1. BRITISH LITERATURE JANUARY 20, 2015 HAMLET ESSAY WORKSHOP Take out your journals!

2. BELATED MECHANICS MONDAY What is 2 nd person? Why is 2 nd person inappropriate for formal academic writing? How can you revise 2 nd person out of your writing? How can 2 nd person be revised out of formal academic writing? ;)

3. WHY YOU SHOULDN’T USE “YOU” When the writer uses 2 nd person, s/he makes assumptions about the reader. How do these examples make you feel as a reader? "You should always be careful when confronting teachers about their favorite sports teams’ losses, since you're bound to get punished if you are too hostile towards them.” “One week our class wrote a sonnet together. You were graded on your use of Iambic Pentameter and your rhyming couplet at the end.” Even though the writer means to say that s/he was the one being graded, what s/he is actually saying is that the READER was being graded, when in fact the reader was not. OR WHY “YOU” DOES NOT HAVE A PLACE IN FORMAL WRITING.

4. WHY YOU SHOULDN’T USE “YOU” The use of the "you" voice can cause the writer to lose credibility with the reader precisely because of the assumptions that are made through the writing. It can also offend the reader. OR WHY “YOU” DOES NOT HAVE A PLACE IN FORMAL WRITING.

5. HOW TO FIX IT CHANGING THE VOICE One way to instantly make an essay more acceptable is to change second person to third person with words like “reader,” “one,” or “they.” Example: Your interpretation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is based on whether you feel the two lovers should have been so foolish as to try to run away together. This becomes: The reader's interpretation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is based on whether he or she feels the two lovers should have been so foolish as to run away together. When you use the singular form of reader, you must stick to the singular form. You may not use “they” unless you say “readers’.” THIS SOLUTION OFTEN BECOMES REPETITIVE. THOUGH IT WORKS, IT IS NOT THE BEST WRITING.

6. PASSIVE VS. ACTIVE VOICE ACTIVE VOICE before the verb The subject of the sentence is present before the verb. The student read the book. PASSIVE VOICE The subject of the sentence is not usually present. If it is present than it appears as the object of the preposition after “by.” The book was read by the student.

7. HOW TO FIX IT USING PASSIVE VOICE Passive voice is an effective way to avoid 2 nd person. Though passive voice is typically not advised, it can be effective in academic writing because it changes the focus of the subject. Example: Your interpretation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is based on whether you feel the two lovers should have been so foolish as to try to run away together. This becomes: The interpretation of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet is based on whether the two lovers should have been so foolish as to try and run away together. The sentence is already using passive voice, so here it was only necessary to take out all references to the reader.

8. HOW TO FIX IT USING PASSIVE VOICE Passive voice can be effective in academic writing because it changes the focus of the subject. Example: When you read Hamlet, you should notice clear foreshadowing of events to transpire. This becomes: In reading Hamlet, events to come are clearly foreshadowed. Instead of putting action on the reader, the action has instead become passive, as evidenced by the "are foreshadowed.” The focus is not on YOU as the reader but instead the events.

9. HOW TO FIX IT USING THE INFINITIVE FORM Infinitives are verbs that are preceded by the word "to." So, "to visit," "to play," and "to weep" are all infinitives. Example: You have to realize that Ms. Brooks is not a fair-weather fan. This becomes: It is important to realize that Ms. Brooks is not a fair-weather fan. Example: You should always be careful when confronting teachers about their favorite sports teams’ losses, since you're bound to get punished if you are too hostile towards them. This becomes: To avoid punishment (i.e. detention) it is crucial to be careful when confronting teachers about their favorite sports teams’ losses.

10. HOW DO YOU FIX IT? It is easy to identify Iambic Pentameter because you can hear the “da-dum” in your head. HOW CAN THE USE OF “YOU” BE ELIMINATED?

11. HOW DO YOU FIX IT? You know there is something “rotten in Denmark” because everyone dies in the end, except Horatio because he is true to himself. HOW CAN THE USE OF “YOU” BE ELIMINATED?

12. HOW DO YOU FIX IT? Ophelia is the most complex character in Hamlet because she shows you how quickly you can lose your mind under certain circumstances. HOW CAN THE USE OF “YOU” BE ELIMINATED?

13. HOW DO YOU FIX IT? You know what is going on in Hamlet’s head because of Shakespeare’s powerful soliloquies. HOW CAN THE USE OF “YOU” BE ELIMINATED?

14. HOW DO YOU FIX IT? The characters, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, show you that being false leads to your downfall. HOW CAN THE USE OF “YOU” BE ELIMINATED?

15. HAMLET WORKSHOP If you have a completed rough draft of your essay, make a circle. On the top of your essay, write what kind of feedback you are looking for from your classmates. Please take this workshop seriously and provide the best feedback you can. If you discover any typos or mistakes during this workshop, please correct as needed. If you do not have your completed rough draft today, please sit away from everyone else and complete your rough draft.

16. ROTATE! HAND OVER YOUR ESSAY TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU IN A CLOCKWISE CIRCLE.

17. 1. CLAIM, EVIDENCE, & COMMENTARY COMMENT ON THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS FOR THE ESSAY. STEP ONE: Read and annotate the essay. STEP TWO: Underline his or her thesis statement. Does the thesis statement provide a clear claim for the paper? STEP THREE: Underline the claim in each body paragraph and compare it to the thesis. Is the claim proving the overall thesis? STEP FOUR: Is there sufficient evidence for each claim in the body paragraphs? STEP FIVE: Is there commentary that connects the evidence to the claim clearly?

18. ROTATE! HAND OVER YOUR ESSAY TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU IN A CLOCKWISE CIRCLE.

19. 2. FOCUSED SKILLS COMMENT ON THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS FOR THE ESSAY. STEP ONE: Read and annotate the essay. STEP TWO: Circle any instances of “ quote vomit ”(whenever a quote appears in the paper without any introduction). Remember to try to use portion quotes. STEP THREE: Whenever there is a series, check for parallel structure. Use a checkmark whenever you see parallel structure. Circle any structural errors. STEP FOUR: Star any instances of 2 nd person. STEP FIVE: Provide general feedback.

20. ROTATE! HAND OVER YOUR ESSAY TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU IN A CLOCKWISE CIRCLE.

21. 3. MECHANICS COMMENT ON THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS FOR THE ESSAY. STEP 1: Read and annotate the essay. STEP 2: Edit the essay paying attention to sentence structure: identify run-ons, comma splices, fragments. STEP 3: Check each in-text citation. “Quote” (I.ii.65-67). STEP 4: Review the guidelines for MLA format below.

22. HOMEWORK Revise and edit your final draft of the Hamlet essay that is due on Friday, January 23 rd. Your essay must be in MLA format to be accepted.