1. Stages in the Life of a Special Needs Family By MiXue

2. My purpose today is to help you understand: 1. Different stages that a special needs family goes through family goes through 2. Needs they have 3. How the church can provide help

3. Stages in the Life of a Special Needs Family 1. Pre-Discovery 2. Discovery 3. Coping 4. Thriving

4. 1. Pre-Discovery A. Suspicions and Denial B. Signs of Autism Communication dysfunctions Communication dysfunctions Ritualistic behaviors Ritualistic behaviors Inability to relate to others Inability to relate to others Inappropriate playing Inappropriate playing C. Problem Behaviors of child Behaviors of child Stress on parents Stress on parents

5. Problems Parents Face: A. Denial  Fear & Cover up B. Stress  Frustration & Exhaustion NEED: education & support

6. 2. Discovery A. Medical Diagnosis NEED: professional expertise help to find resources help to find resources B. Problems NEED: pastoral counseling community support community support & understanding & understanding

7. Problems Parents Face: Shame  hide from others Shame  hide from others Guilt  towards self  Depression Guilt  towards self  Depression Blame  away from self  Anger Blame  away from self  Anger Theological issues: Theological issues: Why would a good God allow this? Why is this happening to me? Is it a punishment? curse? demon?

8. Two Pillars: God is Good God is Good “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Rom 8:28) God is Sovereign “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.” (2Co 9:8)

9. 3. Coping Self-consciousness & isolation Self-consciousness & isolation NEED: focus on child & God vs on others community education & acceptance community education & acceptance Bargaining Bargaining NEED: deeper view of God Grief Grief NEED: death of dream before embracing reality reality

10. Greatest Practical Need: Training child’s behaviors so child can fit into normal life

11. Theological Issues: Love unconditionally Train conditionally Desire for gain is God-given Desire for gain is God-given Use of incentives (positive & negative) Use of incentives (positive & negative)

12. Problems Parents Face: Vulnerabilities: Vulnerabilities: 1. Cures 2. Chaos & limitations 3. Imbalance 3. Imbalance Additional Stresses: Additional Stresses: 1. Spousal Relationship 2. Siblings 3. Resources

13. To avoid burnout, parents need: Time alone Time alone Normal activities Normal activities To reward selves & family To reward selves & family Community support & acceptance Community support & acceptance Prayer Prayer

14. 4. Thriving A. Behaviors trained B. Educational needs met C. Community support & inclusion D. Resumption of enjoyable activities activities E. Connect with other resources F. Adulthood & the future

15. Theological issues: To be able to give thanks to God To be able to give thanks to God Stay positive and hopeful Stay positive and hopeful “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Phil 4:6-8)

16. What are the spiritual needs of a special needs person? Are they accountable? automatically saved? But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt 19:14) But Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt 19:14)

17. Special needs children have a special place in God’s heart "And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;” "And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me;” "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.” "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.” "So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.” "So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.” (Matt 18:5, 10, 14)

18. Church Outreach How blessed is he who considers the helpless; The LORD will deliver him in a day of trouble. (Psa 41:1) Preparation: 1. Support services 2. Education of congregation

19. Education of congregation: “For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God.” (1Co 1:26-29)

20. "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’” (Matt 25:37-40)