1. Safe Dates Session 8
How we feel, how we deal

2. Respect each others opinions
Classroom Rules
Respect each others opinions
Listen to each other ( No talking while someone else is speaking)
No Names
1 person is talking at time
No Laughing

3. Review
Name the 8 communication skills for resolving conflict and describe them. Hint: Safe Date

4. 8 skills of effective communication
S ecure your center A sk clarifying questions F ind out what your partner’s feelings are E xpress your Feelings D etermine what’s important to you A cknowledge what’s important to your partner T hink about your similarities and differences E xchange ideas for a possible solution

5. Learner Outcomes Express your feelings and emotions in various ways
Understand the importance of acknowledging and communicating your feelings
Identify situations that trigger anger
Identify physiological and psychological cues that someone is angry
Identify a variety nonviolent ways to respond to anger
Understand that you have a choice in how to respond to anger

6. Extending your feeling vocabulary
All feelings are important
Feelings often tell us what is right and wrong
They can also tell us if we need to make changes about a situation
What are some other feelings that people have besides mad, sad, and happy?
In small groups come up with 3-5 feelings and list them on the board

7. Extending your feeling vocabulary (Continued)
Important to have a big feeling vocabulary, Why?
We can’t change our feelings, but we can learn skills to deal with our feelings
Anger is a feeling that we have sometimes and you will you will feel angry with your boyfriend and girlfriend at some point
It’s ok to be angry
How you deal with your anger makes the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship

8. Hot Buttons
What are “Hot Buttons”?
Hot Buttons are those things that make you angry whenever you feel, see, or hear them. Hot buttons are the things that irritate you, “get under your skin”, or in other ways make you angry
Take a minute and think about what your “Hot Buttons” are and write them down on the top half of Handout 23

9. Knowing when you’re angry
Hot Buttons cause us to be angry
Bodies give us clues when we’re angry both physical and psychological
2 types of Anger :
1. Immediate
2. Pent-up
What is the Difference?
On the bottom of Handout 23 please write some cues to Immediate/Pent-up Anger

10. Knowing when you’re angry ( Continued)
Some Responses to immediate Anger
Clenching fists
Grinding teeth
Sweaty palms
Increased heart rate
Tensing muscles
Glaring
Scowling
Change in arm/body position
Chills, goose bumps, shudders
Headache
Red Face
Get very Quiet
Watering Eyes
Hard to Swallow
“Butterflies” in the stomach

11. Knowing when you’re angry ( Continued
Some Responses to Pent-up Anger
Fantasize about telling someone off
Start resenting the person
Start making nasty comments about the person
Withdraw from the person
Find yourself obsessing over the situation

12. Defusing Anger
Many teens who have been abusive to their dating partner claim that they were so angry, it was uncontrollable
After the so-called uncontrollable anger was gone they were sorry and had feelings of guilt
You may only have a few seconds between the time a Hot Button is pushed and how you decide to react to it while you are still thinking clearly

13. Defusing Anger Talking to myself(positive self-talk) Walking/running
What are some things you could do in the few seconds after your Hot Button is pushed, but when your thinking is still clear?
Talking to myself(positive self-talk)
Walking/running
Counting
Controlling my breathing
Crying
Walking away/removing self from the situation
Hitting a pillow
Exercising strenuously
Asking someone for advice
Explaining to the person why I’m angry
Playing with pet
Listening to music

14. Defusing Anger
Once you’ve calmed down you can use the Safe Date communication skills
When you’re controlling your anger its possible to ask clarifying questions, tell the person how your feeling, and listen to the person express their feelings
Anger if uncontrolled can be a warning sign that we are in a situation we need to change

15. Dealing with anger
Exercise Part 1:
Take out piece of paper and think about a time when you were angry
Write a description of what made you angry (Hot Button)
How you knew you were angry ( immediate or pent-up)
What you did as a result of your anger

16. Dealing with anger
Exercise Part 2:
With your partner come up with a list of positive, nonviolent ways that you could respond to the situation
Circle the one you like best

17. Conclusion
Anger is controllable
You can teach yourself to do things that reduce your anger without hurting others
Controlling your anger is easier when you recognize your Hot Buttons
Look for the physical & psychological cues
Make a plan to deal with anger