1. Keys to Transparent Communication Module #3 – 5 Tips for Clearer Sentences

2. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 2 5 Tips—Overview 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. 2) Keep subjects and verbs close together to avoid confusion. 3) Consider emphasis. 4) Combine short sentences to improve flow. 5) Include the occasional long sentence for persuasive power.

3. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 3 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. a) The test-and-remove policy has been used with success in the past and is being applied right now to a large Texas dairy that was recently identified as a TB-affected herd. There are approximately 2,600 cows in the Texas herd, and the estimated indemnity for whole-herd depopulation was approximately $2.2 million.

4. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 4 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. a) The test-and-remove policy has been used with success in the past and is being applied right now to a large Texas dairy that was recently identified as a TB-affected herd. The Texas herd consists of approximately 2,600 cows, and the estimated indemnity for whole- herd depopulation was approximately $2.2 million.

5. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 5 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. b) Many of these line items are associated with a specific animal or plant pest or disease, which restricts the Agency’s ability to adjust rapidly or efficiently to new or emerging situations. Changing to a commodity-based structure for many programs would improve APHIS’ ability to address new and emerging issues quickly.

6. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 6 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. b) Many of these line items are associated with a specific animal or plant pest or disease, which restricts the Agency’s ability to adjust rapidly or efficiently to new or emerging situations. New and emerging issues could be quickly addressed should APHIS change to a commodity-based structured for many programs.

7. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 7 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. c) Of the $2.4 million, APHIS would use approximately $500,000 to support its program activities and provide the rest of the funds to FDACS through a cooperative agreement that would support the intensive program for 3 months. The survey data gathered during this 3 month period will help APHIS determine whether the GAS can be eliminated and inform the long-term program strategy and goals.

8. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 8 1) Put familiar information first to keep readers steady. c) Of the $2.4 million, APHIS would use approximately $500,000 to support its program activities and provide the rest of the funds to FDACS through a cooperative agreement that would support the intensive program for 3 months. This 3-month period will allow for the gathering of survey data that will help APHIS determine whether the GAS can be eliminated and inform the long-term program strategy and goals.

9. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 9 2) Keep subjects and verbs close. For example, the introduction of herbicide- resistant varieties of cotton and soybean encouraged some growers to adopt conservation practices that had not been previously fully adopted in the field (Givens et al., 2009).

10. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 10 2) Keep subjects and verbs close. For example, some growers were encouraged by the introduction of herbicide-resistant varieties of cotton and soybean to adopt conservation practices that had not been previously fully adopted in the field (Givens et al., 2009).

11. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 11 2) Keep subjects and verbs close. b) Implementation of the declaration requirement for all plants, including common food crops and common cultivars, would cover far more product categories than those that currently require a declaration.

12. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 12 2) Keep subjects and verbs close. This regulation would cover far more product categories than those that currently require a declaration, by implementing a declaration requirement for all plants, including common food crops and common cultivars.

13. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 13 2) Keep subjects and verbs close. c) Importers of a small number of products that will be excluded based on the definitions in this rule may currently be filing declarations upon entry of their products into the United States.

14. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 14 2) Keep subjects and verbs close. Implementation of the declaration requirement for all plants, including common food crops and common cultivars, would cover far more product categories than those that currently require a declaration.

15. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 15 3) Consider emphasis. a) In BSE, as with other TSEs, the total amount of infectivity in an animal increases throughout the incubation period, reaching the highest load at the end of that period, very close to the death of the animal.

16. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 16 3) Consider emphasis. Original: In BSE, as with other TSEs, the total amount of infectivity in an animal increases throughout the incubation period, reaching the highest load at the end of that period, very close to the death of the animal. Revised: Infectivity in an animal increases throughout the incubation period in BSE as with other TSEs, reaching the highest load at the end of that period, very close to the animal’s death.

17. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 17 3) Consider emphasis. b) Therefore, beef herds experience problems when operating under an extended quarantine.

18. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 18 3) Consider emphasis. Therefore, beef herds experience problems when operating under an extended quarantine. Loaded words: extended quarantine Emphasis: high Revision to increase emphasis: Therefore, operating under an extended quarantine is problematic for beef herds.

19. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 19 4) Combine short sentences to improve flow. a) MS is a disease scientists have known about for a long time. It makes people feel tired and weak. Most patients don’t even know they have it. Sometimes they are unable to move for days at a time. My best friend has MS. Most days she seems pretty normal. I went to see her last weekend. She couldn’t get out of bed.

20. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 20 4) Combine short sentences to improve flow. a) MS is a disease scientists have known about for a long time that makes people feel tired and weak. Most patients don’t even know they have it even though sometimes they are unable to move for days at a time. My best friend has MS, and while most days she seems pretty normal, when I went to see her last weekend, she couldn’t get out of bed.

21. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 21 4) Combine short sentences to improve flow. b) ALB was first discovered in Brooklyn, N.Y. in 1996. It is about 1 to 1.5 inches long. It has a shiny jet black body with distinctive white spots and long antennae. Its antennae are often twice the length of its body and are banded in black and white. In her lifetime, adult females chew up to 90 egg sites directly on the bark of healthy hardwood trees. ALB lays eggs on trees. Young larvae tunnel into the growing layers of the tree. They feed on the woody tissue of the tree. Eventually the tree weakens and dies. In the spring, beetle larvae develop into an adult insect. They chew their way out of the tree. The tree then has dime- sized, perfectly round exit holes.

22. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 22 4) Combine short sentences to improve flow. ALB was first discovered in Brooklyn, N.Y. in 1996. This shiny jet black beetle reaches lengths of 1 to 1.5 inches, and features distinctive white spots and long antennae, often twice the length of its body with the same black and white markings, now in bands rather than spots. In her lifetime, adult females chew up to 90 egg sites directly on the bark of healthy hardwood trees, where she lays her eggs. These eggs then hatch, and the emerging larvae tunnel into the growing layers of the tree where they feed on its woody tissue, causing the tree to eventually weaken and die. In the spring, the beetle larvae develop into adult insects and chew their way out, leaving dime- sized, perfectly round exit holes.

23. © L. Michelle Baker, Ph.D. 4/27/2015 23 5) Include the occasional long sentence for persuasive power. See sample in notebook.