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Dating and relationships

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1 Dating and relationships

2 Real World Warm-up: Shannon could hear footsteps behind her as she walked toward home. The thought of being followed made her heart beat faster. “You’re being silly,” she told herself, “no one is following you.” To be safe, she began to walk faster, but the footsteps kept up with her pace. She was afraid to look back and she was glad she was almost home. Shannon said a quick prayer, “God please let me get home safe.” She saw the porch light burning and she leaned against the door for a moment, relieved to be in the safety of her home. She glanced out the window to see if anyone was there. The sidewalk was empty.

3 After tossing her books on the sofa, she decided to grab a snack and get online. She logged on under her screen name ByAngel213. She checked her Buddy List and saw GoTo123 was on. She sent him an instant message: ByAngel213: Hi. I’m glad you are on! I thought someone was following me home today. It was really weird! GoTo123: LOL You watch too much TV. Why would someone be following you? Don’t you live in a safe neighborhood? ByAngel213: Of course I do. LOL I guess it was my imagination cuz’ I didn’t see anybody when I looked out.

4 GoTo123: Unless you gave your name out online
GoTo123: Unless you gave your name out online. You haven’t done that have you? ByAngel213: Of course not. I’m not stupid you know. GoTo123: Did you have a softball game after school today? ByAngel213: Yes and we won!! GoTo123: That’s great! Who did you play? ByAngel213: We played the Hornets. LOL. Their uniforms are so gross! They look like bees. LOL GoTo123: What is your team called? ByAngel213: W are the Canton Cats. We have tiger paws on our uniforms. They are really cool.

5 GoTo123: Did you pitch? ByAngel213: No I play second base. I got to go. My homework has to be done before my parents get home. I don’t want them mad at me. Bye! GoTo123: Catch you later. Bye Meanwhile…GoTo123 went to the member menu and began to search for her profile. When it came up, he highlighted it and printed it out. He took out a pen and began to write down what he knew about Angel so far. Her Name: Shannon Birthday: Jan 3, 1985 Age: 13 State where she lived: North Carolina Hobbies: Softball, chorus, skating and going to the mall

6 Besides this information, he knew she lived in Canton because she had just told him. He knew she stayed by herself until 6:30pm every afternoon until her parents came home from work. He knew she played softball on Thursday afternoons on the school team, and the team was named the Canton Cats. Her favorite number 7 was printed on her jersey. He knew she was in the eighth grade at the Canton Junior High School. She had told him all this in the conversations they had online. He had enough information to find her now. Shannon didn’t tell her parents about the incident on the way home from the ball park that day. She didn’t want them to make a scene and stop her from walking home from the softball games. Parents were always overreacting and hers were the worst. It made her wish she was not an only child. Maybe if she had brothers and sisters, her parents wouldn’t be so overprotective.

7 By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her
By Thursday, Shannon had forgotten about the footsteps following her. Her game was in full swing when suddenly she felt someone staring at her. It was then that the memory came back. She glanced up from her second base position to see a man watching her closely. He was leaning against the fence behind first base and he smiled when she looked at him. He didn’t look scary and she quickly dismissed the fear she had felt.

8 After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach
After the game, he sat on a bleacher while she talked to the coach. She noticed his smile once again as she walked past him. He nodded and she smiled back. He noticed her name on the back of her shirt. He knew he had found her. Quietly, he walked a safe distance behind her. It was only a few blocks to Shannon’s home, and once he saw where she lived he quickly returned to the park to get his car. Now he had to wait. He decided to get a bite to eat until the time came to go to Shannon’s house. He drove to a fast food restaurant and sat there until time to make his move.

9 Shannon was in her room later that evening when she heard voices in the living room.
“Shannon, come here,” her father called. He sounded upset and she couldn’t imagine why. She went into the room to see the man from the ballpark sitting on the sofa. “Sit down,” her father began, “this man just told us a most interesting story about you.” Shannon sat back. How could he tell her parents anything? She had never seen him before today! “Do you know who I am, Shannon?” the man asked.

10 “No,” Shannon answered. “I am a police officer and your online friend, GoTo123.” Shannon was stunned. “That’s impossible! GoTo is a kid my age! He’s 14 and he lives in Michigan!” The man smiled. “I know I told you all that, but it wasn’t true. You see, Shannon, there are people online who pretend to be kids; I was one of them. But while others do it to find kids and hurt them, I belong to a group of parents who do it to protect kids from predators. I came here to find you to teach you how dangerous it is to talk to people online. You told me enough about yourself to make it easy for me to find you. Your name, the school you went to, the name of your ball team, and the position you played. The number and name on your jersey just made finding you a breeze.”

11 Shannon was stunned. “You mean you don’t live in Michigan?”
He laughed. “No, I live in Raleigh. It made you feel safe to think I was so far away, didn’t it?” She nodded. “I had a friend whose daughter was like you. Only she wasn’t as lucky. The guy found her and murdered her while she was home alone. Kids are taught not to tell anyone when they are alone, yet they do it all the time online. The wrong people trick you into giving out information a little here and there online. Before you know it, you have told them enough for them to find you without even realizing you have done it. I hope you have learned a lesson from this and won’t do it again. Tell others about this so they will be safe too?” “It’s a promise!”

12 Questions for Reflection…
How did that story make you feel before you realized that the police were involved? Are you home alone on occasion? Have internet conversations with people you have never met? How can we stop the cycle of predators that has become so overpowering? (Dateline Show) What would you tell your friends who are participating in the same conversations as Shannon, not realizing what could happen?

13 What is love? What isn’t love?
Love is: Responsibility Hard Work Pleasure Commitment Caring Honesty Compromising Recognizing Differences Respect friendship Love isn’t: Jealousy Possessiveness Violence Pain Cruelty Getting Pregnant Manipulation Scoring Intimidation Expecting your needs to be met

14 Mature love vs. infatuation
Relationship gradually develops Security and trust High self-esteem Relationship based on foundation of friendship Both people show Affection Infatuation Physical attraction Driven by excitement Based on fantasy Relationship lacks a foundation Insecurity and distrust Lack of confidence

15 Healthy relationships
Initial attraction Two people are attracted to each other and want to get to know each other friendship As the two people get to know each other better, they find they have some things in common Close friendship The two people get to know each others values and feelings and enjoy doing things together. This is considered “dating”. Deep friendship The two people confide in, trust, and support each other. This is considered “going steady”. Life long love Two people feel they can commit to each other for life. This relationship may lead to marriage.

16 Is it your right or responsibility?
To express your opinion and have them respected To have your needs be as important as your boyfriends/girlfriends needs To grow as an individual in your own way To change your mind To not take responsibility of your boyfriends/girlfriends behaviors To not be physically, mentally, or emotionally abused To break up and fall out of love with someone and not be threatened

17 Healthy or unhealthy relationship?
Sex is the most important thing You can be yourself, you don’t have to pretend to be someone else You feel energized being with the person Your partner makes it easy for you to talk about how you feel You feel worn out and tired being with the person You are often worried about the person leaving you for someone else One partner usually decides what to do and where to go

18 Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships?
8. These two people don’t have much in common except sexual attraction 9. You are constantly fighting and making up 10. Both people feel emotionally closer as the relationship continues 11. One person is 8 years older than the other and has money to pay for everything 12. One partner is constantly pressuring the other to have sexual intercourse 13. This couple has talked a lot and have decided to have sex, but only after getting and using protection 14. One partner has agreed to a one on one relationship, but continues to go out with other people

19 Early warning signs of dating violence
Is jealous and possessive Won’t let you have friends Checks up on you Won’t accept breaking up Tries to control you, is bossy, gives orders and makes all the decisions Is violent and loses their temper quickly Pressures you to have sex

20 Warning signs cont Is scary, you don’t know how they will react to things you say or do. Abuses drugs or alcohol Blames you for everything, “You just don’t understand me” Believes that they should be in control and powerful and you should be passive Your family and friends fear for your safety

21 Factors that can lead to Violence among Teens
Feeling Threatened The stress from being threatened can lead to violence. Unmanaged Anger Fatigue or poor living conditions can make one irritable and more prone to act out with anger. Lack of Respect Violent acts against people just because they are of a different race, religion, or culture are called hate crimes. Tolerance is the ability to overlook differences and see people for who they are.

22 Abuse: Abuse is physical or emotional harm to someone. The most common forms of abuse come from people one should be able to trust. Abusers are often people who were once abused themselves Learning to recognize inconsiderate and disrespectful behavior will help you avoid abusive people.


24 How to Protect Yourself from Abuse:
Create a supportive network of friends and family. Avoid disrespectful people. Be assertive when dealing with potential abusers. Show disapproval if a person does not treat you in an acceptable way.

25 The do’s of dating Do find out some of the activities that he/she likes to do – even if they’re not your favorite activities Do focus on getting to know your date Do be respectful of your date’s wishes and independence Do observe the rules your parent’s and your date’s parents set for dating

26 The don’ts of dating Don’t always insist on being the one to decide what to do Don’t focus only on having a good-looking or popular boyfriend or girlfriend Don’t be manipulative or arrogant Don’t cause difficulty by going against the wishes of your parents or your dates parents

27 Sexual Abuse: Sexual abuse is any sexual act without consent.
Sexual harassment is any unwanted remark, behavior, or touch that has sexual content. Sexual harassment is most dangerous when the harasser holds a position of power.


29 What to look for if someone is being abused:
Victims of rape and sexual assault may suffer the following effects: Physical injuries Emotional trauma Pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases Guilt and shame Trouble sleeping and eating Post-traumatic stress disorder


31 Are YOU Being Abused? 1. Are you frightened by your boyfriend/girlfriend’s temper? 2. Are you afraid to disagree? 3. Are you constantly apologizing for your boyfriend/girlfriend’s behavior, especially when they have treated you badly? 4. Do you have to justify everything you do, every place you go, or every person you see just to avoid your boyfriend/girlfriend’s anger? 5. Does your boyfriend/girlfriend put you down, but then tells you that they love you?

32 Are YOU Being Abused? 6. Have you ever been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you? 7. Do you not see friends or family because of your boyfriend/girlfriend’s jealousy? 8. Have you been forced into having sex when you didn’t want to? 9. Are you afraid to break up because your boyfriend/girlfriend had threatened to hurt you or themselves?

33 Are you being Abusive? Do you constantly criticize or insult your boyfriend/girlfriend? Do you make excuses for you behavior? Have you threatened your boyfriend/girlfriend or broken things in their presence? Have you forced your boyfriend/girlfriend to have sex with you or intimidated them so they are afraid to say no? Do you constantly check up on your boyfriend/girlfriend and accuse them of being with other people? Are you extremely jealous or possessive? Do you have an explosive temper? Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at your boyfriend/girlfriend?

34 Are you being Abusive? Have you threatened to hurt him/her?
Have you threatened to hurt yourself if they break up with you or leave you?

35 Children on love and life

36 What is the proper age to get married?
Judy age 8 – Eighty-four because at that age you don’t have to work anymore and you can spend all your time loving each other Tommy age 5 – Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.

37 What is the Right Age to Get Married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

39 What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure) Mike age 10 – On the first day, they tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go out on a second date. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

40 When is it ok to kiss someone?
Jim age 10 – You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding. Kelly age 9 – Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, just for a few hours.

When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

42 The great debate: is it better to be single or married?
Lynette age 9 – It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them. Kenny age 7 – It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.

43 Concerning why love happens between two people
Jan age 9 – No one is sure why it happens, but I heard that it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular. Harlen age 8 – I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.

44 On what falling in love is like
Roger age 9 – Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life Leo age 7 – If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long to learn.

45 Concerning why lovers often hold hands
David age 8 – They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them. Personal qualities necessary to be a good lover Ava age 8 – One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be lots of bills.

46 Some surefire ways to make a person fall in love with you
Del age 6 – Tell them you own a whole bunch of candy stores Alonzo age 9 – Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love Bart age 9 – One way is to take a girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries work for me

47 How a person learns to kiss
Doug age 7 – You learn it right on the spot, when the gooshy feelings get the best of you. Carin age 9 – It might help to watch soap operas all day.

48 When it’s ok to kiss someone
Jean age 10 – It’s never OK to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you That’s why I stopped doing it. Confidential opinion about love Bobby age 8 – Love will find you, even if you’re trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.

49 How to make love endure Roger age 8 –
Don’t forget your wife's name That will really mess up the love. Randy age 8 – Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

51 And the #1 Favorite is HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10

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