1. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk Listening Skills for Relationship Building 5 July 2012

2. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk Active Listening Powerful tool for improving understanding. It demonstrates interest in the client and illustrates that you are keen to understand the client’s situation, allows the client to feel as though they are being heard. When a counsellor/mentor pays particular attention to what the client is saying they are encouraging the client to continue talking, as well as ensuring communication remains open and positive. 2

3. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk Exercise This exercise will help you to explore the kinds of behaviour that help you to listen and those that do not. Work in pairs - decide who will be Talker (A) and Listener (B). Person A talks about one of the following topics for 2 minutes ‘My ideal weekend’ ‘My worst holiday ever’ ‘What I would do if I won the lottery’ Listener (B) says nothing, but shows, in any way that makes sense that you are not listening 3

4. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk External Barriers to Listening Listener fidgeting Someone knocks on the door/Phone rings Room too hot or cold Listening not concentrating on what speaker is saying Listener looking at watch (has another engagement) Listener sighing/yawning Distractions – books/papers Insufficient organised time to listen 4

5. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk Internal Barriers to Listening Listener has something on their mind Listener wishes to ‘do well’ and constantly watches himself for a glowing performance Prejudice – Listener stereotypes the client and fails to listen for differences Listeners own thought process is triggered by something the client says Listener concentrates too much on the problem, does not listen to the feelings The listener is tired – client may talk in a monotonous tone Listener wants to rearrange the clients life to her own expectations. 5

6. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk S O L E R Sitting at Open Posture Leaning Effective Remaining comfortable arms and legs forward eye contact relatively angle anduncrossed from time towithout relaxed distance time.Staring Looking genuinely interested. Listening (Gerard Egan 2007) 6

7. York St John University | www.yorksj.ac.uk The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention. (Richard Thorpe) 7