1. How to Learn More From Every Mediation Zeke Reich ADR Specialist Zeke.Reich@va.gov May 9, 2012

2. How to Learn More “Try to be one of the people on whom nothing is lost!” -Henry James 2

3. “Deliberate practice” Research on expert musicians and athletes: Expertise comes not just from the number of hours you practice, but how you deliberately challenge yourself to get better (Ericsson 2006) “Only perfect practice makes perfect.” – Vince Lombardi 3

4. Deliberate Mediation Practice Before the mediation During the mediation After the mediation 4

5. 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 5

6. Critical Event A moment when… the mood suddenly improved? one of the parties got angry? your co-mediator gave you a puzzled look? something unexpected happened? you felt surprised? 6

7. Zeke’s Critical Event 7 Bob threatens to walk out Alan Bob Zeke !!!!

8. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 8

9. Interaction (Mediation Session, etc) Someone says/does something …… 9

10. Zeke’s Critical Event in Context Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out Zeke was surprised …… Critical event 10 Zeke’s “Move”

11. A “Move” 11 Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Zeke’s “Move” A “move” is an action (something said or done) in order to reach a goal. It can also be called an action with an intention.

12. I want to be friendly Intentions 12 Intentions can be either conscious or implicit. Specific intentions fit into our larger models of how to act. “Hi, Rob!” “I should be a nice person.”

13. Zeke’s Critical Event in Context Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out Zeke was surprised …… Critical event 13 Zeke’s “Move”

14. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? 14

15. Mapping the Move: Impact Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out Zeke was surprised …… Critical event 15 Zeke’s “Move”

16. Mapping the Move: Impact Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Alan said “Yes” Bob threatened to walk out B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob heard Zeke & Alan 16 Zeke’s “Move” The impact of the move

17. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? What were the intention(s) behind it? 17

18. Empathy Being liked Mapping the Move: Intentions 18 Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Zeke’s “Move” Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke trying to make Alan like him Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Impartiality

19. Mapping the Move 19 Being liked Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Zeke’s “Move” Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke trying to make Alan like him Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Impartiality Bob threaten ed to walk out B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob heard Zeke & Alan Critical event Empathy Alan said “Yes” ValuesIntentionsActionsImpact

20. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? What were the intention(s) behind it? 4.Assess the move. Did its impact match the intentions behind it? 20

21. Did impact match intention? 21 Being liked Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Zeke’s “Move” Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke trying to make Alan like him Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Impartiality Bob threaten ed to walk out B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob heard Zeke & Alan Critical event Empathy Alan said “Yes”

22. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? What were the intention(s) behind it? 4.Assess the move. Did its impact match the intentions behind it? Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? 22

23. Satisfied with intentions/models? 23 Being liked Zeke said, “Just checking the box?” Zeke’s “Move” Alan said, “This won’t be helpful!” Zeke wanted to build rapport with A Zeke trying to make Alan like him Zeke didn’t want to alienate Bob Impartiality Bob threaten ed to walk out B thought, “A doesn’t care!” Bob heard Zeke & Alan Critical event Empathy Alan said “Yes”

24. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? What were the intention(s) behind it? 4.Assess the move. Did its impact match the intentions behind it? Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? 5.Make instructions for next time. 24

25. Instructions to Myself The next time… I’m trying to build rapport with a disengaged party but also want the other party to stay present: I will stick more closely to the parties’ words when I paraphrase. I start a mediation: I will make more small talk early on rather than try to empathize with a disengaged party. I feel myself acting in order to “make a party like me:” I will try to catch myself and stop acting that way! 25

26. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? What were the intention(s) behind it? 4.Assess the move. Did its impact match the intentions behind it? Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? 5.Make instructions for next time. 26

27. Deliberate Mediation Practice Before the mediation o Remember the instructions you gave yourself last time o Think about your overall model and values During the mediation o Closely observe everything After the mediation o Reflect 27

28. After the mediation 1.Choose a critical event to focus on. 2.Find a “move” you made that led to that event. 3.Map the move. What impact did it have? What were the intention(s) behind it? 4.Assess the move. Did its impact match the intentions behind it? Am I satisfied with the intentions and models behind it? 5.Make instructions for next time. 28

29. Further Reading Argyris & Schön (1974), Theory in Practice Ericsson (2006), “The Influence of Experience and Deliberate Practice…” in The Cambridge Handbook of Expertise and Expert Performance Kressel (2006), “Mediation Revisited,” in The Handbook of Conflict Resolution Lang & Taylor (2000), The Making of a Mediator Marsick et al (2006), “Learning Through Reflection,” in The Handbook of Conflict Resolution Morrissette (2001), Self-Supervision Patton (1985), On Teaching Negotiation Peppet and Moffitt (2006), “Learning How to Learn to Negotiate,” in The Negotiator’s Fieldbook Schön (1983), The Reflective Practitioner 29

30. Questions? 30

31. How to Learn More From Every Mediation Zeke Reich ADR Specialist Zeke.Reich@va.gov May 9, 2012