1. Amistad Essays Feedback for US History Classes

2. Common Problems Basic grammar, capitalization, punctuation, etc. For example, “i” instead of “I” No capitalization at the start of sentences Some individuals did not even capitalize their own names on the heading of their papers Giant run-on sentences “I believe” or “in my opinion” – DON”T USE THESE! Referring to historical figures by their first name = “John” instead of “John Quincy Adams” or just “Adams” Used “he” too frequently. Example: “He did this. Then he did this. Then he did this.” Without ever explaining who “he” is.

3. More problems Laundry list approach – one might list the scene, but there’s no context to it. Frequently, people never took the next step of explaining why the scene illustrates the importance of the theme. Lack of context = some never “set-up” the scene Example – Why is the lion’s tooth an important symbol? Another example – Why are Cinque and John Quincy Adams having a conversation? What is the purpose of the conversation? When does it take place? Lack of organization Incomplete thoughts Proofreading your paper—too many simple errors Direct example: “Him had caught on words of a language they have no understanding of and expressed he wanted his freedom back.” Direct example: “The last importance from the movie was freedom.” Lack of details or recalling details incorrectly

4. Suggestions for the future Writing is a process = go through several drafts – don’t just crank something out Read your paper out loud Have a friend or relative read your paper Be sure to include details Be sure to be precise and accurate Don’t write like you would talk….remember writing is a formal process, it’s not casual conversation

5. Let’s compare some writing: He was born in Indiana. He really loved basketball. He played it everyday. Because of this, he was really good. Larry Bird was a great basketball player. He could shoot, dribble, and get rebounds. As a result, he was a great NBA player.

6. Comparisons (continued) Larry Bird was one of the greatest basketball players to play in the National Basketball Association. During his 13 year career with the Boston Celtics, he scored 21,791 points and averaged just over 24 points per game. Bird was lethal from beyond the three-point line as well as from the post. His ability to score from nearly anywhere on the court made him difficult to defend. In addition to being a lethal scorer, Bird was also a “work horse” on the boards. He had a grand total of 8,974 rebounds during his career—an average of 10 per game. As a result of his outstanding play, Bird won three Most Valuable Player awards and his team, the Boston Celtics, won three World Championships. Larry Bird’s abilities in every aspect of the game rank him among the best players to ever play the game of basketball.