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SAFE DATES An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum.

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Presentation on theme: "SAFE DATES An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum."— Presentation transcript:

1 SAFE DATES An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum

2 DEFINING CARING RELATIONSHIPS Important qualities in a dating relationship Supportive & caring actions Treatment from a dating partner Treatment to a dating partner Choice in the way treated from a dating partner Choice in the way to treat a dating partner

3 Important Qualities in a Relationship Funny Independent Respected Trusted Supported Encouraged Loved Excited Romanced

4 DEFINING DATING ABUSE Harmful dating behaviors Physical & Emotional abusive behaviors Physical & Emotional abuse in the dating relationship Abusive behavior identification Susceptibility to dating abuse Rejection of abuse in a dating relationship

5 Emotional Harmful Behaviors Calling a Date Names Criticizing Opinions Ignoring a Dates Feelings Isolating Date from Others Behaving Jealously Telling Lies Scaring a Date Cheating on a Date Making Someone Feel Guilty Spreading Rumors Threatening to Hurt a Date Threatening to Hurt Oneself Using Sexually Derogatory Names Criticizing Beliefs about Sex Putting Down Family and Friends Driving Recklessly to Scare a Date Humiliating a Date in Public or Private Insulting a Dates Beliefs or Values Displaying Inappropriate Anger

6 Physical Harmful Behaviors Hitting Scratching Pushing Pinching Choking Spitting Shaking Shoving Forcing Biting Pulling Hair Using a Weapon Throwing Things Keeping a Date from Leaving Molestation Rape Forcing Unwanted Sexual Actions Damaging Personal Property Acting in an Intimidating Way Purposefully Injuring an Animal

7 WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE? Controlling & Manipulative functions of dating abuse Identification of abusive behaviors Misperceptions about dating abuse Dating abuse as a serious matter Abuse is not a victims fault Short & Long term consequences of abusive relationships Warning signs of an abusive relationship

8 Short-term Consequences of Abuse Break-up Fight Resentment Frustration Anger Scared/Fear Insecurity Pain Suffering Physical Injuries

9 Long-term Consequences of Abuse Break-up Arrested Death Suicide Depression Chronic Physical Injuries Trust Issues Lose of Friends/Family Damaged Relationships

10 HOW TO HELP FRIENDS Complexity of decision making in leaving an abusive relationship Difficulty & fear of asking for help from the victim Ways to support a friend that is a victim Community resources for abuse How to find help if a victim of abuse

11 HELPING FRIENDS Red flags of dating abuse Confronting a friend about dating abuse Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship

12 Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship) Being Physically Hurt Feeling Afraid of you Boyfriend or Girlfriend Feeling Isolated Losing Friends Changing behavior due to girlfriend/boyfriend jealousy Feeling embarrassed, ashamed, put down or guilty Being Threatened Feeling Manipulated or Controlled Feeling Nervous, Sick to Stomach when boyfriend/girlfriend is Irritated, Frustrated or Angry

13 Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship) Feeling a pounding or fluttering in chest when boyfriend/girlfriend isnt happy Not being allowed to, or being afraid to, make decisions for yourself Noticing that your girlfriend/boyfriend has very traditional (stereotypical) beliefs about women and men Feeling as if your date gets too personal or touches you in an unwanted way Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal space respected

14 Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be Abusing their Partner) Physical Assaulting partner Intimidating partner Angry if partner spends time with other people Asking partner to change behavior because youre jealous Verbally threatening partner Using guilt trips to get partner to do something Feeling unable to control your own feeling of anger Making partner afraid of you Forcing partner to do sexual things that he or she is not comfortable doing

15 Helping a Friend Believe Story Make Sure They are Safe/Safety Plan Tell Person They Dont Deserve to be Abused Ask Many Questions to get them to Think about Problem Ask them their Options (leave, stay, get advice from professional, etc) Let them know Abuse gets Worse if Ignored Encourage them to Seek Help (Hotline; Legal, Medical, Counseling resources) Dont Gossip Let Victim Make Own Decisions (Let make decision when they are ready)

16 OVERCOMING GENDER STEREOTYPES Specific images of dating relationships Images influence on interactions in relationship Harmful consequences of gender stereotyping Role of gender stereotypes in dating relationships

17 Gender Stereotypes Boys Pay for Dates Boy makes physical advances Only boys can ask girls out Girls should play hard to get Women should be caretakers Women should do work in the kitchen Women should always obey and listen to men Me should be in control Men should be waited on All men are violent Women are emotional and irrational

18 EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION Eight communication skills for resolving conflict Non-violent responses to partner that does not communicate fair and equal

19 Eight Basic Skills for Equal Communication Secure your center (respond when thinking clearly) Ask clarifying questions (honest/open questions, avoid misunderstanding) Find out partners feelings (feels about situation) Express feelings (be honest and specific) Determine whats important to you (cant compromise) Acknowledge whats important to partner Think about similarities and differences (determine where agree/disagree and why disagree) Exchange ideas for possible solutions (brainstorm)

20 HOW WE FEEL, HOW WE DEAL Expression of feelings and emotions Acknowledgment of feelings Situations that trigger anger Physiological & Psychological cues of anger Non-violent responses to anger Choice of response when angry

21 Hot Buttons (Triggers) Someone who is always late Someone who doesnt follow through on promises Someone being loud and obnoxious Someone does something that hurts your feelings

22 Diffusing Anger Talking to myself (positive self-talk) Walking/Running Counting Controlling my breathing Crying Walking Away/Removing self from situation Hitting pillow Exercising strenuously Asking someone for advice Explaining to the person why Im angry Playing with my pet Listening to music

23 Eight Dating Tips Things to do to protect self: Double-date, go out with group of friends Date in public places Decide boundaries on sex, be firm and clear Trust feelings and instincts Be careful if date holds strong gender stereotypes Things to do to respect partner: Respect dates feelings and wishes about being sexual Pay attention to dates body language Be aware of own gender stereotypes Stop physical advances if date says NO

24 PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT Sexual assault victims never to blame Rape is unacceptable Understand & interpret NO cues Protecting yourself in potential rape situation Establish clear sexual boundaries with dating partner Tips to decrease chance of being a victim of sexual assault

25 SUMMARY TOPICS DATING ABUSE & CONSEQUENCES RED FLAGS FOR ABUSE EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT


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