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© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 1.

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Presentation on theme: "© Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 1."— Presentation transcript:

1 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 1

2 2 My Passion for Parenting…….. In our homes and hearts is where the greatest change can happen to influence what children learn about how to treat others, and how they deserve to be treated.

3 WHAT LED TO TUNING IN My childhood My parenting experience Caring for traumatised children in my own home Being a domestic violence & abuse parenting worker Awareness of inter-generational cycle of trauma & abuse © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 3

4 4

5 Parenting: Then & Now Then Children should be seen & not heard Spare the rod and spoil the child Children must do as they are told Parents should smack To much affection spoils a child Now Childrens voices are important Children do not benefit from harsh parenting Children are emotionally harmed by smacking Children benefit from affection & attention © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 5

6 Development: Then & Now Then Tabula rasa – children are born as a blank canvas Babies/young children are not adversely affected by their environment Its all about the genes Children are just children Now Pre-birth experience is very formative Childrens development is directly affected by their environment Epigenetics Children are research & development experts © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 6

7 Children & Trauma: Then & Now Then It goes over childrens heads Children just get over it They were upstairs/in another room Now Children are always impacted by exposure to repetitive trauma Children do not & can not just get over it Hearing & being around violence and other trauma has a direct effect on brain development © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 7

8 The Brain © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 8

9 9 Part 1 – The Reptilian Brain Part 2 – The Limbic System/Mammalian Brain Part 3 – The Neo-cortex Macleans (1990) concept of the triune brain is a useful starting point……. He distinguished the reptilian brain, the limbic system, and the neocortex in Music, G (2011) THE TRIUNE BRAIN

10 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 10

11 Trauma & Attachment © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 11

12 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 12 Why attachment matters so much Depending on a childs experience with their main carer/s they may learn that others are unavailable, unpredictable, unresponsive and that essentially they are unlovable. This can become their template for relationships & belief system about themselves.

13 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 13

14 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 14 Bruce D. Perry tells us: It is a rare and strong person that can carry their trauma without having it spill into the next generation.

15 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 15 Trauma is……. A more overwhelming event than a person would ordinarily be expected to encounter Source: American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Repeated exposure to stress and trauma leaves it mark to a lesser or greater degree.

16 Types of Trauma Complex trauma Family violence Medical trauma Natural disasters Community and school violence Neglect Physical abuse Sexual abuse Traumatic grief Refugee and war zone trauma Source: Adapted from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 16

17 Toxic Trio © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 17

18 Tuning In Beyond Trauma © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 18

19 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 19 Traditional Parenting may work for children in loving homes Children who are punished/consequenced or incentivised into behaving well will generally respond and comply If they otherwise have a strong emotional connection with caring adults then they may not be too adversely affected They may function and cope with this use of external stimuli to ensure conforming behaviours

20 BEHAVIOUR!! GOOD?????? SPITTING DROPING A TOY DOWN THE STAIRS HIDING FOOD/MONEY UNDER THE BED HITTING SHOUTING SHOVELLING FOOD IN BAD?????? SPITTING DROPING A TOY DOWN THE STAIRS HIDING FOOD/MONEY UNDER THE BED HITTING SHOUTING SHOVELLING FOOD IN © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 20

21 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 21 Tuning In is trauma & attachment informed parenting

22 Need to understand a child or parents trauma story Initial work needs to be about taking time to understand the trauma journey Genuine listening and curiosity with out prying At their pace Do your homework! Try not to assume, even if you have had a similar experience, that you know © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 22

23 You dont know but you need too © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 23

24 Explore it and pass it on! Begin or carry on with your journey to understand the effects of trauma on: Brain development Attachment relationships Behaviour Emotional connections Emotional intelligence © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 24

25 What it is about – c almness, kindness, teaching, nurturing, acceptance, and working with the child – keeps them in thinking brain & builds connection to care giver Learning with out fear – put a child in the frozen fear zone & they are using their primitive brain not their thinking brain!! © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 25

26 Time outsRewards/ incentives Punishments Consequences PraiseShame © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 26

27 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 27

28 From today I will…… Share with your partner the ONE thing you will keep/do differently in your parenting work after today???? Record on 3 post its one for you, one for them and one to stick on the wall © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 28

29 Great folks!! Bruce Perry Louise Bomber Daniel Siegel Kate Cairns Dan Hughes Graham Music Alfie Kohn All of you!!!!! © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 29

30 The Good News! Neuroscientists now tell us that in the presence of a good enough other – for example, a foster carer, and adoptive parent, a therapist, a mentor, a teaching assistant – that a new and more sophisticated neural pathways can be formed in the childs developing brain, and new patterns of relating and behaving can emerge. (P.58 Bomber, L. (2007) London: Worthing Publishing Ltd.) © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 30

31 Story book for children post domestic violence © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 31

32 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 32 Jane is a Trauma Parenting Specialist and has created: Tuning In Beyond Trauma Training for carers, adoptive parents & professionals Tuning In Parenting Course to meet specific needs of parents, carers or children with complex trauma and attachment needs Jane is also author of How are you feeling today Baby Bear? published by Jessica Kingsley, which begins to look at feelings around living with domestic

33 © Jane Evans Parenting and Behaviour Skills Consultancy 33 Tend and nurture a childs emotions and they will grow to reach for the sky.


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