1. Learning to Use Vivid Detail in Writing Jennifer Del Nero Workshop Presentation December, 2010 “Prose is architecture not interior design” -Ernest Hemingway

2. Rationale: Why Is this a Crucial Skill? ‘ Good’ detail = ‘Good’ writing (Blau, Elbow, Killgallon, & Caplan, 1998; Lane, 1992; Noden, 1999) Teaches students how to ‘zoom’ in and out while writing (Lane, 1992) It is the ‘wow’ factor of writing. Students take pride when they are able to devise interesting details Helps readers visualize the text (Blau et al., 1998) Standardized Testing: One of the crucial determinants of an ‘advanced proficient score’ in fiction and nonfiction writing

3. The Challenge: Why Students Struggle We live in a world of summary. Very rarely do we use vivid detail in speech/writing in every day life Must retrain brain: good writers notice details that are easily missed (Blau et al., 1998; Lane, 1992; Noden, 1999) Takes time: students must be taught to be patient Requires modeling, scaffolding, explicit instruction on a continuous basis (Blau et al., 1998; Lane, 1992; Noden, 1999)

4. Strategy 1: An Observation Chart (Blau et al., 1998) SightSoundSmellTasteTouch

5. Example: A Day at the Beach (Blau et al., 1998, p. 194) Sight golden sand turquoise waves lifeguards with whistles seashells father and son building sand castle Sound roar of the ocean ice cream truck bells children laughing shrill of lifeguard whistle cry of seagull Smell sunscreen salty air seaweed Taste salty ocean water chocolaty fudge pop Touch grainy sand beneath my feet ice cold water sun on my back wind in my hair greasy sunscreen

6. Practice Choose 1-2 people to work with Pick a moment to ‘explode’ in detail using an observation chart. Make a chart in your notebook. You may use one of the moments below or pick your own. Possible moments: first winter snowstorm, walking a dog in the rain, eating your favorite meal, a crucial moment at a sporting event

7. Strategy 2: Play the ‘Simile Game’ (Blau et al., 1998) Can be played whole class, in small groups, or pairs Informal way of getting students to devise similes Students will often start with clichés, but you can push them to become more creative. (Ex: for ‘as cold as…’ students often begin with ‘ice.’ After a couple of rounds, one of my sixth grade students came up with ‘as cold as liquid nitrogen’) Students write their favorites in their writing notebooks. It is great if students have a special ‘sensory detail’ section of their notebooks

8. Practice “As slippery as…” “As shiny as…” “As white as…” “As scary as…”

9. Strategy 3: Extraordinary in the Ordinary Through vivid detail, writers can take ordinary people, events, and things and make them extraordinary: the hallmark of great writing! This is an excellent tactile activity for practicing this skill Step 1: Have the students create a simile and metaphor chart in their notebook Step 2: Pass around common household objects. Allow students a minute or two with each object. Ask students to think about what the object looks like, feels like, smells like, sounds like, etc. You may want to model an example or two (great opportunity to show students a ‘cheat’ strategy for writing metaphors) Students write their images in the respective columns Allow students to silently pass items at a specific time Have volunteers share their favorite similes/metaphors

10. Additional Ideas Reinforce the reading/writing connection! Showcase text excerpts using strong detail. Ask students to discuss what they like about the excepts. Have students bring in excerpts from their favorite books. Consider using ‘alternative texts’ such as song lyrics. Use visuals. Have students write vivid images based on illustrations, photographs, pictures on the web, etc. Students can also bring in photographs, and/or draw a scene before describing it in writing.

11. Suggested References for Further Information Blau, S., Elbow, P., Killgallon, D., & Caplan, R. (1998) The writer’s craft. Evanston: McDougal Littell. Dyson, A.H. (1989) Multiple worlds of child writers. New York: Teachers College Press. Dyson, A.H. (2003) The brothers and sisters learn to read and write. New York: Teachers College Press Finn, P. (1999) Teaching Memoir Writing Grades 4-8. New York: Scholastic. Lane, B. (1992) After the end: Teaching and learning creative revision. Portsmouth: Heinemann. Noden, H. (1999) Image grammar. Portsmouth: Heinemann.