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STYLE USE THE ACTIVE VOICE ELIMINATE JARGON KEEP CLARITY INDEX BELOW 40.

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Presentation on theme: "STYLE USE THE ACTIVE VOICE ELIMINATE JARGON KEEP CLARITY INDEX BELOW 40."— Presentation transcript:

1 STYLE USE THE ACTIVE VOICE ELIMINATE JARGON KEEP CLARITY INDEX BELOW 40

2 RULES OF THUMB 1. WORDS: USE CONCRETE, DIRECT WORDS, AND REMEMBER THAT A WORD WITH THREE SYLLABLES IS A LONG WORD. 2. PHRASES: AVOID JARGON AND USE ACRONYMS SPARINGLY, AFTER SPELLING THEM OUT. 3. SENTENCES: COMPOSE SENTENCES THAT EXPRESS ONE IDEA. REMEMBER THAT LONG SENTENCES INCREASE READING GRADE LEVEL. 4. PARAGRAPHS: KEEP PARAGRAPHS SHORT; COMPOSE PARAGRAPHS TO EXPRESS ONE TOPIC. 5. MAIN ACTION: KEEP THE MAIN ACTION TO ONE PAGE, TWO PAGES MAXIMUM.

3 CHECKLIST FOR ACHIEVING BREVITY a. Delete unnecessary summaries. b. Delete unnecessary quotations, data, or tables. c. Remove repetitive clauses, sentences, and paragraphs. d. Change the passive to active. e. Remove unneeded comparisons, descriptions, and modifiers. f. Read your writing aloud to yourself. g. Have someone else read your writing.

4 ALTERNATIVE CONSTRUCTIONS 1. Attention is invited to It is important to note that It is necessary that It must be remembered that It cannot be overemphasized that There is..., or There are Needless to say In order (for) (that)...

5 MONTGOMERY’S PLAN FOR THE SINGLE THRUST WAS TO BE CALLED OPERATION MARKET GARDEN, AN OPERATION WHICH WOULD ENTAIL A BOLD AND AUDACIOUS SCHEME OF MANEUVER, LANDING AN AIRBORNE FORCE ON A SALIENT SIXTY-FOUR MILES LONG AND DEEP IN ENEMY-HELD TERRITORY IN HOLLAND FOLLOWED BY A GROUND MOVEMENT OF A CORPS-SIZED MECHANIZED FORCE DRIVING FROM THE NETHERLANDS BORDER TO A LINK-UP WITH THE AIRBORNE FORCES AND A SUBSEQUENT THRUST INTO THE HEART OF GERMANY.

6 REASONS FOR THE ACTIVE VOICE IT IS CLEAR. IT IS BRIEF IT PLACES RESPONSIBILITY. IT IS PERSONAL

7 SENTENCE CONSTRUCTION: VOICE 1. Frankie shot Johnny. 2. Johnny was shot. 3. Johnny was shot by Frankie.

8 ACTIVE OR PASSIVE VOICE * WHEN THE SUBJECT ACTS, THE VERB IS ACTIVE. * WHEN THE SUBJECT IS ACTED UPON, THE VERB IS PASSIVE. ** EFFECTIVE ARMY WRITING IS ACTIVE.

9 PASSIVE VOICE The passive voice consists of a form of the verb “to be” plus the past participle. is given, are chosen, was counseled TAKE TOOK TAKEN Present Past Past participle

10 PASSIVE VOICE Passive construction is only appropriate if the actor is unknown or unimportant. EXAMPLE: The fuel handling operation IS CONDUCTED by remote control.

11 APPROPRIATE PASSIVE VOICE Christmas is celebrated on December 25th. The Bradley was designed to provide maximum firepower, protection, and mobility. I have been assigned to your unit.

12 INAPPROPRIATE PASSIVE VOICE At about 0230 hours, it was reported that the motor pool gate key had not been returned; efforts were made to locate and secure it.

13 3 CURES FOR THE PASSIVE VOICE 1. PUT THE ACTOR BEFORE THE VERB. Example: --Appropriate clothing will be worn for all personnel. --All personnel will wear appropriate clothing.

14 3 CURES FOR THE PASSIVE VOICE 2. DROP PART OF THE VERB. Example: --All students are known to own personal computers. --All students own personal computers.

15 3 CURES FOR THE PASSIVE VOICE 3. CHANGE THE VERB. Example: --Personnel are prohibited from smoking during refueling operations. --Personnel can not smoke during refueling operations.

16 CLARITY INDEX THE CLARITY INDEX IS A QUICK, USEFUL WAY TO EVALUATE WHAT WE’VE WRITTEN. IT GIVES US A NUMERICAL INDICATION OF THE READABILITY OF A PIECE OF WRITING.

17 CLARITY INDEX FORMULA - CHOOSE A SAMPLE OF ABOUT 200 WORDS. -COUNT THE NUMBER OF SENTENCES. -DIVIDE THE NUMBER OF WORDS BY THE NUMBER OF SENTENCES. -THE RESULT IS THE AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH. -COUNT THE NUMBER OF LONG WORDS. -DIVIDE THE NUMBER OF LONG WORDS BY THE TOTAL NUMBER OF WORDS. -THE RESULT IS THE PERCENTAGE OF LONG WORDS. -ADD THE AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH TO THE PERCENTAGE OF LONG WORDS. THE SUM IS THE CLARITY INDEX. -MULTIPLY THE CLARITY INDEX BY.4; THIS WILL GIVE YOU THE READING GRADE LEVEL.

18 OPERATION MARKET GARDEN Montgomery’s plan for the single thrust was to be called Operation Market Garden, an operation which would entail a bold and audacious scheme of maneuver, landing an airborne force on a salient sixty- four miles long and deep into enemy-held territory in Holland followed by a ground movement of a corps- sized mechanized force driving from the Netherlands border to a link-up with the airborne forces and a subsequent thrust into the heart of Germany.

19 OPERATION MARKET GARDEN--RGL TOTAL WORDS: 73 SENTENCES: 1 AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH: 73 LONG WORDS: 12 PERCENTAGE OF LONG WORDS: 16% CLARITY INDEX: 89 READING GRADE LEVEL: 35.6

20 OPERATION MARKET GARDEN--REWRITE Montgomery’s audacious plan for a single thrust into the heart of Germany was Operation Market Garden. It would entail landing an airborne force on a salient sixty-four miles long and deep into enemy- held territory in Holland. A ground movement of a corps-sized mechanized force, driving from the Netherlands border, would link up with the airborne force to then move into Germany.

21 OPERATION MARKET GARDEN REWRITE--RGL TOTAL NUMBER OF WORDS: 61. NUMBER OF SENTENCES: 3. AVERAGE SENTENCE LENGTH: NUMBER OF LONG WORDS: 11. PERCENTAGE OF LONG WORDS: 18%. CLARITY INDEX: 38. READING GRADE LEVEL: 15.2.


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