The Social Tasks of Friendship

The Social Tasks of Friendship
Steven R. Asher Duke University Pittsburgh Mind-Body Center Visiting Scholars Program: The Nature of Social Relationships June 12-13, 2007

Collaborators Current Doctoral Students Vito Guerra
Julie Paquette MacEvoy Kristina McDonald Former Doctoral Students and Post Docs Jude Cassidy Sonda Gabriel Andrea Hopmeyer Gorman Shelley Hymel Sherri Oden Jeffrey Parker Jennifer Parkhurst Peter Renshaw Amanda Rose Valerie Wheeler

Overview The Challenges of Social Life
Conceptualizing and Measuring Peer Adjustment What is Life Like for Children Who Have Peer Adjustment Problems? Can Social Relationship Skills Training Make a Difference? The Social Tasks of Friendship The Role of Goals in Social Competence

The Challenges of Social Life

An Incomplete List of Social Tasks
● Entering a Group ● Generating “Fun” Ideas ● Ambiguous Provocation ● Sharing Resources/Belongings ● Managing Conflict ● Making Requests ● Negotiating Rules ● Responding to Requests ● Maintaining Interactions ● Retrieving Belongings ● Listening ● Dealing with Loss ● Communicating Contingently ● Self-Disclosure ● Terminating Interaction ● Eliciting Disclosure ● Coping with Rejection ● Apologizing ● Coping with Public Failure ● Expressing Appreciation

An Incomplete List of Social Tasks (cont.)
● Coping with Public Success ● Keeping Secrets ● Sticking up for a Friend ● Forgiving ● Asking for Help ● Refusing to Dare ● Helping ● Defending Self ● Comforting ● Avoiding Danger ● Coping with Teasing ● Getting Picked for Teams/Activities ● Expressing Affection ● Coping with False Accusations ● Anger Management ● Getting Even ● Complimenting ● Achieving Equity/Fairness ● Persuading ● Resisting Distraction by Others

The Core Questions of Relationships
Is this person fun to be with? Is this person easy to get along with? Is this person trustworthy? Do we influence each other in ways I like? Does this person facilitate and not undermine my goals? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Is this person similar to me? Do I respect/admire this person?

Social Life as a Goal Coordination Task
What makes social life so challenging is that multiple goals have to be pursued and coordinated, simultaneously. (See Dodge, Asher, & Parkhurst, 1989, for a discussion)

Conceptualizing and Measuring Peer Adjustment
Peer Acceptance Friendship Friendship Quality

Peer Acceptance Peer Acceptance refers to how much other members of a group like a particular person and want to spend time with him or her

Measuring Peer Acceptance: A Rating-Scale Sociometric Measure
How much do you like to play with this person at school? I don’t I like to Examples like to a lot Louise Blue Russell Grey John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray

Measuring Peer Acceptance: Nomination Sociometric Measures
Who are the three people you like the most in this class? John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray Jo Anne Norman Pam Riley

Who are the three people you like the least in this class?
John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray Jo Anne Norman Pam Riley

Sociometric Classification Based on Like-Most and Like-Least Nominations
Like-Most Like-Least Nominations Nominations Popular High Low Rejected Low High Neglected Low Low Controversial High High Average Average Average

Is this child fun to be with?
Core Question 1: Is this child fun to be with? Acceptance Rejection good sense of humor disruptive resourceful/skillful bossy/domineering participatory/readily low cognitive skills involved withdrawn/apprehensive

Is this child easy to get along with?
Core Question 2: Is this child easy to get along with? Acceptance Rejection cooperative bossy/domineering/stubborn open-minded non-responsive responsive/available prickly/defensive/touchy/needy

Is this child trustworthy?
Core Question 3: Is this child trustworthy? Acceptance Rejection reliable aggressive/mean honest dishonest loyal betrays confidences

Do we influence each other in ways I like?
Core Question 4: Do we influence each other in ways I like? Acceptance Rejection cooperative aggression/mean respectful bossy/domineering considerate resistant/stubborn

Does this child facilitate and not undermine
Core Question 5: Does this child facilitate and not undermine my goals? Acceptance Rejection cooperative competitive helpful indifferent resourceful interfering

Does this child make me feel good about
Core Question 6: Does this child make me feel good about myself? Acceptance Rejection supportive/kind insulting/demeaning responsive non-responsive likes me dislikes me

Is this child similar to me?
Core Question 7: Is this child similar to me? Acceptance Rejection common values and interests different values and interests respect for peer conventions nonconformity to peer conventions similar demographics superior manner handicapped

Do I respect/admire this person?
Core Question 8: Do I respect/admire this person? Acceptance Rejection honesty/integrity violates moral standards defends self easy to push around competent not competent

Friendship Friendship is a dyadic relationship with certain properties such as mutual attachment, commitment, and special concern for one another’s welfare.

Measuring Friendship: Nomination Measures
Who are your best three friends in this class? John Armon Andrea Brandt Sue Curtis Sandra Drexel Jeff Ellis Bill Fox Diane Higgins Harry Jones Jill Lamb Steve Murray Jo Anne Norman Pam Riley …

Decisions About Friendship Nomination Measures
Limited versus Unlimited Nominations Unilateral versus Reciprocal Choices

Friendship Quality Friendship Quality refers to the specific features of a friendship such as the extent to which it provides companionship and recreation, help and guidance, emotional support, and shared intimacy. Friendship qualities also include how much conflict exists in the friendship and how easily conflict gets resolved.

Friendship Qualities ● Validation and Caring ● Help and Guidance
● Companionship and Recreation ● Validation and Caring ● Help and Guidance ● Intimate Exchange ● Conflict and Betrayal ● Conflict Resolution

Friendship Quality Questionnaire-Revised (Parker & Asher, 1993)
Think about your friendship with Jamie. 1. Jamie and I live really close to each other. Not at all true A little true Somewhat true Pretty true Really true 0………………….1………………………2………..…………3……..……………….4 2. Jamie and I always sit together at lunch. 3. Jamie and I get mad at each other a lot. Jamie tells me I’m good at things.

Companionship and Recreation
Definition: The extent to which the friends spend enjoyable time together inside or outside of school. Sample items: “Jamie and I always sit together at lunch.” “Jamie and I do fun things together a lot.” “Jamie and I go to each other’s house after school and on weekends.” Reliability: Alpha = .75

Validation and Caring Definition:
The degree to which the relationship is characterized by caring, support, and interest. Sample items: “Jamie tells me I’m good at things.” “Jamie makes me feel good about my ideas.” “Jamie and I make each other feel special and important.” Reliability: Alpha = .90

Help and Guidance Definition:
The extent of the friends’ efforts to assist one another with routine or challenging tasks. Sample items: “Jamie often helps me with things so I can get done quicker.” “Jamie and I help each other with schoolwork a lot.” “When I’m having trouble figuring out something, I usually ask Jamie for help and advice.” Reliability: Alpha = .90

Conflict and Betrayal Definition:
The extent to which the relationship is characterized by disagreement, annoyance, and betrayal. Sample items: “Jamie and I argue a lot.” “Jamie and I get mad at each other a lot.” “I can think of some times when Jamie has said mean things about me to other kids.” Reliability: Alpha = .84

Intimate Exchange Definition:
The extent to which the relationship is characterized by disclosure of personal information and feelings. Sample items: “Jamie and I are always telling each other about our problems.” “Jamie and I talk about the things that make us sad.” “When I’m mad about something that happened to me, I can always talk to Jamie about it.” Reliability: Alpha = .86

Conflict Resolution Definition:
The degree to which disagreements in the relationship are resolved efficiently and fairly. Sample items: “Jamie and I always make up easily when we have a fight.” “Jamie and I always get over our arguments really quickly.” “If Jamie and I get mad at each other, we always talk about how to get over it.” Reliability: Alpha = .73

What is Life Like for Children with Peer Relationship Problems?

The Experience of Peer Rejection
A year-long wireless observation study revealed 32 distinct types of rejection that could be grouped into six major categories Asher, Rose, & Gabriel (2001)

Excluding and Terminating Interaction (e.g., sending a child away)
“We’re not gonna play with him ever.” Denial of Access (e.g., refusing a child’s attempts to join) “Laura is not in the club.” Aggression (e.g., physically attacking) Dominance (e.g., giving orders) “Stop it, you fool.” Moral Disapproval (e.g., disapproving of someone’s behavior) Involving a Third Party (e.g., relaying a negative statement) “Now I’m supposed to tell you to please kiss off.”

Poorer School Adjustment
More difficulty in early school years (Ladd, 1990) Higher rates of school drop out (Parker & Asher, 1987)

Greater Loneliness at All Ages Assessed
Even very young children have a basic understanding of what loneliness means. Do you know what “being lonely” means? Uh-hum. Like if you’re uhm, a Martian, and you don’t eh, eh, uh, and you only live on one planet and…nobody’s um, with ya, on that planet.

Loneliness and Social Dissatisfaction Questionnaire
Loneliness and Social Dissatisfaction Questionnaire (Asher, Hymel, & Renshaw, 1984) Primary Items It’s easy for me to make new friends at school. I have nobody to talk to. I’m good at working with other children. It’s hard for me to make friends. I have lots of friends. I feel alone. I can find a friend when I need one. It’s hard to get other kids to play with. I don’t have anyone to play with. I get along with other kids. I feel left out of things. There’s nobody I can go to when I need help. I don’t get along with other children. I’m lonely. I’m well-liked by kids in my class. I don’t have any friends.

Filler Items I like to read. I watch TV a lot. I like school. I play sports a lot. I like science. I like music. I like to draw and paint. I like playing board games a lot.

Loneliness and Social Dissatisfaction Questionnaire for Young Children (Cassidy & Asher, 1992)
Primary Items Is it easy for you to make new friends at school? Do you have other kids to talk to at school? Are you good at working with other kids at school? Is it hard for you to make friends at school? Do you have lots of friends at school? Do you feel alone at school? Can you find a friend in class when you need one? Is it hard to get kids in school to like you? Do you have kids to play with at school? Do you get along with other kids at school? Do you feel left out of things at school? Are there kids you can go to when you need help in school? Is it hard for you to get along with the kids at school? Are you lonely at school? Do the kids at school like you? Do you have friends at school?

Items on the UCLA Loneliness Scale 3rd Revision
Sociability Items How often do you feel outgoing and friendly? How often do you feel shy? Social Provision Items How often do you feel you can find companionship when you want it? How often do you feel there are people you can turn to? How often do you feel that there are people you can talk to? How often do you feel that you lack companionship? How often do you feel that there is no one you can turn to? Closeness/Intimacy How often do you feel that no one really knows you well? How often do you feel that there are people that really understand you? How often do you feel that you are no longer close to someone? How often do you feel close to people? How often do you feel that your relationships with others are not meaningful?

Items on the UCLA Loneliness Scale 3rd Revision (cont.)
Belonging/Similarity How often do you feel that you are “in tune” with the people around you? How often do you feel part of a group of friends? How often do you feel that you have a lot in common with the people around you? How often do you feel that your interests and ideas are not shared by those around you? How often do you feel that people are around you but not with you? Isolation How often do you feel left out? How often do you feel isolated from others? Loneliness Items How often do you feel alone? All items answered on a 1 (never) to 4 (always) scale. (Russell, 1996)

Asher, Gorman, Guerra, & Gabriel (in preparation)
● 775 fourth and fifth grade students ranging in age from 9 to 11 years old. ● Children completed a rating-scale sociometric measure to assess children’s acceptance by peers. ● Children completed an inventory of behavioral nomination items, which contained 12 items used to identify children who are prosocial, submissive, withdrawn, or aggressive. ● Children completed a loneliness questionnaire that consisted of 12 items asking about loneliness in the context of class, the lunchroom, the playground, and in physical education.

Research Aims ● To develop a reliable measure of loneliness in various school contexts ● To learn whether there are context differences in loneliness ● To learn whether differences between accepted, submissive low-accepted, and aggressive low-accepted children vary as a function of school context

Items on the Loneliness in Contexts Questionnaire-School Age
Classroom Do you feel sad and alone in your classroom? Is the classroom a lonely place for you? Are you lonely in your classroom? Lunchroom Do you feel sad and alone in the lunchroom? Is the lunchroom a lonely place for you? Are you lonely in the lunchroom? Physical Education Do you feel sad and alone in P.E.? Is P.E. a lonely place for you? Are you lonely in P.E.? Playground Do you feel sad and alone on the playground? Is the playground a lonely place for you? Are you lonely on the playground?

Items on the Loneliness in Contexts Questionnaire-School Age (cont.)
Filler Items Do you like to do math at school? Do you like to read at school? Do you like to play sports at school? Do you like going on field trips with your class? Do you like to draw and paint at school? Do you like having parties in your classroom at school? Do you like going to the library at school? Do you like music class at school? Do you like making reports to the class? Do you like to work on group projects at school? Do you like reading books at school? Do you like to play games at school? Do you like doing homework? Do you like to write stories at school? Do you like school assemblies?

Loneliness in Context Measure: Internal Reliability
Classroom = .82 Lunchroom = .85 Playground = .86 Physical Education = .85 Total Score = .94

New Revision of Loneliness in Context Measure (Asher & McDonald, in preparation)
Class is a lonely place for me. I am lonely in the evening. My place of residence is a lonely place for me. My free time is a lonely time for me. I feel sad and alone on weekends. I am lonely with other people. I feel sad and alone at social events. I am lonely during meal times. I feel sad and alone when I am studying. Bed time is a lonely time for me. All items are answered on a scale of 1(never) to 5(always).

Can Social Relationship Skills Training Make a Difference?

Social Skills Coaching Oden & Asher (1977) Assumptions and Features
School is an ideal context for intervention Game playing as an activity context Coach “meaty” concepts Instruct-Practice-Review Average status partners Avoid stigmatizing

Coaching Results: Peer Acceptance
Significant improvement in acceptance status of rejected children. On follow-up, there was continued improvement in peer acceptance. No significant effect of coaching on friendship

Subsequent Social Skills Training Research
Peer acceptance gains found in 10 of 15 studies Friendship was assessed in only 3 other studies. None found gains in friendship on a limited friendship nomination measure.

The Social Tasks of Friendship
Initiating outside of school contact Being an enjoyable companion Helping friend Reliable partner Managing conflict Friendship in the larger peer group context Self‑disclosure Expressing affection Friendship transgression Appreciating spirit of equality (Asher, Parker, & Walker, 1996)

Managing Conflicts of Interest

Rose and Asher (1999) ● 710 fourth-and fifth-grade children ● rating-scale sociometric measure to assess peer acceptance ● reciprocally nominated friends were identified from each nomination question: all best friends, three best friends, very best friends ● modified version of the Friendship Quality Questionnaire; the focal child for their report was the very best reciprocated friend they had, as assessed from the friendship nomination measures ● 30 vignettes, each of which focused on some form of conflict within a friendship; for each vignette children rated their strategies and goals, with the assessments separated in time and with order counterbalanced

Hypothetical Situations Representing Conflicts of Interests Within a Friendship
Exclusivity/Dealing with Friendship in a Larger Social Context Example: You are looking forward to playing with just your friend at recess, but your friend asks some other children to play with the two of you. Helping/Self-Sacrifice Example: After school you go over to your friend’s house and you are playing his/her video game. Your friend tells you that he/she has chores around the house to do each week and that they are supposed to be done by that night. He/She hasn’t started any of them, and now he/she is worried he/she won’t have time to get them done. He/She asks you if you would help him/her with his/her chores. You tell your friend that you are having fun playing the video game, but your friend still wants you to help him/her. Maintaining Spirit of Equality Example: You and your friend just finished playing a board game. You had fun playing the game because you got to pick the game and it is your favorite. You really want to play the same game again, but your friend doesn’t want to and says it’s his/her turn to pick.

Hypothetical Situations Representing Conflicts of Interests Within a Friendship (cont.)
Being a Reliable Partner Example: You and your friend are supposed to go to the movies on Saturday afternoon. Then a boy/girl in your class who you really like calls and invites you but not your friend to a birthday party on Saturday. You would like to go to the party, but your friend still wants you to go to the movie with him/her. Managing Disagreement Over Resources Example: You are putting together a puzzle during the lunch break. You’ve worked very hard on the puzzle, and it’s almost finished. Your friend comes over, picks up some puzzle pieces, and wants to play with the puzzle with you. You tell your friend that you really want to finish the puzzle by yourself, and you ask him/her to give back the puzzle pieces, but he/she doesn’t want to give you the puzzle pieces.

Goals Used in Each Hypothetical Situation
Goal Type Actual Wording Relationship Goal I would be trying to stay friends. Moral Goal I would be trying to be fair. Tension Reduction I would be trying to keep myself from getting upset Instrumental Goal I would be trying to go to the movie I want to see. Retaliation Goal I would be trying to get back at my friend. Control Goal I would be trying to keep my friend from pushing me around

Strategy Type, Definition, and Example
Strategy Type Strategy Definition and Example Accommodating Strategy Engaging in an action which satisfies the interests of one’s friend at the expense of one’s own interests (e.g., I would tell my friend that he can pick the movie.) Compromising Strategy Engaging in an action which satisfies both one’s own interests and one’s friend’s interest (e.g., I would say that I would go to his movie this time if I could pick the movie next time.) Verbally Aggressive Strategy Statement by the focal child which has a high probability of hurting the friend’s feelings (e.g., I would tell him to shut up because I want to pick.)

Strategy Type, Definition, and Example (cont.)
Strategy Type Strategy Definition and Example Self-Interest Pursuit Strategy Engaging in an action which satisfies one’s own interests at the expense of one’s friend’s interests (e.g., I would tell my friend that we should go to the movie I want to see.) Leaving Strategy Physically leaving the situation (e.g., I would just go away.) Threaten Termination of Verbally threatening to terminate the Friendship friendship if the friend does not comply with the wishes of the focal child (e.g., I would tell my friend that I won’t be friends with him unless we go to the movie that I want to see.)

Reliable Partner: Goal
You and your friend always play together at recess. One day some other kids ask if you want to be on their team to play a game. You would like to be on their team, but your friend still wants you to play with him. What would your goal be in this situation? really really disagree agree A. I would be trying to get back at my friend B. I would be trying to play the game C. I would be trying to make sure that things are done fairly. D. I would be trying to keep myself from getting upset. E. I would be trying to stay friends F. I would be trying to keep my friend from pushing me around.

Reliable Partner: Strategy
You and your friend always play together at recess. One day some other kids ask if you want to be on their team to play a game. You would like to be on their team, but your friend still wants you to play with him. What would you say or do? definitely definitely would not do would do A. I would ask the other kids if my friend could play too. B. I would tell my friend that he is a jerk for trying to make me still play with him C. I would play the game D. I would just go away E. I would tell my friend that I won’t be friends with him anymore if he keeps trying to get me to play with him. F. I would play with my friend

Goals After Cluster Analysis
● Relationship Maintaining Goal (trying to stay friends; trying to be fair; trying to keep from getting upset) ● Instrumental/Control Goal (trying to meet one’s own needs; trying to keep from being pushed around by the friend) ● Revenge Goal (trying to get back at the friend)

Strategies After Cluster Analysis
● Accommodation/Compromise Strategy ● Self-Interest Assertion Strategy ● Hostile Strategy (e.g., leaving, being verbally aggressive, threatening to terminate the friendship)

Strategies Coefficient Alpha
● Accommodation/Compromise .93 ● Self-Interest Assertion .92 ● Hostile Goals ● Relationship Maintaining .98 ● Instrumental/Control .98 ● Revenge

Children’s Endorsement of the Goal of Revenge in Response to Normative Conflict Situations with Friends Average Revenge Goal Score Percent of Sample N On 1-5 Scale Across 30 Hypothetical Situations Greater than or equal to % 41 Between 3.0 and % 101 Between 2.0 and % 170 Between 1.0 and % 355 Notes. Higher numbers indicate stronger endorsement of the revenge goal. These data are based on secondary analyses of Rose & Asher (1999).

Indexes of Friendship Adjustment
Number of Best Friends Friendship Quality Positive Friendship Quality -intimate exchange -validation and caring -help and guidance -companionship and recreation -conflict resolution Friendship Conflict

Summary of Hierarchical Regressions of Goals and Strategies on Number of Best Friends, Positive Friendship Quality, and Friendship Conflict Number of Positive Friendship Friendship Best Friends Quality Conflict Measure ΔR2 Ba F ΔR2 Ba F ΔR2 Ba F Goal Relationship Maintaining Instrumental-Control *** Revenge **** * **** Strategy Accommodation-Compromise * Self-Interest Assertion *** Hostile ** **** a: After controlling for gender, acceptance, grade, and the Gender x Acceptance, Gender x Grade, Acceptance x Grade, and Gender x Acceptance x Grade interaction terms in the regression equation. *p<.05. **p<.01. ***p< ****p<.0001.

Goals Assessed ● Relationship (trying to stay friends)
● Moral (trying to be fair) ● Tension Reduction (trying to keep from getting upset) ● Instrumental (trying to meet one’s own needs) ● Control (trying to keep from being pushed around by the friend) ● Retaliation (trying to get back at the friend)

Vengeful Reactions to Minor Conflicts of Interest with Friends, Roommates, and Romantic Partners
McDonald & Asher (2007)

Goals in Conflict Situations
Research with children examining revenge goals in friendship conflict (Rose & Asher, 1999) Revenge goals associated with number of friends Revenge goals associated with quality of friendship

Revenge Goals in Conflict
Interpretations and emotions Beyond the hostile attribution bias Behaviors communicate messages beyond simple surface level meanings

Predicting Interpretations, Emotions, Goals, & Strategies in Conflict
Relational Context Friends, roommates, and romantic partners Similarities Differences Gender Females tend to endorse more prosocial goals and strategies than males Males tend to endorse more hostile goals and aggressive strategies than females (See Rose & Rudolph, 2006 for a review)

Goals of the Study To explore how interpretations and emotions relate to goals, particularly revenge goals in minor conflict of interest situations with close relationship partners To examine how interpretations, emotions, goals, and strategies in conflicts of interest differ across romantic relationships, friendships, and roommate relationships To explore possible gender differences in interpretations, emotions, goals, and strategies in conflict of interest situations

Method 157 college students (92 female & 65 male; mean age=18.74 yrs)
58.9% Caucasian, 13% Asian/Pacific Islander, 12.3% Black non-Hispanic, 8.2% Hispanic, 5.5% Bi-racial or Multi-racial, and 2.1% Other Vignettes about conflicts of interest: Doing one’s fair share Both needing to use a resource Needing help Breaking a commitment to spend time together Exclusivity

Interpretations Interpretation Example Cronbach’s alpha Solvability
“My partner and I can easily solve this situation” .92 Face Value “My partner just wants to use the TV” .89 Disrespect “My partner doesn’t respect me” Lack Relationship Viability “…my relationship with this person is falling apart” .91 Judgment of Wrongdoing “My partner’s behavior is wrong” .88 Lack of Caring “My partner doesn’t care about my wants or needs” .90 Betrayal “My partner’s behavior is a kind of betrayal” Rejection “My partner is rejecting me” .93

Emotions Emotion Example Cronbach’s alpha Anger “I would feel angry”
.91 Hurt Feelings “My feelings would be hurt.”

Goals Goal Example Cronbach’s alpha Relationship Maintenance
“I would be trying to stay together” .97 Fairness “I would be trying to make sure that things are done fairly” .95 Revenge “I would be trying to get back at my partner” Tension Reduction “I would be trying not to get upset” Control “I would be trying not to be pushed around” .96 Self-Interest “I would be trying to do what I want” .92

Strategies .33 -.51 Strategy Example Cronbach’s alpha Accommodation
“I would do it myself” .78 Compromise “I would ask if my partner could help me study later” .76 Verbal Aggression “I would say something insulting to my partner” .92 Self-Interest Assertions “I would tell my partner to help me study now” .90 Emotional Manipulation “I would act cold and distant to my partner” .93 Threat of Termination “I would threaten to end the relationship” Termination “I would end the relationship” .96

Gender Differences in Interpretations
* * Note. Bars with an asterisk are significantly different from one another.

Gender Differences in Interpretations (continued)
* * * * Note. Bars with an asterisk are significantly different from one another.

Gender Differences in Emotions
Note. Bars with an asterisk are significantly different from one another.

Gender Differences in Goals

Gender Differences in Strategies

Relational Context Differences in Interpretations
b b b a a Note. Bars with different letters are significantly different from one another using a Bonferroni correction.

Relational Context Differences in Interpretations (continued)
b c a b b a a b a b c b a b b b b Note. Bars with different letters are significantly different from one another using a Bonferroni correction.

Relational Context Differences in Emotions
b a c b c Note. Bars with different letters are significantly different from one another using a Bonferroni correction.

Relational Context Differences in Goals
b b a a b a c b b a b b a ab b Note. Bars with different letters are significantly different from one another using a Bonferroni correction.

Relational Context Differences in Strategies
b b a a b b b b ab a b Note. Bars with different letters are significantly different from one another using a Bonferroni correction.

Interpretations and Emotions Predicting to Revenge Goals and Controlling for Gender
Betas Overall Romantic Partner Friend Roommate Interpretations Solvability -.32 -.35 -.30 Disrespect .54 .46 .51 .57 Lack of Relationship Viability .53 .45 Judgment of Wrongdoing .39 .36 .33 .42 Lack of Caring .41 .40 Betrayal .50 .48 Rejection .49 Face Value -.41 -.42 -.44 Emotions Anger .30 .29 .25 .34 Hurt Feelings .35 .26 Note. All Beta values are less than p <.001.

Conclusions Replication and extension of previous findings regarding gender differences Consistent relational context differences Importance of interpretations and emotions for revenge goals

The Task of Giving and Receiving Help and Support
Rose & Asher (2004)

Rose and Asher (2004) 511 fifth-grade children
Children reported on their strategies and goals on a help-giving task (six vignettes) Children reported on their strategies and goals on a help-seeking task (six vignettes) Children responded to a rating-scale measure of sociometric acceptance, a friendship nomination measure, and the Friendship Quality Questionnaire (Parker & Asher, 1993) Predicted to friendship adjustment controlling for acceptance (friendship adjustment was indexed by number of friends, positive friendship quality, and friendship conflict)

Major Findings In the potential giving support context, the goal of assigning responsibility to the friend and the strategies of avoidance and blaming predicted to the number of friends children had. In the potential support seeking context, the goal of excluding the friend and the strategy of maintaining privacy predicted to the number of friends children had.

Vignette: Child Could Give Social Support
One day your best friend has to make a presentation in front of the class, and when he gets up in front of the class he seems to forget what he was going to say and he does very poorly at making the presentation. All during his presentation, you see a couple of kids whispering and laughing at him. You see him looking at the kids who are whispering and laughing at him. When he is going back to his seat after the presentation, they keep laughing and talking and start pointing at him. Examples of Responses Associated with Fewer Friends: Goal: Assigning Responsibility (e.g. “I’d be trying to make my friend see his part in causing the problem.”) Strategy: Blaming (e.g., “I’d tell my friend that the other kids laughing at him was his own fault.”)

Goals Assessed When the Friend Has a Problem
● Providing Emotional Comfort (e.g. “I’d be trying to help my friend feel better after what happened.”) ● Expressing Caring (e.g. “I’d be trying to let my friend know that I care about him.”) ● Problem Solving Assistance (e.g. “I’d be trying to keep my friend from having problems with other kids laughing at him.”) ● Respecting Privacy (e.g. “I’d be trying to stay out of my friend’s personal business.”) ● Staying Neutral (e.g. “I’d be trying not to get involved in what happened between my friend and the other kids.”) ● Assigning Responsibility (e.g. “I’d be trying to make my friend see his part in causing the problem.”)

Strategies Assessed When the Friend Has a Problem
● Initiating Discussion (e.g., “I’d ask my friend if he wanted to talk about what happened with the other kids laughing at him.”) ● Expressing Sympathy (e.g., “I’d tell my friend I was sorry he was having a problem.”) ● Offering Reassurance (e.g., “I’d tell my friend not to feel bad about what happened with the other kids laughing at him because things like that happen to everyone.”) ● Advice Giving (e.g., “I’d give my friend ideas about how to keep the other kids from laughing at him.”) ● Offering Distraction (e.g., “ I’d ask my friend if he wanted to play a game or do something fun with me.”) ● Behavioral Denial (e.g., “I’d act like the other kids laughing at my friend never happened.”) ● Avoidance (e.g., “I’d stay away from my friend.”) ● Dismissing (e.g., “I’d tell my friend not to be a baby by making a big deal over what happened with the other kids laughing at him.”) ● Blaming (e.g., “I’d tell my friend that the other kids laughing at him was his own fault.”)

Child Could Seek Social Support
The teacher is passing around cookies to all of the students but she accidentally forgets to give you some. You try to get her attention, but she doesn’t see you and sends the class outside for recess. The students who sit near you start making fun of you and say that the teacher doesn’t like you.

Goals Assessed When the Focal Child Has a Problem
● Seeking Emotional Comfort (e.g. “I’d try to feel better after what happened.”) ● Problem Solving (e.g. “I’d be trying to keep from having problems with other kids teasing me.”) ● Maintaining Privacy (e.g. “I’d be trying to keep my feelings to myself.”) ● Excluding Friend (e.g. “I’d be trying to keep my friend out of my personal business.”) ● Self-Presentation (e.g. “I’d be trying not to look dumb or silly in front of my friend.”)

Strategies Assessed When the Focal Child Has a Problem
● Self-Disclosure (e.g. “I’d like to talk with my friend about what happened with the other kids teasing me.”) ● Advice Seeking (e.g. “I’d ask my friend to help me figure out how I could keep the other kids from teasing me.”) ● Seeking Distraction (e.g. “I’d ask my friend if he wanted to play a game or do something fun with me.”) ● Behavioral Denial (e.g. “I’d act like the other kids teasing me never happened.”) ● Withdrawal (e.g. “I’d tell my friend that I want to be by myself.”) ● Hostile Refusal (e.g. “I’d tell my friend that it was none of his business.”)

The Task of Coping with Friendship Transgressions
MacEvoy and Asher (2007)

MacEvoy and Asher (2007) Primary Objectives Develop a reliable measure of children’s reactions to transgressions of friendship expectations Explore how children’s interpretations of their friend’s behavior relate to their emotions, goals, and strategies Examine potential gender differences in children’s responses to friendship transgressions. Method 270 fourth- and fifth-grade children participated in the study Children responded to 16 hypothetical vignettes depicting transgressions in four categories: Betrayal, Lack of Validation/Emotional Support, Lack of Instrumental Help, and Unreliable Partner. In response to each vignette, children rated how angry, sad, and hurt, they would be as well as their goals, strategies, and interpretations. They also rated the severity of the transgressions, how much they would be thinking about the transgressions one week later, and how they would feel about themselves one week following the transgression. To assess peer acceptance, a rating-scale sociometric measure was also administered, along with measures of loneliness and self-worth.

Example: Lack of Instrumental Help Vignette
You are having a really hard time in your math class and if you don’t get a good grade on your next test you might end up failing the class. Your friend is really good in math and always gets good grades. So you ask your friend to help you study for the next math test but your friend says “no.”

Example: Lack of Validation/Emotional Support
Yesterday you got some really bad news. You are really upset and you want to talk to your friend about it. You call your friend on the phone and say that you got some really bad news that you need to talk about. When you try to tell your friend what happened, your friend won’t listen to you talk about the bad news you got.

Example: Betrayal On Friday you told your friend a really private secret that you don’t want anybody else to know about. When you get to school on Monday, though, you find out that your friend told a bunch of other kids in your class about your secret.

Example: Unreliable Partner
You and your friend are working on a school project together. You work really hard on your part of the project and think you did a really good job. On the day the project is due, though, you find out that your friend didn’t do the part of the project that your friend was supposed to do. Because your friend didn’t do part of the project, you both end up getting a bad grade on the project.

How would you feel if this really happened to you?
1 Not at All 2 3 4 5 A Lot I would feel okay. I would feel sad. My feelings would be hurt. I would feel angry.

What would you say or do in this situation?
1 Really Disagree 2 3 4 5 Really Agree I would find a way to work things out with my friend. I would forget about it or pretend it didn’t happen. I would tell my friend that he/she is a jerk. I would tell my friend that I don’t want to be friends anymore.

What would your goal be in this situation?
1 Really Disagree 2 3 4 5 Really Agree I would be trying to keep my friend from pushing me around. I would be trying to keep myself from getting upset. I would be trying to get back at my friend. I would be trying to stay friends. I would be trying to figure out why this happened.

Why would you think your friend did this?
1 Not at All 2 3 4 5 A Lot I would think my friend was trying to push me around. I would think my friend doesn’t care about our friendship. I would think my friend didn’t mean to do anything wrong. I would think my friend doesn’t respect or value me.

I would forgive my friend if this really happened.
1 Not at All 2 3 4 5 A Lot How bad of a thing is this for a friend to do? 1 Not Bad at All 2 3 4 5 Really Bad

Cronbach Alphas for Children’s Feelings, Goals, Strategies, Interpretations, and Perceived Severity of the Transgressions ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Betrayal Validation Instrumental Unreliable Random Across All Categories Help Partner Categories Combined Hurt Angry Sad Okay Rev-G Push-G Stay-G Figure-G Upset-G Agg-S Frnd Term-S Denial-S Prob Solv-S Doesn’t Care-I Doesn’t Resp-I Trying to Push-I Neutral-I Severity _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Notes. G =Goal; S=Strategy; I=Interpretation; Rev=Revenge; Agg=Aggressive; Frnd Term=Friendship Termination; Prob Solv= Problem Solving; Doesn’t Resp=Doesn’t Respect

Function of Transgression Category
Means (and Standard Deviations) of Hurt Feelings and Perceived Severity as a Function of Transgression Category ____________________________________________________________________ Betrayal Lack of Lack of Unreliable Validation Instrumental Partner Help Hurt Feelings a b ab ab (1.32) (1.17) (1.19) (1.26) Perceived Severity a bc b c (.92) (1.00) (.93) (.80) Notes. Standard deviations are presented in parentheses. n for all means = 267 Within rows, means not sharing subscripts differ at p < .05.

Mean Ratings of Children’s Feelings, Interpretations, Goals, and Strategies as a Function of Gender
______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Girls Boys N M SD N M SD t value Hurt (.84) (1.19) 7.65**** Angry (.73) (.93) 3.30** Sad (.97) (1.15) 7.20**** Okay (.67) (.82) 2.83** Doesn’t Care-I (1.06) (1.08) 4.97**** Doesn’t Respect-I (1.01) (1.09) 4.63**** Trying to Push-I (1.06) (1.10) 2.10* Neutral-I (.95) (.95) .01 (table continues)

(continued) ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Girls Boys N M SD N M SD t value Revenge-G (1.17) (1.24) 1.44 Stop Push-G (.95) (1.09) 1.87~ Stay Friends-G (1.19) (1.15) .26 Figure Out-G (.90) (1.13) 4.39**** Stop Upset-G (.95) (1.09) 2.21* Aggression-S (1.26) (1.26) .14 Friendship Termination-S (1.04) (1.10) 1.87~ Denial-S (1.01) (1.03) .09 Problem Solving-S (1.17) (1.09) 1.18 Notes. * p < .05, ** p < .01, *** p < .001, **** p < .0001, ~ p < .10 I = Interpretation; G = Goal; S = Strategy

Mean Ratings of Perceived Severity, Projected Rumination, and Projected Feelings about Self Following the Friendship Transgressions as a Function of Gender ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Girls Boys N M SD N M SD t value Perceived Severity (.63) (.75) 3.56*** Rumination (2.62) (2.68) 2.51* Self Feelings (1.72) (2.23) * Note. * p < .05, *** p < .001

Correlations with Revenge
Feelings Hurt feelings Angry Sad Okay Interpretations Doesn’t care Doesn’t respect Push around Neutral

Correlations Between Children’s Feelings, Interpretations, Goals, Strategies, Perceived Severity, Rumination, and Self-Feelings ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 1. Hurt 2. Angry 3. Sad 4. Okay 5. Doesn’t Care-I 6. Doesn’t Respect-I 7. Push-I 8. Neutral-I 9. Rev-G 10. Push-G 11. Stay Frnds-G 12. Figure-G 13. Upset-G 14. Agg-S 15. Frnd Term-S 16. Denial-S 17. Prob Solv-S 18. Perceived Severity 19. Rumination 20. Self Feelings ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Notes. I=Interpretation; G=Goal; S=Strategy; Rev=Revenge; Agg=Aggressive; Frnd Term=Friendship Termination; Prob Solv=Problem Solving n =267 for all correlationas. Bolded correlations are significant at p < .05.

Summary of Regressions Predicting Children’s Goals From Children’s Feelings In Response to Friendship Transgressions ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hurta Angry Sadc  t R  t R  t R2 Revenge **** **** **** Stop Push ** **** * Stay Friends ** **** *** Figure Out **** * **** Stop Upset **** ** **** ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Notes. Controlling for gender, grade, ethnicity, peer acceptance, and all interaction terms. aalso controlling for anger; balso controlling for hurt feelings and sadness; calso controlling for anger * p < .05, ** p < .01, *** p < .001, **** p < .0001

Summary of Regressions Predicting Children’s Strategies From Children’s Feelings in Response to Friendship Transgressions ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ Hurta Angryb Sadc  t R  t R  t R2 Aggression **** **** *** .03 Frndshp Term **** Denial ** **** ** .02 Problem Solving **** **** **** Notes. Frndshp Term = Friendship Termination Controlling for gender, grade, ethnicity, peer acceptance, and all interaction terms. aalso controlling for anger; balso controlling for hurt feelings and sadness; calso controlling for anger ** p < .01, *** p < .001, **** p < .0001

Increased Desire for Help: Self Referral
Some kids are kind of worried about how they are getting along with other kids. These children are having some problems making friends or keeping friends. Imagine that there was a person in the school whose job was to help children learn how to make friends and get along better with other kids. This person’s job would be to help children change how well they get along with other kids. Now imagine that all the kids in the school had a chance to get help from this person. Would you like to get help if this person really worked at the school? □ Yes □ No □ Maybe

Percentage of Children in Each Acceptance Group Who Self-Refer to Friendship Expert
Yes Maybe No Low-Accepted 32.5% 41.0% 26.5% Average-Accepted 13.0% 50.6% 36.4% High-Accepted % 45.8% 37.5% Note. x² (4) = 18.81, p<.001

Percentage of Children in Each Acceptance Group Who Self-Refer
Yes Maybe No Low-Accepted 46.7% 37.8% 15.6% Average-Accepted 16.7% 49.5% 33.9% High-Accepted 8.5% 48.9% 42.6% Note. x² (4) = 26.62, p<.001

Percentage of Children in Each Acceptance Group Who Self-Refer to Friendship Expert (Entire Sample)
Yes Maybe No Low-Accepted % 36.9% 27.4% Average-Accepted 15.7% 47.7% 36.6% High-Accepted % 47.3% 39.3% Note. x² (4) = 38.83, p<.001

Self-Referral: Behavioral Subgroups of Low-Accepted Children Compared with Average-Accepted Children
No Maybe Yes Group % % % Average accepted Aggressive Low-accepted Withdrawn

Dear Student: Please Read This
We just asked you about some of your thoughts and feelings about things at school. Some questions might have been about things that bother you. Some questions might have been about things you want to change. If you want to, you can talk to the school social worker about these things. This will only happen if you want to. If you would like to talk to the school social worker, please check this box: □ Yes, I want to talk to the social worker.

Percentage of Children in Each Acceptance Group Who Self-Refer to School Social Worker
Yes No Low-Accepted 32.1% 67.9% Average-Accepted 14.8% 85.2% High-Accepted 14.3% 85.7% Note. x² (2) = 14.73, p<.001

Thank you!

The Social Tasks of Friendship

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