1. Conciseness Concreteness
Session 3
Conciseness
Concreteness

2. Conciseness

3. Conciseness is…
Terseness and economy in writing and speaking achieved by expressing a great deal in just a few words
Using clear, precise expressions in few words

4. Conciseness
Conciseness is the art of cutting overweight sentences down to size with flair.
Quantity doesn't always equal quality in writing.
But don't sacrifice clarity and readability for conciseness. Make sure the sentences flow smoothly as you cut unnecessary words and phrases.

5. Benefits of being concise
A concise message saves time and expense for both sender and receiver.
Avoiding wordiness means using the fewest number of words possible to express your ideas.
The reader can see your main ideas easily.
Your main points stand out.

6. Conciseness Problems Redundancy Faulty repetition (Tautology)
Repeating words, phrases, ideas and character traits
If we are going to see the movie on opening night, we will have to get there early. We have to get to the movie early because it’s opening night.
Faulty repetition (Tautology)
saying the same thing twice
Past history
Safe haven

7. Conciseness Problems Repetitive Acronym Syndrome Circumlocution
Automated Teller Machine Machine (ATM Machine)
Personal Identification Number Number (PIN Number)
Circumlocution
use of many words to express an idea
that might be expressed by few
indirect or roundabout language

8. Be brief and to the point
In all necessary essentials, the report is complete and finished.
The report is finished.
Eliminate redundancy/verbosity.
Reduce faulty repetition.

9. Make every word count
Concise writing is clearer and more emphatic than wordy writing.
“In view of the fact that your reader is busy, I would suggest that you make every effort to be as brief as humanly possible.” (25 words)
“Because your reader is busy, try to be brief.” (9 words)

10. Write in the “positive”
As a rule, it takes fewer words to say what something is than to say what it is not.
Advisers who do not take time to study financial statements do not have more credibility than those who do. (19 words)
Advisers who take time to study financial statements are more credible than those who don’t.” (15 words)

11. Eliminate deadwood
Many phrases commonly used in business writing contain redundancies and deadwood.
mutual cooperation =
8:00 a.m. in the morning =
At this point in time =
Free gift =
complete monopoly =
completely unanimous =

12. Take the most direct route
Prefer action verbs to nominalizations and adjectivizations.
A nominalization is a verb that has been turned into a noun.
My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the length of the cloak.
An adjectivization is a verb that has been turned into an adjective.
The judge was dismissive of counsel's arguments.

13. Take the most direct route
Avoid needless attribution.
As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the harder you fall.
It has been determined that wordiness obscures clarity.

14. Replace wordy expressions with single words
I demand a full and complete explanation.

15. Eliminate unnecessary determiners and modifiers
Wordy
Any particular type of dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help.
More Concise

16. Words and phrases that can often be pruned away to make sentences clearer
kind of sort of type of really basically for all intents and purposes
definitely actually generally individual specific particular

17. Change phrases into single words
Wordy
The employee with ambition...
The department showing the best performance...
More Concise

18. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases
Wordy
The duties of a clerk are to check all incoming mail and to record it.
A shortage of tellers at our branch office on Friday and Saturday during rush hours has caused customers to become dissatisfied with service.

19. Reword unnecessary infinitive phrases
More Concise

20. Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail
Wordy
I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes, we do have...
It goes without saying that we are acquainted with your policy on filing tax returns, and we have every intention of complying with the regulations that you have mentioned.

21. Omit words that explain the obvious or provide excessive detail
Concise

22. Make the complex simple
A chronic disposition to inquiry deprived the feline carnivorous quadruped of its vital quality.
Persons deficient in the faculty of determining values move with impetuosity into a realm which purely spiritual beings view with trepidation.

23. Tips for Conciseness
Write what you mean -- nothing more, nothing less.
Distrust your first draft.
Trust yourself and respect yourself as a writer enough to state, but not overstate, what you mean.

24. Conciseness Exercises
At this point in time, we can't ascertain the reason as to why the screen door was left open.
What is your basic understanding of predestination?

25. Conciseness Exercises
At what point in time will a downturn in the stock market have a really serious effect on the social life of people as a whole?
Basically, in light of the fact that Congressman Santos was totally exhausted by his last campaign, there was an expectation on the part of the voters that he would not reduplicate his effort to achieve office in government again.

26. Repetition vs. Redundancy
Repetition, if used well, can be a good tool to use in your writing. It can add emphasis to what you are trying to say and strengthen a point.
Source: “Repetition and Redundancy,” Nick Jobe and Sophia Stevens, April 2009, University of Houston-Victoria

27. Types of Repetition
Isocolon – a structural repetition technique that can give academic and business writing – as much as literature and speech – momentum, rhythm, and emphasis
“…that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.” –John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961

28. Isocolon Pay any price Bear burden Meet hardship Support friend Oppose
foe

29. Types of Repetition
Anaphora – the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive phrases, clauses, or sentences. Most often writers use this form of repetition for its dramatic effect in speech or writing
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way…” –Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

30. Types of Repetition
Epistrophe is the repetition of a word or words at the end of a phrase or clause. Its placement in a sentence is the opposite of anaphora’s placement of words or phrases. Quite similarly, though, its rhetorical function is to provide dramatic or poetic emphasis on an idea or a passage.
“…and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.” –Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address

31. Concreteness

32. Concrete vs. Abstract Words
Abstract terms refer to ideas or concepts; they have no physical referents.
love, success, freedom, good, moral, democracy, and any -ism (e.g., chauvinism, communism, feminism, racism, sexism).
Concrete terms refer to objects or events that are available to the senses.
spoon, table, green, hot, walking

33. General vs. Specific Terms
General terms refer to groups
The more you rely on general terms, the more your writing is likely to be vague and dull.
Furniture/Jewelry
Specific terms refer to individuals
As your language becomes more specific, though, your meanings become clearer and your writing becomes more interesting.
Chair/Ring

34. How to write more concretely
Use concrete words and concrete subjects
Express something tangible.
Use words where you can use your senses.
The man tested the water and found it unacceptable.
The DOH inspector measured the water taken from the Pasig River. The bacteria content was above acceptable standards for drinking water.

35. Use specific terms A period of unfavorable weather set in.
I need the print-out ASAP.
Several employees will be retiring pretty soon.

36. Use strong verbs to make your writing lively and to keep your audience awake and alive to your message
Be of assistance
Make a decision
Put on a demonstration
Held a meeting and had a discussion
We will give thought to your proposal
It is my intention to
Take a look
The contract has a requirement for
He made the payment for his first installment

37. Avoid expletive constructions
Expletives are forms of predication (the expression of action, state, or quality by a grammatical predicate) that disguise the subject and weaken the verb
It is, This is, It was, There is, There are
It was found in these studies that the funding for the project was insufficient.

38. Write in plain language
Use plain language that expresses clear meaning.
Avoid showy words and ambiguous expressions in an effort to dazzle or confuse readers.
Write to express ideas, not to impress others.

39. Huh?
Personnel assigned vehicular space in the adjacent areas are hereby advised that utilization will be suspended temporarily Friday morning.

40. Be conversational but professional
Most messages, business letters, memos, and reports replace conversation.
They are most effective when they convey an informal, conversational tone instead of a formal, pretentious tone.
Strive for a warm, conversation tone that does not include slang or low-level diction.

41. Unprofessional Conversational Formal
(Low-level diction)
Conversational
(Mid-level diction)
Formal
(High-level diction)
Badmouth
Criticize
Denigrate
Guts
Nerve
Courage
Pecking order
Line of command
Dominance hierarchy
Rat on
Inform
Betray
Rip off
Steal
Expropriate
Snag
Win
Secure

42. Talk to the reader with words that you find comfortable.
Stay away from third-person constructions.
All employees are herewith instructed to return the appropriately designated contracts to the undersigned.
To facilitate ratification of this agreement, your negotiations urge that the membership respond in the affirmative.

43. Use vivid words and specific facts
Dull
house
good sales figure
the newspaper
Computer
soon
Vivid
cottage, mansion
P24 million in sales
Philippine Daily Inquirer
Apple
by Tuesday, February 2

44. Concreteness Exercise
Rewrite the following sentences to make them more concrete and specific.
The movie earned a lot.
There are indications that our economy will improve after the political exercise.
There was a breakthrough made by the R&D department.
I saw your picture in the newspaper.
He’s our best employee.

45. Oral Lecture

46. Voice Projection

47. Voice Projection
Your volume should be loud enough for everyone to hear, but not so loud as to overpower your audience.
Variations in intensity can create different effects. For example, a soft voice can sometimes command more attention than a loud one.

48. Pronunciation Frequently mispronounced words
Accent on the first syllable
Circumstance
Deficit
Tourism
Conduit
Inventory
Equitable
Forfeited
Delicacy
Accent on the second syllable
Initiate
Negotiate
Evaluate
Interpret
Contribute
Associate
Condolence

49. Enunciation
Clear-cut shaping of speech sounds into clear and distinct speech syllables
Clear enunciation depends on:
Clearness in sounding consonants
Proper separation of syllables
Proper separation of words

50. Enunciation Rate Normal speed: 120 to130 words per minute
When speaking, vary your rate:
slow for weighty and complex matters
faster in pure narration
legato (smooth and connected) for dignified and beautiful passages
Staccato (short and disconnected) for exciting passages
Use pauses and stresses to convey meaning.
The most important sound to a customer is his or her name.

51. Faulty Enunciation
Laziness in the use of the mouth, jaw, lips, and tongue
Speaking through the teeth
Inability to project pure utterance of vowel sounds or the crisp definiteness of consonants
Word phrasing

52. Shortcomings in Enunciation
Slurring
Lisping
Stammering
Over-enunciation

53. Exercise on Emphasis and Inflection
“I did not say he stole the money.”
I did not say he stole the money.
(If you didn’t, who did?)
(What did you say then?)
(Who did steal it then?)
(How did he get it then?)
(What did he steal then?)

54. Exercise on Enunciation
He hires poor men.
He hires foremen.
I was tilling a piece of land.
I was stealing a piece of land.
They moved unhappily.
The moved on happily.

55. Exercise on Enunciation
I’m going to call/because I want to speak with him.
If I’m going to make a speech, I want to prepare it today.
If you want to try to look attractive, aren’t you going to try to sound attractive, too?
He’s going to ask for a raise, and I don’t want to give it.

56. Exercise on Enunciation
Once, a general was addressing a number of young recruits – husky, rugged, young farm boys from the back country who had enlisted for just a few months. “Now, boys,” said the general, “I don’t want to hold any of you who are unable to stay. If anyone wishes to leave, he may indicate this by stepping six paces in front of the line.
“But understand,” he added, raising the gun, “I’ll shoot the first one who steps out.”