2 Transactional Analysis PAPAIntroductionTransactional AnalysisEgo StatesFour Life Positions• StrokingTransactions• ChangeCC••••
3 What is Transactional Analysis? A method of dealing with behavioral disordersDeveloped by Eric Berne who believed that the majority of our life experiences are recorded in our subconscious minds in an unaltered fashion and become a part of the way we behaveThe behavior is subconsciously designed to get reactions and determine how others feel about us.
4 Transactional Analysis Penfield, & Berne • Penfield’s Electrodes • The Brain is a Recorder• Feelings are permanently locked toassociated Experiences• People can exist in two states – in anExperience and Observing it• Recorded Experiences & Feelings can beReplayed & Relived• Ever hear music or conversations inyour head? Ever felt déjà vu?CC
5 Transactional Analysis Penfield, & Berne • Eric Berne • Transactional Analysis – social intercourse• Transactional Stimulus• Transactional Response• Ego states - Parent, Adult, Child• Four Life Positions• Time Structuring• The Goal is Autonomy• Release or recovery of:• Awareness• Spontaneity• IntimacyCC
6 Transactional Analysis PAPATransactional Analysis• A Language of Psychology• A Model of Regularities for explaining why and how:• People think like they do• People act like they do• People interact/communicate with others like the do• A Tool - Parent, Adult, & Child• A new meaning against traditional ones• They all apply to every transaction• Normal people oscillate between them• Freedom of choice in communicating with people• Languaging – getting an idea from A to B is asimportant as getting an ideaCC
7 Transactional Analysis PAPATransactional Analysis• Structural Analysis• Individual personality• Transactional Analysis• What people do and say to one another• Game Analysis• Ulterior transactions leading to a payoff• Script Analysis• Specific life dramas compulsively playedoutCC
8 Structural analysisNatural child – spontaneous, impulsive, feeling oriented, self-centered & pleasure lovingAdaptive child – compliant, conforms to the wishes & demands of parental figures
9 Nurturing parent - comforts, praises and helps others Critical parent – finds faults, displays prejudices, disapproves and prevents others from feeling good about themselvesA major goal is to figure out which ego state a person is using
10 Transactional Analysis Transactional analysis - Transactions between people are seen as having 3 levels:Complementary – both people are operating from the same ego stateCrossed – the other person reacts from an unexpected ego stateUlterior – two ego states within the same person but one disguises the other
11 Transactional Analysis Game analysis - ulteriorly motivated transactions that appear complimentary on the surface but end in bad feelings:1st Degree games – minor upset, played socially end up with minor discomfort2nd Degree games – more intimate end up w/bad feelings3rd Degree games - usually involve physical injury
12 Transactional Analysis Very few games have a positive or neutral outcomeIn these games, people play one of three positions:VictimPersecutorRescuer
13 Transactional Analysis Script analysis – everyone develops a life script by age 5 & these scripts determine how one interacts with others based upon the interpretation of external eventsA negative life script occurs when the person receives lots of injunctions by the parents that used the word DON’T
14 Transactional Analysis Common negative life scripts:Never – one never gets to do what one wantsUntil – one must wait until a certain time or until something is done to be able to do something they want to doAlways – one must continue to do what one has always done
15 Transactional Analysis After – a difficulty is expected after a certain eventOpen-ended – one does not know what to do after a given timeMini-scripts: Hurry up! Try harder! Be perfect! Be strong! Please someone! These drivers allow for temporary escape from life scripts
16 Transactional Analysis in Management PAPATransactional Analysisin ManagementCC•Simple LanguageNon-Threatening Self AnalysisExisting Success in OrganisationsBuilt in HumourAppropriate for “Normal” PeopleUseful at Work & HomePersonality Theory simplifiedMotivation Theory simplifiedA Leadership StyleA Training ToolAn aid in dealing with Conflict Problems••••••••••
17 Ego StatesParent Does not mean responsible Adult Does not mean mature Child Does not mean childish
18 Ego States Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Parent FatherMotherRecording of External EventsTaught Concept of LifeParentChildAdult
19 Parent Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Adult Ego StatesParentAdultMotherFatherChildCRecording of External EventsTaught Concept of LifeRecording of Internal EventsFelt Concept of LifeC
20 Ego States Parent Recording of External Events birth to 5 Adult10 months onChildCRecording of External EventsTaught Concept of LifeRecording of Data acquired &computed through exploration &testingThought Concept of LifeRecording of Internal EventsFelt Concept of LifeC
21 PAPAEgo StatesCCCriticalParentNurturingAdaptedChildNaturalLecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’tConsoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care OfObjective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less EmotionManipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult ExpectationsPlayful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, RebelAdult
22 Ego States Critical • Can’t you turn in a report on time just once? ParentC• Can’t you turn in areport on time justonce?• What? It takes 1week to answer an?• I’m surprised at you.The quality of thiswork is terrible.C
23 Ego States Nurturing • I’m only trying to help you ParentC• I’m only trying tohelp you• Let me clean up thatdesk for you• You’ve done a goodjobC
24 Ego States Adult • What are the alternatives • Can’t we reach PAPAEgo StatesAdultC• What are thealternatives• Can’t we reachsome sort ofagreement?• What consequenceswill this action have?C
25 Ego States Adapted • Anything you say sir. • Sorry, I’ll try to ChildCC• Anything you saysir.• Sorry, I’ll try toimprove.• What would we dowithout you?
26 Ego States rule anyway • Forget about it. He is just the boss PAPAEgo StatesCC• Nobody follows thatrule anyway• Forget about it. Heis just the boss• Let’s take off worktoday. Who wants towork Fridayafternoon anyway?NaturalChild
27 1. Parent Decisions Probability Estimating Ego States Exteropsychic (archaic)CCComputerDecisionsProbability Estimating2. DataBank(updated)3.Child(archaic)NeopsychicArcheopsychic
29 Ego States Parent Adult Adult Child Child Parent Parent Adult Child P
30 • We need all Ego States – dropping one means 2/3 human potential• States, and not Roles• Realities• Unedited recordings• What the child understood at the time– differs from reality?• TA is like sorting your mind intodrawersCC
31 Ego States – Parent Clues • Physical• Furrowed brow, pursed lips, pointingfinger, head wagging, horrified look, foottapping, hands on hips, arms folded,wringing hands, tongue licking, sighing,patting another on the head, & otherindividual onesCC
32 Ego States – Parent Clues • Verbal• Stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, shocking,lazy, poor thing, sonny, honey, ridiculous,disgusting, now what, not again,• How dare you?• I’m going to put a stop to this• I can’t for the life of me..• Now always remember..• If I were you..• How many times..• The use of “always” & “never”• The use of “should” & “ought”CC
33 Ego States – Child Clues PAPAEgo States – Child CluesCC• Physical• Tears, quivering lips, pouting, tempertantrum, high pitched whining, rolling eyes,shrugging shoulders, downcast eyes,teasing, laughter, delight, hand raising, nailbiting, squirming, giggling
34 Ego States – Child Clues PAPAEgo States – Child Clues• Verbal• I wish, I want, I dunno, I don’t care, Iguess, when I grow up, bigger, biggest,better, best, look no hands• Why, what, where, who, when, & how arethe Adult operating in the little personCC
35 Ego States – Adult Clues PAPAEgo States – Adult Clues• Physical• Continual movement of the face, eyes,body• Non movement is non listening – cultural?• Head tilted is listening with an angle• Adult allows the curious & excited child toshow it’s faceCC
36 Ego States – Adult Clues PAPAEgo States – Adult CluesCC• Verbal• Why, what, where, who, when, & how• How much, in what way, true, false,comparative, probable, possible, unknown,objective, I think, I see, it is my opinion
37 PAPAEgo States• Parent• Prejudicial views (not based on logic or facts) on thingssuch as: religion, dress, salespeople, traditions, work,products, money, raising children, companies• Nurturing views: sympathetic, caring views• Critical views: fault finding, judgmental, condescendingviews• Adult• Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns basedon objective analysis of information (data, facts)• Make decisions based on logic, computations,probabilities, etc., not emotion• Childon child-like emotions, impulses, feelings we haveexperienced• Child-like examples: impulsive, self-centered, angry,fearful, happy, pleasure seeking, rebellious, curious,eager to pleaseCC
38 Ego States • All are present • All have value CC• All are present• All have value• Child – intuition, creativity, spontaneous drive, enjoyment• Adult – survival, dealing with the world, mediate Parent &Child• Parent – parent of children, automatic responsesOne is usually dominantDifferent States for different communicationsDifferent States for different peopleMessage sent and received from different StatesHow people say something (what others hear) is justas important as what is said• Parent runs on ‘old tapes’ – 20+ years old•••••
40 Four Life Positions I’m not OK You’re OK You’re not OK • - • - • I’m OK-You’re not OKYou’re OK-
41 Four Life Positions • I’m not OK - You’re OK APAFour Life PositionsCC• I’m not OK You’re OK• Every Child – even happy childhood ones• Happens around the age of 2 – first 3 positions• Happens due to on & off Stroking• This position has hope as there is Stroking from theYou’re OK position• The first understanding or equilibrium• Built on the appraisals of others• If this is not confirmed or settled it give rise to the next 2positions• Unless changed to the 4th position it remains lifelong• People do not shift back and forth• The first 3 positions are non verbal – conclusions vs. the4th position of explanation• Results in “Mine is Bigger” game for relief of this unjustposition• I’m not OK comes from Adaptive Child• However, everyone is born OK – a baby is in fact perfect
42 • I’m not OK - You’re not OK PAPAFour Life Positions• I’m not OK - You’re not OKSlowing Stroking and Increasing PunishmentsLongs to be an infant againLoses interest in livingIn Autism this may be the first positionPossibly 1%CC•••••
43 Four Life Positions • I’m OK - You’re not OK Abused child I’m OK comes from being OK when aloneStrikes back when olderNo matter what they do the fault is withOthers• Will not believe future Strokes from others,as are Not OK• The ultimate expression here is Homicide• 4% of Cases, two facing each other a bigproblem••••
44 Four Life Positions • I’m OK - You’re OK APAFour Life PositionsCC• I’m OK - You’re OK• People live out their positions• The 4th position is the only real way forward – onlyHope• It is a Position not a Feeling• Includes infinitely greater amount of data than theothers• Includes experiences and things not yetexperienced• The only Conscious and Verbal Position• The only Proactive (not Reactive) Position• Cannot Guarantee instant OK feelings but canswitch off Feelings from past Positions• First 3 is Why? 4th is Why Not?• Can accept uncertainty unlike the other 3 -rationalise• We can change – Thinking is separate from Cause& Effect• Data Processing Order – Parent, Child, Adult• Goal is the Emancipated Adult – Freedom to Choose
45 Four Life Positions You Me -ve Adaptive Child Get Away From OKI’m not ok, you’re ok-ve Adaptive ChildGet Away FromIntrojective PositionI’m not ok, you’re not ok-ve Adaptive Child &Critical ParentGet nowhereFutility PositionI’m ok, you’re okAll states +veGet on withIdeal PositionI’m ok, you’re not ok-ve Critical ParentGet rid ofProjective PositionYouNot OKMeOK
46 Four Life Positions • About oneself – Higher is Adult, lower is Child I can think for myselfI’m worth knowingI’m stupidI’m worthless• About others – Higher is Adult, lower is ParentPeople can be trustedEveryone has good pointsPeople are badEveryone is incompetent••••••••
47 Four Life Positions • You’re OK for children comes from Stroking APAFour Life PositionsCC• You’re OK for children comes from Stroking• I’m Not OK is also with happy children; happychildren = parents unconditional love• Knowing the positions does not mean feelingOK; but you can make bad feelings go away• I’m OK does not mean I’m perfect• Treat a person the way they are and they willbecome worse; treat them as their potentialand they will be as they should be
48 Stroking • Positive Strokes • Negative Strokes • Conditional Strokes Need SolitudeComfort ZoneNeed Strokes• The types of Strokes you seek dependon your Okayness• No Strokes is the worst• The worst punishment in Prisons is SolitaryConfinement
49 Stroking • Positive Strokes APAStrokingCC• Positive Strokes• Praise, complements, recognition, affection,rewards, sympathy, consolation, self-satisfactionfrom job well done• Negative Strokes• Put-downs, criticism, degrading, ridicule, scolding,punishment, discounting• Conditional Strokes• Strokes with Ulterior Motives• Strokes given for what you do, rather than for whatyou are:• Performance oriented strokes• Accommodation & conformity oriented strokes
50 Stroking • Physical from parents, partners • Psychological from teachers, friends, partners,acquaintances, managers• Physical Strokes early in life move toPsychological Strokes later• Positive for Being• “Morning, Karen. Morning, John, you’re looking verysmart.”• Positive for Doing• “This report is excellent.”• Negative for Being• “Why are you so unhelpful ?”• Negative for Doing• “You’re late again.”
51 Stroking • Maslow lists ‘optimum stimulation’ with food & CC• Maslow lists ‘optimum stimulation’ with food &water as a primary need• Stoking mostly comes from people – charitybaskets do not fill hungry hearts• We will get Strokes one way or another – likein the case of starvation• Most common way getting strokes is Games• One source is reliving Stroking from the past– think of a hobby & it will mostly connect tosomeone• People entering a room always have aquestion: “How do I get Strokes around here”• Some people need more than others• Scientists may need only one a year
52 Stroking • Stroking is needed and seeked daily by most of us PAPAStrokingCC• Stroking is needed and seeked daily by mostof us• Relationships get reliable Stroking• Need to see the whole person to be able togive Positive Strokes – specially the Child• However beware of “Peda Throwing”• While we give Strokes, understand that othersalso ‘need’ to give Strokes• People in grief do not need advice or material– they need you• Listening is one of the biggest strokes
54 Stroking - Forms Eye Contact Listen Ask Questions Use Names look to validateListenempathically at the other person’s paceAsk Questionskeeping the other in mindUse Namesto validate the individualGive Yourself Awayrisk a real conversation or encounterBe A Rewarderthank you, letters, compliments – do it today
55 Stroking - Forms 7. Carry an Address Book, Postcard, & Pen never lose travel or waiting time8. Planspontaneous things happen to planners9. Don’t Allow Discountingreinstate a hello or other transaction10. Loosen Uphumour diffuses any situation (kiss kid)11. Doers Do, and Tryers Trynew feelings only come out of action12. Don’t Be Over Numerous in Your Intentionsone call vs. a list of 99 that you will call in theyear
58 Transactions - Complementary Appropriate & Expected responseParallel communication arrowsNo ConflictCommunication continuesCC••••ParentAdultChild2.ParentAdultChildWhat time do you have?I’ve got 11:15ParentAdultChild2.ParentAdultChildYou’re late againI’m sorry, it won’t happen again1.1.
59 PAPATransactionsCCCriticalParentNurturingAdaptedChildNaturalLecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’tConsoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care OfObjective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less EmotionManipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult ExpectationsPlayful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, RebelAdult
60 Transactions - Crossed PAPATransactions - CrossedNot Appropriate & not Expected responseCrossed communication arrows•Communication breakdownConflictCC•••ParentAdultChildParentAdultChildWhat time do you have?The clock is on the wall for you to seeParentAdultChildParentAdultChildYou’re late againI know, I had a flat tire22.214.171.124.
61 PAPATransactionsCCCriticalParentNurturingAdaptedChildNaturalLecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’tConsoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care OfObjective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less EmotionManipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult ExpectationsPlayful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, RebelAdult
62 Transactions - Ulterior PAPATransactions - UlteriorCC•Disguised CommunicationNon Verbal communication arrowsMay or may not be in conflictMay or may not be communication breakdown•••AngularDuplexParentAdultChildParentAdultChildParentAdultChildParentAdultChild1.The Sale ends tomorrowI’ll have one of those1.Please come into my officeI’m a little busy right now2.2.
63 PAPATransactionsCCCriticalParentNurturingAdaptedChildNaturalLecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’tConsoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care OfObjective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less EmotionManipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult ExpectationsPlayful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, RebelAdult
64 Transactions • Direct or Indirect PAPATransactions• Direct or Indirect• Speaking so a third person can overhear• I wonder if the boss knows that he is upsettingpeople• Straightforward of Diluted• Half hostile and half affectionate• Hey genius, when are you going to finish this book?• Intense or Weak• Superficial or lack of feeling• Whatever you say• Gallows Transactions• Amusement at a persons misfortune• Reinforces negative behaviour• Losers gameCC
65 Transactions - Differences PAPATransactions - DifferencesCC• We differ in 2 ways• Content of Parent, Adult, & Child• Function of Parent, Adult, & Child• Contamination• Exclusion• Ideally Parent, Adult, & Child should beseparate• Smooth transitions between the three• Too rigid means slow people• Too fast means unpredictable
66 Differences - Contamination PAPATransactionsDifferences - ContaminationCCParentbirth to 5Prejudice (parents beliefs)Adult10 months onChildDelusion (grounded in fear)Hallucination (abuse as child)birth to 5Decontaminate your Adult
67 Differences - Exclusion PPTransactionsDifferences - ExclusionACACParentAdult• Parent contaminatedAdult with blockedout Child• A person whocannot play• Unhappy andcontrolled childhoodChild
68 Differences - Exclusion PPTransactionsDifferences - ExclusionParentAdult with blocked• Child contaminatedout Parent• A person without aconscienceAdult• Extremely brutalParents• No remorseChild• Can be aPsychopathACAC
69 Differences - Exclusion Parent TransactionsDifferences - ExclusionParent• Blocked out ordecommissionedAdult• Out of touch withrealityACAC• Conflicting info givesup on being Adult• Psychotic• Can be Manic-DepressiveChild
71 Transactions • Being in one State evokes a response from a Complimentary State – Childevokes Parent• In a Conflict, first compliment theother’s State and then move both toAdult• Discounting is a big crossed transaction• Ulterior happens when one is hidingthe Parent or Child• TA encourages Honesty vs. Ulterior
72 Transactions - Tips at Work • How I see them:themselves:• How they see• Boss: Critical Parent• Boss: NurturingParent• Peers: Nurturing• Peers: AdultsParents• Support Staff:• Support Staff: MostMostly considerNatural Children,themselves Adultssome Adaptedexcept some admitto being NaturalChildren, few AdultsChildrenCC
73 Transactions - Tips at Work • Try mostly to keep Adult to Adult• Do not get your Parent or Child “Hooked”• Do divert into Natural Child to Natural Childsometimes• Holidays, sport, music, etc• Don’t get into Critical Parent to Adaptive Child• “You haven’t given me any reason for…”• Nor Nurturing Parent to Adaptive Child• “If I were your boss, I would agree…”• “I agree, threshold assessment is nonsense”• Certainly, don’t do Adaptive Child to NurturingParent (with a hidden third party CriticalParent)• “I’m sorry I have to ask this, but the …. demandsit”• Nor Critical Parent to Critical Parent• “I agree, young people today are illiterate”
74 • What makes People Want to Change? • Pain• They are hurt sufficiently• They have invested in the same slot machineswithout any returns for a long time• They are severely ill and want relief• Boredom• “So what” becomes “there is more to life thanthis”• Enlightenment• I’m OK – You’re OK is the only ProactivePosition to initiate changeCC
75 Change • We are not helpless even though we feel we are • When we are responsible (responseable) then we can change• If we are part of the problem then wecan be part of the answer• We cannot change others; otherschange only when we change ourselves– start with yourself
76 Change - Requirements • Wanting comes first PAPAChange - RequirementsCC• Wanting comes first• Requires Child participation – Want instead of HaveTo• Positives work, negatives don’t• New Year’s don’ts – replace with something first• Dos are exhilarating, don’ts are depriving• Have a Reward in sight• Continuous ones – not only a big one at the end• A new Internal Model• If parents are not good enough pick & be another• We change a little at a time• Small change over time becomes large (airplane 1deg)• Record your Gains• The Child likes to see progress - proof
77 • Change produces Loss as well as Gain Change - Requirements• Change produces Loss as well as Gain• We feel Loss before Gain• Freedom & Responsibility is related• Have Options• Nothing in life is sure• Otherwise you will go back• Get Help• One and Only, None and Lonely• Be shown where to look, not what to see – magicanswers• TA does not work, you do• The Power of a Habit• Time saving• Energy repeatedly applied or we do the old wayCC
78 Change - Requirements • Energy • Energy creates new Habit pathways • Change takes energy – see Stresssituations• Avoid too many changes at once• Concentrate it (10 units of energy on cake)• Energy comes from people – strokes
79 Honey, Have You Seen My Car Keys? Harry and Wilma are husband and wife. One morning, Harry is running late for work and can’t find his car keys. When he asks for Wilma’s assistance in finding them, they eventually get into an argument. Who’s fault was it?
80 Don’t Grump At MeOne summer evening recently, a lady walks into a restaurant of a well-known national chain. She places an order after waiting in line for another lady friend and four kids who are with her. After receiving her food, she discovers she did not get everything she ordered. She returns to the counter and complains, “First, I have to wait and wait to place my order. Then, you mess it up on top of that.” Robbie, who had taken her order makes a mistake in responding to the complaint. What did Robbie do? What should Robbie have done?
81 There’s A ‘Good’ Farmer Luke’s father would often take the family for a drive around the countryside after supper on Sunday. His father liked to look at other farms. Luke’s father would sometimes say, “He’s a good farmer” when driving by a farm. What was the basis for his father’s conclusion?
82 Well It Worked the Last Time Charlene had a very successful sales call when she called on Herman. She had ‘tons’ of information and Herman was seemingly interested in every detail, every number, every fact. When she gave the same presentation on her next stop with Paul it backfired. What went wrong and why?
83 Some Selling Implications of TA Develop an adaptive selling strategy for ‘parent’, ‘adult’, ‘child’ customers‘Best’ communication exchange for selling?Remember to respond in ‘complementary’ mannerMost effective selling involves adult to adultStrokes, or positive interactions, importantVerbal (e.g. hello, compliment)Touch (handshake, pat on back)A giftListening
84 Being a ‘Response Able’ Salesperson Recognize you cannot control another’s behavior, but you can affect their behavior by the way you respond to them.Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts.Keep things in perspectiveDon’t sweat small stuffGive it test of timeAsk if it’s happened beforeDistinguish what can be changed from what can’tFocus on haves vs. have notsHave realistic expectationsLife is not fair or perfectBad (good) things happen, usually don’t last foreverThings don’t always go according to planPeople don’t always act as you’d like (remember ego state explanations, people have ‘bad’ days, etc.)
85 Dealing with Difficult Customers Keep ‘adult’ ego state in control of yourself.Don’t get defensive, argumentative, emotional.Don’t take it personally.Move cautiously, stay cool, remember complementary transactions and strokes.Do not need to take continued abuse.If handled well (e.g. didn’t embarrass customer, allowed them to take something out on you), can turn out to be positive later.
86 Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis When a relationship is right, details are negotiable;When tension is high, details become obstacles.
87 Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis Rule #1:The customer is never wrong.Rule #2:If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.
88 Transactional Analysis SummaryTransactional AnalysisEgo StatesFour Life Positions• StrokingTransactions• Change••••
89 Summary 3. Be in your Adult !!! There are many lessons here…. The first three are:1. Be in your Adult !2. Be in your Adult !!3. Be in your Adult !!!
90 Recommended Readings 1. I’m OK, You’re OK Dr. Thomas Harris PAPARecommended Readings1. I’m OK, You’re OKDr. Thomas Harris2. Staying OK3. Games People PlayDr. Eric BerneCC•••