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2.  3:00-4:00  Introduction  4 conflict management skills  4:00-4:15 Break  4:15-5:15  4 conflict management skills (continued)  Preparation for role plays  5:15-5:30 Energizer  5:30-6:30  Presentations of role plays  Discussion and closing 2

3. 3  A state of disagreement and disharmony  A natural part of life  Positive if handled well: destructive if handled poorly

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5. 5 Her political views make me furious.

6.  Albert Einstein 6

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8. 8 1. Listening 2.Positions and interests 4. Facts and assumptions 3. “I” statements

9.  Resolving conflicts can be hard work.  Preparation  Skills  Knowledge  Creativity  Coordination  Resolving conflicts can be rewarding work. 9

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11. 11 In your own words  Restate what was said (the content)  So you’re saying that the new law should ………… Did I understand you correctly?  Identify the feeling  You sound upset about the way he treated you. Judging Explaining Defending Arguing Analyzing

12. 12 Instructions for exercise  Listen as carefully as you can. You may want to take notes.  Restate what the person said (content).  “So you’re saying ……………… Did I understand you correctly?”  Identify the feeling of the speaker.  “You sound_________ about this. Is this correct?” Judging Explaining Defending Arguing Analyzing

13. 13 What we see or hear What is hidden Interests Needs Values Aspirations Fears Concerns Position Demands

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15. 15 How can you do that? You spread awful rumors about my brother. You’re a liar.

16. 16 When I heard the rumors about my brother, I felt shocked and angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without checking if they were true.

17.  To resolve conflicts, attack the problem (the situation, the behavior), not the person.  Accusing people accelerates the conflict. The other person will defend him/her self.  Attacking the problem often leads to resolving the conflict. “I” statements help you do this. 17

18. 18 When I heard the rumors about my brother, I felt shocked and angry. I need to know where you heard them and why you spread them without checking if they were true.  “ I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________ 2. Feeling : I feel ________________________ 3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like ________________________.

19. 19 “I” statement: 1. Observation: When I see/hear _______________ 2. Feeling : I feel _____________________________ 3. Needs/Value/Interest: (because) I need _______ 4. (Request) and I would like __________________. Attacking the person: (You, you, you) You’re always telling me how to do things. You don’t ever let me try out my ideas. You don’t think I know anything.

20. 20 “I” statement: 1. Observation: When I hear you telling me what to do 2. Feeling: I feel frustrated and devalued 3. Needs/Value/Interest: because I need to try out my ideas. 4. (Request) I would like __________________. Attacking the person: (You, you, you) You’re always telling me how to do things. Why don’t you listen to my ideas? You don’t think I know anything.

21.  When people ignore your “I “message, or respond by defending themselves, by explaining, or trying to change your mind, avoid arguing and respectfully become a “broken record!” of your interests. 21

22. 22 Conflict is often a result of our inability to recognize the difference between what we KNOW and what we ASSUME.