1. DEBATE AND DIALOGUE 1

2. DEBATE/DISPUTE Dispute as a verb: To engage in argument or debate; To argue vehemently; wrangle; quarrel. Dispute as a noun: To argue or debate about; discuss; To argue against; to call into question, as in to dispute a proposal. To quarrel or fight about; to contest; To strive against; oppose. 2

3. SYNONYMS FOR “DISPUTE/DEBATE” Bicker Squabble Altercation Wrangle 3

4. DEBATE Debate as a verb: To engage in argument or discussion; To dispute or disagree about Synonyms: Dispute Contend Argue 4

5. DIALOGUE As a verb: To carry on a dialogue; to converse To discuss areas of disagreement frankly in order to resolve them. As a noun: Conversation between two or more persons; An exchange of ideas or opinions with a view toward reaching an amicable agreement or settlement 5

6. The conversation between characters in a literary work, or a literary work in the form of a conversation. Synonyms Chat Conversation Communication Conference Discussion 6

7. BEING A SERVANT-LEADER Includes a spiritual assistant Don’t have to agree on everything Use dialogue; avoid dispute/debate Dispute/debate against Christian principles Not looking for “winners” and “losers” Working for win-win situations 7

8. DIFFERENCES IN DEBATE AND DIALOGUE DEBATE Win Listen to find flaws Be critical Opinionated Make assumptions Prove other person wrong Intimidate by anger DIALOGUE Understand Listen to understand Accept Open to change Own experiences Common understanding Express one’s experience 8

9. LISTENING A duty of all Franciscans, especially spiritual assistants A requirement for dialogue, collaboration, and inter- action Listen attentively Give your full attention to the speaker Try to understand what the speaker is saying Don’t be composing your own response 9

10. RELATED TO PRAYING To listen to God – Father, Son, Holy Spirit – requires self- emptying Francis – from power, wealth and security to life of vulnerability and minority: a total self-emptying Be filled with God’s love, and give that love to others by divesting ourselves of selfishness and self-centeredness Seen in our relationships with others – especially our families and fraternity council 10

11. “ Only those who can see and feel for another can love another without trying to possess the other. Poverty is that free and open space within the human heart that enables us to listen to the other, to respect the other and to trust the other without feeling that something vital will be taken from us....” Ilia Delio, “Christian Life in a World of Change,” AFCU Journal 7 (2010) p. 9 11

12. QUALITIES THAT HINDER UNDERSTANDING I am right. Everyone must agree with me. Rigid stubborness. I must correct all “erroneous” views. 12

13. ONGOING FORMATION Each member must understand the place and job of spiritual assistant. In case of major dispute, try and resolve with the council including spiritual assistant. Dispute amongst council member, try to resolve with spiritual assistant. 13

14. FACILITATORS Can be used if spiritual assistant can’t diffuse disagreements within fraternity Creates atmosphere for both sides to hear and understand Used both inside and outside the Church Consider before it’s too late 14