1. Nurturing Parenting Program
SESSION 13
Managing Anger
Facilitator: Alicia
Phone: (916)
Date/time: Monday & Wednesday 1 pm -3 pm

2. AGREEMENT REVIEW We will respect everyone We will listen and not judge
We will keep the confidentiality of others
We will not crosstalk
Our cell phone will be silent
We will be positive and help each other out

3. WEEK 13 - COMPETENCIES
Parents can describe appropriate ways to express anger
Parents can identify appropriate ways to teach children to express anger
Parents practice appropriate anger management strategies
Parents can identify one time they could have used spanking but chose to use an alternative technique instead
Parents can describe alternatives to spanking
*The goal here is to help parents become aware of their anger, times when they are angry, and healthy ways to manage their anger. Helping to reinforce the new alternatives to spanking that we have been learning.
Table of Contents

4. Check in Today I am feeling ____
A quality that I strive to embody is _____

5. What is ANGER? MANAGING ANGER
Complete the following statement:
One way I express my anger is . . .
The program identifies several components of anger:
Anger is a feeling of discomfort
Anger is the expression of past pain/hurt
Anger is necessary for people to express so they do not carry around past hurt/pain

6. MANAGING ANGER: UNDERSTANDING AND EXPRESSING YOUR ANGER
Remember how we talked about feelings of comfort and discomfort? What happens when we have feelings of discomfort but we don’t express them? Stuffing down feelings of discomfort eventually comes out as anger.
Some notes on anger
It is not a bad feeling. It is how it is expressed that can result in something bad.
Anger is yesterdays pain or hurt. If you express the pain or hurt right when it occurs then there is less pain that you are carrying around on the inside that can eventually come out as anger.
Children don’t learn how to express anger appr0priately. As they grow older they may struggle with anger as they don’t understand how to express it.
Rage is anger that takes over any form of logical thinking. This is why people can act out of control when they are in a rage.
Children and adults watch anger displayed on tv, maybe violent tv shows or movies. This observation results in conscious or unconscious learning about anger being expressed violently.

7. EMOTIONS AND ENERGY
Every feeling that we have, whether it is happiness, love or sadness has an expressing of energy.
Can you think of times when you were in love or loved someone and how you expressed that emotion?
Can you think of times that you were sad and how you expressed the energy of that emotion?
Well, it’s no different with anger. If we don’t let out the energy of that which makes us upset then it builds up inside. At some point you can’t hold all of that energy inside anymore and it explodes beyond the point of logical thinking. The goal here is to learn how to express the anger before it gets to the point of explosion.

8. Can’t avoid the anger
-There isn’t a way to avoid anger but you can minimize the anger by expressing the hurt when it occurs. It may not be realistic to do this all of the time, but when you can, try and express it in the moment. -Why is this important? Your children! They observe you and if you are in a rage they will think that is the way to express anger. If you model for them that when you get hurt, you can talk about it right then right there, or find a healthy way to express it, then they will learn to do this with their anger as well. -Brainstorm ways that energy can be physically released. Brainstorm other ways that anger can be released in ways that do not hurt yourself, others, or the environment.

9. Managing your Anger
To express anger appropriately, parents can model and teach their children a 2-step process
Express your anger energy (non-destructive examples?)
Talk about what happened
After your initial anger energy has faded, think about what happened from your perspective. When communicating with whoever may have upset you, you can follow the five steps that we just learned in the video
1. Spend time clarifying your needs
2. Use “I” statements to own your feelings
3. Ask for feedback  how do you feel, what do you think?
4. Non defensive listening hear the other persons message
5. Reflect back on what you heard

10. Strategies to release anger
Some parents teach children to release anger energy by hitting a pillow or punching a punching bag.
This strategy has limitations. The most negative one being that it teaches children association between anger and hitting something.
The more this “hitting something when angry” association is practiced, the more danger there is in hitting something being the main release of anger energy. When angry at someone, hitting may be the means that energy is communicated.
Hitting children because parents are angry is never a good idea. Other forms of punishment like time-out, being grounded or loss of privilege are better ways to manage anger feelings towards your children.

11. Break time!

12. ALTERNATIVES TO SPANKING
If you have come to a point in a challenging situation with your child where you feel that the only thing left to do is to yell at or strike your child….
Step away from the child
Take a parental time-out.
Call for help from a friend or family member (ask them to give you an immediate break if possible).
Pile everyone in the car and drive to the park (or anywhere – just go for a change of scenery).
Change the subject – come back to it when you and your child are calmer
If your child allows it, give him a huge hug and tell him you love him.

13. HELPING CHILDREN MANAGE THEIR ANGER
Complete the following statement:
One way I express my anger is….
One way my children express their anger is. . .
Telling children not to express their anger is not a good idea. Teaching them how to express their anger is good, otherwise it will build up inside.
There are three rules about expressing anger
Don’t hurt yourself – respect yourself
Don’t hurt others – respect others
Don’t hurt your environment – respect the places around you
Can you think of examples?
Fights, graffiti, assault, suicide, and drug use are examples of anger hurting self, others and the environment
Telling children to express their anger energy by hitting something only associates anger with violence.
Hitting something can transfer to hitting someone

14. Video! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImeSVdKojPM

15. Review Parents can describe appropriate ways of expressing their anger
Parents can identify appropriate ways to teach children to express anger.
Parents practice appropriate anger management strategies.
Parents can identify one time they could have used spanking but chose an alternative technique instead
Parents can describe alternatives to spanking

16. Watch & Praise!