The Ransom of Red Chief Starring as Sam Eastwood as Bill Cristol as Johnny Dorset As Ebenezer Dorset by
Let me tell you about the time Bill and I had this great idea… It all happened downtown Saint- Sauveur, a place as flat as a flannel-cake. Bill Cristol and I were living our cowboy lives. Bill, I can’t stand this ridiculous life anymore. We need money. A lot of money... Then I had that amazing idea "during a moment of temporary apparition" as Bill later said it. We would kidnap a kid from a rich family and demand a $20 000 ransom for his return. A classic; it could not fail…
On Denvers Avenue, we found the perfect victim:… … Johnny Dorset. AHHHHHH!
No way! I never have fun at home... We took him to our hiding place. Man, that kid sure hits hard! Good job, Bill. Plus, I like camping, but I had a hamster before and I turned five last birthday. I want more chips. I don't like school, and I don't like girls either... I’m Red Chief, the terror of the plains, and you, pale face, are condemned to be scalped at daybreak! We had supper and we played Indians. Then it was time for bed....four babies. Do Indians really exist? Jimmy Talbot said... Zzz zz zz zz zz … Gmmmpfftssss... Hey Red Chief, do you want to go home?
Around 5am, I was awaken by indecent screams......such as women produce when they see ghosts or spiders. Your time has come, pale face! ENOUGH Johnny! If you don’t behave I’ll send you back home. Please, don’t! I’ll behave... From that moment, Bill’s spirit was broken.
sigh *sigh*...I've stood by without batting an eye in earthquakes, fire and flood, in poker games, police raids, train robberies. I never lost my nerve yet until we kidnapped that two-legged skyrocket of a kid. Oh never will I... We should write that letter if we want to get our $20 000... Do you think anyone will pay to get back such a crazy kid ? You bet! Rich people LOVE it!
So, Bill and I wrote that letter. We decided to ask for $10 000 instead of $20 000 to play safe.
Now you, be nice. I have to go out. I’ll behave, I promise. I mailed the letter and prayed. Meanwhile...... When I came back... SAM! I couldn’t stand anymore. I’m sorry. He’s gone. I sent the boy home. Bill, there isn’t any heart disease in your family, is there?
Finally came the day to collect the reply. I’ll be back in about an hour. clong Please, don’t take too long, Sam... La la la la... Everything was perfect. Bill, let’s read what the rich man says!
Sam! You’re not going to let the chance go? After all, $2 000 is a good offer! To tell you the truth, that kid is starting to get on my nerves too... That wasn’t what I expected, but... So, we took little Johnny home, along with the $2 000.
How long will you be able to hold him? No more than 2 minutes, I’m afraid. NOOOOOOOOOO!
And as far as I can remember... … no other man in history has ever ran that fast. I was told Bill made it to the USA that night.
The End Created by: Marie-Sophie Duclos Alice Mainguy Fanny Tremblay-Girard Special thanks to Gaël, Marie, Stéphane, Tergos, the guitar man and the man on the street. 2008
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