1. Revising the Common Writing Essay Mrs. Pruett

2. Why revise? Because it is in the reflective process of revision that one learns how to improve upon their writing. Also, many of you did not score as high as I know you could have scored. If you scored a 1 or 2 you have a mandatory revision assignment If you scored a 3, your revision is encouraged but not required

3. I have revised my thesis statement so that it is effective in the introduction & restated it in the conclusion conclusion Your thesis is the driving point of your essay and must be clearly stated or cleverly implied in your intro/conclusion. Your thesis must state how you stepped out of comfort zone. It can’t just say that you stepped out of your comfort zone: Example: Although I had performed amongst smaller college crowds and in low budget living room theatres, this was so uncomfortable that I knew that this moment of stepping up and out of my comfort zone would be one of the most difficult moments of my life as a poet.

4. Your introduction must have a GAT G: Grabber A: Additional Info T: Thesis Statement sensory description- words that appeal to the five senses of sight, sound, smell, taste, to touch will be in your body paragraphs

5. I use a minimum of 6 transition words Your ideas, thoughts, contrasts, and reflections must be connected through the use of transition words Transition Words Examples Addition furthermore moreover too also in the second place again in addition even more next further last, lastly finally besides and, or, nor first second, secondly, etc. Time while immediately never after later, earlier always when soon whenever meanwhile sometimes in the meantime during afterwards now, until now next following once then at length simultaneously so far this time subsequently

6. I have corrected the major errors (see rubric) I have corrected the minor errors (see rubric) Major errors: Fragmented sentences Run-on sentences Wrong verb tense (ex.: Mother goes to the store yesterday.) Subject-verb agreement (ex.: Alice make good cookies. We is eating the cookies.) *Minor errors:Spelling Imprecise word choice Usage (ex.: their, they’re, there; to, too, two, etc.) Punctuation / Capitalization

7. I have corrected my punctuation errors Comas, Capitalization, questions marks, quotations, etc

8. I have written another body paragraph that covers more details = A paper After reviewing your essay, you should be able to better develop your thesis statement by inserting at least one new paragraph Your paragraph should SHOW what happened NOT just tell what happened. You show what happened by appealing to the sensory description of sight, sound, touch, taste and smell.

9. I corrected all uses of non academic language Avoid conversational language and use professional/academic language throughout the essay.

10. I made sure my verb tense is in agreement with the other verbs in my sentence On example of my unconditional love for my mother was when I tell her, “.“ In this case, the verbs was and tell are not in verb tense agreement and must be revised.

11. I corrected all non referential uses of it, this, that, Incorrect Example: This was it and I knew that it was all I could do to get it across. Revision: The cashier’s response was all I could take and I knew that I had to restrain my anger if I wanted to make my point persuasively.

12. I never use the words said/says, I use the synonyms for said/says Added Continued Stated Announced Asserted Commented Declared Observed Remarked reported

13. Improve the overall Value of the essay Overall, you want to make your essay have an improved sense of description, detail and completion.

14. Due Date Tunr your essay in to turnitin.com No later than 10-27-10