1. Healthy Relationships
Workbook
2014
Family
Boy Friends
Girl Friends
Friends
Acquaintances
Provided by the Partnership 4 Safety
A Program of The Arc of Spokane

2. Healthy Relationships
This is your Healthy Relationships workbook.
This book is to help you to choose healthy relationships!
It is easy to read so that many students can use it.
It has coloring sheets because many people like to color when they are learning. You do not have to color the sheets.
This workbook has pages on:
Personal rules
Different types of Relationships
Healthy Friendships
Healthy Dating
Consent
Phone safety
Facebook safety
Unhealthy relationships
Recognizing abuse
What to do if you are being abused
Enjoy using your Healthy Relationships workbook!

3. Group Rules Group rules: Care for each person’s feelings
Make it feel safe to talk
Make it easy to be heard
Remind us of how we want to treat others
Remind us of how we want to be treated!

4. Adult words for personal body parts
Why doesn’t everyone use these words?
Some people did not learn body part words.
Some people think some body parts are “dirty”.
Many people are embarrassed by sexual body parts.
Why use adult words?
Because you are a young adult, and these are adult words
So your doctor will treat you like a young adult.
So the police will take you seriously.

5. What are Personal Rules?
Your Rules tell other people how you want to be treated!
Your Rules can be about:
How close people can be to you.
How much room do you like?
-A lot of room? A little room?
Your body
Who gets to touch you?
When do people get to touch you?
Where do people get to touch you?

6. 4. Why rules are important!
3. Your feelings;
How do you want people talk to you?
Nicely, with respect Or not nicely, with NO respect
4. Why rules are important!
Rules let YOU choose:
Who you spend time with
How people should treat you.
Rules help you choose who your friends are!

7. Your rules are IMPORTANT!
My Personal Rules
Your rules are IMPORTANT!

8. Teaching about your rules
Who do I want to teach? Boys or girls at school, friends teachers, co-workers, supervisors How do I do it? 1. Sit up or stand up straight 2. Look into the other person’s eyes 3. Use a nice voice 4. Tell the person what you need them to do EXAMPLE: If you don’t like people to sit close to you – you could say “Please don’t sit so close to me” 4. Remember to say “Thank you”

9. 1 2 3 Stopping Scary People When do I do it?
Anytime someone makes you feel afraid.
When you do not feel safe!
How do I do it?
Walk away
If they bother you
Yell “go away” or
Blow your whistle
Go get help
Who can help? 1 2 3

10. What IS a relationship
Write your ideas here

11. Healthy Relationships
are an important part of life!
Healthy relationships are like healthy food.
They make you healthier
They make you stronger
They make your life better!
Which foods are healthy?
What can happen if you only eat unhealthy food?

12. Types of Relationships
There are many types of relationships. How many can you think of?

13. RESPECT in a healthy relationship
What does Respect mean to you?
RESPECT is a CHOICE you make
It’s not about liking people
It is about treating people like human beings
RESPECT is beginning of ALL Healthy Relationships
RESPECT has to go both ways in a healthy relationship
6. RESPECT must be IN a relationship from the BEGINNING
or it will never be in it AT ALL!!!

14. TRUST in a Healthy Relationship
What does TRUST mean to you?
TRUST is NOT the same as liking
TRUST is NOT the same as respect
Trust has to be earned!
It talks TIME to trust people
People must prove they are trust-worthy
Honest
time
dependable
time
TRUST

15. Friend or Acquaintance
A Friend shares your hobbies and activities with you
An Acquaintance is just someone you know
Acquaintance
Is with you to do a job:
Bus driver
Nurse
Caregiver
Job Coach
Payee
Friend
Is with you because:
You do fun things together
You like each other
You enjoy spending time together

16. Friend or Acquaintance?
Most of the people I know are friends or acquaintances?

17. What do you want in a friend?
Someone who shares your hobbies!
Someone who enjoy being with you!
Someone who supports you!
4. Write down some of your hobbies or activities

18. Friendships take TIME It takes time to get to know a person.
Take the time to learn about a person’s hobbies.
It takes time to learn what a person likes and doesn’t like.
It takes time to know if a person can be trusted!

19. In a Healthy Friendship
You agree to be friends
You treat each other with RESPECT
You feel happy, safe and cared for
You share the cost of activities
You are nice to each other
You listen to each other

20. Are you ready to be in a Dating Relationship?
You are ready to be in a dating relationship if:
Neither of you are already married
Neither of you are in another dating relationship
You are close to the same age
You are both old enough to be in a relationship
You BOTH want to be in a dating relationship

21. Date or NOT date?
Types of romantic relationship (Dating relationships)
Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Husband or Wife
In romantic relationships you:
Go on dates together
Do not date other people
Are committed to each other
Learn A LOT about each other
Might hold hands or kiss
Might have sex
Healthy dating relationships start as healthy friendships.
Types of nonromantic relationships (NOT dating relationships)
Family
Acquaintances
Co-Workers
Bus Drivers
Employment Specialists
Payee

22. What do YOU want in a Boyfriend or Girlfriend?
Write down what is important to you!

23. What is a GOOD Girlfriend or Boyfriend?
Yes No 1
Teases me and hurts my feelings 2
Stands up for me 3
Cancels our dates a lot 4
Picks fights with me 5
Hits me 6
Enjoys the same things I do 7
Accepts me the way I am 8
Supports me when I am down 9
Tells me who I can be friends with 10
Yells at me 11
Wants to know where I am ALL THE TIME 12
Calls me mean names 13
Respects me 14
Is jealous of my friends 15
Thinks I am cheating with other people 16
Scares your friends or family 17
Tells me I am stupid 18
Is a real friend 19
Does not make me do things

24. How much do I know?
Take this quick quiz to find out how much do you know about your boyfriend or girlfriend
We have met in person Yes No
I know her/his hobbies Yes No
I have met his/her friends Yes No
I know what movies he/she likes Yes No
I know what activities he/she likes Yes No
I have met his/her parents or family Yes No
Count the yes and no answers
I know about my boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes No ? ? ?

25. In Healthy Dating Relationship
Your rules are RESPECTED
So…can I kiss you?
No, I’m not ready for that yet OK

26. In a Healthy Dating Relationship
You are HONEST with each other
You can TRUST each other
You RESPECT each other
You do not feel forced to do anything-ever!

27. CHOICES in a Healthy Dating Relationship
You share choices like:
What movies to see
What friends to hang out with
How much you talk on the phone
How much time to spend together
You both get to make choices in the relationship!

28. Good Communication its important!
Talk about your rules
Be honest about your feelings
Be a good listener
Fight fair
No temper tantrums
No threats
No name calling
Do you want to go to the car show with me Friday?
No, thank you. I don’t enjoy car shows . How about a movie instead?

29. How to have a difficult talk
When you have something important to say:
Pick the right TIME to talk
When you both have the time to talk
When your boyfriend or girlfriend is not busy
Pick the right PLACE to talk
Choose a place where other people can not hear your conversation
Pay ATTENTION
Do not answer calls or texts
Be CALM - do not talk when you are angry or upset

30. My rights in a Dating Relationship
I have the right to:
Relationships without violence.
Not to be controlled other people.
Have your own friends
Change your mind.
Not be together all the time
Start slowly.
Want physical closeness.
Have your own activities
Change the relationship when your feelings change.
You always have the right to say, "No.“
Modified from Teens Stopping Rape, distributed by United Learning, 1996.

31. Sex! Are you ready?
Before having a sexual relationship it is very important
to ask yourself:
What does sex mean to me?
What are my values about sex?
What are my family values about sex?
What does my religion say about sex?
Why am I thinking about it right now?
Is someone pressuring me to do this now?
What are some of the things that can happen
Pregnancy
Sexually transmitted diseases
This is an important decision!
It might help to talk to someone you can trust

32. Am I ready Worksheet
1. What does sex mean to me? 2. What are my values about sex? 3. What are my family values about sex? 4. What does my religion say about sex? 5. Why am I thinking about it right now? 6. Is someone pressuring me to do this now? 7 .What are some of the things that can happen 8. Who can I talk to about this important choice?

33. What is Consent?
Consent is a word used in romantic or dating relationships
It means you are old enough to make the choice to have sex
It means you are ready for sex in a romantic relationship
It means you have talked and your boyfriend or girlfriend
It means your girlfriend or boyfriend is ready too
It means you BOTH know what could happen after sex
It means NO ONE is forced – EVER!
Consent means talking first!

34. Consent has laws The Consent laws are important!
Sixteen is the “age of consent” in Washington State
If someone is younger than 16 they cannot consent to have a sexual relationship
Breaking the Consent laws can mean going to jail.
Breaking the Consent laws can put you on a sexual predator list – for life!
REMEMBER!!!
If a person is not old enough – it is RAPE
If a person does not give consent – it is RAPE
If a person is forced to have sex– it is RAPE

35. Texting and Sexting Texting is a fun way to stay in touch!
But it is NEVER OK to:
3. Text you too many times a day
4. Want to know where you are all the time
5. Read your texts from other people
6. Send scary or threatening texts
It is NEVER OK to SEXT:
To ask for pictures of you in your underwear
To ask for pictures your breasts, bottom, pubic area or penis
To ask for naked pictures of you
Send you pictures of their breasts, bottom, pubic area or penis
To send anyone pictures of YOUR breasts, bottom, pubic area or penis EVER!
Information modified from lwww.ove is respect.org

36. What can you do? If someone is sending too many emails
2. Tell them that it is bothering you
3. Tell them how often they can call you
4. Do Not answer when they call
5. Turn off sound so you do not hear call
6 . Block their number
8. Get help from a person you trust
9. If someone sexts you
10. Do not reply to the text
11. Tell a trusted adult right away!

37. Facebook Safety To be safer on Facebook
Don’t post your address
Don’t post your phone number
Don’t post your school
Don’t post your birthday
Keep your password private
You do not have to “friend” everyone who asks
People can make up fake pages
8. They can have fake pictures
9 .They can have fake personal information
Remember- you can not control posts on other people’s pages
Change your privacy settings so that only friends can see your page

38. What is an Unhealthy Relationship?
In an Unhealthy Relationship:
A person uses violence to get their way.
A person uses anger to scare the other person.
A person forces the other person to do things.
A person uses bribes to get what they want
Money
Food
Special treatment
You are SO stupid!!

39. In an Unhealthy Relationship
There is NO respect
Your Rules are not respected
Your Feelings are not respected
Your Property is not respected
Your Privacy is not respected
YOU are NOT respected

40. Jealousy is NOT love Love is: Jealousy is: Love says: Trust Fear
Acceptance
Respect
Love says:
I trust you
You are honest
You are faithful
You love me
I respect you
WE make decisions together
Love is a 2 way street
Fear
Envy
Control
Jealousy says:
I don’t trust you
You are not honest
You cheat
You don’t love me
I don’t respect you
I make all the decisions
Jealousy is a DANGER sign of an Unhealthy Relationship

41. In an Unhealthy Relationship
Only one person gets to make the decisions:
Where to go
Who to talk to
Who to hang out with
When to get physical
How to spend money
One person has all the choices

42. ABUSE Happens in unhealthy relationships
ABUSE is when someone pretends to care about you
ABUSE can be Physical
Abuse can be Sexual
Abuse can be Emotional/Verbal
Abuse can be Financial
Why do I always have to pay for the movies?

43. Physical Abuse 1. Physical Abuse: 6. Physical abuse can be:
2. Is unwanted touching of you or your clothes
3. Is used to scare you
4. Is used to control you
5. Physical abuse in a romantic relationship is called Domestic Violence
6. Physical abuse can be:
7. Scratching
8. Punching
19. Pulling your hair
10. Pushing you
11. Grabbing your clothing
12. Forcing you to go somewhere
13. Using a gun, knife, bat or other weapon
14. Grabbing your face to make you look at them
Information modified from lwww.ove is respect.org

44. Sexual Abuse Sexual Abuse is Sexual abuse can be
Being made (coerced) to do something sexual
Being forced to do something sexual
Being told that you do not have a choice
Sexual abuse can be
Unwanted kissing
Unwanted touching of your sexual body parts
Forcing you to have sex
Threatening you if you do not have sex
Threatening to hurt your friends or family if you do not have sex
Having sex with a person who is not old enough
Having sex with someone who is drunk
Information modified from lwww.ove is respect.org

45. Emotional/Verbal Abuse
Emotional/Verbal Abuse is when someone uses:
Scary non-touching behaviors
To control you
To keep you away from your friends and family
Emotional/Verbal Abuse can be:
Yelling or screaming at you
Calling you names or putting you down
Not letting you talk to family and friends
Threatening to hurt your pets or family
Checking up on where you are all the time
Starting rumors about you
Embarrassing you on purpose
Telling you what to wear
Blaming you for their own behaviors
Information modified from lwww.ove is respect.org

46. Financial abuse/Exploitation
Financial Abuse/Exploitation is:
About your money
When someone else spends your money on themselves
When you can’t get the things you need with your own money
Financial Abuse/Exploitation can be:
Running up your phone bill
Not letting you see your bank records
Making you pay for other peoples clothes, food and rent
Writing bad checks on your account
Only visiting with you on pay day
Who could do this?
Family members
People who call themselves your friends
Neighbors
Boyfriends or girlfriends
Information from Tracie Thompson /Arc Financial Management and

47. ABUSE IS NEVER YOUR FAULT
What Can You Do?
If you think you are being abused:
Talk to someone you trust
Report what happened to the police
Report what happened to Adult Protective Services
For help with sexual abuse Call Lutheran Community Services Northwest
For help with domestic violence call the YWCA
Ask for help from someone you TRUST
ABUSE IS NEVER YOUR FAULT

48. Who are MY Trusted people?
Trusted people are people who:
Care about me
Are adults
Can help me
Are not the people abusing me
Some trusted people might be:
Teachers
Parents or Guardians
Adult Family Home staff
Employment support staff
Write down the names and phone numbers of people you trust

49. You Deserve Healthy Relationships
Healthy Relationships make your life better
Healthy Relationships do NOT have abuse in them
Healthy Relationships are a choice YOU make
Make the choice to have Healthy Relationships!

50. Some of the information in this workbook came from:
Equality Wheel for Teens from the Nation Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence
Teaching Children with Down Syndrome about their Bodies, Boundaries and Sexuality by Terri Couenhaven, MS, Woodbine house press at
The SCAR booklet published by Partners in Prevention Education at
Tracie Thompson –Director of Financial management/ The Arc of Spokane
Feedback for the workbook was provided by:
The awesome students and teachers at:
District 81 IMAGES program
the East Valley STAR program
North Central STEP program
Mr. Holden’s class at Rogers HS