1. Children and Domestic Violence
The Long Lasting Impact of a Batterer’s Pattern of Coercive Control

2. Goals of this Presentation:
Improve assessment for presence of patterns of coercive control and impact on children.
Develop strategies to engage batterer and support non-offending parent’s safety planning. (traditional vs. non-traditional safety planning)
Learn ways to identify family strengths and promote resiliency.
How does DV get identified?
How are families identified?
How much are you looking for pattern of a coercive control in families to inform your treatment plan?

3. As a provider, how many families have you worked with that have been affected by DV?
Can you describe the patterns that you noticed in the family?
How many of you have had direct contact with the batterer?
Can you describe that experience?

4. What is Domestic Violence ?
How was it? Did you find difficult to identify a controlling behavior? What stood out the most?

5. Defining Domestic Violence
A pattern of coercive control perpetrated by one person against another in an intimate relationship.
It’s ongoing, personal (privileges access)
Extends through social space
Micro management----- examine every single move one makes –walking on egg shells
It affects the family functioning
It happens in same sex relationships and heterosexual
85% of victims of intimate partner violence were against women (Bureau of Justice Statistics,2003)
90% of transient women are homeless due to the abuse

6. Obvious
Physical assault
Threats to bodily harm
Kidnapping
Stalking
Sexual assault
Subtle
Name calling
Threatening to use the court and DCF to take away children
*Outing someone to their relatives
Telling lies
Throwing out birth control pills
Controlling finances
Cheating
Keeping weapons in the house
Hiding passports
Controlling access to phone and car
Restricted mobility

7. Children See, Children Do

8. What are the implications of the batterer’s pattern of coercive control on children for treatment?
Children living with DV are at risk for increased or emotional and behavioral problems.
Children may be identified with “Serious Emotional Disorders” and placed in special education classrooms.
Early identification of difficulties can lead to earlier and more effective support and intervention for children and their families.
Refer to statistics handout.

9. Children Exposed to Coercive Control/Violence:
Watching, hearing or later learning about a parent being abused (by a partner) threatens children’s sense of stability and security typically provided by their family.
Children learn that violence in the home is how to deal with conflict.
Impacts gender roles:
Being a man means you can use violence against a woman.
Being a woman means being a victim.

10. Themes
Ambivalent feelings toward the abusive parent and non-offending parent
There’s no
safe place
Adults cannot protect themselves or their children
Takes on the responsibility of protecting the victim
There’s no safe place
Adults can not protect themselves or their children
The child takes on the responsibility of protecting the victim
The child has ambivalent feelings toward the abusive parent and non-offending parent
Chronic fear leads to aggression
Chronic fear leads to aggression

11. Risks Posed to Children By Exposure to Batterers’ Pattern of Coercive Control
Exposure to threats and/or acts of violence.
Undermining mother-child relationships.
Talking negatively to the children about the abused parent’s behavior.
Physical and/or sexual abuse by batterer.
Batterer as a role model.
Rigid or authoritarian parenting.
Elaborate on each point, provide examples. Ask if audience has examples of each of these?

12. Risks Posed to Children By Exposure to Batterers’ Pattern of Coercive Control
Neglectful or irresponsible parenting.
Not being willing to have children involved in treatment; interfering with treatment.
Psychological abuse and manipulation.
Children’s bad behavior being used as the reason for the assault of the non-offending parent.
Using children as a weapon.
Holding the children hostage in an effort to punish the victim.
Exposure to violence in their Father’s new relationships.
Same as in last slide.

13. Impact of Batterer’s Pattern of Coercive Control at Different Developmental Stages

14. Implications for Treatment
Infants and Toddlers
Development
Impact
Implications for Treatment
Take in information from world around them.
Form secure attachments.
Active explorers of their world and learn through play.
Learn about social interaction and relationships.
Loud noises and vivid images can be distressing.
Inconsistency responding to infants needs, effecting the parent-child bond.
Fear and instability may inhibit exploration and play.
Learn about aggression by observing others.
Prevention programs:
Parent Aid Programs
Birth to Three
Head Start
Parenting Classes
Fatherhood initiatives
Child Development education.
Treatment plans that involve both parents with equal involvement in responsible parenting.
Signs to look for when you begin working with families:
Importance of parent child interactions.
Looking at both parents not just non-offending parent.
Taking collaborative information from parents (are children up to date medically, is it equality in parenting?) Who takes the child to medical apts?

15. Implications for Treatment
School Age Children
Development
Impact
Implications for Treatment
Increased emotional awareness of self and others.
Complexity in thinking about right and wrong.
Academic and social success has an impact on self-concept.
Increase in same sex identification.
Awareness of own reactions to violence at home and impact on others.
Susceptible to adopting rationalizations heard to justify violence.
Inhibits ability to learn.
Intervention programs:
Family therapy
Mentoring programs
Behavioral Mod Techniques
Peer socialization
Play therapy
Treatment plans that involve both parents with equal involvement in responsible parenting.
Concerns about mother’s safety, father being arrested.

16. Implications for Treatment
Adolescence
Development
Impact
Implications for Treatment
Increased autonomy
Puberty (physical changes)
Increased capacity for abstract reasoning and broader world view
Increased peer group influence and desire to be accepted.
Relationship skills
Becoming parentified.
physical intervene to stop the violence
Embarrassed by the family resulting in shame, secrecy, and insecurity.
Unable to establish peer groups.
Poor boundaries.
Inappropriate decision-making (emotionally based)
Intervention programs:
Mentoring programs
Behavioral Mod. Techniques
DBT
Skills groups (multi family)
Assertive communication skills
Each individual in their own treatment

17. Coping Strategies Adaptive: Maladaptive:
Reworking of trauma through play
Meaningful connections with others that offer corrective experiences
Being able to feel emotions and still be OK
Journaling feelings and thoughts
Sublimation of emotions through activities (sports, extracurricular activities)
Assertive communication
Use of a sense of humor
Goal directed behavior
Use of peer and community supports
Maladaptive:
Dissociation
Affect Dysregulation
Isolation
Withdrawal
Disorganization
Lack of concentration
Substance Use
Violent Behavior
Bullying
Overachievement
Excessive Caretaking of Others
Exploitation
sexually inappropriate behavior
self-destructive behavior

18. *Impact of Trauma on Caregiver-Child Relationship
When the caregiver has also experienced interpersonal trauma:
The caregiver’s ability to establish and maintain an empathic relationship with the child may be impaired
The caregiver may have a decreased capacity to recognize danger or stress
The child may take the role of caregiver
Either partner may develop new negative attributions based on trauma experience
Changes to internal working models
Traumatic expectations
Caregiver and child may serve as traumatic reminders for one another
*Maxine Weinreb, Ed.D.
Child Witness to Violence Project

19. Impact of Domestic Violence on the Father-Child Relationship
Fathers who are abusive have difficulty taking the perspective of the child. They minimize the impact of violence on their children
Children are confused and ambivalent about their feelings toward their fathers
Some children express anger and relief that their father is out of the house
Some children express sadness/longing that their father is gone
Some children ally themselves with their father and see him as a victim, especially if they have seen him arrested
Summary: As you can see, children are most like adults in their feelings. The violence they witness can leave them with horrifying feelings from extreme terror to rage which can burrow into their souls. However, their thinking is different than ours and can get easily distorted when they are exposed to violence, especially when they learn not to talk about it. They are left thinking horrific things about the world, things that may assist them in a violent environment, but is maladaptive outside of it and my interfere with social, emotional and cognitive development.
*Maxine Weinreb, Ed.D.
Child Witness to Violence Project

20. Safety Planning Strategies and How the Batterer can Interfere
TRO or PO
Cell Phones
Identify safe hiding places (DV or homeless shelter)
Call 911
Remove child from abusive environment; Bring child to alternate, safe, location (ie: friend, relative, different room within home)
Notify school officials, teachers, etc. of batterer’s potential violence; safety plan; emergency contact, heighten awareness to and possible change in child’s behavior
Sleep in same room with children
Talk to children about how to respond to violence, ie: stay away from abusive/violent environment; respond to code word; go to identified neighbor’s house, hiding place etc.
Move out of home with/without children

21. Safety Planning Strategies and How the Batterer can Interfere
Sleep in car/street (extreme example of children in ”trunk” incident)
Identify person to assist with visitation to reduce potential for violence during transfer of children
Keep children out of school/change schools
Make sure they attend school
Normalize as much as possible by providing a safe structure
Meeting basic needs (feeding, bathing, spending quality time)
Keeping up to date medically
Maintaining a routine to avoid exposure to possible violence
Engaging children with outside activities and relationships (formal and informal)
Attending school functions such as parent-teacher conferences, fairs, etc.

22. Goals of Child Assessment
To begin to hear the child’s story
To begin to understand what meaning the child attributes to the event(s), what was the worst part of the experience, and what fears the child may have
To understand how the child has been impacted by the violence and how the child is coping
To identify protective factors in the child including learning strengths, relationship skills, coping abilities, and self regulatory capacity.
To observe style and qualities of attachment relationship between parent and child
*Maxine Weinreb, Ed.D.
Child Witness to Violence Project

23. When a child discloses…
Allow child to tell his or her story
Reassure the child by validating his or her feelings
Do not criticize or speak negatively about the abusive parent
Do not make commitments you cannot keep
Follow the child’s lead
Reassure that nothing that happened was their fault
Relaxation techniques– drawing, blowing bubbles, journaling, deep breathing
Get to eye level
Talk about something positive about their family

24. “Kids need you. Take the time to get to know us -- even when we’re difficult to befriend. Don’t just think we’re bad kids even though we may be acting bad. We can heal. But we may keep making wrong choices as we deal with the abuse. If you take the time to help us, we’ll know someone cares and we’ll get back on track,” (Anonymous, 2004).
Quote (possibilities): Domestic violence is a learned behavior, therefore it can be unlearned and healing can occur
Every moment is a therapeutic moment in the life of a traumatized child. We offer corrective experiences from the first encounter to the last.
Resilience is the product of corrective experiences, caring adults, and constant validation.
Kids need you. Take the time to get to know us -- even when we’re difficult to befriend. Don’t just think
we’re bad kids even though we may be acting bad. We can heal. But we may keep making wrong choices as
we deal with the abuse. If you take the time to help us, we’ll know someone cares and we’ll get back on track, (Anonymous, 2004).

25. Contact Information
Gail Manna, DV Consultant (DCF Waterbury)
Carolina Grijalba-Rodriguez, DV Consultant (DCF Danbury & Torrington)