1. Marriage Gods Way Biblical Love & Why It Is The Key In the previous lesson, it was stated that perhaps the most critical factor to having a successful marriage is understanding the concept of it with regard to its origin, and purpose. To be successful in marriage, we must acknowledge that the institution is one of Divine Origin, and that, as such, it is designed to fulfill Gods purposes for the union. Therefore, we either (a) acknowledge and submit to Gods regulations in marriage; or (b) we should avoid the institution altogether. If we are, or desire to become married, we should therefore commit to the obligations and duties He ordains. Thus,

2. Gods Marriage has Love as the Key The Bible utilizes several different types and kinds of love: Astorgos- (a [a negative particle] + stergo [to cherish affectionately]) is a Greek term utilized in the N.T. predominately in reference to family love; parents > children; children > parents or one another; cf. Rom.1:31; 2Tim.3:3 Eros- this is sensual or sexual love. It is a wanting to have which properly refers to the sexual bond between husband and wife, 1Cor.7:1-5. It is not to be confused with lust (epithymia), which is an unlawful desire toward someone who is not your spouse, Rom.1:24. Phileo- is brotherly love. It means to have kindly affection toward. It is friendly, warm, and tender love, John 20:2. Agape- is the most commonly used form in the N.T. Though perhaps not the technical definition, it is a love which does not seek, but rather creates and establishes a value. Its object is not loved because of perceived value, its object becomes valuable precisely because they are loved! cf. Rom.5:8

3. Why Love is the Key to Successful Marriage: Because it enables the marriage to last. A marriage founded upon the unstable ground of value- based love will not survive the inevitable changes in either our desires, or our partners perceived value. But true, biblical love, one which establishes rather than requires a value, abides and endures, 1Cor.13:13. Such love was the basis of our creation, and continues to be the basis of our relationship with God. Therefore, for the marriage relationship to truly parallel the relationship of Christ and the Church (cf. Eph.5:22- 33), it must be based upon the same self-sacrificing love and commitment.

4. Why Love is the Key to Successful Marriage: Because it is the one thing allows for the proper reactions to suffering (e.g. forgiveness, longsuffering, patience, et.al.) and for the covering, or dismissal of transgressions, 1Pet.4:8. Value-based love cannot accomplish this because it is selfishly motivated, cp. Jas.3:14-18, and therefore cannot allow for true forgiveness, Heb.8:12; Eph.4:31-32. Therefore, for the marriage relationship to truly parallel the relationship of Christ and the Church (cf. Eph.5:22- 33), it must be based upon the same self-sacrificing love and commitment that provides forgiveness, Col.3:12-14.

5. Why Love is the Key to Successful Marriage: Because 1 + 1 = 2 in a mathematics, but not in marriage. According to Gods plan for and in marriage, 1 man + 1 woman = 1 couple, or one flesh, Matt.19:4-6. For such to be adequately accomplished, each must practice self-sacrificing love. Otherwise, they will always be two separate people instead of one couple. If love is purely value-based, one flesh will never be accomplished because such love is surely selfishly motivated- and thus contradictory to the whole principle of one flesh!

6. Why Love is the Key to Successful Marriage: Because, contrary to popular notions and songs, true, biblical, agape love is not something you fall into; to some degree at least, it is a decision, learned and developed. Notice that those already married are told to love their spouses, cf. Eph.5:25,28; Titus 2:4. Why? If theyre already married, dont they already love each other- otherwise they wouldnt have gotten married in the first place, right? Let me answer that question with another one: Do you love your spouse more and/or differently now than you did when you said I do? Why? Or, how so? This kind of deep, compassionate, self-sacrificing, and even long-suffering love is developed, not found! It is a learned process of love, not an infatuation into which we fall. There are times when each of us is not very lovable! And yet, these periods need not be destructive, but can be overcome, greatly reduced, or even eliminated, if we learn to love one another the way Jesus loves us!

7. Conclusions: The N.T. includes several different kinds/types of love, such as familial, sensual/sexual, brotherly, and godly. While all have their place and proper applications, none is more essential to marriage than agape. It is a love which establishes, rather than seeks, a value. Thus it is clearly not value- based. It is essential to marriage because it abides/endures, forgives, allows us to become one flesh, and can be learned and developed.