1. + Understanding the Early Teens St. Mark Coptic Orthodox Church, Washington, D.C. Parents & Servants – March 20, 2009 Yousry Armanios, M.D. YARMANIOS@HOTMAIL.COM 614-327-8289 (M)

2. Years to Remember the Creator Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come, And the years draw near when you say, “ I have no pleasure in them” (Ecclesiastes 12:1)

3. Understanding Our Teens As Parents As Parents As Educators As Educators As Church Servants As Church Servants

4. Human Development Developmental Stages Developmental Stages Characteristics or Features Characteristics or Features Different Needs Different Needs Different Expectations Different Expectations Different Tasks Different Tasks Different Challenges Different Challenges Different Approaches Different Approaches

5. Nature & Nurture 1. Nature The Genetic Element: How Much Do We Inherit? How Much Do We Inherit? Personal Differences Personal Differences Behavioral Impact Behavioral Impact Health Factors Health Factors

6. Nature & Nurture 2. Nurture Exposure to: 1. Parents 2. Family 3. Media 4. School 5. Peers 6. Friends 7. Church

7. Other Factors Major Events: Early Life Trauma Major Events: Early Life Trauma How Have They Been Raised? How Have They Been Raised? Ranking Ranking Role Modeling Role Modeling

8. The Endangered Teens Pressures from Inside Pressures from Inside Pressures from Outside Pressures from Outside

9. Pressures from Inside Teen Turmoil: The Change! Teen Turmoil: The Change! Puberty: Fast Physical Growth Puberty: Fast Physical Growth Puberty: Sexual Maturity Puberty: Sexual Maturity Detachment from Family Detachment from Family Personality Issues: Personality Issues: 1. Stumbling with Identity 2. Conflicts with Self-Image 3. Perception: Adults or Children?!

10. Pressures from Outside Lack of or Distorted Parenting Lack of or Distorted Parenting Lack of Healthy Sexual Education Lack of Healthy Sexual Education Exposure to Peer Pressure Exposure to Peer Pressure Exposure to Media Exposure to Media

11. Their Dangerous World Increasing Role of Friends & Peers Increasing Role of Friends & Peers Experimenting & Risk-Taking Experimenting & Risk-Taking Understanding a “Relationship” Understanding a “Relationship” Life is still a sort of “Fun”! Life is still a sort of “Fun”!

12. Teen Language (1) Let us have fun! Let us have fun! It’s Cool! It’s Cool! It feels good! It feels good! Are you chicken? Are you chicken? Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt you. Just enjoy it! Just enjoy it!

13. Teen Language (2) They all do it! They all do it! It’s the North American way It’s the North American way Just try it once! Just try it once! You’re big enough! You’re big enough! No one will know No one will know Dad, Mom: You don’t understand! Dad, Mom: You don’t understand!

14. Serious Contemporary Dangers Avoiding Reality Avoiding Reality Confusing Reality with Virtuality Confusing Reality with Virtuality Following the Majority Following the Majority Following the Trend or the Fashion Following the Trend or the Fashion Technology: the New Small World Technology: the New Small World Confusing Freedom & Responsibility Confusing Freedom & Responsibility The Deception of “Love & Sex”! The Deception of “Love & Sex”!

15. The Changing World of Teens Virtuality & Reality Virtuality & Reality Communication 20 Years Ago Communication 20 Years Ago Communication Now: Communication Now:

16. How Do They Communicate Now? Cell Phone; iPhone; Blackberry The Internet; Email Chat Rooms; Instant Messages; Text Messages; Video Clips

17. How Do They Communicate Now? My Space; Face Book U-Tube; Palm Pilot; iPod; Hi-Pixel Photography; Web Cam; E-Games…

18. The “Media” Facts! The change from child to adult is an especially dangerous time for adolescents. The change from child to adult is an especially dangerous time for adolescents. From their earliest years, children watch television shows that stimulate sorts of gratification that can destroy their future. From their earliest years, children watch television shows that stimulate sorts of gratification that can destroy their future.

19. The “Media” Facts! Later, they become involved with Hi- Tec devices that carry strong mixed messages Later, they become involved with Hi- Tec devices that carry strong mixed messages Teenagers are at risk from this sort of mass-market encouragement besides pressures from peers. Teenagers are at risk from this sort of mass-market encouragement besides pressures from peers.

20. Recent Research Facts From the book: Epidemic: How Teen Sex is Killing Our Kids, by Meg Meeker, M.D. From the book: Epidemic: How Teen Sex is Killing Our Kids, by Meg Meeker, M.D. In 1950, we had 2 sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). In 2005, we had 80! In 1950, we had 2 sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). In 2005, we had 80! Each day, 9000 teens will become infected with a new STD. Each day, 9000 teens will become infected with a new STD. The number of teens who have STDs but do not know it (because they have no symptoms) probably exceeds those whose diseases have been diagnosed. The number of teens who have STDs but do not know it (because they have no symptoms) probably exceeds those whose diseases have been diagnosed.

21. Facts Statistics about pornography are even worse: Statistics about pornography are even worse: Pornography is a 13-billion-dollar/year business. Pornography is a 13-billion-dollar/year business. There are 4.2 million internet porn sites, 300,000 of them are about children or young teens. There are 4.2 million internet porn sites, 300,000 of them are about children or young teens. Porn sites are hit 42 million times a day! Porn sites are hit 42 million times a day! At any time, on the internet there are 40,000 child sexual abusers surfing the web looking for victims At any time, on the internet there are 40,000 child sexual abusers surfing the web looking for victims

22. Facts Teens may feel safe because they can remain anonymous while looking for Internet information on sex. Sexual predators know this and manipulate young people into online relationships and, later, set up a time and place to meet. Teens may feel safe because they can remain anonymous while looking for Internet information on sex. Sexual predators know this and manipulate young people into online relationships and, later, set up a time and place to meet. Girls who watched more than 14 hours of rap music videos per week were more likely to have multiple sex partners and to be diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease Girls who watched more than 14 hours of rap music videos per week were more likely to have multiple sex partners and to be diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease

23. Facts Teens don't need a sexual predator to introduce them to online pornography. Teens don't need a sexual predator to introduce them to online pornography. It comes to them through porn spam on their e-mail or by inadvertently clicking on a link to a porn site. It comes to them through porn spam on their e-mail or by inadvertently clicking on a link to a porn site. Through pornography, young people get a twisted view of what constitutes normal relationships. In fact, pornography is directly related to sexual abuse, rape, and sexual violence. Through pornography, young people get a twisted view of what constitutes normal relationships. In fact, pornography is directly related to sexual abuse, rape, and sexual violence.

24. Facts Just as sexual preferences are learned behaviors, most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors. Just as sexual preferences are learned behaviors, most or all sexual deviations are learned behaviors. Pornography has the power of conditioning into sexual deviancy. Pornography has the power of conditioning into sexual deviancy. Pornography can be addictive, with the individual becoming desensitized to 'soft' porn and moving on to twisted and dangerous images of sexual bondage. Pornography can be addictive, with the individual becoming desensitized to 'soft' porn and moving on to twisted and dangerous images of sexual bondage.

25. Misinformation about Sex Teen Myths: All teens are having sex! All teens are having sex! Having sex makes you an adult! Having sex makes you an adult! Something is wrong with an older teen (17-19) who is not having sex! Something is wrong with an older teen (17-19) who is not having sex!

26. Misinformation about Sex Teen Myths: A girl can't get pregnant if it's her first time! A girl can't get pregnant if it's her first time! A girl can't get pregnant if she's menstruating! A girl can't get pregnant if she's menstruating! You are a virgin as long as you don't have sexual intercourse -- oral sex doesn't count! You are a virgin as long as you don't have sexual intercourse -- oral sex doesn't count!

27. Acting Out Previous Experiences Emotional: Anger Anger Guilt Guilt Hurt Hurt Mood-Swings Mood-Swings Behavioral: Rebellion Rebellion Delinquency Delinquency

28. Factors Shaping Teenage Positive: Love, Structure & Healthy Communication Love, Structure & Healthy Communication Identifying with Two Parents Identifying with Two Parents Achievement of Previous Stages’ Goals Achievement of Previous Stages’ Goals Negative: Exposures to Earlier Life Trauma Exposures to Earlier Life Trauma Exposure to Mood Altering Experiences Exposure to Mood Altering Experiences Any Limitations or Disability Any Limitations or Disability

29. How to Help Them? Time to Start Knowing God as Savior Time to Start Knowing God as Savior Time to Give more than to Receive Time to Give more than to Receive Time to Develop Healthy Image Time to Develop Healthy Image Time to Gain Validation Time to Gain Validation Time to Identify with Gender Time to Identify with Gender Time to Start Independence Time to Start Independence Time to Practice Self-Control Time to Practice Self-Control

30. Knowing God as Savior Dealing with Sexual Impulses Dealing with Sexual Impulses Finding Salvation in Knowing God Finding Salvation in Knowing God Finding Shelter in Confession Finding Shelter in Confession Finding Strength in Communion Finding Strength in Communion Risks: Sticking Only to Rituals: Duality Sticking Only to Rituals: Duality Being Overpowered by Guilt Being Overpowered by Guilt

31. Teen Self-Destructive Behaviors Surrendering to Peer Pressures Surrendering to Peer Pressures Impulsiveness Impulsiveness Risky Sexual Behaviors Risky Sexual Behaviors Experimenting with Alcohol or Drugs Experimenting with Alcohol or Drugs Involvement with Crime Involvement with Crime “Ganging Around” & Delinquency “Ganging Around” & Delinquency Most Importantly: Lack of Spirituality Most Importantly: Lack of Spirituality

32. Other Youth Concerns We May Be Concerned about: The “Fanatic” Teen! The “Fanatic” Teen! Teen Accidental Death Teen Accidental Death Teen Depression: Suicide is the third leading cause of death among the 15-24 years-old. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among the 15-24 years-old. One third of teen population has thought of killing themselves! One third of teen population has thought of killing themselves!

33. Teen “Hope”! “With God, All Things Are Possible” (Mark 10:27) Thank You