Presentation on theme: "Dating Right or Wrong? Why? Dangers How? Steps. How to choose?"— Presentation transcript:
Dating Right or Wrong? Why? Dangers How? Steps. How to choose?
Sex Use the stove and not get burnt. What is pleasing to God Ought Owe it. Dont have a choice. Not your own, property of someone else. Why? He paid for you. Ex. Mobster. 1 sin = Hell. I will take on death so that you can have life. Holy = Set apart or consecrated. God is holy. Description of the essence of cost. Holy, holy, holy. His will for us is to be holy. Sexual immorality = All encompassing. Look, think, talk. Receiving ANY kind of sexual gratification from ANY source outside of my wife in marriage. Why big deal? Destroys people. God created sex to be great to be enjoyable. But used at the right time. Urges: Extremes, any urge is wrong, not true. Any urge is good, go for it. Humans need to control urges. Eg Hunger. What if I obeyed my urge for ice cream, chocolate, … consequences. Need to control. Sleep 12 hrs, must control. You control appetite, dont let it control you. Sexual sins are the worst sins. Worse than drugs. Can physically stop it, but cant stop the addiction if it is in your mind. Making the other person sin as well. Offense. Dont touch Gods child.
Is dating wrong? To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven Ecc 3:1 Then how do you go about it? Friendship Dating Engagement Marriage (purpose)
Dangers Occupies time (family, friends, school, …) Lose friendship, someone gets hurt. Lying Drift from church Reputation Break ups Sexual Immorality Just friends (are you sure?). Red Flags: Long conversations Frequent get togethers Spending more time Need to set boundaries and limits
Sex: FAQ What is the definition of sexual immorality? Receiving ANY kind of sexual gratification from ANY source outside of my spouse in marriage Can we have enjoyable sex for the purpose of pleasure or just for the purpose of reproducing? "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled" (Heb 13:4). "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; (1 Cor 7:4-5) Why is sex SO taboo in our church? Intimacy is viewed as taboo as well. Does that continue forever? Even if we're married? See answer above. It is not really so much church, but more of a culture thing.
Sex: FAQ Does the Orthodox Church believe in contraceptives or is that considered playing God? The use of contraceptives involves medical, practical, and economic concerns. Therefore, the church approves their use. What if I love the person, and know I will marry them, can we have sex? Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Gal 5:19-21) For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh (Mt. 19:5)
Sex: FAQ Urges feel normal- why do we have these urges if we're "its a sin" to do so. Is God teasing us? What about those who never get married? Example Adam and Eve. Was fruit bad? Example: Eating habits Example: Sleeping Are other practices of sex, such as oral sex or anal sex permissible within marriage? The bible refers to this as lewdness and licentiousness, that is sex without limits, boundaries, indecent & obscene. These are not accepted, even within marriage. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God " (1 Thess 4:3-5). Also condemn such practices "For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature " (Rom 1:26).
Statistics 1) 60% of marriages end up in divorce. 2) 65% of couples live together before they marry (up 1200%). 3) There is an 80% more chance of getting a divorce for couples who live together before marriage. 4) 65% of adultery cases end up in divorce 5) 90% believe adultery is wrong 6) 67% of 2 nd marriages and 73% of 3 rd marriages end up in divorce. 7) 85% of 19 yr old men and 70% of 19 yr old women have had sex. 8) Sex is the #1 topic that is searched. 9) Porn business is $12 B more than all of football, baseball and basketball makes, and more than NBC, ABC and CBS. Internet porn is $2.5 B.
If you want something that you never had Then you must do something that you have never done If I walk in the same steps as the world dates, wouldnt I end up in the same situation (60% divorce rate. As long as long as we shall love). And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind Rom 12:2 God wants better for me.
But, ….. am I ready? A) I am going into this looking for my spouse. B) I am guided by a spiritual father. C) I believe that God will reveal this person to me at the appropriate time (Phil 4:19) D) I am driving for spiritual growth to build my relationship with God. E) I obey His commandments, and submit to His will.
QUIZ: Am I Ready to Date? 1. What is the status of my relationship with Jesus? Do I acknowledge Him as the center of my life? 2. Do I regularly receive the Sacraments, i.e. Mass every Sunday and more often if possible, Confession regularly, etc.? 3. Do I pray daily, keeping my life in communion with Him? 4. Do I regularly read and study the Word of God so that the truth of the Scriptures may continue to form my life? 5. What is my understanding of my vocation? Have I earnestly sought out the will of God for my life? Do I have some reasonable grounds for believing that He is calling me to be married? 6. Do I have good reason to believe that now is the time that He wants me to date? 7. Am I victorious in the moral life? Am I consistently free from mortal sin, especially sins of the flesh? Has a significant time passed in which I am able to live chastely, victorious over sins of the flesh in my life (i.e. 6 months to a year)? 8. Do I carefully avoid near occasions of sin, such as conversations, books, magazines, music, movies, TV shows, or clothing, that devalue the virtue of chastity or disregard other aspects of the moral life? 9. Am I personally mature enough to enter into this type of relationship with another person? 10. Do I have a healthy love and respect for myself? Do I have a healthy self-image? Do I see myself as good and loveable rather than thinking I am unlovable or not worthy of someone's love? 11. Do I have some stable, quality friendship relationships? 12. Do I have a healthy well-rounded life without dating, as opposed to having a consuming 'need' to date in order to give my life meaning or resolve unmet loneliness issues? 13. Am I approaching dating for the purpose of loving service of another instead of simply having my needs met?
How to choose? A) General Philosophies High expectations of God (Eph 3:20) Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think Same faith (2 Cor 6:14) Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers Holiness (1 Thes 4:3) For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality
How to choose? B) Common mistakes Rush Decision made too young or too immature Too eager Unrealistic I can change him/her Believe that opposites attract Base decision on emotions Not guided spiritually Make too many assumptions (book)
How to choose? C) What to look for 1) Spiritual life or Christ centered life 2) Family 3) Intellect 4) Emotional expressions 5) Responsibility & reliability 6) Job stability and career 7) Physical appearance 8) Physical disorders 9) Psycho emotional disorders (depression) 10) Social skills & Behavior
How do I know if it is right? 1) Need guidance of your spiritual father 2) Comfort level of your decision 3) Need a neutral consultant 4) Parental advice 5) Circumstantial evidence (obstacles, door closings, …)
Where do I go? How to find? Must rely on my God. He will reveal to me, only when I am ready. Behold, I am with you and keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land, for I will not leave you until I have done what I have I spoken to you. Gen 28:15 ________, I am with you and keep you wherever you go, and will ____________, for I will not leave you until I have done what I have I spoken to you. Gen 28:15 Expose yourself. Church outings, conventions, social outings, … Marriageable Work on being: Marriageable
Marriage : Criterias Spiritual – (which church, service) Financial – (how you will spend and budget) Social – (friends, vacations, in-laws) Career – (masters or work) Children – (timing, number, contraception) Intimacy – (companionship, know your spouses love language.)
Marriageable Preparation: Marriageable How to practice Giving, forgiving and sacrificing Making God my #1 (Phil 4:19) Keeping my purity Growing my spiritual life Proper way of dating Other things to work on Personality Communication
Sanctuary Lord prepare me To be a sanctuary Pure and Holy Tried and True With thanksgiving I'll be a living Sanctuary for you.