1. Family Backgrounds and How They Influence Us
Chapter 2
Family Backgrounds and How They Influence Us
Now we move on to the chapter that explains much of what can go wrong in relationships and what we can do about it.
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2. Chapter Preview Preview STEP 2
Let’s look at the major questions that will be answered in this chapter.
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3. Chapter Questions
Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner?
How does how my parents treated me affect who I am now?
What does my family of origin have to do with how I feel about my partner?
Preview STEP 2
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(Going slowly, one at a time, and pausing gives students a chance to write them down – which helps them remember what will direct their chapter study.)
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4. Chapter Questions
What does how I was raised have to do with the closeness I have in my new family?
How did I learn about sex from my family?
What did I learn growing up about marriage and divorce?
Preview STEP 2
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5. Chapter Questions
What did I learn in my family about proper behavior for men and women?
What do different families think is important in life?
What are some ways different families communicate about problems?
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6. Guided Learning Process
1st: Question
2nd: Study
3rd: Mark
4th: Question again
5th: Recite
6th: Check
7th: Restudy if necessary
Preview STEP 3
Just a quick review of the steps you can use to speed up your study time.
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7. Text Assignment (Give assignment for the next class meeting.)
(Choose the guiding questions for the sections you have assigned. The following slides present these guiding questions, 2 or 3 per slide, for students to write down.)
(Reference numbers from Chapter Outline are noted at the bottom of each slide for instructor reference)
(Good time to do the previewing exercise presented in the instructor notes – “Chapter Preview.”)
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8. Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner?
How does the family influence who we become as adults?
How much does our family influence us?
How can looking at our family background help us understand ourselves?
The first section of the chapter addresses in general terms how our old family affects our new family.
This section is broken into 5 subsections that basically answer the questions on this slide and the next one.
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Preview A 1-2-3

9. Does the family we grew up in affect the new family we make with a partner?
What can I do now about how I was raised?
How can I change the way I feel because of negative experiences in my childhood?
These are probably the most important questions of the chapter since they address the deepest issues that many of us ever have to deal with.
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Preview A 4-5

10. How does how my parents treated me affect who I am now?
How important is approval to children?
How does criticism and rejection affect children?
Another section that is critical to our functioning in our current relationships AND to how we treat our own children.
Preview B 1-2

11. What does my family of origin have to do with how I feel about my partner?
Preview C

12. What does how I was raised have to do with the closeness I have in my new family?
Preview D

13. How did I learn about sex from my family?
What are some good things I might have learned about sex from my parents?
What are some negative things I might have learned about sex from my parents?
How does what I experienced growing up affect my sexual behavior now?
Everyone learned about sex from their own families even if it was never talked about.
Preview E 1-2-3

14. What did I learn growing up about marriage and divorce?
Preview F

15. What did I learn in my family about proper behavior for men and women?
Preview G

16. What do different families think is important in life?
How did the culture I grew up in affect what I think is important in life?
How did my family of origin affect what I think is important in life?
What did I learn in my family about how to work?
Preview H 1-2-3

17. What are some ways different families communicate about problems?
7 different types of communication
What does each of these communication patterns look and sound like?
How well does each of these communication patterns work to resolve problems?
These are important because they tell us what kinds of communication were modeled for us as children so we can decide which we want to use in our own relationships.
Preview I

18. Special Sections
Preview SS

19. Personal Perspective: Patterns of Communication
Why does Alex have such a hard time communicating with his wife?
Preview PP

20. What is unique about African American families?
Cultural Perspectives: African American Family Strengths and Influences
What is unique about African American families?
Preview CP

21. At Issue Today: Values and Marital Satisfaction
How does what we think is important in life affect how happy we are in our marriage?
Preview AI

22. A Question of Policy: Family Environment
How can government policies help parents be better parents?
Preview QP

23. Why Examine Family Background?
Our family growing up had great impact on our present lives and relationships in two ways:

24. Why Examine Family Background?
Family is where we learned how to be a member of society.
Our lessons were learned through generational transmission.
We learned these lessons in four ways.
How do you think we learned?

25. We learned in our family by:
what our parents told us directly
rewards and punishments used to control our behavior
interaction with parents
observing, imitating, and modeling

26. Our family influenced us according to:
How much contact we had with them
How intense our contact was with them
How important we were to each other
Our individual personalities

27. So what do we do about it?
Figure out and analyze how our family influenced us
Take responsibility to make life what we want it to be and choose our goals
Acknowledge feelings about the past
Let them go and make peace

29. How Parents Treat Children
Approval
Way to demonstrate love, value, care and acceptance
MOST IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION PARENTS EVER MAKE TO CHILDREN’S DEVELOPMENT
Positive self-concept

30. How Parents Treat Children
Criticism and rejection
Feelings of inferiority and unworthiness
Carry forward into adult relationships

32. Attitudes Toward Intimate Partners
Adult relationships are often patterned after those in our family of origin.
Poor relationship with parents increases difficulties in romantic relationships.

33. Attitudes Toward Intimate Partners
Social Learning Theory – children imitate their parents’ behavior, attitudes, and perceptions in intimate relationships
Attachment Theory – attachment characteristics with parents carried forward to subsequent adult relationships

35. Family Closeness: How We Express Affection
Basic human need
Affection = hugging, kissing, touching, holding, cuddling, caressing
Affection ≠ sex

36. Family Closeness: How We Express Affection
Much variation in families
We follow our family of origin’s pattern
Males usually less comfortable with affection

38. Attitudes Toward Sex Our attitudes about sex are formed by
Parents’ attitudes concerning:
Natural curiosity
Discussion of sexual issues
Giving information about sex
Quality of relationship with parents

39. Parents of Children with Healthy Attitudes About Sex . . .
Have matter-of-fact attitudes about:
Occasional nudity
Natural bodily functions
Give positive instruction about sexual expression at appropriate ages

40. Parents Teach Unhealthy Attitudes About Sex by . . .
Repressing children’s natural curiosity
Avoiding discussions about sex
Saying negative things about sex

41. Effects of Positive Parental Attitudes
Teenagers adopt their parents’ attitudes
Children freely ask questions – thus, can get parents’ values
Delay in beginning sexual activity

43. Children of Unhappy or Divorced Parents
Don’t want to repeat parents’ mistakes
Want happy marriages for themselves
But are influenced by their parents’ relationship patterns
Are accepting of the possibility of divorce

45. Learning Gender Roles in the Family
Gender role = how people express
their gender socially
Males act ‘masculine’
Females act ‘feminine’
Children usually follow parents’ example
Appropriateness differs by family

46. Learning Gender Roles in the Family
Children learn which of the following are appropriate for men and which for women:
traits, behaviors, attitudes, values
roles in marriage and family
careers

47. Learning Gender Roles in the Family
How much children are influenced by parents depends on:
how close they feel to their parents
how closely they identify with them
what gender role their parents exhibit

49. Learning Values in the Family
Cultures shape values and values shape cultures.
Individualist culture = individualism and
independence
Collectivist culture = extended family and
common good

50. Learning Values in the Family
Our family of origin’s values are the basis of what we consider right, good, and proper
We form our own values by examining other values.

51. Work Values and Habits
The patterns of work in our family or origin are those we unconsciously adopt as adults.
Workaholics had workaholic parents
Children raised in financially well-off families don’t want to struggle with bills.

53. Close couples: have good verbal and nonverbal communication
listen carefully when the other speaks
discuss important issues

54. They also: show sensitivity to each other’s feelings
say positive things to each other
keep the lines of communication open

55. Communication Styles in Families
Open, honest, tactful communication
Reveal what you think and feel
in tactful, sensitive manner

56. Communication Styles in Families
Superficial communication
Talk often - nothing of significance
Problems not dealt with or solved

57. Communication Styles in Families
One-sided communication
One person lectures
Other family members take passive role

58. Communication Styles in Families
False communication
Lie to avoid trouble
Give others what one thinks others want to hear

59. Communication Styles in Families
Avoidance of communication
Avoid sensitive topics to prevent quarreling or fighting
Attempt to escape problems and hope they go away

60. Communication Styles in Families
Non-communication
Have not learned to express themselves
Fear criticism and lack of acceptance

61. Communication Styles in Families
Angry communication
Low frustration tolerance so become emotionally over-aroused
Expression of anger becomes primary mode of connection

62. Good Communication Necessary for a happy relationship
A skill that can be learned
whether modeled in family or not