Relationships and the Bible

Relationships and the Bible
Dr. Jobe Martin Biblical Discipleship Ministries

BIBLICAL CHRISTIANITY
One Book to obey. One God to serve. One Life to live. That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God… Colossians 1:10

MANY PROBLEMS IN THE CHRISTIAN LIFE RESULT FROM LACK OF:
1. Discipline 2. Commitment 3. Obedience These surface as: Pride and Selfishness (Lust) The Root Cause is: Lack of Faith and Unbelief (Rebellion against our Lord)

WHAT MUST WE DO? Understand our times and know what we must do about it! Chronicles 12:32 Surrender our will to the will of God. Do our work heartily as unto the Lord. Seek the approval of God, not men. Live and speak in the power of the H. S. Live within the framework of Scripture.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7
Behavior Values Respect for life Wealth Truth “Fruit of the Spirit” Happiness Health Loyalty Summit Ministries Manitou Spgs. CO Worldview A set of beliefs or ideas / a system of thought Ethics Biology Psychology Philosophy Theology Politics Economics History Law Sociology “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7

WHAT IS A “FOOLISH” YOUTH?
“[He] may be a teenager who has attended church for years. He is there because his parents make him come. He will daydream during most of the lesson, and the part that he does hear, he has already made up his mind to ignore. He is foolish.” Jerry L. Ross, The Teenage Years of Jesus Christ, (ISBN ) p. 8

John 12:48 48 He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day.

THE THREE BIG DECISIONS
Who is my Master? What is my mission? Who is my mate?

Mistakes happen when God’s intended order is flip-flopped!
THE BIG FLIP-FLOP: MATE-MISSION-MASTER Most Christian youth are seeking a mate and attempting to establish their mission (work) in life and, then, they begin to get things in order with their Master, the Lord Jesus Christ, often after costly mistakes! Mistakes happen when God’s intended order is flip-flopped!

WHO AM I AS A CHRISTIAN? Member of the family and household of God: Galatians 6:10; Ephesians 2:19 Complete in Christ: Colossians 2:10 Possessor of every spiritual blessing: Ephesians 1:3 Born of the Spirit: John 3:6 Baptized with the Spirit: Cor. 12:13

Sealed by the Spirit: Eph. 4:30; 2 Cor. 1:22
Indwelt by the Holy Spirit: Jn. 7:39; Rom. 5:5, 8:9; 1 Cor. 3:16, 6:19; Gal. 4:6; 1 Jn. 3:24 Sealed by the Spirit: Eph. 4:30; 2 Cor. 1:22 Given spiritual gifts: 1 Cor ; Rom. 12 We are IN CHRIST: Jn. 14:20; Col. 1:27 A member in Christ’s body: Cor. 12:13 A branch in the Vine: John 15:5

Seated in heavenly places: Eph. 2:6
Recipient of eternal life: John 3:15 and 16, John 10:28, 1 John 5:11-13 Seated in heavenly places: Eph. 2:6 Minister of the N.T.: Cor. 3:6(KJV) Ambassador of Christ: Cor. 5:20 A living letter: Cor. 3:3 A minister (servant) of God: Cor. 6:4 God’s inheritance: Eph. 1:18 Redeemed: Rom. 3:24; Col. 1:14; 1 Pet. 1:18

Christians are God’s “house” on earth: 1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor. 5:1
An heir of God: Rom. 8:17; 1 Pet. 1:4 Joint heir of Christ: Rom. 8:17; Heb. 9:15 Have access to God: Rom. 5:2; Eph 2:18; Heb. 4:16, 10:19 A called and protected people: Titus 2:14, Peter 2:9 Delivered from the power of sin: Rom. 6:2; Phil. 3:3; Col. 2:11

A living stone: Eph. 2:21,22; 1 Pet. 2:5
A sheep in His flock: John 10:27-29; Matt. 7:21 A part of Christ’s bride: Eph. 5:25-27 A priest in God’s Kingdom: Pet. 2:9 A new creature: Cor. 5:17 A child of light: Eph. 5:8; 1 Thess.5:4,5 In the Spirit: Romans 8:9 Positionally glorified: Romans 8:30

Delivered from the kingdom of Satan: Colossians 1:13, 2:15
Foreknown: Acts: 2:23; Rom. 8:29; 1 Pet. 1:2 Elect: Rom. 8:33; Col. 3:12; Tit. 1:1; 1 Pet. 1:2 Predestined: Rom. 8:29; Eph. 1:5,11 Chosen: Matt. 22:14; 1 Pet. 2:4 Called: Matt. 22:14; 1Thess. 5:24 Reconciled by God: 2 Cor. 5:18,19; Col. 1:20 Reconciled to God: Rom. 5:10; 2 Cor.5:20

All condemnation removed: Jn5:24;Rom8:1
Redeemed how I love to proclaim it,redeemed by the blood of the lamb! Rom3:24;Col 1:14 All condemnation removed: Jn5:24;Rom8:1 Crucified with Christ: Rom. 6:6; Gal. 6:20 Dead with Christ: Ro 6:8; Col 3:3; 1 Pt 2:24 Buried with Christ: Rom. 6:4; Col. 2:12 Raised with Christ: Rom. 6:4; Col. 3:1 Regenerated: Jn. 13:10; 1 Cor. 6:1; Tit. 3:5 Born Again: Jn. 3:7; 1 Pet. 1:23

Child of God: Gal 3:26; Jn 1:12; 2Cor 6:18
I am forgiven all my sins!!! Eph. 1:7, 4:32; Colossians 1:14, 2:13, 3:13 Child of God: Gal 3:26; Jn 1:12; 2Cor 6:18 A New Creation: 2Cor 5:17; Gal 6:15; Eph 2:10 Adopted: Rom. 8:15,23; Eph. 1:5 Acceptable to God: Eph. 1:6; 1 Pet. 2:5 Made Righteous Ro 3:22; 2Cor 5:21; Phil 3:9 Perfected forever: Hebrews 10:14 Justified: Ro 3:24;5:1,9; 8:30; 1Cor 6:11 Tit 3:7

We have heavenly citizenship: Luke 10:20; Eph. 2:13,19; Phil. 3:20
Within the “much more” care of God: Romans 5:9,10 Object of God’s love: Eph. 2:4, 5:2 Object of God’s power: Eph. 1:19; Phil. 2:13 Object of His faithfulness: Phil 1:6; Heb 13:5,6 Object of God’s peace: John 14:27 Object of God’s consolation: 2Thess 2:16

Object of God’s intercession: Romans 8:34; Hebrews 7:25
Object of God’s grace: For salvation: Ephesians 2:8,9 For keeping: Rom. 5:2; 1Pet. 1:5 For instruction: Titus 2:12 These are 64 I.D. distinctives of who we are as Christians. By the way, to lose our salvation these would all have to be stripped away.

THREE WORDS IN THE MIND OF A BRIDE:
Aisle, Altar, Hymn I’ll alter him! No you won’t!

A CRUCIAL DAILY PRAYER:
In the relationships of life let us pray as Jesus prayed when He faced the cross: “Heavenly Father, not my will, but Thy will be done.” [Luke 22:42 paraphrase] Is it God’s will or my will?

VIRGINITY IS GOD’S IRREPLACEABLE GIFT.
You do not lose your virginity, you give it away. But you only give it away once, And to only one person! “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” Corinthians 6:18

WHAT IS INCLUDED IN BIBLICAL PURITY?
God’s standard for purity is: no adultery, no fornication, no lust, no defrauding. Virginity doesn’t necessarily mean purity. A virgin man or woman can lust, defraud, etc,

Colossians 1:1-4 1If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory.

5Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6For which things’ sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience: 7In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them. 8But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. 9Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; 10And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him: Colossians 3:5-10

1 Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. 2 For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 4 That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 5 Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 7 For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. 8 He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit Thessalonians 4:1-8

“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
PROVERBS 31:12 In speaking of the relationship of the wife to her husband, Proverbs says: “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Your “single” days are included in “all the days” of your life!

GENESIS 2:24, 25 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” “naked” = transparent, open, honest, laid bare, unselfish…. God’s original plan for marriage: husband and wife unselfishly loving their Lord and each other. NO SELFISHNESS!!!

Does the Bible refute Evolution?
Jesus, the Creator Himself, refutes the molecules to man hypothesis by saying: “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.” Mark 10:6 Is Jesus speaking of male and female bacteria? What is the context of Mark 10? The context is divorce. Do bacteria get divorces?= From the Beginning: Male and female people

People from the Beginning! PEOPLE AT THE BEGINNING
God says male and female people on earth from the Beginning. here People from the Beginning! WHICH DO YOU BELIEVE? PEOPLE AT THE BEGINNING OR PEOPLE AT THE END? 6000 years here People at the end! 4.5 billion years Evolution says people evolved last and at the very end (recently).

MARRIAGE IS NOT A CONTRACT, BIBLICAL MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT!
1. Based on distrust: no knowledge of other’s character. 2. Limited liability: (terms of the contract). 3. Can be altered (if conditions change). A COVENANT: 1. Mutual Trust: based on a personal relationship. 2. Unlimited Respon- sibility: (never ends). 3. Unchangeable: It can’t be changed even if conditions change.

EPHESIANS 5:31, 32 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” A biblical marriage is to be an audio-visual picture to the world of Christ’s relationship to His bride, the church. (unbreakable!)

MARRIAGE PICTURES SALVATION AND ETERNAL LIFE
GENESIS 2:23: Adam said about Eve: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” Adam and Eve became “one flesh.” Gen. 2:24 Eve was as much a part of Adam as were his own bones and flesh. The only way to separate Adam from his bones and flesh was by death Only death could separate Adam and Eve!

GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE: “‘TIL DEATH DO US PART.”
God’s “Blood Covenant” and its permanency is pictured in the marriage ceremony: Couples end their vows by saying, “‘til death do us part.”—The blood covenant was binding until the death of the parties involved. The husband and wife walk down the aisle hand in hand symbolizing entrance into a Biblical Blood Covenant.

THE IRREVOCABLE BIBLICAL BLOOD COVENANT:
The Blood Covenant was established as the two parties would walk hand in hand between the separated halves of a sacrificed animal. The wedding guests for bride and groom sit on opposite sides of the church and the new couple holds hands and passes down the aisle between the separated guests, symbolizing the covenant walk between the two pieces of the sacrificial animal which establishes an irrevocable covenant until death.

“COVENANT” HEBREW LANGUAGE DEFINITION:
“BINDING BY PASSING BETWEEN TWO PIECES OF FLESH.”

WHAT ABOUT DATING? The biblical picture is: Men initiate, Women respond: that means: Men lead Men call, Women wait (trust our Lord) Men pay the bill. Men propose. Feminism has destroyed God’s created order---women lead! (Isaiah 3:12)

God is sovereign and over all.
GOD’S CREATION ORDER: God is sovereign and over all. The man (Adam) is in submission to God. The woman is in submission to her husband. The animals are in submission to mankind. WHEN SIN ENTERED THE RACE OF ADAM: The woman (Eve) submitted to the animal (Serp The man (Adam) submitted to his wife (Eve). God is under all —creation order flip flopped: animals are more important than people!!!

WHAT ABOUT DATING? 2 Corinthians 6:14-18:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

JOHN 14:15 Jesus said: “If ye love me, keep my commandments.”

Now about DATING? “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Corinthians 7:1 (KJV) “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Corinthians 7:1 (NASB) “It is good for a man not to marry.” Corinthians 7:1 (NIV) NIV USES DYNAMIC EQUIVALENTS AND NOT LITERAL TRANSLATION.

1 Cor. 7:1: “man” = “Anthropos” = men or mankind.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband Corinthians 7:2 1 Cor. 7:1: “man” = “Anthropos” = men or mankind. 1 Cor. 7:1: “to touch” = “Haptomai” = touching that lights a fire or kindles a flame or further relations result. 1 Cor. 7:2: “fornication” = PORNEIA Most commonly used for immorality among singles, incest, beastiality, idolatry, not usually meaning adultery of married ones.

Singleness is God’s gift to you to equip you for a life of ministry!!!
Joshua Harris in I Kissed Dating Goodbye 1997, Multnomah Press, writes: Dating leads to intimacy, but not necessarily commitment. Dating tends to skip the “friendship” stage of a relationship Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love

Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
Dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future. Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness. Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character.

LUKE 6:46 Jesus said: “And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?”

RESPONSIBLE OR IRRESPONSIBLE?
DATING Little parent involve The two alone together much time Recreational enter- tainment for fun Can breed irresponsibility COURTING Much parent involve Open accountability with others presnt Ministry with others for fun Nurtures responsibility

MEN: ARE YOU READY TO PROVIDE FOR AND PROTECT A WIFE?
DATING Can be careless about situations that lead to immorality A series of broken relationships does not help you to learn loyalty COURTING Puts guards on you to prevent slipping into immorality Withhold your emotional attachments until you are ready to marry

LADIES: ARE YOU READY TO MARRY AND RAISE A FAMILY?
DATING Trusts in strong romantic desires to guide Tends toward the physical at the expense of the intellectual and spiritual COURTING Distrusts emotions and trusts Godly counsel + planning Tends toward the intellectual and spiritual and waits for the physical until marriage

1 JOHN 1:4-7 “And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full. 5 This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth: 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.”

HEBREWS 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

WHAT DOES GOD WANT? Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively; but God to a Christian says: No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content With being loved by Me alone

With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone, Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another

Until you are united with Me,
Exclusive of anyone else or anything else, Exclusive of any other longings or desires I want you to stop planning, stop wishing And allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing One that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best;

I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BEST!
Please allow Me to give it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things, Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you. You just wait; Don’t be anxious, don’t worry, don’t look at the things you want - - -

You just keep looking off and away up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you
And then, when you’re ready, I will sur- prise you with a love far more wonderful than any you dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, (I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time)

Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I prepared for you,
You won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, And this is the perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely

Know that I love you utterly. I AM GOD. Believe and be satisfied.
The everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer with Myself. Know that I love you utterly. I AM GOD. Believe and be satisfied. Author unknown

COLOSSIANS 3:2-3: “Set your affection [mind and heart] on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” Is there anything that could take a Christian Single’s affection away from a focused love of our Savior?

Summit Excellence Graduate “A Student’s Viewpoint”
KISSING Some thoughts by a 1996 Summit Excellence Graduate “A Student’s Viewpoint”

“Would you kiss this guy if your parents were watching?
THE SUMMIT GRAD SAYS: “Would you kiss this guy if your parents were watching? Does kissing cause your relationship to center in on the Lord Jesus Christ as the center in your relationship, or on the physical aspects of your relationship? Do you really think that kissing is a necessity to getting to know your friend?

If you think kissing is a necessity, then you are centering in more on the physical partof your relationship instead of the spiritual. I believe that if you focus your relationship more on spiritual things - i.e. How does God want us to be? - then you will have a much more successful marriage and less chance of divorce.

Is kissing really good for anything when done before marriage?
I also believe that kissing before marriage shows a lack of self control and a weakness to give in to peer pressure. True love is patient. (1 Corinthians 13) Is kissing really good for anything when done before marriage? Is there really any reason for kissing other than to please your own physical desires? Why are you kissing people? I think the best gift you can give your mate on your wedding day is the gift of your first kiss!

HISTORICALLY, WHEN THE MINISTER SAID:
“You may now kiss the bride! . . .” This was the couple’s first kiss!!!! Our culture says you must try the physical things to see if you are compatible. Physical compatibility is not a problem in marriage. 99.9% of all people are wired right!!!

WHY NOT SAVE YOUR KISSES FOR YOUR MARRIAGE?
Physical involvements before marriage lead to broken relationships and lengthy recovery periods during which concen- tration is difficult, tests are flunked , jobs are lost, and our future is thereby limited. God gives us singleness to equip ourselves with excellence for a life of ministry for our dear Lord Jesus. Don’t throw it away!!

STOP EVERYTHING PHYSICAL UNTIL MARRIAGE!!!
A TEST OF TRUE LOVE: STOP EVERYTHING PHYSICAL UNTIL MARRIAGE!!!

1 JOHN 2:15-17 15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

AND BY THE WAY: In 30 years of counseling women the #1 complaint my wife gets is: My husband is not the spiritual leader in our home! #2 is: My husband loves his mother more than he loves me! Ladies, stop calling the men. Stop taking the leadership as you court or date. Stop training men to follow your lead before marriage.

1998 SUMMIT GRAD: Are you ready to get married?
What are your goals and plans for the future? Will this relationship help us grow spiritually or take our focus from God? Will you respect and uphold my beliefs and morals?

FEELINGS BEFORE FRIENDSHIP OR FRIENDSHIP BEFORE FEELINGS
Are you willing to talk to my family? What are your intentions with this relationship? Is this a friendship or an exclusive “special” friendship? At any given moment in our relationship, is our dear Savior pleased with us?

“. . . be sure your sin will find you out.”
JAMES 4:17 “Therefore, to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.” NUMBERS 32:23b “. . . be sure your sin will find you out.”

KEVIN: 4TH SESSION 1998 “Do not ever tell a woman you “love her” until you are ready to say “ will you marry me?” in the same breath!!!!!

REMEMBER: John 12:48 “He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day.”

KEY RELATIONSHIP SCRIPTURES
Philippians 2:1-4 1 Peter 3:8, 9 Colossians 3:12-14 Ephesians 4:29-32 Colossians 1:10

SCRIPTURE AND MARRIAGE
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh Genesis 2:24 For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away….(DIVORCE) Malachi 2:16

SITUATIONS AND REGULATIONS
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 Situation: A man marries a woman and discovers she is not a virgin. Regulation: She was to be stoned to death. Deuteronomy 22:22 Situation: A man lies with a married woman. Regulation: They were both to be executed.

Deuteronomy 22:23, 24 Situation: A man lies with a betrothed woman in the city and she does not cry out for help. Regulation: They were both to be stoned. Deuteronomy 22:25-27 Situation: A man forces and lies with a betrothed woman in a country field, she cries out but no one hears to help. Regulation: The man is executed, but no penalty for the woman.

Deuteronomy 22:28, 29 Situation: A man lays hold and lies with a virgin who is not betrothed. Regulation: He must marry her and can never divorce her.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 Situation: A man takes a wife and finds some “uncleanness” in her (This must be something different from Deut. 22). KJV says: “Let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.” Regulation: If she marries another man and he dies or he divorces her, her first husband is not permitted to take her back and remarry her.

SITUATION: Notice a difference in the KJB vs NASB. KJB seems to give permission for divorce and remarriage. (“Let him” write bill of divorce, and “she may” remarry) NASB: “He writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it into her hand, and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife,...” NASB reports situation as something that happened, but no “let him” or “she may”.

KJB AND NASB USE SAME HEBREW TEXT, BUT THE TEXT IS AMBIGUOUS.
The Jewish people have argued about the meaning of this text down through the centuries, but the author, Jesus, clarified it when he was here on earth! Matthew 19:8 Jesus said, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away (divorce) your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” Jesus says: NO DIVORCING WIVES!

MATTHEW 5:17-18 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

MATTHEW AND THE EXCEPTION CLAUSE
Matthew was written to the Jewish mind. The Jewish people had a custom unique to them in the Middle East: BETROTHAL Betrothal was a one year engagement. Joseph and Mary were Betrothed (Espoused), were not married and had not consummated their marriage when Joseph learned Mary was pregnant.

DURING BETROTHAL DIVORCE IS PERMITTED
Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband,… not willing to make her a public example was minded to put her away (divorce) privily Matthew 1:18-19

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE EXCEPTION CLAUSE IN MATTHEW?
Matthew 5:31, 32: “It hath been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” “Fornication” is Porneia (Greek term).

ISN’T FORNICATION THE SAME AS ADULTERY?
Matthew gives us his commentary on the word “fornication” (porneia) in Matthew 15:19. “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications,…” He uses “porneia” three times (Matt.5:32, 15:19 and 19:9). Twice as reason for divorce and once side by side with adultery. Adultery happens to married people, fornication to betrothed (stronger than our “engagement.”)

MATTHEW 19:1-12; (5:31-32) The Matthew 18 topic is Forgiveness
Jesus said: “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto Him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.” Matthew 19:9,10

FORNICATION OR ADULTERY
Porneia is the Greek word for fornication. Porneia is most commonly used for immorality among unmarried singles. Moichao is the Greek word for adultery. Moichao is most commonly used to refer to immorality between married people. The Exception Clause uses “Porneia.”

MATTHEW IS WRITTEN TO THE JEWISH PEOPLE
Matthew alone has the Exception Clause. The Jewish people practiced Betrothal Luke and Mark are written to Gentiles. Gentiles did not practice Betrothal! Mark 10 does not mention “EXCEPTION” Luke 16 does not mention “EXCEPTION” DIVORCE IS NEVER AN OPTION for married people!!!

GOD’S BEST IS NO DIVORCE, NO REMARRIAGE!!!
If a man divorces his wife and marries another woman he commits adultery Mark 10:11 If a woman divorces her husband and marries another man she commits adultery Mark 10:12 What do these verses mean?

A FURTHER COMMENT ON THE MATTHEW “EXCEPTION” CLAUSE:
A married person who commits adultery was to be stoned Deuteronomy 22:22 Stoned, dead, people do not get divorced or remarried!!!!!!!!!!! Matthew 19:9, with the use of “porneia” must surely be talking about the betrothal period and not marriage.

The disciples understood Jesus to say, “Divorce is not an option.”
That is why the disciples say in Matt. 19:10: “If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.” In other words the disciples, in the midst of a Jewish culture that permitted divorce at the whim of the husband, realized that in God’s eyes marriage is ‘til death’. Marry a loser and there are no biblical grounds for divorce. So maybe we better stay single!

IS REMARRIAGE EVER AN OPTION FOR A CHRISTIAN?
“For the woman which hath a husband is bound by law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from the law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.” Romans 7:2,3

IS REMARRIAGE EVER AN OPTION FOR A CHRISTIAN?
In regards to younger women whose husbands have died: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan.” Timothy 5:14,15

1 CORINTHIANS 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

God has called us to be peacemakers
Yet if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace Corinthians 7:15 The real issue here is that the Christian should be a peacemaker in the marriage so that the unbeliever will not want to leave but to stay and come to faith!!!

1 CORINTHIANS 7:15 “…not under bondage.” Literal translation: “has not been enslaved.” If the unbeliever insists on leaving, the believer is not enslaved—you can let them go, but you are not free to divorce or remarry.

THE PRINCIPLE OF PREDECIDING
Dr. Jobe Martin Biblical Discipleship Ministries

PRE-DECIDING Grandfather to grandson: “I have a battle going on inside myself. It is between two wolves. One wolf is evil: Anger, envy, lies, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, jealousy, false pride, lust, hate, and impatience. The other wolf is good: Love, joy, peace, hope, patience, kindness, humility, self-control.” The grandson asks: “Which wolf will win?” The Grandfather replies: “The one I feed!”

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WE MUST PRE-DECIDE, BY OUR LORD’S INFINITE GRACE, THAT WE WILL NOT FEED THE BIG BAD WOLF!

HERE’S THE IDEA: 1) You have a recurring problem such as: laziness, cheating, stealing, swearing, anger, lust, pride, lying, immorality, lack of self control, pornography, drugs, selfishness, etc. OR 2) You have a potential problem, a problem that might pop up some day in the future such as: (see above )

HERE’S WHAT TO DO: Find a Scripture that deals with the problem.
Memorize this Scripture. Meditate on this Scripture. Personalize the Scripture (put your name in it wherever possible). Pray the Scripture back to God.

THEN WHAT? Ask the Lord to use this Scripture in your life the next time (or first time) you are confronted with the problem, test or temptation!

FOR EXAMPLE: If you have an anger problem you might memorize Ecclesiastes 7:9, “Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools.” This can be uncomfortably convicting! God calls eagerly angry people fools!

ARE YOU SELFISH? Memorize, Meditate, Personalize and pray back to God Philippians 2:3: “Let nothing be done through strife [selfishness, NASB] or vainglory [pride, NASB]; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than themselves.”

IS YOUR TONGUE OUT OF CONTROL?
Memorize, Meditate, Personalize and pray back to God Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Pre-decide to let God use this Scripture the next time your tongue needs taming.

LUST OF THE EYES “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” I John 2:16 “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.” Psalm 101:3a

LUST OF THE FLESH But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof. Romans 13:14 Keep watching and praying, that you may not come into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak Mark 14:38

PRIDE OF LIFE Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling Proverbs 16:18 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. I Corinthians 10:12 “ Do not be wise in your own estimation Romans 12:16b

YOU ARE TEMPTED TOWARD IMMORALITY
Memorize I Corinthians 10:13: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” For example, what are the ways of escape?

You are tempted to enter your girlfriend’s apartment. . .
Has God provided a way of escape? Yes, you don’t have to go into the apartment. But, you DO go into the apartment. Has God provided a way of escape now? Yes, you can say “goodnight” and leave. But, you do not leave . . .

Has God provided a way of escape now?
Yes, you could sit on separate chairs instead of the same couch. But, you find yourselves on the couch. Has God provided a way of escape now? Yes, you can get up off the couch and go home! Etc., etc., etc. GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES A WAY OF ESCAPE!

ROMANS 8:5,6 & 13:14 “For they that are after the flesh, do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally (fleshly) minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.” “Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready (willing), but the flesh is weak.” Mark 14:38

THE PRINCIPLE OF PREDECIDING
Find a Scripture that deals with the problem. Memorize this Scripture. Meditate on this Scripture. Personalize the Scripture (put your name in it wherever possible). Pray the Scripture back to God.

THEN WHAT? Ask the Lord to use this Scripture in your life the next time (or first time) you are confronted with the problem, test or temptation!

MARRIAGE Genesis 1: God (Elohim) creates the universe and climaxes that with the creation of man. Genesis 2: The Lord God ( Yahweh Elohim). Yahweh is the covenantal name of God. In Genesis 2 the covenant keeping God takes man into his covenant keeping relationship: marriage.

GENSIS 2:24-25 24)“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Vs. 24=masculine=men leave momma!!! Vs. 25=“naked”=open, unguarded, laid bare, fully transparent=no selfishness!!!

A FAITH THAT CAN’T BE TESTED CAN’T BE TRUSTED!
THE SPIRITUAL TEST! A FAITH THAT CAN’T BE TESTED CAN’T BE TRUSTED! “And the Lord God commanded the man saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat.” Genesis 2:16 Millions of perfectly legitimate options of things to do, but Adam and Eve begin to zero in on the forbidden fruit.

THE SPIRITUAL TEST! “But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” Genesis 2:17 Adam had the choice--to serve God or to serve self =satisfying the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. Adam needed help to face this spiritual test.

GENESIS 2:18 DISORDER = animal, woman, man, God
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him.” The serpent spoke to the woman, she ate and the creative order was flip-flopped. ORDER = God, in submission is man;then in submission= woman; in submission=animals DISORDER = animal, woman, man, God

DISORDER The serpent deceives the woman and she has submitted to the animal. Then Adam, the man, submits to the woman, his wife. Instead of man submitting to God and the woman submitting to her husband and the animal submitting to people the order is flip-flopped. The woman submits to the animal, Adam to Eve, God is out!!

HOW DID THIS DOWNWARD SPIRAL GET GOING?
The serpent said, “Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” Genesis 3:1b In other words you can’t really trust the Word of God even tho He said regarding the tree of the knowledge of good and evil “Thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” Genesis 2:17b

“And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die (reincarnation). For God doth know that in the day ye eat (lust of the flesh) thereof, then your eyes (lust of the eyes) shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods (pride of life), knowing good and evil” Genesis 3:4-5 Satan is the father of lies! John 8:44

“And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food (lust of flesh), and that it was pleasant to the eyes (lust of eyes), and a tree to be desired to make one wise (pride of life), she took of the fruit thereof and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat Genesis 3:6 Adam is with Eve, but totally passive!!!!

CONSEQUENCES And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; thorns and thistles shall it bring forth to thee….” Genesis 3:17-18

CONSEQUENCES “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow (pain,NAS) and thy conception; in sorrow (pain,NAS) thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Genesis 3:16 Genesis 4:7=“desire”=to overrule, overpower or overthrow=wife’s desire for husband is to overthrow, etc.!

SOLUTION TO CONSEQUENCES OF THE FALL
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;…” Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Colossians 3:19 Husbands, give honor unto your wife… Peter 3:7

SOLUTION TO CONSEQUENCES OF THE FALL
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord….Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22,24 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18

Family Projects Compose a definition of success for you and/or your family made up entirely of Scripture. “Success for me/us is….” Compose a doctrinal statement of Scriptures that you and your family will not compromise. Start memorizing a chapter of the Bible. Think of ways to minister to other people. Purpose to know and share the Gospel.

OTHER RESOURCES: Of Knights and Fair Maidens, Jeff and Danielle Meyers
Best Friends for Life, Michael and Judy Phillips Her Hand in Marriage, Douglas Wilson Passion and Purity, Elizabeth Elliot His Chosen Bride, Jennifer Lampe

Relationships and the Bible

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