Sexual Arousal Chapter 8 Study Questions

Sexual Arousal Chapter 8 Study Questions
Vascocongestion (accumulation in the blood vessels) and myotomia (muscle contraction) are two basic physiological processes that occur during sexual response according to Masters and Johnson. Describe their three stages of excitement, orgasm, and resolution. Describe the distinctions of orgasm in men and women. What is "orgasmic platform" in women and "refractory period" in men. Describe the two stages of detumescence in men. Describe role of oxytocin and prolactin during and after orgasm. Differentiate between clitoral and vaginal orgasm. What is meant by multiple orgasms and how are they stimulated. Describe the three processes In Kaplan's Triphasic Model. Name and describe the five justifications for Kaplan's approach to sexual response. Describe the seven stages and Walen and Ross cognitive model to sexual response. (See chart below, page 199) describe the neural and hormonal basis of arousal. What is meant by retrograde ejaculation? Discuss female ejaculation in some women and uterine orgasm. How does the limbic system in the brain (amygdala, hippocampus, cingulate gyrus hypothalamus, fornix, and septum) control sexual response? How can sexual response be under voluntary control and try to early psychological forces such as fantasy? How do environmental factors affect a person sexual response? Describe the effects of androgens (testosterone, etc.) replacement and sexual desire in women.

Sexual Arousal Chapter 8
Studying Sexual Response There are a series of physiological and psychological changes that occur in the body during sexual behavior referred to collectively as or sexual response. Over the years, several models of these changes have been proposed to explain the exact progression and nature of human sexual response. This information is very important in developing good techniques of lovemaking and how the body responds during sexual arousal and orgasm. The Sexual Response Cycle – Masters and Johnson Women’s Orgasms – clitoral and vaginal Cognitive-Physiological Model - Kaplan’s Triphasic Model A Cognitive Model – Walen and Roth’s eight steps Neural and Hormonal Basis of Arousal – Brain, spinal cord, and sex Sex hormones research on sexual behavior pheromones sexual techniques aphrodisiacs sexual inexperience These models are also beneficial in helping physicians and therapists identify how dysfunction, disease, illness, and disability affect sexual function.

Sex History How did we get from here to here?

Sex Research and the Evolution of Sex Therapy

Sex and Romantic Love During the late middle ages (12th century)the troubadours popularized the idea of romantic love for the common person. Up until the last couple of hundred years, sex was for procreation. Marriage was designed for physical and economic survival for the lower classes. Marriage created political power between families for the upper classes.

Sexual Revolution on TV
1953 Lucille Ball of “I Love Lucy” is the first pregnant actress to play a pregnant woman. More than 44 million viewers tuned in to see the historic “birth” episode. The word "pregnant" could not be spoken on television.

1971 “All in the Family” This show dealt with tough and controversial issues: Rape Homosexuality Crossdressing

Helen Gurley Brown Brown is one of the most influential women of the decade. She first wrote the best-selling Sex and the Single Girl in '62 as a guide book for the unwed single working woman. She then assumed the Editor in Chief position at struggling Cosmopolitan magazine in '65. “ For the next 32 years she instructed, helped, advised, cheered for, encouraged, liberated, and promoted women, giving them new role models to emulate and a new manual for the sexual revolution. She was a powerful voice advocating women's sexual freedom--armed with the pill, she showed women how they could use it, how they could take advantage of it, how they could thrive with the new technology, the new attitudes of the '60s, and the new control they had over their sexual destinies.”

Helen Gurley Brown “It’s a question of taking married men, but not taking them seriously… Use them in a perfectly nice way just as they use you…One married man is dangerous… A potpourri can be fun.”

The Happy Hooker by Xaviera Hollander
In 1971, under the name Xaviera Hollander, she published The Happy Hooker, a candid and racy account of her life behind the brothel door. It shot straight to the top of the bestseller lists, eventually selling more than 15 million copies. The happy hooker was banned by a number of churches

A Manual for the “Sexual Revolution”
First published in 1971 First detailed instruction guide on sensuality for women.

Another Manual for the Times
The companion book for men also published in 1971.

The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort
Published in 1979 Played on the theme of the popular cookbook (“The Joy of Cooking”), it offered menus of its own for the “sexual gourmet”. It strongly contrasted the earlier clinical books about sexuality. It was among the first non scientific books on sex to gain wide distribution The book contained numerous illustrations based on photographs taken of the book’s art editor and his wife

2nd Generation Sex Therapy Comes of age: David Schnarch, PhD
2nd Generation Sex Therapy Comes of age: David Schnarch, PhD. Sexual Crucible published 1992 Created a new model of human sexual response that overlays desire in a 3rd dimension. Depathologized sex therapy. Sexual difficulties have a greater purpose. Resolving difficulties is the way people grow themselves up.

Integrating Sex and Spirituality
American Tantra is designed to help couples use sexual energy to connect to the divine. Couples and individuals are students rather than patients or clients. Charles and Caroline Muir 1990’s to the present Sourcetantra.com

Where Are We Now? Human beings are continually exploring their eroticism and sexuality. Each new idea is responsible for contributing to that process. We can help people become capable of more intimacy and greater satisfaction.

The late 20th century to the present

Beginnings of 2nd Generation Sex Therapy: Bernie Apfelbaum
Worked with the idea of “bypassing” being a way to avoid intimacy with your partner Specialized in working with men with delayed ejaculation. Touted “counter-bypassing” as treatment.

Richard von Krafft-Ebing (1840-1902)
Physician who worked with sexually disturbed people Supported what we know as the “double standard”. Writings had a lot of influence on other doctors.

Henry Havelock Ellis, MD
( ) ) people. English Psychologist and Physician Published “Studies in the Psychology of Sex” Views on orgasm, arousal and desire for women, homosexuality, sex education were extremely modern.

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) Listened to his patients talk about sex.
Viewed sexuality as central to humans. Suggested that early childhood events had strong consequences on adult sexual functioning. Father of psychoanalytic thought.

The Kinsey Report 9 year study of human sexuality beginning in 1948.
Results were based on 20 thousand interviews. He made movies of people having sex. McCarthyism took it’s toll and the Rockefeller foundation eventually withdrew its support. Kinsey was accused of undermining the morals of America. His work paved the way for the studies of Masters and Johnson during the 1960’s. Put the movie on here.

Alfred Kinsey "The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform." - Alfred Kinsey

The Sexual Response Cycle Masters and Johnson
The most well-known model has been Masters and Johnson sexual response cycle. Many other sex therapist and sexologist have criticized and suggested changes to this model over the years. The pioneering duo, gynecologist William Howell Masters and lay-psychologist Virginia Eshelman Johnson, released a follow-up text in 1970, Human Sexual Inadequacy, which established a biomedical nosology for the diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunctions based on their original four-stage model (Masters & Johnson, 1970). Together, these works are credited for legitimizing and, even, igniting the burgeoning field of sex therapy, and their models continue to provide a basis for current approaches to sex research and sex therapy. The works of Masters and Johnson were so positively received that both Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Inadequacy were best-sellers, translated into more than 30 languages. In fact, there was so much optimism about the works of Masters and Johnson that it was widely, though perhaps naively, believed that sexual dysfunction could be eradicated, and the rising divorce rate might subside as a result. This is a physiology of human sexual response model - originally they had delineated four response cycles: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.. Our text authors have chosen to highlight three stages only: excitement, orgasm,and resolution. Are two basic physiological responses that occur during these three stages: vascocongestion (a great deal of blood flows to the blood vessels of the genitals resulting in dilation) and myotomia (muscles contract throughout the whole body).

Masters and Johnson Observed human sexual activity in a laboratory setting. Goal was to make sexuality a legitimate field for scientific study. They created the field of modern sex therapy and “sexology”. Theirs was a behavioral treatment model. Published 2 books: Human Sexual Response in 1966 and Human Sexual Inadequacy in 1970.

Masters and Johnson “Sex is a natural function.”
Theirs was a behavioral model. Based on Freud's model of the pleasure principle: “People are driven by the desire for pleasure.” Desire was not a concern good sexual functioning and orgasm would create desire.

Human Sexual Response Cycle Masters & Johnson’s original research: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, Resolution

Three Stages of Sexual Response Our Text View of M&J Research
Excitement Phase In males, penile vascocongestion occurs by the arteries dilating, following a strong flow of blood into the corpora cavernosa; and at the same time, the veins caring blood away from the penis are compressed, restricting outgoing bloodflow. Multiple neurotransmitters are involved in this process including and especially nitrate oxide (NO). Dopamine is involved as well. The reverse process is called vasoconstriction that makes erection go away following orgasm. The neurotransmitters epinephrine and norepinephrine are involved. In females lubrication of the vagina occurs resulting from the same physiological process vascocongestion. The capillaries of the walls of vagina dilate and bloodflow through that increases vaginal lubrication results when fluid seeped through the semipermanent membranes to the vaginal walls. This response to arousal is also a rapid and begins 10 to 30 seconds after onset arousing stimuli. As a woman becomes more aroused and gets closer to orgasm the “orgasmic platform” forms. This response is a tightening and thickening of the wall of the outer third of the vagina. As result the size of the vaginal entrance asked to become smaller and there may be noticeable increase in gripping of the penis. The glands of the clitoris swells and can be felt as larger and harder than usual. The vestibular bulbs become erectile and swell. As in the male, in the trait oxide is the key neurotransmitter involved in the process. Estrogen helps the vasodilation.. The nipples become erect . This response results from contractions of the muscle fibers (myotona) surrounding the nipple. The breasts swell and enlarge somewhat. The vagina dramatically expands in what is called a “ballooning” response to accommodate the entrance of the penis. “Sex flush “occurs in both men and women, but more commonly in women.

Orgasm Phase In the male, there are two stages: ejaculatory inevitability (“coming”) and rhythmic contractions forcing semen through the urethra out to the opening of the tip of the penis. In females, the muscular contractions reach a orgasmic platform and a generally occur about .8 second intervals. Most notable that female orgasm leaves no tangible evidence of its occurrence like ejaculation – except for those women who do ejaculate. According to a NHSLH study, 75% of men – and only 29% of women – always have an orgasm during sex with their partner (Laumann, 1994). In autoeroticism (masturbation) 80% of men and only 60% of women report that they usually or always have an orgasm. Australian study: if women had intercourse only, 50% had an orgasm, when they had cunnilingus plus intercourse, 73% had an orgasm. (chapter 12, pp. 323) In contrast, among men who engaged only in intercourse, 95% had an orgasm. It just isn’t fair! ( text author’s conclusions)

Resolution Phase Resolution represents a reversal of the process that build up during excitement stage. In women there is reduction of the swelling of the breasts. In the five to 10 seconds after the end of orgasm, and clitoris returns to normal position. The ballooning of the vagina diminishes and the uterus shrinks. The resolution face generally takes 15 to 30 minutes, but it may take much longer – as much as an hour – in women who have not had an orgasm. In men resolution phase is detumescence, the loss of direction in the penis. First the emptying of the corpora cavernosa in the second occurs more slowly in the emptying of the corpus spongiosum and glands. Men enter a “refactory period” in which they are incapable of being aroused again, having an erection, or having an orgasm. The length of this refractory period may last only a few minutes and in others it may go on for 24 hours. Women do not have a refractory period, making it possible for multiple orgasms. However, recent studies show that some men do have multiple orgasms. For these men, detumescence (loss of erection in the penis) did not follow an orgasm, allowing for continued stimulation and additional orgasm. Some men reported that some of the orgasms included ejaculation and others in the sequence did not. The average number of orgasms a multiorgasmic man can have varies between two and nine orgasms per sexual interaction (Dunn & Trost)

Men and Women’s Orgasm Research
Clitoral orgasm vs.Vaginal orgasm Masters and Johnson’s research indicates: 1.There is no difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms. The orgasm always consists of contractions of the orgasmic platform, whether the stimulation is clitoral or vaginal. 2. Their second conclusion is that clitoral stimulation is almost always involved in producing orgasm, even during vaginal intercourse; hence clitoral stimulation is usually the trigger to orgasm, and the orgasm itself occurs in the vagina and surrounding tissues. Women do not enter a refractory period. And they can have multiple orgasms with a short period of time. If the woman is stimulated again, she can immediately be aroused back into the excitement phase and have another orgasm. Multiple orgasm is more likely to result from hand-genital or mouth-genital stimulation than from intercourse, since most men do not have the endurance to continue thrusting for such long periods of time. A vibrator is useful and less effort is required and in that way some women were capable of having 50 orgasms in a row. However, multiple orgasm should not be considered a goal for sexual performance. 5.

First Generation Sex Therapy

Sex Therapy for “M and J”
Sexual Behavior is learned. Problems can be alleviated through: sex education desensitization exercises improved communication between sexual partners

Cognitive-Physiological Model Kaplan’s Triphasic Model
Kaplan states that sexual desire is a psychological component, whereas excitement and orgasm involve physiological processes, including genital vascocongestion and muscular contractions during orgasm. Sexual desire was of paramount importance to Kaplan because, without sexual desire, the other two physiological functions would not occur. Many factors can block sexual desire, such as depression, pain, fear, medications, or passed sexual abuse. I. Sexual desire – desire can occur either spontaneously or excitement can become first, activating the desire. II. Vascocongestion - 1. Two physiological components are controlled by different parts of the nervous system: Vascocongestion produces erection in the male and lubrication in the female and is controlled by the parasympathetic division of the automatic nervous system In contrast, ejaculation and orgasm are controlled by the sympathetic division. 2. The two components involve different anatomical structures---blood vessels for vasocongestion and muscles for contractions of orgasm. 3. Vascocongestion and orgasm differ in their susceptibility to being disturbed by injury, drugs, or age. III. Muscular Contractions – 4. Reflex of ejaculation in the male can be under voluntary control by most men, but the erection reflex generally cannot. 5. Sexual Disorders may impair response (see pages )

Helen Singer Kaplan Put psychoanalytic theory back in sex therapy.
In her 3 stage model of human sexual response, desire ended when arousal began. Created the concept of bypassing, which taught people to avoid rather than master anxiety. Good sex was "friction plus fantasy." Used behavioral therapy until she hit “resistance”.

Helen Singer Kaplan 4 specific sources of anxiety and defenses against full sexual enjoyment: 1) Avoidance of sexual behavior which is exciting and stimulating to both partners. 2) Fear of failure, exacerbated by pressure to perform, and over concern about pleasing one's partner rooted in fears of rejection. 3) A tendency to erect defenses against erotic pleasure. 4) Failure to communicate openly and without guilt and defensiveness about feelings, wishes and responses.

Helen Singer Kaplan Believed that psychological reactions to traumatic events also affect sexual functioning. For example, child molestation, rape, abuse all can contribute to later sexual dysfunction. Kaplan contends that women can experience sexual arousal, orgasm, and satisfaction without sexual desire, and they can experience desire, arousal, and satisfaction without orgasm.

A Cognitive Model Walen and Roth
Eight steps model: 1.perception of a stimulus as sexual 2.evaluation of the arousal: positive or negative 3.physiological arousal 4. perception of arousal 5. evaluation of arousal 6. sexual behavior 7. perception of the sexual behavior: positive (moves to repeat sexual behavior) 8. perception of the sexual behavior: negative (decision not to repeat sexual behavior)

Neural and Hormonal Basis of Arousal – Brain, Spinal cord, and Sex
Spinal reflexes in men -three basic components: (201) 1. “receptors” are sensory neurons that detect stimuli and transmit the message to the spinal cord (or brain). 2. “transmitters” are centers in the spinal cord that receive the message, interpret it and send a message to produce appropriate response. 3. “effectors” are neurons or muscles that respond to stimulation Erection center –lowest part of the spinal cord; men who have had their spinal course completely severed are capable of having erection is an ejaculation, notwithstanding their no signals to the brain ( as per the point at which their spinal cord was severed) Ejaculation reflex – located higher in the spinal cord (both sympathetic and parasympathetic divisions of the nervous systems are involved and of him response is muscular not vascocongestion Problems in Men: Erectile disorder (ED) - vascular pathology like diabetes mellitus; one estimate is a 20% of men with diabetes have erectile disorder (ED hypogonadism is an under functioning of the testes so the testosterone levels are very low – ejaculation disorder (ED); it is also associated with hyperpolactinemia;, in which case there is accessing production of prolactin. Other specific problems: 1. premature ejaculation – or rapid ejaculation is often caused by psychological and physical factors; hence, it is an acquired disorder; if a man has had ejaculatory control but later lost it, physical factors may be involved (prostatitis or neural disorders such as multiple sclerosis). 2. male orgasmic disorder or retarded ejaculation – these are associated with a variety of medical or surgical conditions such as multiple sclerosis, spinal cord injury and prostate surgery; psychological factors coincide too 3. retrograde ejaculation – occurs when the ejaculate empties into the bladder, rather than going out to the tip of the penis ; causes of dry orgasm can include illnesses, tranquilizers a and drugs used in the treatment of psychosis, and prostate surgery. Spinsters are involved in ejaculation: an internal one which closes off the entrance to the bladder during normal ejaculation, and an extra one, which organs during normal ejaculation allowing the seeming to flow out through the penis. In retrograde ejaculation, the action of these two sensors is reversed: the external one closes and the internal one opens. (204)

Neural and Hormonal Basis of Arousal – Brain, Spinal cord, and Sex
Reflexes in women Neural circuits for orgasm women are very similar to those orgasm and ejaculation men. The clitoris and the vagina both receive sympathetic and parasympathetic nerve fibers. Of the link system of the brain is crucial to female sexual arousal just as it is to male sexual arousal. Grafenbeg spot (G. spot) is the female prostate or Skene’s glans and is located on the top side of the vagina. Stroking it produces an urge to urinate, but if stroking is continuee for a few seconds more, it begins to produce sexual pleasure. Uterine Orgasm – and characterized by deeper sensations of urine contractions which is typically located in the sensitive area carbolic the vagina. Female ejaculation - the most recent biochemical analysis indicate that female state produces prostate-specific antigen (PSA) just as the male prostate does. (205) one

Female ejaculate — where does it come from?
The most recent biochemical analysis indicate that the female prostate produces prostate-specific antigen (PSA) just as the male prostate does (2000). (205) “Researchers now believe that female cum is produced by the Skene's glands, which are located near a woman's urethra and are made of tissue that's similar in composition to a man's prostate gland. These researchers point to chemical analysis of female ejaculate that reveals the presence of high levels of prostatic acid phosphatase (a chemical secreted by the prostate gland and found in semen). This would seem to indicate that a woman's ejaculation is similar in composition to semen — without the sperm, of course. Female ejaculate is not pee. It's generally clear or somewhat milky, nearly odorless, and maybe a little sweet.” Although modern science may not know exactly yet what female ejaculation is, women who experience it, and the intense orgasms that usually accompany it. Originally Published: April 01, 1994 ~ Last Updated / Reviewed on: August 26, 2009 (source: Columbia University Health Q & A internet service)

Vaginal discharge vs. lube from being turned on?
“It's normal for a woman to have vaginal discharge and it's normal for a woman's vagina to become more "wet" or lubricated when she is aroused. Why? A woman's cervix produces mucus, which lines the vagina and is expelled as discharge. So it's normal to notice a whitish to yellowish stain on your underwear. The color, smell, and consistency of discharge can change throughout the month, depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle. Discharge can be more wet or more dry, change in taste from sweet to salty to sour, and be more or less thick or viscous. Each woman has a general pattern of how her monthly cycle proceeds. You can follow your own cycle by feeling the entrance of your vagina with your finger daily, looking at the secretions, being aware of sensations of vaginal wetness or dryness, and recording these characteristics every day for several cycles. In terms of sexual stimulation, early on in sexual excitement, veins in a woman's genital tissues begin to dilate and fill with blood, gradually making the whole area feel full (called vasocongestion). In the vagina, this swelling creates a "sweating reaction," producing a fluid that makes the vaginal lips get wet — often an early sign that a woman is sexually excited. This fluid wets the entrance to your vagina, making penetration easier. When your partner performs oral sex on you, the fluids you're feeling are probably a bit of both — some normal discharge and some of the extra lube from sexual excitement.” Originally Published: April 01, 1994 ~ Last Updated / Reviewed on: August 26, 2009 (source: Columbia University Health Q & A internet service)

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Sexual Techniques Erogenous zones various parts of the body
(“ feast of the senses” – what we wear, cologne, food , a thought, a conversation and cuddling, kissing, sensual massage, dancing, poetry, watching your partner undress, and intercourse) Autoeroticism: Fantasy – The NHSLS reported that 62 percent of the men and 42% of the women reported they had masturbated in the preceding year.. The results of 13 studies indicate that about 87% of men and 69% of women fantasize during autoeroticism. Various sexual devices: dildo, vibrators, body oil Two-person sex: Kissing Touching Visual turn ons Music Genital-genital stimulation: positions of intercourse Coitus – insertion of the penis into the vagina or sexual intercourse man on top position woman on top position rear entry position side –to-side position Mouth-genital stimulation: cunnilingus and fellatio; 69ing Anal intercourse; anilingus

Natural Aphrodisiacs 2) Horny Goat Weed 3) Fo-Ti 4) L-Arginine
Aphrodisiacs: food, drug, perfume, etc. - Viagra, Cialis, Levitra and- (anaphrodisiacs, cold shower, etc.) - According to folklore, natural aphrodisiacs may help to raise libido and increase desire. Popular natural aphrodisiacs but some of the following may cause side effects or interact with medications and others haven't been proven. 1) Ginseng 2) Horny Goat Weed 3) Fo-Ti 4) L-Arginine L-arginine is not a herb but an amino acid that has numerous functions in the body. It has been used for erectile dysfunction and is often promoted as a Viagra alternative. 5) Damiana 6) Tribulus Terrestris 7) Tongkat Ali 8) Maca 9) Muira Puama 10) Yohimbe

The Art of Kissing Kissing is probably the most physically romantic two people can get. There really is no wrong way to kiss. The thing to remember is that everybody kisses differently and different people prefer different ways of kissing. Some people, believe it or not, are appalled at the idea of French Kissing or using your tongue while you kiss. While others can't imagine kissing without using your tongue. The thing is to try kissing that person a few times before deciding how you and your partner prefer kissing and to get used to the way that person kisses. A first kiss should always be done while the two of you are alone. This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations. The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations, such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French Kiss, maybe sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip, then trying the other two types. And don't just leave kisses to the lips. Kiss their cheeks, their chin or their eyelids. This can be very seductive and romantic. The perfect kiss is one that is done with someone you really care about. There is more caring and sincerity in a kiss with someone special than with someone you hardly know, although a really good kiss can certainly bring two people closer together.

Varieties of INTENT when Kissing
"Whole person affection" kiss conveying, I love you intrinsically because I have complete respect, knowledge, rapport, caring, and regard for you. • "Spiritual goodness affection" kiss suggesting high pious regard for someone who radiates spiritual light and great faith • "Immature adolescent affection" kiss given to a mother, father, or step-mother or step-father they mean to say, "even in my youth, I have learned to respect your caring and guidance while accepting me for who I am and hoping the goodness and greatness will be what I can become" • "Young Woman / Young Man affection" kiss is given in gratitude for raising me, having enough love to guide and even correct me along life's path • "Prodigal Son / Prodigal Daughter affection" kiss with tears, receiving forgiveness, joy emerging into laughter, and "I have chosen" to return home to loved ones and the gospel of peace • “Crush-on-you affection" kiss rendered with some awkwardness and apprehension that my interest-in-you-too just might be reciprocated • “Narscisstic expansivist" affection" kiss given with strong self-aggrandizement and ego-oriented superficiality associated with condescension to the one kissed: isn't it nice that "we both like me too" • "I love you affection" kiss showing a settled, down-to-earth genuine care, and up-toward-heaven happiness with a conjugal partner who has remained steady and loving over many years of time identity kiss holy kiss mistletoe kiss sex kiss lust kiss congratulation kiss goodbye kiss get well kiss affirmation kiss 'love ya' kiss romantic good night kiss sympathy kiss good morning kiss

Varieties of INTENT when Kissing
• "Affair affection" kiss with the excitement of the forbidden and rebellion against the jagged and unraveling commitment of a troubled marriage, perhaps emotionally bankrupt, while fearing rejection of the companion spouse if the truth be known, and hypocritically turning of a blind eye to the pain and suffering of spouse and innocent children betrayed • "Hypocritical-spouse affection" kiss where the person doesn't disclose an affair, incest, embezzlement or fraud while acknowledging a rueful gratitude toward my ever-faithful caring spouse • ”Hold-me tight affection" kiss associated with a 'little-girl-like / little-boy-like' dependence, while I endure this moment in time, fearful of the outcome of a recent or past psychosocial stressor event(s) • "We have a new baby affection" kiss affirming the joy, pain, and miracle of new life that has just taken place • "Make me ok affection" kiss when 'I don't feel ok' - losing a job, disappointing work day, discovering an illness, mental anomaly acknowledged. bereavement kiss stage kiss betrayal kiss withholding kiss

Sex leads to boredom… Film 2 Sex, No Sex Film 1 Sex, No sex, Yes sex

Sexuality and the Life Cycle: Adulthood Chapter 10 - Study Questions
What is singleism? Name and define three types of involuntary celibates (virgins, “singles,” partnered). How many singles are there today? Identify distinctions between divorced, widowed, and never married. What is the frequency of sexual activity among singles? Analyze the data regarding cohabitation in the US. Describe how the marital sexual relationship changes over time. How does the relationship or marital "quality”and happiness or unhappiness relate to the sexual relationship. Describe the "mating dance" were sexual scripts on the interpersonal relationship for refusing or allowing sex. Explain how autoeroticism (masturbation) and/or mutual erotic arousal relate to sexual satisfaction. Differentiate between the "physically satisfied" and "emotionally" sexual satisfaction in a relationship. Name the four factors of those who are happy with their sex lives: sense of calm; happy people are generous; this into the partners and aware of their moods, likes and dislikes; and fourth they "talk" (favorable communication generally) in and out of bed. How does the quality, routine, and the passion of sex wax and wane over time. What is the act of two paycheck versus two-career couple in expressing sexual satisfaction in their marriages.

Sexuality and the Life Cycle: Adulthood Chapter 10 - Study Questions (continued)
What makes men and women susceptible to infidelity? What are some of the "mate retention tactics" in preserving the relationship. Differentiate between types extramarital sex: “accidental,” "romantic infidelity," "open marriage," and "philanderers." What are the percentage rates of infidelity according to the NHSLS research? Are the variables in extramarital sex regarding ethnic relationships? How many people engage in extramarital sex in their first marriage? Is extramarital sex casual or promiscuous? Describe open and closed swingers. What is meant by cybersex? What percent were already in a committed relationship? According to the "equity theory" how do you calculate an equitable relationship? How do partners try to restore equity in their relationship? How is infidelity related to "underbenefited" partners in marriage? Does the greater sexual satisfaction relate to higher frequencies of affection and sexual behavior in marriage? Analyze the “double-shot” hypothesis of marital infidelity. Is sexual or emotional infidelity most distressing? (handout) Describe the "other woman" and the "other man" using the social biology approach. Differentiate between widowed and divorced in post-marital sex. Describe the biological changes of menopause and the symptoms that accompany it as women age. His HRT a good option? How does sexuality relate during and after menopause. What are the major changes in men as they age regarding frequency of coitus. What is prostatectomy? Describe some of the attitudes and beliefs in sex among the elderly. Can sexual activity continue well past 70 years of age?

Singleness “Singleism” – the stigmatizing and stereotyping of people who are not in a source who recognized couple relationship. Yet, singles can and do live “happily ever after.” The Never-Married: most adults in our society to marry; median age of first marriage in 2003 was 25.3 years for women and 27.1 years for men (US Bureau of Census, 2004). Serial Monogamy: young adults who are involved in two or more sexual relationships prior to marriage. According to the N HSLS., persons aged 20 to 29, 40% of men and 28% of women had two or more sexual partners before they were married. “Involuntary Singles” Virgins had never had intercourse and really dated Singles had had sexual experience but often reported that it was not satisfying. Partnered persons in sexless relationships; the relationship that included sex in the past, but frequency gradually declined over time

Singleness by the #’s 95.7 million - Number of unmarried and single Americans. This group comprises 43 percent of all U.S. residents age 15 and over 52.6 million - Number of households maintained by unmarried men and women. These households comprise 48 percent of households nationwide. 28.8 million - Number of people who live alone. These one-person households comprise 26 percent of all U.S. households. 12.2 million - Number of single parents: 10 million single mothers and 2.2 million single fathers. < 43% -Percentage of opposite-sex, unmarried partner households that include children. 683,000 - Number of unmarried grandparents who are responsible for caring for their grandchildren. These grandparents comprise nearly 1-in-3 unmarried grandparents. Unmarried Couples million Number of unmarried-partner households in These households consist of 4.9 million opposite-sex partners and about 600,000 partners of the same sex. This is up from 3.2 million in 1990. 50% Percentage of adults in New York who are unmarried, the highest rate of any state. 27% - Percentage of formerly married people (widowed, separated or divorced) in Gary, Ind.; Birmingham, Ala.; and Clearwater, St. Petersburg and Hollywood, Fla. These cities are among cities of 100,000 or more residents with the highest rates of formerly married people <

Cohabitation Unmarried Couples million -Number of unmarried-partner households in These households consist of 4.9 million opposite-sex partners and about 600,000 partners of the same sex. This is up from 3.2 million in 1990. Cohabitation – three types: Living together apart Living together some days and nights Living together all the time Cohabitation Data (2005) 25% of people age % of people aged 19 – 24 and 42% of people aged have cohabitated at least once .

Cohabitants Profile: Short-lived – one third lasts less than one year and only one out of 10 last five years. 60% of these couples do marry- however, they are more likely to divorce compared to on-time marriages Interaction with couples: More negative interactions Lower commitment lower quality – “misunderstanding, frustration, and resentment” 40% have children (1/3 biological; 2/3 previous union) Many are formerly married people More sex between cohabitating (11-13 times a month) -”hope that sex will strengthen the relationship” vs. married couples (vs times a month).

Marital Relationships 261-262
Marriage in the U S Marriage Advantages 92% of all people age 54 or younger are or have been married (2000 US Census Data); of those who divorce, 80% remarry. In our society, marriage is also the context in which sexual expression has the most legitimacy. Therefore, sex in marriage is one of the commonest forms of sex expression for adults. Marriage is a tangible statement of separation from parents. (from “Family of Origin” to “Family of Procreation”) Marriage is based on the assumption of fidelity or faithfulness.

Marital Relationships
Total households ,480,101 Total coupled households 59,969,000 Married-couple households ,493,232 Male householder ,449,405 Female householder ,043,827 Unmarried-partner households ,475,768 Opposite-sex partners ,881,377 Same-sex partners ,391 Total includes other types of households including family and nonfamily households which do not contain either spouses or unmarried

Choosing to Marry

Marriage Is More Important to Men Than to Women
Being married is very important to 58% of men vs. 53% of women. Only 38% of men strongly agree that a woman can have a fulfilling life without marriage, compared with 54% of women. Both white women and highly educated women (61%) strongly agree vs. 37% of Latino women. Of both black and Latino men, only 35% strongly agree. Finally, two-thirds of both men and women describe their marriage or partnership as very happy. The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009

Marital Sex Frequency of marital intercourse:
The average American couple has coitus two to three times a week when they’re in their 20s. Recent data indicate a sharp decline in frequency after the first year and a slow, steady decline thereafter. Gradual decline as they get older – couples in their 50s have coitus once per week

“Mating Dance” – Sexual Scripts
Negotiating Sex 263 “Mating Dance” – Sexual Scripts Cues of acceptance -”tonight’s the night” Cues of rejection - “not now, dinner is almost ready.” Who initiate sex? 33% of husbands and wives are about equally likely to initiate sex; 51% of husbands is likely to be the initiator; in only 16% of the couples is the wife usually the initiator. Note: if the man initiates sex and the woman refuses, then he can simply attributed to her lesser sexual appetite, according to traditional stereotypes. If, however, the woman initiates and the man refuses, she has no stereotype to rescue her and is likely to conclude that he is not interested in her Both men and women in equalitarian relationships may have to work at sustaining ( the appearance of) a sexually fulfilling relationship.

Techniques and Marital Sex
NHSLS Data: 16% of married people reported sex lasted 15 minutes or less; 9% reported that lasted one hour or more NHSLS Data: 74% reported that their partners had stimulated their genitals orally, and 70% of them had stimulated their partners orally; women who have attended college or twice as likely to report both techniques as women compared to those who did not complete high school. Much larger percentage of women under age 50 give and received oral sex. 27% of married men and 21% of married women reported having anal intercourse.

Marital Sex NHSLS Data:
63% of men and 42% of women reported masturbated in the past year. 17% of married men and 5% of married women masturbate at least once a week. The behavior is perfectly normal, although often evokes feelings of guilt and may be done secretly. Masturbation can serve very legitimate sexual needs in marriage. It can provide sexual gratification while allowing the partner to remain faithful to the spouse when the husband and wife are separated or cannot have sex for some reason such as an illness.

Satisfaction with Marital Sex
Physically satisfied - 51% of married men and 40% of married women said they were in “extremely” or “very” physically satisfied by their sexual relationship. Emotional satisfaction – 40% of husbands and 42% of wives said they were extremely satisfied emotionally. This greater satisfaction reflects a stronger emotional commitment and sexual exclusivity associated with marriage (compared with cohabitation couples). Sexual satisfaction and marital quality both predicted marital stability. Sexuality and relational educational programs that increase sexual satisfaction have the potential to lower the divorce rate. (take this course together with spouse) “Happy with their sex lives” data: Sense of calm and acceptance of their sexuality Happy people are generous; they give their partner sexual pleasure These couples listen to each other and are aware of each other’s moods, likes, and dislikes. They talked together both in and out of bed ( good communication is essential to a satisfying relationship)

Joy of Marital Sex Research data: (264)
On days when positive affect toward your spouse was high, lust [desire] was high; when they gave affect was high, lust [desire] was low. On days when people reported high closest to spouse, the link between positive or negative was stronger. A positive association was between one’s own lust [desire]and partners last each day. Spicing up a sexual marital relationship essential! *Fundamental changes in couples sexual experience: and men may outgrow performance anxiety and enlarge his focus to include his partner. Likewise, a woman may learn that she can take care of her own sexual needs as well as her partner’s.

Frequency of Marital Intercourse
Reasons for Decline: biological aging and habituation to sex with the partner. Aging: decrease in vaginal lubrication in females and increased likelihood of poor health. Sharp Decline in frequency after first year and a slow, steady decline thereafter. Explanations: 1. Decline in frequency of sex based on declining quality. 2. Habituation to sex with the partner 3. Arrival of children *These declines can be overcome with learning about partner’s sexual desires, preferences, and habits results in an increase marital sexual quality.

Having Children or Not 265 “There’s a passionate period when you can’t get enough of each other and after a few years, it wanes,” and after having kids it really wanes.” In 2002, women ages 15 to 44: 26.7 million childless women compared to 24.3 million in 1990 Delay childbearing while the complete their education and establish their careers Fertility declines with age Conscious decision to remain child-free Some couples choose to adopt

Less Sex, No Sex Data: 2% of couples in their 20s report not engaging in intercourse at all 6% of all married couples have not had sex in 12 months prior to interview. Reasons: Unhappiness with the marriage Lack of shared activity Presence of children Increased age Poor health

Marriage and Work Roles
. Gender roles and sex Two-career couples Dual-earner couples

Sex & the Two Career Family
Study of Work and Women: homemakers; part-time; full-time; I full-time –”there were no significant differences among the four groups in frequency of sexual intercourse, sexual satisfaction were sexual desire.” It was not a number of hours of work, but rather the “quality of work” that was associated with sexual outcomes. Women and men who had satisfying jobs reported that sex was better, compared with people who expressed dissatisfaction with their jobs. Both professional couples: those working 60 to 80 hours per week don’t have much time for sex. Workaholics - “an addition to one’s work can spell the death of sex just as readily as addiction to a drug can.” Can “style of marriage” be added to the “quality of work” for women in U.S.? (see next slide).

Style of Marriage Happiness or Stress
In "strained conventional" marriages (Type I in the figure), the wife joins the husband in the labor force out of necessity, returning home to do all the housework and child rearing as well. This arrangement, as Figure shows, is unfavorable for both partners: Depression is high for the wife (with two demanding jobs, one of which she does not want) but higher still for the husband (who thinks he should be able to support his wife but cannot). Note that^this is the only marital pattern in which husbands have poorer mental health than wives. In "strained egalitarian" marriages Type III both the husband and wife are happy that they both are working for income; yet, the wife is still responsible for almost all the housework and child care. Here, wives display somewhat lower levels of depression, and husbands benefit even more since they enjoy the benefits of greater family income. "Egalitarian" marriages 'Type IV have both husband and wife happily working outside the home but also sharing most family responsibilities. This pattern is linked to the lowest depression levels for both husbands and wives in any of the four types of marriage. The researchers attribute this favorable pattern to the absence of tensions that arise when a working wife must also take responsibility for housework and children. I II III IV Conventional Strained Strained Egalitarian Conventional Egalitarian Marriage Type Depression in Four Types of Marriages (Ross. Mirowsky. & Huber. 1983) These findings support the conclusions that more egalitarian marriages tend to be happier for husbands as well as wives. But such marriages are still relatively rare— probably involving no more than 10 percent of all couples—because conventional ideas about gender are deeply rooted in our way of life.

Daily Life Is a Story of Diplomacy Under Stress
Eighty-five percent of women and 83% of men say they negotiate the rules of relationships and family life more than previous generations. Asked how often they and their spouse or partner coordinate schedules, duties and responsibilities, 44% of men and 35% of women said every day, while more than a quarter of both men and women said two or three times a week. Younger people report more frequent stress in their daily life than older people (43% for 18-to-29-year-olds vs. 21% for those over age 65). Forty-six percent of working women report frequent stress, compared with 31% of non-working women. The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009

The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009
Seventy-four percent of men and 84% of women say women with children are just as committed to their jobs as women without children. Seventy-two percent of black women strongly agree vs. 57% of Latino women and 55% of white women. Fifty-six percent of men and 63% of women strongly disagree with the idea that mothers cannot be as productive at work as fathers. This isn't to say there are no trade-offs: 25% of men and 26% of women say that women who work outside the home have less time and attention for their marriage or relationship. And men and women differ over the cost: 26% of men strongly agree that it is harder for a mother who works outside the home to establish a warm and secure relationship with her children than it is for a mother who does not work outside the home; 19% of women strongly agree. Working Mothers Are Broadly Accepted...

Growing Female Economic Power Is Widely Accepted
Eighty-nine percent of both men and women are comfortable with the notion of a family in which a woman earns more than a man. Seventy-four percent of men and 71% of women reject the notion that women need to behave more like men to be taken seriously in the workplace. Seventy-one percent of men say they are more comfortable than their fathers with women working outside the home. Seventy percent of women say they are less financially dependent on their spouse than their mothers were. However, 69% of women think men resent women who have more power than they do; only 49% of men agree. Finally, only 29% of men say that female bosses are harder to work for than male bosses, compared with 45% of women. Read more: Sixty percent of men say there are no longer any barriers to women's advancement in the workplace; only 50% of women agree. The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009

Who Has Benefited Most? Twenty-three percent of women strongly agree that all things considered, men still have it better in life than women do; 12% of men strongly agree. There is a generational split: a majority of people over age 45 think men still have it better vs. 42% of younger people. On the question of whether men have lost the battle of the sexes, a majority of both men and women disagree (62% of men, 58% of women). More than a third of men over age 65 say that with the rise of women in society and the workplace, men no longer know their role vs. 25% of men ages 18 to 29. The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009

Men and Women Often Disagree on Who Is Doing What
Fifty-five percent of women strongly agree that in households where both partners have jobs, women take on more responsibilities for the home and family than their male partners do; only 28% of men strongly agree. (Fifty-four percent of Latinos strongly agree, along with 52% of blacks and 38% of whites.) Sixty-nine percent of women say they are primarily responsible for taking care of their children; only 13% of men say this of themselves. Forty-three percent of men say their spouse is primarily responsible, while 40% of men say the responsibility is evenly shared. The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009

Both Men and Women Want More Help
Eighty-four percent of Americans agree (53% strongly) that businesses haven't done enough to address the needs of modern families. Asked what would have to change to make it easier to balance work and marriage and children, 54% of women and 49% of men said more-flexible work hours or schedules; 15% of women and 17% of men said more paid time off; and 13% of women and 12% of men said better or more day-care options. The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009

Marriage Support Management
1. appraisal support (information and advice) 2. esteem support (feedback that one is valued and respected by others) 3. group-belonging (availability of social companionship) 4. emotional closeness (provision of intimacy and confiding about emotions) 5. tangible support (financial assistance, services, or goods) Support for each other. Outside help from others.

“Relative love and need theory"
Each partner brings to marriage resources and receives rewards from the other partner; these may not balance precisely, and one partner gaining more from the marriage than the other partner, emotionally or otherwise. The dependent partner in the marriage is more likely to comply with the other's preferences; relative importance of "love" supplied by one partner offsets the relative significance of the "need" desired by the other partner. The theory does not predict whether husbands or wives will be more power; it assumes that women are as likely to have power as men are even if a man has more resources, quantitatively, if he desires or values the woman as a mate more than she desires or values him, she will have more power, qualitatively; least interest principle is neutralized by the priority of the importance of a desired "need" from a partner who has fewer--but highly prized resource(s); (i.e., her enchantment in his eyes, physical attractiveness, pleasing personality, his perception of her as a 'perfect wife and mother--all these desired "needs" neutralizes his resources; indeed, it is his esteem of her important resource(s) that can put him in the 'greatest interest position,' neutralizing or minimizing his potential dominance). Typically women in our society are encouraged to express their feelings, men to repress them; men's dependence on close relationships remains covert and repressed, whereas woman's dependence on close relationships remains overt and exaggerated; this means that overt dependency lowers power (i.e., a woman gains power over her husband if he clearly places a high value on her company or if he expresses a high demand or "need" for what she supplies) So if his "need" for her and high evaluation of her remain covert and unexpressed, her power will be low and he maintains his power over her by his silence. This may be, partly, why men do not disclose or communicate accurately and deeply their "need" toward their wife, and risk losing their power! Some of the reward resources are offset by liability attributes: those may include irritability, demandingness, ineptitude, low social status, low education or low occupational achievement or idiosyncratic traits, etc.

The State of the American Woman Time Mag. Oct 2009
Then: She took up welding to escape vocational-school business classes, "especially the charm course," she said in The only woman welder at Scientific Atlanta, Janie Cottrell was such a curiosity that the company installed curtains around her workstation. Today she is the lone female operator of the Kennedy Space Center crane. Now: 'I'm proud that I'm a woman and in a man's field or whatever. But I work with some great guys that have accepted me, have taught me. I don't think they necessarily treat me as a woman. I think they treat me as an equal.'

Keeping Your Mate(266-267) Relationship retention tactics:
Greater use of resources “giving her money” More frequent submission to the partner Frequent use of enhancing their appearance or attractiveness Positive verbal statements ( 5:1 ratio) Note: “ Men married too young and physically attractive women reported greater use of these tactics, whereas women married to men who had higher incomes and engage in resource display and social networking reported greater use of the tactics.”

Keeping Your Mate Religious & Ethical Views
"Some say the earth will end by ice, some say by fire But what I know of desire, I would go with fire" Robert Frost Can a man take fire to his bosom and not be burned... "Drink waters out of thy own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well... and be thou ravished always with her love” Proverbs 5 Paul Stated that God claims and own's our own bodies: "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.“ I Corinthians 6: 18—20 “Thou shalt love thy wife [husband] with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22).

Keeping Your Mate LDS Therapist, Sociologist, & Psychologist View
”Concerning the things whereof he wrote unto me, saying, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, I say, to avoid fornication that every man have his own wife, and that every husband have her own husband. But the husband render unto his wife due benevolence. In the context of this passage Paul is clearly '' referring to the husband's attending to his wife's affectional and sexual needs. And likewise also the wife unto the husband " (I Corinthians 7: 1-3) I have worked with many couples where the disenchanted wide for a passive aggressive husband has withheld sex as part of a power struggle with their spouse. Many are excuses, but the most common is "I just don't feel like big lovemaking when we have all these other unresolved problems." If I understand Paul's point, this part of the marriage should never be permitted to be a weapon between a man and his wife. Part of the covenant of marriage is to become one flesh. We promise to do so, since we take the view that absolutely no extramarital sex of any kind is to be tolerated, it is reasonable that the marriage contract provide legitimate, regular opportunities for righteous sexual expression. To withhold that resource is, Paul says, to let "Satan tempt you... for your incontinency. To put it differently, it is a sin to send a husband or a wife out into this seductive world unprotected from the temptations there by a satisfying, loving, sexual bond at home. Having attended many church courts, I'm persuaded that often the guilt of the sin of infidelity must be shared by the withholding spouse of the offender.” (Source: Dr. Cartfred Boderick, One Flesh One Heart, Deseret Book, 1986)

Extramarital Sex Extramarital Sex: or adultery refers to “sexual activity between a married person, and someone other than that person’s spouse.” Circumstances and Types: Accidental -“unintended and not characteristic of the person” Romantic Infidelity – “ when two people fall in love and consider or establish a long-term relationship” Open Marriage – “partners agree in advance that each may have sex with other persons” (see Polyamory, ) Philanderers – “gay, lesbian, or straight---who repeatedly engage in sexual liasions outside their committed relationship (“searching for self-affirmation” Pittman, 1993) According to the NHSLS research, “about 25% of married men and 15% of married women have engage in extramarital sex at least once.”

Keeping Your Mate Couples: characteristics associated with greater likelihood of infidelity: Narcissism Impulsiveness Partner sexualized others Engage in sexual withholding Dissatisfaction with the marriage and/or marital sex. Emotional Infidelity cues: Expressions of relationship dissatisfaction Emotional disengagement from one’s partner Inconsiderateness one Being angry and critical toward one’s partner Acting guilty

An act of the highest levels of Infidelity and Cowardice Painting By Mohammed Sami, taken from a post by Layla Anwar "Broken Wings... No More.“ [youtube=

Le supplice des adultères by Jules Arsene Garnier

Public Confessions of Infidelity
Recently, Mark McGwire (performance enhancer), David Letterman (wife cheater), Chris Brown (girlfriend beater), John Mayer (N word user) and even the reclusive Florida Tiger (serial wife cheater) have all tried to navigate their way across the Boulevard of Remorse to the safe shoulder of public forgiveness. But it's still a big enough deal that when men apologize, it's broadcast live on TV. For some, national coverage is not enough. On Feb. 24, Akio Toyoda, the CEO of Toyota, flew halfway across the planet to apologize in Washington: "When the cars are damaged, it is as though I am as well.“ German scholar Peter Schönbach's seminal 1980 paper on what academics call "the taxonomy of accounts," there are four main ways people respond to their "failure events": the concession ("I did it, it was my fault, I'm sorry"), the excuse ("I did it, but it wasn't my idea/it was raining/the woman made me do it"), the justification ("I did it, but it was necessary") and the refusal ("I didn't do it"). Not to take issue with Schönbach, but he seems to have left two out, both male favorites: the deflection ("Mistakes were made") and the stonewall (complete silence). Feb. 19, 2010

Tiger’s “Other Women” Rachel Uchitel arrives from New York at the Los Angeles International Airport on Nov. 29, 2009 A head-turning nightclub promoter who first drew notice after the tragedy of Sept. 11 is back in the news — but she's attracting a very different kind of attention. According to a claim, Rachel Uchitel has been having an affair with golf star Tiger Woods since June. Uchitel and Woods have denied the claim but have been unable to prevent widespread Internet chatter, which speculates that the jet-setting 34-year-old was the source of a fight between Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren that led to the golfer's crashing his SUV outside his Florida mansion early on Nov. 27. (The multimillionaire athlete will be issued a citation for reckless driving, according to local authorities.) Dubbed a "New York City party girl," Uchitel insists the Enquirer's report is false and says she has met Woods only on two brief occasions. Nevertheless, the maelstrom of attention surrounding the clean-cut Woods' accident has turned Uchitel into a full-blown media star — at least for the moment.

Tiger’s “Other Women” It's unclear why onetime reality show contestant Jaimee Grubbs, 24, decided to talk about an alleged 31-month affair with Tiger Woods. The Californian waitress, who had appeared alongside her ex-boyfriend on VH1's guy-improvement show Tool Academy, discussed her liaisons with Woods in Us Weekly magazine. She described their relationship as "romantic" — as well as sexual — and never indicated that things had gone sour. But the evidence she presented for her claims — steamy text messages and a voic where someone purportedly sounding like Woods asks Grubbs to help him cover up his cheating tracks — paints a picture of a man who realized the heat was on. In a press release posted on his website, Woods apologized Dec. 2 for unspecified "transgressions" days after a one-car accident in the early morning hours the day after Thanksgiving left the media buzzing about a possible domestic dispute. Nor was Grubbs the only alleged mistress on the scene: the National Enquirer reported before the accident on rumors that Tiger had had a relationship with New York club promoter Rachel Uchitel, 34, — a story which she vehemently denies — while Life & Style magazine claimed that Tiger had been seeing Kalika Moquin, 27, a Las Vegas marketing agent, for months. Post-affair: Grubbs has said that she was "hurt" to hear of other women possibly being in the picture. As, no doubt, was Tiger's wife Elin Nordegren

Spouse View of Husband’s Infidelity
Blubbering Gov. Mark Sanford broke down in tears as he dubbed his Argentine mistress his "soul mate.“ He confessed that he "crossed lines" with other women during his 20-year marriage - but only crossed the "sex line" with Argentine hottie Maria Belen Chanur.

Extramarital Sex (269-271) Equity Therory Explanation for Extramarital Sex
Equity Theory: This interpersonal exchange model focuses on the rewards and costs associated with a sexual relationship. The view is that “engaging in extra marital sex can be a way of restoring equity in an inequitable relationship.” Psychologists Elaine Hatfield tested this theory. Partners who felt that they were “underbenefited” begin engaging in extramarital sex earlier in their marriage and had more extramarital partners than did partners who felt equitably treated or overbenefited. (270) For women, at least, there is no indication that extramarital sex is casual or promiscuous. In one survey, of those married women who had had extramarital sex, 43 percent had done so with only one partner (Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983). According to the equity theory, if individuals perceive a relationship as inequitable (if they feel they are not getting what they deserve), they become distressed. The more inequitable the relationship, the more distressed they feel. In order to relieve the distress, they make attempts to restore equity in the relationship. For example, people who feel they are putting too much into a relationship and not getting enough out of it might let their appearance go, or not work as hard to earn money, or refuse sexual access, or refuse to contribute to conversations. The idea is that such actions will restore equity. If these equity processes do occur, they might help to explain patterns of extramarital sex.

Double- Shot Hypothesis of Infidelity
A woman is less likely to think that if her mate has sex, he will also be in love. Instead, she is more likely to think that if her mate is in love, then he is also engaging in sex (Harris & Christenfeld, 1996, 1998). Men showed no difference in their ratings of the two scenarios. A man thought that if his mate was having sex with another man, then she would also be in love with him. And this scenario was just as likely as the possibility that if she was in love, then she would be having sex. These results can be interpreted with the double-shot hypothesis formulated by DeSteno and Salovey (1996), which states people believe that emotional infidelity and sexual infidelity are associated: if one is present then the other is present—that is, a double shot. Thus, women consider emotional infidelity more distressing because it also includes sexual infidelity—that is, a double shot. A woman can, however, conceive other mate as having sex without being in love, and thus for her sexual infidelity is less distressing—that is, a single shot. Men, on the other hand, are equally distressed by sexual infidelity as by emotional infidelity. They assume that if a woman is having sex she is also in love, and vice-versa, which means a double shot of infidelity in both cases. Likelihood that sex leads to love: "Imagine that you discover that your mate is engaging in sexual intercourse with someone else. How likely do you think it is that your mate is in love with this person?" (1 = Not at all likely, to 5 = Very likely) Likelihood that love leads to sex: "Imagine that you discover that your mate is in love with someone else. How likely do you think it is that your mate is also engaging in sex with this other person?" (1 - Not at all likely, to 5 = Very likely) Harris discovered that in actual cases of infidelity, men and women did not differ in the degree they were upset by sexual versus emotional infidelity. Furthermore, both men and women focused more on the emotional aspects than on the sexual aspects of the actual infidelity. When a relationship ended as a result of an infidelity, 94% of the women and 43% of the men reported that they initiated the ending. Thus, differences in what evokes different types of jealousy may need further examination for its implications for both evolutionary psychology and biosocial theory.

Law & Infidelity For example, New York defines an adulterer as a person who "engages in sexual intercourse with another person at a time when he has a living spouse, or the other person has a living spouse.”North Carolina defines adultery as occurring when any man and woman "lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and cohabit together." Minnesota law provides: "when a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery.” As recently as 2001, Virginia prosecuted an attorney, John R. Bushey of Luray, for adultery, a case that ended in a guilty plea and a $125 fine. Adultery is against the governing law of the U.S. military. In common-law countries, adultery was also known as "Criminal Conversation". This was the civil tort arising from the same act(s) giving rise to the criminal action for adultery, being based upon the husband's loss of property rights to his wife as a chattel. Criminal Conversation was usually referred to by lawyers as "Crim. Con.", and was abolished in England (1857) and Ireland (1976). Another tort, alienation of affection, arises when one spouse deserts the other for a third person. This act was also known as desertion, which was often a crime as well. A small number of jurisdictions still allow suits for criminal conversation and/or alienation of affection. A marriage in which both spouses agree to accept sexual relations by either partner with another person is a form of commongamy, and the spouses would not treat the sexual relations as adultery, although it could still be considered a crime in some legal jurisdictions. In Canada, though the written definition in the Divorce Act refers to extramarital relations with someone of the opposite sex, a British Columbia judge used the Civil Marriage Act in a 2005 case to grant a woman a divorce from her husband who had cheated on her with another man, which the judge felt was equal reasoning to dissolve the union. In the traditional English common law, adultery was a felony. Although the legal definition of "adultery" differs in nearly every legal system, the common theme is sexual relations outside of marriage, in one form or another.

“Criminal Conversation” and “Alienation of Affections”
“Criminal conversation" is, in fact, a civil claim for adultery. In early common law, this claim was known as "seduction" and required the plaintiff to prove that sexual relations had occurred between the plaintiff's spouse and the defendant. At common law, the only recognized claim for criminal conversation was by a husband against his wife's lover. As with the claim for alienation of affections, the passage of the Married Women's Property Acts also was instrumental in authorizing a wife to make a claim for criminal conversation. To establish a claim for criminal conversation, a plaintiff must prove only that: (1) The spouses were legally married; and, (2) Sexual intercourse occurred between the defendant and the plaintiff's spouse during the marriage. Criminal conversation is a strict liability claim which does not require a showing of malice. The plaintiff can prevail even if the defendant was unaware that the plaintiff's spouse was married at the time of the sexual encounter. Furthermore, the plaintiff need not establish that there was love and affection in the marriage or that the sexual intercourse had any effect on the marriage. The only defenses to a claim for criminal conversation are the expiration of the three-year statute of limitations or the plaintiff's consent, encouragement, or approval of the conduct amounting to connivance. Both alienation of affections and criminal conversation allow for recovery of monetary damages to compensate for the emotional distress related to the loss of affections, services in the home, support, separation from the spouse, and divorce. The plaintiff also may recover for humiliation and mental anguish. North Carolina is one of only eight states that still recognize claims for alienation of affections and criminal conversation. Illinois, Hawaii Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, South Dakota and Utah —still recognize both alienation of affection and criminal conversation. Damages could be recovered from anyone who either intentionally removed the wife [husband] or "enticed" her to leave, resulting in a loss of "consortium," or marital companionship and support. To establish a common law claim for alienation of affections, the jilted spouse must prove that: (1) The plaintiff and the plaintiff's spouse were happily married and that genuine love and affection existed between them; (2) This love and affection were alienated and destroyed; and, (3) The defendant's wrongful and malicious acts produced and brought about the loss and alienation of the love and affection. Contrary to the belief of many, a claim for alienation of affections, unlike a claim for criminal conversation, does not require proof of sexual acts between the spouse and the defendant.

Process of Letting Go & Divorce
M a r i t a l B r e a k d o w n I n R e l a t i o n s h i p s by Hal Anderson Companionship Letting Go Processes Reciprocation Disenchantment Distancing Disengagement (Proactive-Positive) (Reactive) (Reactive) (Proactive-Negative) Interactive Anger-Insteads Passive-Aggressive Avoidance Traits: (Anderson) Traits: (DeAngelis) Traits: (Gottman) Traits: (Many Authors) Exciting Resistance Defensiveness - Ambivalence Stimulating Resentment Criticism Vacillation Consoling Rejection Contempt Separation Soothing Repression Withdrawal Dissolution ___________________________________________________ “The process of letting go is a signal of marital breakdown. Some couples stay married and adapt to a lower level of functioning in their marriage than they had before and return at least to a state of disenchantment. Other couples who seek counseling or therapy---committed to the relationship---could return to companionship traits. Sometimes couple or family counseling confirms a strong and long-term estrangement between the partners and the counseling becomes a means to justify dissolving marriage---especially if counseling is defined as a last desperate effort to end the estrangement- --whether or not the marriage could have been preserved. Of course, those couples (or one of the partners) that are in a state of avoidance may choose divorce without real understanding of the consequences (and one partner may go along reluctantly) until their is a point of no return.” (Promises & Passions, by Hal Anderson)

Postmarital Sex: Divorced and Widowed (273-274)
Divorced men were more sexually active than were divorced women. The average frequency of intercourse reported was twice a month. Newly single persons acquire new partners at a significantly higher rate than single, never married persons in the year following a breakup. Men with custody of children and men and women with low incomes have a higher rates of new partner acquisition, perhaps reflecting the impact of instability associated with a disillusion. Widows are less likely than female divorcees to engage in postmarital sex. In one study 77% of widowed had been specially abstinent in the last year, compared with 29% of the divorced (2003).

Aging & Relationships Then: "My first priority is my family and my husband's work," she told TIME in Looking back over 65 years in a marriage she describes as a "partnership," Lauretta Galligan wouldn't change a thing. She's proud of her six granddaughters, who have more options than she did: one has taught in Spain, another is studying in China, and a third has worked in Alaska and Africa. "They can do anything," Galligan says, but balancing career and family takes "good planning." Now: 'It used to be that a man would be ashamed to be found in the kitchen ... Those old stereotypes have been buried forever. I think it's good that we got rid of most of them. I can't think of any that we'd want to hold on to.'

Aging & Sex Attitudes About Sexuality and Aging
The 2004 AARP study is a follow-up to a study that was conducted five years earlier. The 2004 poll of 1,682 men and women turned up some interesting changes in sexual attitudes and behaviors. One of the most significant is the growing number of adults seeking information about sexuality and treatment for sexual problems. In 1999, half of the respondents had sought information about sex; in 2004, that number rose to 62%. Over all, the number of people seeking help for a sex problem crept up from 14% to 18%, but the jump was more significant for men alone. The proportion of men who said they have tried medications and other treatments to improve sexual functioning more than doubled, going from 10% to 22%. Viagra was by far the most commonly used treatment; in fact, the percentage of people who've tried Viagra nearly matched that of all the other treatments (such as hormone injections, pills and patches, herbs, Levitra, Cialis). Attitudes About Sexuality and Aging Many of those who tried medication or other treatments for sexual problems reported that the therapies increased their enjoyment or satisfaction with sex. Their partners agreed. Over all, 68% of men and 55% of women who sought treatment reported greater sexual satisfaction. Among those whose partners used a drug or other treatment for sexual problems, 56% of the women and 64% of the men reported that they enjoyed sex more as a result.

Mickey Rourke has already had the comeback of the century,
A big age gap isn't always easy on a couple, but Michael Douglas literally has a prescription to make a May-December marriage work -- he takes Viagra and Cialis to keep up with his much younger wife Catherine Zeta Jones. The 65-year-old 'Wall Street 2' star admitted to AARP magazine that uses modern medicine to satisfy the 40-year-old Oscar-winning actress. Mickey Rourke has already had the comeback of the century, being nominated for an Oscar and winning a Golden Globe for 'The Wrestler,' but the 57-year-old actor has nabbed an equally coveted trophy: a sexy young blonde. The reformed bad boy has been dating much-younger Russian-born model Anastassija Makarenko. The actor is so smitten, he even said "I wouldn't trade her in for 20 Academy Awards." Read more:

It's a time-honored tradition in Hollywood for older men to
date younger women, and cougar couples have become all the rage as well. That said, at some point the age gap between partners can sometimes border on ridiculous, prompting the inevitable question, 'Is that his daughter or his wife?' Some call it robbing the cradle, others call it lucking out. How did Bruce Willis manage to upgrade from Demi Moore?! The 'Cop Out' star, 54, married 30-year-old model Emma Herning in March, The new Mrs Willis is even younger than Demi's hubby Ashton Kutcher, 32, although, to be fair, Moore is only 47 years old.

Sex and Seniors Women: Sexuality and Menopause –majority of women continue to engage in sexual activity and enjoy it was during and after menopause. Although there is some decline sexual functioning after the last period, women with higher estrogen levels are so she with better sexual functioning. Testosterone may decline as sure levels of ovarian testosterone decline. Testosterone replacement therapy is available. Men: Testosterone production gradually declines over the years. Also the refractory period lengthens with age. The volume ejaculate gradually decreases and the force of ejaculation lessons. The study of healthy married man ages 45 to 74 was related to whether the men had erectile difficulties. Among those 75 years and over, 71% of men were married and likely living with their spouse, compared with only 31% of women.(2000) About 24% of women and 31% of men ages 60 to 74 had intercourse at least weekly. More than 25% of the women and half of the men at all ages report that they always have an orgasm from sexual activity. “I’d rather wear out than rust out” (80 year old husband with his 75 year old wife)

Four kinds of standards for premarital coitus (Sociologist, Ira Reiss) Chapter 9 pp. ( ; Abstinence – premarital intercourse is considered wrong for both males and females, regardless of circumstances Permissiveness with affection- premarital intercourse is permissible for both males and females if it occurs in the context of a stable relationship that involves love, commitment, or being engaged. Permissiveness without affection – premarital intercourse is permissible for both males and females, regardless of emotional commitment, simply on the basis of physical attraction. Double standard – Khmer letter course is acceptable for males is not acceptable for females ( Orthodox double standard holds regardless of the couple’s relationship; whereas in the transitional case sex is considered acceptable for the woman if she is in love or engaged.)

Peggy Lee Syndrome (247) Premarital Sex “Is that all there is?”
( Pleasure Scale average 2.95 on a ) New data for 2006 from the National Center for Health Statistics indicate that the 14-year decline in the U.S. teen birth rate has reversed, and both the number of births to teens and the teen birth rate have risen. Between 2005 and 2006, the teen birth rate rose 3 percent, from 40.5 to 41.9 births per 1,000 females aged The number of births to teens also rose by 20,834, from 414,593 to 435,427 births.

A teenage girl holds a pregnancy test

Attitudes on Teen Pregnancy
Sarah Palin's Teenage Daughter Pregnant September 02, 2008

Having a Teen Pregnancy Decisions(250-251)

Premarital Sex Cognitive Consonance and Dissonance Analysis
A Catholic girl on a moonlit night tries to reduce the dissonance between a boyfriend’s request for sex before marriage and holding her value beliefs of virginity before marriage. She further has to choose so that she can retain the boyfriend’s interest in her. What can she do to deal with the cognitive dissonance and achieve cognitive consonance? 1. She simply says “no.” and this retains her virginity and value belief system. (This creates “cognitive consonance” since she can preserve---what she values most---her virginity and her original value system.) 2. She wants his acceptance so goes ahead and has pre-marital sex, but later absolves herself by seeking out her priest and confesses and goes through repentance process. (This regains her moral belief system although momentarily, she created great dissonance by her initial behavior.) 3. She goes ahead and has sex and conveniently changes her attitudes and values to “fit” that of her new behavior. 4. She goes ahead and has sex and later seeks out information that rationalizes “if you’re going to get married to the one you want, you must sometimes compromise your moral standards.” This justifies temporarily what she perceives as “induced compliance” to win her boyfriend.

Cognitive Consonance and Dissonance Analysis
A CFO in order to keep working for Enron and have “an induced compliance” to “cook the books” (e.g. withhold large liabilities of the Corporation and not disclose this in their financial statements to the FTC or Stock Investors or company employees). The CFO may want to tell the “truth” but hold a discrepant claim that, “I could be fired if I did not comply.” Goal: To reduce Dissonance and create cognitive “consonance”: 1. Become a whistle blower (this creates “cognitive consonance” since he/she can retain---what they value most---their true attitude and belief system of complete honesty even though it may jeopardize their job. 2. Leave the basic discrepancy between attitude of honesty (in most other settings) and “work-related” dishonesty (“induced compliance by CEO and other bosses) while “reducing” dissonance using “self-affirmation” efforts (focusing on other positive self-attributes---good things about the self, in order to restore positive self-evaluations that are threatened by the dissonance (Note: clearly, this only “reduces” the discomfort of the dissonance but does not “resolve” it.) 3. Change our attitudes and values of honesty / dishonesty to simply accord with the CEO’s induced compliance and adopt them as our own. (e.g., conveniently change our attitude/values to fit the dissonant behavior.) 4. Seek out more information that supports, skews, or “justifies” our new attitudes about “backing up the company” as a ‘necessary evil.’

Cognitive Consonance and Dissonance Analysis
Cognitive-consistency’s basic premise is that we are motivated to achieve a psychological state in which our beliefs and behaviors are consistent. We perceive inconsistency between beliefs and behaviors to be unpleasant. Leon Festinger proposed that a psychological state known as cognitive dissonance occurs when in a person has two inconsistent or incompatible thoughts or cognitions. Because cognitive dissonance is an unpleasant or aversive state, we seek to reduce it and instead create cognitive consonance -- the state in which our cognitions are compatible with one another. Approach-approach conflict – Here you are confronted with two desirable goals you would like to satisfy. Satisfying one motive, however, prevents you from satisfying the second. If either goal can be made a bit more attractive than the other you'll be able to make the choice easier and resolve the conflict. (e.g., new car or vacation) ("law of opportunity cost”) b. Avoidance-avoidance conflict – Here the conflict arises when you must choose between two unpleasant alternatives. Because both alternatives are unpleasant the avoidance-avoidance conflict is difficult to resolve and frequently involves procrastination and decision aversion as explained above. Rather than dealing with two unpleasant alternatives, some individuals believe the situation and withdraw from making any decision. Thus two unpleasant alternatives are avoided. (“ law of diminishing returns” and “opportunity cost”) c. Approach-avoidance conflict - In this conflict situation only one goal is involved. This goal, however, has both good and bad aspects. Are you willing to accept the negative aspects of the goal to obtain its benefits? Choosing this goal involves sacrificing other choices and possibilities. In an approach-avoidance situation, the positive values of the goal attract you, and negative features of the same goal repulse you. The result is vacillation; one moment the answer is yes; the next moment it is no. Only when one motive (attraction or repulsion) become stronger than the other will this conflict the resolved. (Often an immediate temptation and fulfillment outweighs the threat or punishment at a later time.) (“least interest principle” and limited consequences) d. Multiple approach-avoidance conflicts - Here the conflict revolves around being attracted to and repulsed by a variety of goals. When conflicts occur over interpersonal relationships that may have several positive and several negative factors, such as marriage or divorced, they can have serious long-lasting effects. Desiring to purchase several products with limited resources, although difficult, can be made without as much emotional investment. (“best good” principle and multiple consequences)

Sexual Arousal Chapter 8 Study Questions

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