or laughing…everyone reacts differently to trauma.

20. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Supporting A Survivor Remember: Everyone has different ways to cope with traumatic events Just because he/she is not visibly upset, it does not mean they are not hurting

21. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Supporting A Survivor DO: Listen & be supportive Alleviate guilt Be available for support Assist them in getting the mental & medical help they need Respect that it’s ultimately their decision to receive help Provide empathy! THANK THEM FOR SHARING! DO NOT: Question their story Be judgmental Ask “Why?” Ask for specific details Ask them if they lead the perpetrator on Tell them what they should have done differently NEVER NEVER NEVER blame the victim

22. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Supporting A Survivor What to Say “Thank you for sharing that with me” “I believe you.” Many victims do not confide in others because of fear that others will not believe them Be supportive and do not question their story “It’s not your fault.” Most victims blame themselves They need to be reassured that is was not their fault “How can I be there for you now?” “ You are not alone!”

23. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Supporting A Survivor How to Listen Be an Empathetic Listener Listen, don’t lecture Be non-judgmental Be friendly, concerned, and supportive Avoid Saying… “I understand.” “I know how you feel.” Instead, reflect back their emotions… “It sounds like…” “What I’m hearing you say…” “It seems as if you feel…”

24. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Resources to Help Support a Survivor Promoting Awareness Victim Empowerment www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network www.rainn.org The National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE

25. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org BYSTANDER INTERVENTION If you see something, SAY SOMETHING! Everyone has a role in preventing sexual violence.

26. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Bystander Intervention: The willingness to take action and help someone in time of need. Two recent media examples of people failing to intervene include: ① The alleged sexual abuse by Sandusky at Penn State ② Bernie Fine at Syracuse University - Tapes 'reveal his wife watched husband molest boy in their home’ Bernie Fine has lost his job as head basketball coach at Syracuse University amid child abuse allegation

27. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Bystander Definitions Bystander- A person who witnesses an act of violence Bystander Effect- The more bystanders that witness the incident, the less likely they all are to call for help

28. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Bystander Intentions Aiming to reduce sexual assault victimization and perpetration, while holding perpetrators more accountable for their actions YOU can make a difference!

29. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org How do I know When to Intervene? Ask yourself: Is there a potential problem? Does someone need help? (If YOU were in the same situation, would you want help?) Are you able to help? Will anyone else help or stand up for this person if you don’t? REMEMBER the bystander effect!

30. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org How do I know When to Intervene? Examples of situations to intervene: You’re at a party and you overhear someone’s plan to sexually take advantage of another person You hear someone joke about getting someone drunk in order to have sex with them You think you see someone slip something into a drink You see someone who is clearly impaired being taken away from the party and are unsure of their safety You see someone being sexually or physically abused or taken advantage of

31. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org How do I know When to Intervene? Look out for sexually or physically aggressive behaviors: Inappropriate touching Pushing boundaries Overly sexual remarks Targeting an intoxicated person Encouraging or pressuring heavy drinking Isolation (i.e., taking someone upstairs, etc.)

32. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org How do I know When to Intervene? When in doubt, trust your gut instincts!

33. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Everyday Interventions Discourage victim-blaming, while shifting responsibility from victims to perpetrators Do not engage in sexually inappropriate conversations Speak out against negative social norms For instance, the social legitimacy of obtaining sex from an intoxicated person “She was asking for it” myth

34. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org Step In & Step Up! “In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends” –Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Will you pledge to step up and engage in bystander intervention? Will you teach others about bystander intervention?

35. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org

36. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org That’s it for Today folks! Questions or comments? Upcoming Free SAAM Webinars: Wednesday April 18 th 12pm – 1pm CST Sexual Violence in the Media and Gender Identity Wednesday April 25 th 12pm – 1pm CST Healthy Relationships, Reporting and Shattering The Silence 101

37. Shatter the Silence of Sexual Violence! www.ShatteringTheSilence.org www.ShatteringTheSilence.org/ SAAM www.ShatteringTheSilence.org/ SAAM Want these slides? Email Amanda@ShatteringTheSilence.org