1. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 341 You may have heard it said that it is a good thing that we all feel shame from time to time. For example, it is good for us to recognize when we make mistakes and to feel

2. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 342 some shame when that happens. The shame becomes a positive thing because it will remind us to not make the same type of mistakes again. Most people agree that the type of normal

3. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 343 shame that most people feel from time to time is a good thing. There is another type of shame that is recognized by pretty much everyone as being a bad thing. This type

4. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 344 of shame is called toxic shame. Toxic shame poisons our emotions. It can make people afraid to expose their true feelings to other people. While normal people may express emotions such as anger or unhappiness

5. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 345 from time to time, people who have toxic shame become a personified version of their shame. For example, rather than just expressing anger or unhappiness from time to time, they might actually

6. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 346 develop the persona of an angry person or develop the persona of an unhappy person. It has often been noted that many spiritually and psychologically vulnerable

7. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 347 people have a problem with being overly critical of themselves and that they also have a problem with feeling more shame than is constructive in regards to the wrong things that they have done. But a lot of people

8. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 348 have trouble figuring out just what it is that these vulnerable people have to feel so guilty about and what they have to feel so ashamed about. The spiritually and psychologically vulnerable people are the ones who are

9. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 349 often forced by the stronger members of society to become the scapegoats for everything that goes wrong. And in doing so these vulnerable people often end up helping other people much more than they hurt them

10. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 350 (but of course they may not always be happy about the fact that they are always forced to be the scapegoats). In trying to understand why people who are spiritually and psychologically

11. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 351 vulnerable might have trouble breaking free from the toxic shame that they suffer from, it might be useful to consider that the reason they have not been able to break free from their toxic shame might be

12. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 352 that the stronger members of society (who have forced them to become scapegoats for everything that goes wrong) might not have allowed them to break free from their shame. In fact, they may have turned

13. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 353 the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person's normal shame into toxic shame by never giving them an even break. When a spiritually and psychologically vulnerable

14. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 354 person works really hard and starts to make progress in their lives there is a good chance that one of the people who has benefitted from the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person being the scapegoat

15. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 355 for everything that goes wrong will start to become unhappy. They will not only be unhappy about what is going on but also something bad might happen in the group that they are in and the blame that would normally

16. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 356 have gone to the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person might end up being placed on them. They will not like taking the blame for the group's problems any more than

17. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 357 the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person likes having to take the blame for everything. But when the person with normal spiritual abilities is forced to take blame that normally would have gone to the

18. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 358 spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person and they start to get upset and uncomfortable with what is going on, the other people in the group might start to blame the spiritually and psychologically

19. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 359 vulnerable person for the discomfort that is being experienced by the person with normal spiritual abilities (who is being forced to take the blame that would have normally gone to the spiritually and

20. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 360 psychologically vulnerable person). This is the point where the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person's weak spiritual abilities become a problem for them. If the group recognizes that the blame

21. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 361 that usually goes to the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person is instead going to one of the group members who has normal spiritual abilities, the group's love of the person with normal

22. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 362 spiritual abilities will make them overturn their decision on who will get the blame for whatever just happened and they will once again direct the blame at the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person. The spiritually and

23. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 363 psychologically vulnerable person does exchange spiritual energy with the other group members but that spiritual energy is not as strong as the spiritual energy exchanged by the other group members. The group feels

24. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 364 more love towards the people with normal spiritual abilities in their group than they feel towards the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person because they exchange more spiritual energy with the people who

25. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 365 have normal spiritual abilities. For this reason the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person may feel that they will end up taking the blame for everything that goes wrong

26. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 366 (but not all of the blame is coming from themselves). Sometimes the group decides to give the blame to people who are spiritually and psychologically vulnerable because the group wants to

27. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 367 protect the group members who have normal spiritual abilities from having to take the blame. The shame felt by the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person becomes toxic

28. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 368 because they are never able to get rid of the shame (they cannot control it because it comes into them from the outside). Even if they try to do the right thing the shame will still come back to them. Many spiritually and

29. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 369 psychologically vulnerable people simply stop trying to do the right thing when they realize that no matter what they do, the group will blame them for everything that goes wrong. Other spiritually and psychologically vulnerable

30. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 370 people keep on trying to do the right thing hoping that someday the group will stop constantly trying to push the blame for everything that happens onto them.

31. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 371 It is natural that there is more competition between members of the same sex than competition between members of the opposite sex. Early in life, spiritually

32. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 372 and psychologically vulnerable people are sometimes taken advantage by members of their own sex who they are competing with and sometimes members of their own sex do unfair things to them that steal their

33. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 373 spiritual power and that gives their spiritual power to the person who took advantage of them. By the time they reach adulthood many spiritually and psychologically vulnerable people experience a feeling

34. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 374 of psychological release when they realize that no matter what they do, they will never really be able to (and would never really want to) become close friends with the types of people of their

35. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 375 own sex who have been taking advantage of them through the years. When they become adults and meet people of their own sex with normal spiritual abilities they might feel more confident in dealing with these people

36. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 376 than they did when they were younger because they will no longer be thinking of these people as people who are better than them. It would be silly to admire someone who is constantly trying to take advantage of you.

37. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 377 But while spiritually and psychologically vulnerable people might be able to get over their awe of members of their own sex they often have trouble getting over their awe of members of the opposite sex. For example, a

38. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 378 spiritually and psychologically vulnerable man might keep thinking he has a chance of getting romantically involved with certain members of the opposite sex when there is actually no possibility of that

39. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 379 happening. If might be useful to him if he could understand why some of the types of relationships that he tries to develop have no chance of success. It would be useful to him if every time he met a new woman he could

40. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 380 instantly understand the dynamics of what would happen if they got to know each other. He could save a lot of the spiritual and psychological energy that he is presently wasting on "involvements" that make him

41. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 381 look silly and that don't have any chance for success. If he could do this he might be able to experience the same type of psychological release that he experienced when he reached adulthood and realized that some of the men

42. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 382 who he had grown up with and who he had once admired when he was younger were not really the types of people who he wanted to spend time with.

43. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 383 One type of woman who can cause a problem for a spiritually and psychologically vulnerable man is a woman who is willing to exchange a certain amount of spiritual energy

44. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 384 with him and who lives by the motto "never use love as a selfish tool". The spiritually and psychologically vulnerable man will not believe that this woman could

45. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 385 possibly take advantage of him (doing things such as being nice to him when they are face to face but talking really bad about him to other people behind his back). He would not believe that she could do this because he

46. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 386 knows that she believes that you should never use love as a selfish tool. He will think that due to the fact that he is exchanging spiritual energy with her, there is at least some love between them. And for this reason he

47. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 387 will not think that she would take advantage of him. What he doesn't realize is that she often exchanges a lot more spiritual energy with other people than she does with him. He also does not know that she believes that love

48. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 388 does not exist between people who exchange small amounts of spiritual energy with each other. For this reason she would not feel bad about using the low levels of spiritual energy that

49. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 389 she exchanges with him as a selfish tool. Another type of woman who can create a problem for a spiritually and psychologically vulnerable man is a woman who thinks

50. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 390 of herself as a giving person and who would not, like the woman discussed above, consider using the low levels of spiritual energy that she exchanges with the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable man as a selfish

51. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 391 tool. She might make efforts to try to get the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable man to open up and talk with her more so that he can start to increase the amounts of spiritual energy that he exchanges with her

52. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 392 and with other people. When she sees him start to open up to her she might like the good feelings that she is getting and she might start to imagine that something might happen between them if he continues to increase his

53. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 393 levels of spiritual energy. But there is a good chance that some event will develop in his life that will cause him to once again retreat into his isolation and make him reduce the amount of spiritual energy that he is exchanging

54. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 394 with other people. An example of something that might be a setback to the woman's efforts to help him become spiritually and psychologically stronger would be the example mentioned above where a

55. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 395 spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person is making progress in the group that they are in and then a person with normal spiritual abilities starts having problems that they did not have before. When this

56. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 396 happens the group will punish the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person for what is happening to the other group member and the spiritually and psychologically vulnerable person will once again

57. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 397 become sad and discouraged. The woman who was trying to help him might now feel that there is no chance for him to ever be able to exchange enough

58. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 398 spiritual energy with her for them to have any sort of serious relationship. As spiritually and psychologically vulnerable people learn to better understand their

59. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 399 relationships with members of the opposite sex, they should be able to start getting free of situations that drain their spiritual energy and that do not really enrich their lives. As they learn to understand that people of the

60. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 400 opposite sex do not always have the spiritual and psychological skills necessary to help spiritually and psychologically vulnerable people become stronger, they might be able to relax more with people of

61. The Philosophy of Exotischism The Essence of the Soul 401 the opposite sex and stop expecting them to perform spiritual and psychological miracles that are beyond their powers. Copyright 2009 Don Bergquist