1. David Cross David Cross is an Emmy Award-winning American comedian, writer, and actor. He is best known for his appearances on the television series Mr. Show and Arrested Development.Cross was born in Atlanta, Georgia, the son of Susi, a computer retailer. Six more..more..

2. “ David Cross:We get to see it! January 1st, 2000! We get to see... all those fundamentalist preachers having to do their backpedaling when the Armageddon doesn't occur. #Internet#Internet

3. “ David Cross:All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You’re just inconvenienced. #Music#Music

4. “ David Cross:Not funny, not funny says she, didn't like it! #Humor #Humor

5. “ David Cross:(On the Iraq War) I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. [laughter, long pause] No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are... #School#School

6. “ David Cross:So I was watching this one show where - there's a guy on stage and he pretends he has contact with the dead and people are watching...[At this point, some people in the audience answer Crossing Over.] No, not Crossing Over. It was uh, church. #Churches#Churches

7. “ David Cross:(After having made an abortion joke) I know that can hit close to home for some people....was anyone here aborted?... (mimicking child's voice:) 'I was found in a trash can!' Okay, well, that sorta counts... #Children#Children

8. “ David Cross:I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men…I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. (woman in audience says “Not buying that”) No? That one, you don’t believe it? You believe that I didn’t do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I’m going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what’s described as a 'joke.' Um, I’ll be telling a bunch of them here tonight. #Men and Women#Men and Women

9. “ David Cross:In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent decision that you have to make, about every twenty minutes...you have to decide, immediately, you have to go "Ohmigod. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world?" #Mothers#Mothers

10. “ David Cross:I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people. #Politicians and Politics#Politicians and Politics

11. “ David Cross:If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. #Adversity#Adversity

12. “ David Cross:Rickey Henderson, pick up the phone, man, it's me... you. #Bosses and Employees#Bosses and Employees

13. “ David Cross:The South has more of a disproportionate amount of irony on T-shirts than any other region in the country. #Feelings #Feelings

14. “ David Cross:High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they're both great to read when you're baked, but come on, ya know... #Age and Aging#Age and Aging

15. “ David Cross:James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history. #Failure#Failure

16. “ David Cross:So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude. #Friends and Friendship#Friends and Friendship

17. “ David Cross:I don't remember ordering the Christian sandwich... #Christians and Christianity#Christians and Christianity

18. Related Authors on iWise About iWise Building the worlds wisdom engine. Follow us to get a brilliant quote of the day. You can customize which authors you get quotes from at www.iwise.comwww.iwise.com Paula Poundstone Janeane Garofalo Ben Weininger Fox Bob Dylan Allen Ginsberg