1. Using Transformative Mediation and Communication Skills in High Conflict Dialogues Mardi Winder-Adams Positive Communication Systems www.poscs.com Pieces of The Whole

2. Goals Of Transformative Mediation What are the major goals of transformative mediation? What specific tools are used in transformative mediation sessions? What is the role of the mediator in transformative mediation? What are the roles of the parties in transformative mediations?

3. Transformative Tools In Other Settings Parenting Coordination Parenting Education Group Meeting Facilitation Family Communication Training Professional Development Workshops Negotiation Training Negotiation Consulting Coaching Daily Communication Effective Management

4. Just What Tools Transfer? Reframes Summaries Neutral language Thoughts Not Feelings Open Ended Questions Closed Questions For Clarification Active Listening Techniques Recognition and Empowerment Mindset of Resolution and Problem Solving

5. Creating A Safe Environment Creating a physically safe environment Location Time Space Furniture Creating an emotionally safe environment Neutral language Impartiality in words and actions Recognition Empowerment

6. Managing The Emotions The importance of true neutral language Focus on thoughts not feelings Emphasis on the present and future, not dwelling in the past Relevance of the parties contribution to the discussion Healthy emotions The damage of venting Modeling and mindset development Can do vs. can’t possibly do Starting with the opening message

7. Open Questions Vs. Closed Questions Why do parties in conflict prefer closed questions and avoid open questions? What is the value of a closed question? What is the value of an open ended question? Rewording closed questions to get to the interests

8. Circular Questioning Techniques From the Milan Associates and the Milan model Challenging previously held hypothesis regarding the conflict/issue/problem/discord Asking individuals within a system to explore the circular connectiveness of the group rather than focus on the linear relationships that most people draw (how others see the issue) Used to develop a systemic understanding based on perceived differences that exist within a system Can show patterns of connection with regards to members of a system by similar thoughts, behaviors, actions and perceptions

9. Neutralizing High Conflict Language Modeling for the parties Restating comments using quotes with exploration and clarification Restating for the benefit of the speaker Restating for the benefit of the listener 1. You are a liar. 2. That is another example of a racist remark. 3. I am always doing all the work and getting none of the credit. 4. You always were a terrible parent to the children.

10. Reframes – The Magic Bullet Captures the emotion, content and then a recognition component for moving forward Allows the parties to focus on what is needed rather than what is NOT desired Highly effective in allowing parties to understand they are being heard 1. You are a liar. 2. That is another example of a racist remark. 3. I am always doing all the work and getting none of the credit. 4. You always were a terrible parent to the children.

11. Active Listening Techniques Observing body language and actions Responding appropriately to cues Addressing emotions and thoughts Clarification Building understanding and rapport Modeling

12. Recognition "means the evocation in individuals of acknowledgment and empathy for the situation and problems of others." (Bush and Folger, 1994, p. 2.) Recognition is given, not demanded or necessarily recipricated How can recognition be developed outside of the mediation process? What techniques are useful in developing recognition between the parties/participants/members?

13. Empowerment "empowerment means the restoration to individuals of a sense of their own value and strength and their own capacity to handle life's problems.“ - (Bush and Folger, 1994, p. 2) Occurs throughout the conversation/discussion/mediation Is internal not external Can only occur when parties are making their own decisions and developing their own understanding How is empowerment developed outside of the mediation process?

14. Transformative Mediation Techniques In Everyday Life and Business Parenting Coordination Consulting and Coaching Effective Communication Skills training Daily interactions Developing Policy Working in Teams Parenting Education Classes Interpersonal Skills Development Classes Barrier Analysis In Companies