1. click to advance slides or Esc to exit Top Tips 5 of the greatest tips ever

2. SINGLE MEN: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside. Number 5

3. CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. Number 4

4. MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You’ll never see it again. Number 3

5. CINEMA GOERS: Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a piss before the film starts. Number 2

6. and finally….

7. WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn't give a shit anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house after you've been banged. Number 1