2. Ken Fisher, Director Raising Kids with Character STEP UP College Of DuPage - October 5, 2013

3. We often parent the way we were parented (or not). How are you doing with parenting? How do you know? What are the measures?

4. Raising Kids with Character

5. Why is Abraham Lincoln so revered?  Though defeated in many elections, he became the 16 th U.S. President (and re-elected during the Civil War)  Gettysburg Address – November 19, 1863  Re-united the Nation – ending the Civil War  Helped pass the 13 th Amendment – freed the slaves  Established the Secret Service – April 14, 1865 Treasury Dept. – counterfeit money (it would take another 36 years and the assassination of two more Presidents - Garfield and McKinley - before Congress added protection of the President to its duties). 4 The Abraham Lincoln Center for Character Development

6. Abraham Lincoln signed:  Homestead Act - May 20, 1862 Opened western lands for homesteading  Pacific Railway Act - July 1, 1862 Established a Transcontinental Railroad  Morrill Act - July 2, 1862 Established land-grant colleges that eventually became the nation's A & M universities such as University of Illinois  Emancipation Proclamation – Sept. 22, 1862 Executive Order that freed slaves in 10 states 5

7. The Abraham Lincoln Center for Character Development 6 Why Abraham Lincoln and parenting? 1.What was his family life like growing up? 2.How was his relationship with his father? 3.How many children did he have? 4.How would you rate him as a parent?

8. The Abraham Lincoln Center for Character Development Why is Abraham Lincoln so important? Because of what he DID (his accomplishments)? or Because of who he WAS (his character)? 7

9. The Abraham Lincoln Center for Character Development As a great model of character:  Honesty  Integrity  Perseverance/Diligence/Fortitude  Respect  Duty/Responsibility  Justice/fairness  Compassion/Empathy  Courage (moral not physical)  Pragmatism/principled realism  Prudence/Wisdom 8 Why is Abraham Lincoln important today? Lincoln’s Virtues Lincoln’s Virtues

10. Raising Kids with Character AGENDA  Welcome, Introduction, Lincoln  Purpose: Inspiration & Information (Encouragement & Resources) (Ideas & Tools)  Challenges Facing Parents  What is Character?  Tools for Building Character  Resources for Moving Forward 9

11. Parenting is a Challenge. Raising Kids with Character

12.  Enormous wealth  Fabulous good looks  Superb athletic ability  Great fame  Good character If you could wave a magic wand so that the person your child marries has one of the following qualities, which would you chose? Raising Kids with Character 11

13. Faith Home Media Peers School Past – Today Which of these have the most influence on our Youth? - Dr. Hal Urban 30+ Year teacher National Character Education Speaker Author of Life’s Greatest Lessons, Positive Words, Powerful Results & Choices That Change Lives Why so Challenging? 12 Raising Kids with Character

14. Today: Today: 1. Media 2. Peers 3. Home 4. School 5. Faith 1.Home 2.School 3.Faith 4.Peers 5.Media Recent Past: Why so Challenging? 13 Raising Kids with Character

15. Better? Worse? About the same? How are we doing with Character? 14 Raising Kids with Character

16. Character development is most effective when it begins at home... is reinforced at school... and supported throughout the Community. How to Build Character 15

17. T EACH – children that their character counts and that people of character do what is right. E NFORCE – Reward good behavior while discouraging negative instances with fair and consistent consequences to prove we are serious about character. A DVOCATE – Make sure we are not neutral about the importance of good character. M ODEL – Be careful and self-conscious about setting a good example in what you say and do. T EACH – children that their character counts and that people of character do what is right. E NFORCE – Reward good behavior while discouraging negative instances with fair and consistent consequences to prove we are serious about character. A DVOCATE – Make sure we are not neutral about the importance of good character. M ODEL – Be careful and self-conscious about setting a good example in what you say and do. SM It takes a T.E.A.M. approach… 16

18. What is Character? 17 Raising Kids with Character

19. Character is power. — Booker T. Washington 18 Raising Kids with Character

20. Smart & Good High Schools: Integrating Excellence & Ethics for Success in School, Work, and Beyond by Dr. Tom Lickona & Dr. Matt Davidson Major support provided by: John Templeton Foundation 19

21. Culture of Excellence & Ethics ™ Professional Development Toolkits © 2011 Institute for Excellence & Ethics, Inc (IEE) The Institute for Excellence & Ethics, is a 501 (c)(3) non-profit Providing the knowledge & tools needed for building a culture of excellence and ethics. 20

22. The ability to do our best work. The ability to have positive, productive, and ethical relationships. 21 Raising Kids with Character

23. Performance Character A Mastery Orientation The values needed to do our best, including: effort, self-discipline, goal- setting, perseverance, a strong work ethic, a positive attitude, creativity, and organization. 22

24. “Every man's work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself.” - Samuel Butler (1835-1902) British writer “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” - Aristotle Raising Kids with Character

25. Moral Character A Relational Orientation The values needed for successful relationships and ethical behavior, including: fairness, caring, loyalty, honesty, respect, integrity, and humility. Moral character ensures that we pursue “victory with honor.” 24

26. Sport Work Ethic Grit Self-Discipline Resourcefulness Respect Perseverance Acting Service Empathy Kindness Generosity Caring Justice Integrity Resilience Creativity Imagination Enthusiasm Drive Initiative Positive Attitude Effort Ambition Energy Courage Citizenship Civility Forgiveness Wisdom Cooperation Confidence Character = Values in Action Friendship Responsibility Loyalty Entrepreneurial Honesty Diligence Prudence Humility Gratitude Patience Self-Control Compassion Peace DeterminationEndurance Courtesy Honor Assertiveness Love Faith TrustAccountability Commitment Curiosity Bravery Leadership Mercy 25

27. 26 There’s a difference between: Performance = the outcome (the grade, the honor or award, the achievement). Performance character = those qualities needed to pursue our personal best—whether the outcome is realized or not. Talent = the natural ability we are born with (intellectually, artistically, physically, etc.). Character development = the process by which we develop the dispositions NEEDED FOR maximizing our talent potential. 26

28. Talent in Overrated! 27 Raising Kids with Character

29. Talent is Overrated "Sports do not build character. They reveal it." - Heywood Hale Broun, American sportswriter “Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it. ” - "Lou" Holtz, football coach "Winning doesn't always mean being first. Winning means you're doing better than you've ever done before.” - Bonnie Blair speed skating gold medalist Raising Kids with Character

30. Talent is Overrated Recent research and publications: Talent is Overrated (2010), Geoff Calvin Mindset (2006), Carol Dweck Drive (2009), Daniel Pink Outliers (2008), Malcolm Gladwell Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance (2006), Anders Erickson Character Strengths and Virtues (2004), Christopher Peterson & Martin Seligman Grit (2007), Angela Duckworth How Children Succeed (2011), Paul Tough Raising Kids with Character

31. Do our best work. Treat each other with respect and care. 30 Raising Kids with Character Taken together, we must have both:

32. 31 Raising Kids with Character We shape the culture, The culture shapes character.

33. Tools You Can Use 32 Raising Kids with Character

34. Tool: A faster way to do a job more consistently. Raising Kids with Character

35. Different job, different tools. Still a faster way to do a job more consistently. Raising Kids with Character

36. Integrity in Action Checklist Attitude/ Effort Rubric 35 Raising Kids with Character 2 Power2Achieve Tools:

37. A Performance Character Tool 36 Raising Kids with Character

40. How comfortable would you be? “Lead your life so you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” - Will Rogers Raising Kids with Character

41. A Moral Character Tool 40 Raising Kids with Character

44. Resources are out there – you are not alone! 43 Raising Kids with Character

45. Raising Kids with Character Create Families of Character 1.Make character development a high priority 2.Be an authoritative parent 3.Love children 4.Teach by example 5.Manage the moral environment 6.Use direct teaching to form conscience & habits 7.Teach good judgment 8.Discipline wisely 9.Solve conflicts fairly 10.Provide opportunities to practice virtues 11.Foster spiritual development Chapt. 2; 2004 - Dr. Tom Lickona, The Center for the 4 th & 5 th Rs - Raising Good Kids 44

46. Raising Kids with Character Building Moral Intelligence Moral Intelligence = the capacity to tell right from wrong; to have strong ethical convictions and to act on them in a right and honorable way. Consists of 7 essential virtues: 1.Empathy 2.Conscience The Moral Core 3.Self-control 4.Respect 5.Kindness 6.Tolerance 7.Fairness - Michelle Borba, Ed.D. 45

47. Raising Kids with Character How Children Succeed Developing certain character strengths is the most powerful tool in producing happy and well-adjusted kids. 1.grit 2.self-control 3.zest 4.social intelligence 5.gratitude 6.optimism 7.curiosity - Paul Tough 46

48. Raising Kids with Character How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid The Nine Facets of Parental Engagement 1.Be there: Get involved in lives and activities 2.Open the lines of communication – wide open 3.Set a good example: Actions more than words 4.Set the rules and your child to follow them 5.Monitor your child’s whereabouts 6.Maintain family rituals, such as dinner together 7.Incorporate religious and spiritual practices 8.Get Dad engaged – and keep him engaged 9.Engage with the larger community - James A. Califano Jr. former HEW Secr. 47

49. Quotables 48 Raising Kids with Character

50. “Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.” — Dr. Haim Ginott Between Parent and Child Raising Kids with Character 49

51. “Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.” - James Lane Allen (1849-1923); novelist My father said there are two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. - Marlo Thomas; actress Raising Kids with Character

52. "Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones.” - Phillips Brooks “The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.” — Bill Cosby "Nothing is more important for the public welfare than to form and train our youth in wisdom and virtue.” -- Benjamin Franklin Raising Kids with Character 51

53. "By themselves, character and integrity do not accomplish anything. But their absence faults everything else.” - Peter Drucker "In looking for people to hire, look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence and energy. And if they don’t have the first, the other two will kill you." - Warren Buffett Raising Kids with Character In the Workplace?

54. You don’t have to be sick to get better. - Michael Josephson Character Development Reminder Raising Kids with Character Character Development Reminder 53

55. “I’m not what I ought to be, Not what I am going to be, Not what I am going to be, But I am thankful that I am better than I used to be.” — John Wooden UCLA Teacher/Coach Character Development Reminder Raising Kids with Character Character Development Reminder 54 Character development is a life-long process – for ALL of us

56. T EACH – to do what is best E NFORCE – reward good and discourage negative behavior A DVOCATE – don’t be neutral M ODEL – set a good example T EACH – to do what is best E NFORCE – reward good and discourage negative behavior A DVOCATE – don’t be neutral M ODEL – set a good example It takes a T.E.A.M. approach… © 2000 Josephson Institute Character Development Reminder Raising Kids with Character Character Development Reminder 55

57. “Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” — Abraham Lincoln Character Development Reminder Raising Kids with Character Character Development Reminder 56

58. The Abraham Lincoln Center for Character Development As a great model of character:  Honesty  Integrity  Perseverance/Diligence/Fortitude  Respect  Duty/Responsibility  Justice/fairness  Compassion/Empathy  Courage (moral not physical)  Pragmatism/principled realism  Prudence/Wisdom 57 Why is Abraham Lincoln important today? Lincoln’s Virtues Lincoln’s Virtues

59. “Every one of us receives and passes on an inheritance. It may not be an accumulation of earthly possessions or acquired riches, but whether we realize it or not, our choices, words, actions and values will impact someone and form the heritage we hand down.” — Ben Hardesty Musician (The Last Bison) Raising Kids with Character 58

60. What is the legacy you will leave? Kids With Character!

61. STEP UP Raising Kids with Character… is about helping our children learn to be “successful” in life through the power of character (performance and moral) AND using the strength of our own character to consistently put our values into action.

62. Raising Kids with Character Resources  Books:  Character Matters, Dr. Tom Lickona  Building Moral Intelligence, Dr. Michelle Borba  How Children Succeed, Paul Tough  How to Raise a Drug-Free Kid, James A. Califano, Jr.  Websites:  www.lincolncharacter.org www.excellenceandethics.com www.charactercounts.org www.character.org  Ken Fisher = kfisher@lincolncharacter.org

63. The Abraham Lincoln Center for Character Development For more information:  Contact:  Ken Fisher, Director  (630) 302-2136 (mobile)  (720) 381-6711  kfisher@lincolncharacter.org  Visit:  Visit: www.lincolncharacter.org www.excellenceandethics.com www.charactercounts.org www.character.org