1. Building up your Commentary Holden Style

2. What good commentary does… 1.Analyzes the concrete detail in a fresh, insightful way 2.Goes deeper than the surface meaning 3.Uses specific academic word choice 4.Shows how your quote ties back to your thesis

3. What good commentary looks like… TransitionLead-In Concrete Detail (Quote): In addition, Holden considers the isolation of the big city, claiming, “ New York's terrible when somebody laughs on the street very late at night. You can hear it for miles. It makes you feel so lonesome and depressed. I kept wishing I could go home and shoot the bull for a while with old Phoebe ” (Salinger 81). Quote CM #1: By commenting on the laughter in the New York streets, Holden also reveals his desire for the comfort of a home where he can spend quality time with his sister. Offers analysis of previous quote CM #2: Holden associates laughter with happiness and so when he hears it, the laughter reminds him of how isolated and sorrowful he feels in comparison. Offers further analysis of quote/ connects back to main sentiment of thesis CS: This reflection on the isolating effect of the city, therefore, causes Holden to keep hungrily searching for a place of belonging, a search he conducts throughout the novel. CS Offers a closing statement for the paragraph that isn’t merely repetitive

4. What bad commentary does…. 1.Uses “I” statements such as “I think…” 2.Gives plot summary instead of analysis 3.Is repetitive and vague because you don’t understand the literature. 4.Makes a generalized statement such as “Everybody does…” “Anyone knows…”

5. Bad Commentary Activity 1.Take out a piece of paper. 2.I will show you a concrete detail on the screen. On your desk is a card with an example of bad commentary. 3.You will have 2 minutes to revise the “bad commentary,” to make it good commentary! Be prepared to explain why it’s bad commentary and why you revised it the way you did. 4.You may use your notes. 5.After the 2 minutes, you will pass the card to the person behind you and revise the next card.

6. Base Your “Good Commentary” On This Quote: Concrete Detail (Quote): In addition, Holden considers the isolation of the big city, claiming, “ New York's terrible when somebody laughs on the street very late at night. You can hear it for miles. It makes you feel so lonesome and depressed. I kept wishing I could go home and shoot the bull for a while with old Phoebe ” (Salinger 81).

7. Our Bad Commentary Examples: 1. Holden gets kicked out of Pencey and walks around New York City for three days, meeting a lot of weird people. 2. I think that Holden thinks that New York City is a lonely place when people laugh on the streets. 3. Holden hates his sister because he hears people laughing all the time. 4. Everybody knows that other people’s happiness will make you sad, which is shown in this quote.