1. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
When Work Hands you Fool’s Gold*: Difficult Interactions AIRS 31st Annual I&R Training and Education Conference “Mining for I&R Excellence” Reno, NV Wednesday June 3, :00 AM – 10:30 AM
* A term for non-gold ore similar in color to gold, usually mistaken by beginning prospectors because of the brassy glitter. Usually it is iron pyrite or muscovite mica and can be easily tested by a streak test. (Gold will streak a bright yellow while pyrite will streak a blackish red).
John Plonski
Database /Training Coordinator
Covenant House International
President NYS AIRS
Voice: (212)
Fax: (212)
John Plonski, Nineline

2. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Your presenter this afternoon is...
John has been involved in crisis intervention since Beginning as an overnight volunteer crisis counselor for six years at Response of Suffolk County. Since 1989 John has worked for the Covenant House Nineline, a national crisis hotline for youth under 21 and their families. Over the years he has served Nineline as a crisis worker, shift supervisor, and is currently Nineline’s Database Coordinator. In this position he oversees the maintenance of the agency’s call entry and referral databases. At present Nineline’s referral database consists of over 30,000 records providing referrals throughout the United States and its territories.
John has presented basic and advanced crisis intervention skills development training for his own and other agencies. His presentations of various topics at training conferences on the state and national level have been well received. He has also developed skills development trainings for individual agencies. John has consulted on several of the AIRS on-line training modules as well as the AIRS/United Way “Managing the Surge: Volunteer Surge Management Curriculum”. His involvement at the call center in Monroe, LA following the 2005 Gulf storms lead to his becoming a member of the AIRS/United Way Disaster Response Team. He has been a volunteer board member of the New York State Alliance of Information and Referral Systems (NYS AIRS) since 2000 and is currently their President.
John can be reached at or by calling Covenant House International at (212)
John Plonski, Nineline

3. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Getting To Know You Now that you know about me and since we are going to be together for a while let’s find out something about you.
Who has never had a call the frustrated them?
When I hear I know things will not go well.
My favorite way to end a difficult call is to …
From this workshop I hope to learn how to deal with …
Who doesn’t like chocolate?
John Plonski, Nineline

4. So just what is today’s goal?
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
So just what is today’s goal?
The goal of the workshop is to look at those callers we term difficult, why we term them as such, and methods we can use to mitigate their impact.
We will gain an understanding of
Which Callers we consider difficult
What it is that makes them difficult to
work with
How to interact with such Callers
in a manner that lessens the impact
on Workers
John Plonski, Nineline

5. So just what is today’s goal?
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
So just what is today’s goal?
The goal of the workshop is to look at those callers we term difficult, why we term them as such, and methods we can use to mitigate their impact.
We will gain an understanding of
Which Callers we consider difficult
What it is that makes them difficult to
work with
How to interact with such Callers
in a manner that lessens the impact
on Workers
John Plonski, Nineline

6. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
And most importantly we will come to understand the true nature of the “Problem”
Our reactions to the interaction.
John Plonski, Nineline

7. Most of the time we feel like this after a call.
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Most of the time we feel like this after a call.
Other times…Not so good.
John Plonski, Nineline 7

8. What makes certain Callers “Difficult”?
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
What makes certain Callers “Difficult”?
Difficult Callers are those whose:
Motivation for calling is for purposes other than I&R
Needs, conditions, or manner of presentation induces us to feel we lack the skills to address the situation
Contact is motivated by a problem they are unwilling or unable to identify or address
Behavior, lifestyle, or personality we find
unattractive or unappealing.
John Plonski, Nineline

9. Differences In Interactions
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Differences In Interactions
John Plonski, Nineline

10. Let’s see which Callers you find difficult.
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Let’s see which Callers you find difficult.
C’mon gang, can we be serious?
John Plonski, Nineline

11. The Difficult Bakers Dozen
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
The Difficult Bakers Dozen
Abusive Callers
Angry Callers
Sexuality Issue Callers
Sexual Gratification Callers (Sex-grat Callers)
Yes…, But…
Intoxicated Callers
Abusive Callers
Angry Callers
Sexuality Issue Callers
Sexual Gratification Callers (Sex-grat Callers)
Yes…, But…
Intoxicated Callers
Donor/Stakeholder Callers
Distracted Callers
Silent Callers
Prank/Hoax Callers
Nobody Can Help
It’s Not Over ‘Til I Say It’s Over
Chronic Callers
Donor/Stakeholder Callers
Distracted Callers
Silent Callers
Prank/Hoax Callers
Nobody Can Help
It’s Not Over ‘Til I Say It’s Over
Chronic Callers
John Plonski, Nineline

12. Now that we know who they are so what do we do about them?
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Now that we know who they are so what do we do about them?
Well you can opt to do nothing and view the situation as something that is “being done” to you.
Or…
You can begin to take control of the situation by accepting reality that there are going to be Callers you will, for a variety of reasons, find difficult.
Then…
You can look at the issue situationally as being one of Interactions as opposed to Individuals.
Something being done to you….Remember it was you who invited them to call. Advertising doesn’t say only nice people can call.
Resistance to not liking callers…discuss…including supervisory issues.
John Plonski, Nineline

13. As Interactions? Not as Individuals?
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
As Interactions? Not as Individuals?
Yes. If we go to the basics of our Active Listening skills we find they are based on Carl Rogers Client Centered Theory which maintains:
The Worker and Caller interact as equals
The Caller dictates the pace of the call while making their own choices and decisions
The Worker mirrors the Caller by using the
Active Listening Skills.
This interaction is governed by the 4 fundamentals
of Client Centered Interactions: Acceptance
(being non-judgmental), Respect, Empathy, and
Hope.
John Plonski, Nineline

14. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
And this helps us how?
When we react to an individual we
are no longer neutral in the interaction.
Judgment enters into play
Once that happens the equality of the
interaction disappears and we come to feel someone is “doing something” to us.
If we view the interaction situationally we can develop methods for dealing with each type of interaction instead of each person that calls.
This removes personality from the equation mitigating the possibility of frustration and stress.
This makes it easier for us to stay within the tenets and fundamentals of Active Listening empowering us to do what we do best.
John Plonski, Nineline

15. Further, some basic ABC’s
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Further, some basic ABC’s
The Crisis intervention Specialist must accept:
The boundaries of Crisis intervention, what they can
reasonably expect themselves to accomplish and what is beyond their control
Feelings of helplessness and frustration can and do result from certain types of calls
That there is not an ideal solution for every problem, and some problems may have no solution
We have no control over whether an inquirer follows
through or will eventually receive the help they need
The need to be aware of their personal triggers
The need to debrief with colleagues and/or supervisors
Crisis intervention cannot “turn” people’s lives around.
John Plonski, Nineline

16. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
A comedic respite...
Phil appeared on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and towards the end of the program had already won $500,000.
“You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for 1 million dollars you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Phil, "I'll have a go!" "OK. The question is: Which of the following birds does NOT build it's own nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) cuckoo, or (d) thrush."
"I ain't got a clue," said Phil, "so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Xena over at Budd Lake".
Phil called Xena, told her the circumstances and repeated the question to her. The seconds ticked down. “That’s simple” shouted Xena,......”it's a cuckoo."
“You’re sure, Xena?" asked Phil “Sure as sure can be” said Xena.
Phil hung up the phone and told the EmCee, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer." "Is that your final answer?" asked the host. “That it is, Sir."
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Phil, you've won one million dollars!"
The next night, Phil invited Xena to Outback to buy her a delicious meal. As they are eating he asks…
"Tell me, Xena? How in did you know it was the cuckoo that doesn't build it's own nest? I mean you know nothing at all about birds."
“For crying out loud”" laughed Xena. "Everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!"
John Plonski, Nineline

17. Well difficult individuals give me a headache! What more can I do?
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Well difficult individuals give me a headache! What more can I do?
Well the basics are….
Trust your instincts
Trust your skills
Think before you talk
Know and respect your “Buttons”
Use supervisory and peer support
Accept that Difficult Callers are people too
Recognize your own value
John Plonski, Nineline

18. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Also there are skills...
Remain in the present
Assertive confrontation
Address behaviors not situations
Maintain a professional distance
Fact checking
Know when, and how,
to say “No”
Focus on focusing
Fact Checking:
Behavioral incidents: Create a moment to moment replay of what has happened to the current time
Gentle assumption: Assumption that a suspected or potential behavior is occurring
Denial of the specific: Introduction of specific behaviors fir the Caller to agree happen or not.
John Plonski, Nineline

19. There are some Do’s and Don’ts. Let’s start with the Do’s...
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
There are some Do’s and Don’ts. Let’s start with the Do’s...
Use a calm but firm voice tone to
communicate both caring and certainty
to the Caller
Acknowledge feelings but do not
allow them to be the focus of the
conversation
Recognize that change can be difficult, scary, and tiring
If you have spoken to the Caller previously
let them know you are familiar with them
and their situation
John Plonski, Nineline

20. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Some more Do’s
Recognize that interacting with Difficult Callers is a fertile ground for intense personal reactions on the part of the Worker
Use the listening skill of silence
Keep your expectations of what can be accomplished in the interaction realistic and share them with the Caller
Keep your interactions focused, pragmatic,
concrete, and oriented toward problem
solving or appropriately ending the call
John Plonski, Nineline

21. There are also a few Don’ts...
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
There are also a few Don’ts...
Don’t invalidate the Caller
Don’t allow the Caller to dictate how
the interaction should be carried on
Don’t be surprised if these Callers make you feel confused and helpless
Don’t use “I” statements
Don’t give, or allow yourself to be manipulated into giving advice or information about a topic you are not familiar with
John Plonski, Nineline

22. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
A few more don’ts...
Don’t ask the Caller how they thought you could help them
Don’t strive to uncover feelings that lie beneath the surface
Don’t enter the “world” of the delusional or hallucinatory Caller
Don’t reinvent the wheel
Don’t get trapped in the Caller’s rehashing of what has been already discussed
John Plonski, Nineline

23. Reserve the right not to answer questions.
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Reserve the right not to answer questions.
“Hi . . .How Are You?"
“What’s your name?
“Can I Talk To A Male / Female?”
“Do / Don’t You Give Advice?”
“If I Need, Can I Call Back And Talk To
You?”
“Can I Call Back Anytime?”
“Is it normal to … ?”
“Can We Talk About Anything?”
John Plonski, Nineline

24. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Let’s look at our Difficult Dozen and see how we can apply some of the tips.
Abusive Callers
Angry Callers
Sexuality Issue Callers
Sexual Gratification Callers (Sex-grat Callers)
Yes…, But…
Intoxicated Callers
Donor/Stakeholder Callers
Distracted Callers
Silent Callers
Prank/Hoax Callers
Nobody Can Help
It’s Not Over ‘Til I Say It’s Over
Chronic Callers
John Plonski, Nineline

25. Let’s talk a little about
Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Let’s talk a little about
Fear
And Anxiety
John Plonski, Nineline

26. What Supervisors Will Notice
Supervisors may notice an emotional impact on a worker by their performance and productivity in the following ways:
Working slowly
Appearing numb or emotionless
Missing deadlines
Withdrawal from work activity
Absenteeism; calling in sick frequently
Overworking
Irritability and anger
Forgetting directives, procedures and requests
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Difficulty with work transitions or changes in routines

27. What Caregivers Will Notice
The worker will also experience certain reactions. Some of these reactions are:
• Disbelief and shock
• Fear and anxiety about the future
• Disorientation; difficulty making decisions or concentrating
• Apathy and emotional numbing
• Nightmares and reoccurring thoughts about the event
• Irritability and anger
• Sadness and depression
• Feeling powerless
• Changes in eating patterns; loss of appetite or overeating
• Crying for “no apparent reason”
• Headaches, back pains and stomach problems
• Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep
• Increased use of alcohol and drugs

28. What to do? Supervisors:
Do not assume that staff will step forward to ask for help or support.
Facilitate communication among staff.
Educate your supervisors and managers.
Provide educational resources.
Consider a professional counselor/facilitator on-site.
Consider temporary changes in your leave and travel policies.
Promote tolerance.
Organize community activities.
Plan for the recurrence of situations.

29. What to do? Caregivers: Know what to expect of yourself.
Talk with your co-workers and listen patiently.
Accept that life will go on.
Take care of yourself.
Spend time with friends and family.
Limit exposure to reminders of the distressing situation.
Find time for activities you enjoy.
Take one thing at a time.
Do something positive.
Avoid drugs and excessive drinking.
Ask for help when you need it.
Don’t try to cope alone.
Allow yourself to appreciated the good work you do.

30. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
In closing . . .
Keep in mind that you can and you do good work.
There will be people you will have to interact with you will not like
Deal with difficult interactions situationally not personally
Be realistic in your assessment of what you can and can’t do
Make use of the staff support your agency
provides
Establish firm but respectful boundaries
The basic tenets of equality and respect
applies to us as well as the Caller
John Plonski, Nineline

31. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
One final point…
Drum roll please!
John Plonski, Nineline

32. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Last...but least!
You do not have control over who is on the phone each time you pick it up.
You do have control over how you will adapt to dealing with that Caller and how you will allow the interaction to affect you.
You Have 2 Choices
John Plonski, Nineline

33. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
You can surrender!
John Plonski, Nineline

34. Happy Trails: Working With Difficult Interactions
Or adapt
John Plonski, Nineline