1. Interpersonal Communication Lecture_3

2. Objectives After completing this chapter, you should be able to: Define small talk, conversation, and conversational turn taking, being certain to enumerate the skills shared by good conversationalists Identify the five parts of a conversation Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

3. Objectives continued Describe how cultural and gender differences influence feelings and perceptions of the nature and value of conversation Discuss how media and technology are helping to reinforce or change both the substance and nature of conversation Identify specific steps we can take to improve conversational skills Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

4. Conversational Contact Small talk – engaging in spontaneous conversation with another person; comes naturally to some people Conversations –Establish interpersonal relationships –To be effective, we must be comfortable speaking with others AND have a desire to share real-life experiences Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

5. Conversations - Defined Relatively informal social interaction in which the parties involved exchange the roles of sender and hearer collaboratively and spontaneously Participants determine timeframe Conversational rules reveal the behaviors we prefer and would like to prohibit in various social situations Reveals what we have learned about verbal and nonverbal messages Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

6. Structure of a Conversation Five stages in conversational structure: –Greeting –Topic Priming –Heart of Conversation –Preliminary Processing –Closing Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

7. Stage 1: Greeting Phatic Communication - message that opens conversation; enables people to interact Greeting is routine way to begin/initiate conversation Three categories (T.E. Murray): –Questions (how are you?) –Advertisements (My name is) –Compliments (I like your suit) Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

8. Greeting (cont.) Three types of openers (Chris Kleinke): –Cute/flippant (Is that really your hair) –Innocuous (What do you think of the band) –Direct (Since we are both eating alone, would you like to join me) Each approach relies on a question Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

9. Stage 2: Topic Priming Keep communication channels open, preview topic/focus of conversation Kinds of topics generally discussed: –Ourselves –The other person –Particular situation In this stage, we often ask either OPEN- ENDED or CLOSE-ENDED questions Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

10. Stage 3: Heart of Conversation Where we find FOCUS or GOAL of conversation Where we get to the ‘heart’ of the matter –Why we opened the conversation –Why we did our best to prepare for what comes next How good we are at getting to this stage is related to conversational maintenance skills Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

11. Stage 4: Preliminary Processing Flip side of topic priming We consider the effect our conversation has had on those involved We may decide to adjust/alter our message, modify content Where we determine what we have learned If we do not like outcome of conversation, we may need to step back, retrace our ‘conversational steps’ Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

12. Stage 5: The Closing Reverse of Greeting (Stage 1) Good closing serves 3 functions (Mark Knapp): –It lets other party know conversation is nearing end and signals the impending inaccessibility of one party –It is supportive in tone and contains expressions of appreciation for the conversation and the desire to renew contact –It summarizes the main topics discussed We may merge stages or skip stages; our preference Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

13. Managing a Conversation Conversational Turn-Taking –Turn maintaining –Turn Yielding –Signals Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

14. Managing a Conversation (cont.) –Turn maintaining Paralinguistic and kinesic cues May involve “umm”, “uhh”, inhale breath, hand gesture –Turn Yielding Lets conversational partner know it is his/her time to speak Direct eye contact, drop pitch, nod –Signals Turn-requesting Turn-denying Backchannel Signal Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

15. Cooperation Principle Conversations are most satisfying when the comments of the conversational partners are consistent with the conversation’s purpose Conversational Maxims: –Quality Maxim –Quantity Maxim –Relevancy Maxim –Manner Maxim Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

16. Dialogue Principle MonologueDialogue We speak while others listenWe both speak and listen Involves little, if any, conversational ‘ebb and flow’ Exhibit concern for each other No interactivityExhibit concern for relationship Minimal concern for thoughts/feelings of other person Conversationalist display respect for one another Self-centered, spends much time talking about self Acceptable manner, invite others to actively participate in conversation Popular communication style on such sites as FACEBOOK and TWITTER Empathize with others, become other-oriented Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

17. Repairing Conversational Damage Often, we say something that is objectionable or unacceptable, resulting in a ‘conversational blunder’ or ‘prejudiced talk’ Repair damage in two ways: –Offer excuse –Offer disclaimer To avoid blunders: –Engage in dual perspective talking –Emphasize feelings and similarities Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

18. Cultural Differences Cultural differences will affect how we have a conversation. –Our reasons for having a conversation vary –Word choice will vary –Length will vary –Value of conversation and who is speaking varies –Feelings about ‘turn-taking’ vary The extent to which we understand differences we increase our chances of facilitating effective conversations Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

19. Gender Differences MenWomen Preference for organized activities and interacting in groups Preference for talk and engaging in one-on-one, person-to-person communication Conversations achieve and maintain upper hand, protect themselves from situations where one may try to put them down (Tannen) Conversations are negotiations for closeness, seeking confirmation, support, and consensus; Women try to protect themselves from others’ attempts to push them away (Tannen) Interruptions occur, but for different reasons, during conversation. Reasons include power play, opportunity to exercise control, encouragement, and reinforcement Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

20. Media On radio and TV, our conversations have ‘coarsened’ Participants now show incivility, destructive behavior They verbally attack and interrupt one another The media shows a multitude of negative models of conversation for listeners and viewers to emulate when interacting Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

21. Technology Increased opportunities to converse with virtually anyone; more apt to be blunt, if not cruel Twitter, texting, Facebook is the norm; talking on phone or face to face is passé It has become acceptable to interrupt ‘real-world’ conversations to answer a cell phone or reply to a text When conversing online, we may not have full knowledge of who we are speaking with Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

22. Technology (cont.) Multi-tasking is commonplace – this has advantages and disadvantages, especially for teenagers Blog (web-log) has taken place of personal diaries and journals Cyberspace conversation seems to ‘end’ - - there is often not a ‘closing’ Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

23. Gaining Communication Competence Develop metaconversational abilities Develop awareness of how culture and gender difference affect conversation Strive to improve conversation initiation, management, and termination abilities Interpersonal Communication © 2014 SAGE Publications, Inc.

24. Homework due to 23nd of March 16th of March: No lecture During the students congress develop a conversation with one of the international students by applying - Five stages in conversational structure

25. Write down the student’s name and country –Greeting –Topic Priming –Heart of Conversation –Preliminary Processing –Closing D escribe how cultural differences influence feelings and perceptions of the nature and value of conversation