1. Created for Connection Presented by: Tim Stauffer MA, PC-CR @ Vineyard 180 July 2 nd, 2012 (614)949-6227 www.timstauffercounseling.comwww.timstauffercounseling.com – tim@timstauffercounseling.comtim@timstauffercounseling.com

2. The L ORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”…But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the L ORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the L ORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23

3. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman, for she was taken out of man. ” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Gen 2:18, 20-25

4. Created for Connection We are hard wired to be relationally connected with God, our spouse and others. To know and be known To Love and be Loved To desire and be desired To be heard and to hear To affirm and to be affirmed To respect and be respected To pursue and be pursued To chose and be chosen To be safe, secure, significant To be connected spiritually, emotionally, physically

5. The Great Disconnection 1. The Human Experience is Fallen/Sinful/Broken 2. Personal Disconnection  Trauma—sins committed against us  Personal Choices—sins we commit on our own volition  Unresolved Relational Conflict  Emotional Distance – self preservation  Blocked Goals – anger  Exposure and Shame Sexual Addiction  Solidifies Disconnection  Purchases cheap but powerful substitutes

6. The Great Cost - Depression - Feelings of meaninglessness - Guilt & Shame - Addictions - Distorted Thinking - Emptiness - Sadness - Fears of intimacy - Disconnection from reality – Dissociation - Anxiety & Panic - Anger or Rage - Fantasy - Excessive care giving

7. Reconnection Achieving God’s created intent for us. -- Real, Present, Transparent, Alive – no shame Empathy------------------------------------------------Shame Vulnerability

8. Reconnection Connection is at the essence of what it means to be human. Empathy------------------------------------------------Shame Vulnerability Disconnected I am a mistake If you really knew me = REJECTION I am not lovable My sins are worse My needs are not valid I cannot measure up I cannot appear weak Empowered by silence-secrets Numbs emotion – Kills Empathy

9. Reconnection Connection is at the essence of what it means to be human. Empathy------------------------------------------------Shame Vulnerability Connected “Me Too” Present—here and now Listening without blame Seeks to understand—not be understood Understands from the context of person Is selfless Seeks the good of others Promote Intimacy Empathy Kills Shame

10. Reconnection Connection is at the essence of what it means to be human. Empathy------------------------------------------------Shame Vulnerability Characteristics of Vulnerability Requires Courage, Strength, and Risk It opens the heart to love It is not WEAKNESS Fosters Creativity Spawns new ideas Birthplace of Joy and belonging Essential for Faith Honest, Transparent, Real Ruthless Trust Vulnerability slides on the track of confession and repentance

11. Reconnection Connection is at the essence of what it means to be human. Empathy------------------------------------------------Shame Vulnerability Healthy Vulnerable Behaviors Repentance Gratitude Respectful requests Asking for help – Allowing others to help you Sharing thoughts and feelings w/out expectations Tell your life story—success and shame Set healthy boundaries Confession, Forgiveness, Love Confront, Exhort, Rebuke

12. Reconnection Connection is at the essence of what it means to be human. Empathy------------------------------------------------Shame Vulnerability Unhealthy Vulnerable Behaviors Verbal Vomit Emotional Story-Telling w/out relational development False Humility Taking responsibility w/ Blame shifting Sharing thoughts and feelings but loaded with expectations

13. Outcomes of Connection  Joy—Peace—Rest  Deeper levels of Intimacy  Increased relational satisfaction  Reduction of depression, stress, anxiety & fear  Greater sense of Life purpose & mission  Ability to set healthy boundaries  Mature Spiritually, Emotionally, Mentally, Socially