1. About Me Ariadne (Ar [as in anti] - ee -add - knee) Evans (Evans)

2. Where I Was Born (the circumstances that brought me to this lifeless job) Born in undisclosed year (1990 … okay 1878) in Birmingham, England … in Alabama Only daughter of six kids (a.k.a. one son and four failures) Overwhelmingly Greek family (with an English last name) My childhood sucked -one bedroom for six kids -2 bathrooms for eight people -Forced to reside in iron mill 10 minutes from my house -5 brothers = no friends

3. My Education Graduated high school at 15 (not because I was smart) Studied abroad for two years (list of countries in footnote) Graduated from UCLA with a BA in English Masters in Education - Administration

4. Careers Jobs I Wanted: Actress Sloss Furnace Worker Novelist Professional Shark Petter Critic Sith Lord Jobs I Actually Had: Waitress English teacher

5. Hobbies Writing (short stories, drabble, novels, ehh poetry, creative nonfiction, porn, screenwriting, playwriting) Apple junkie Shark petting Ghost hunting Creating overly sarcastic answers to your questions but censoring them out of job security Koi fish/rock gardens Making sucky PowerPoints Reading epic spy novels Star Wars (Han Solo is a serious homie)

6. Interesting Facts Fluently speak Greek, French, Spanish, and Farsi (and English…) Lifelong goal for decades was to play Glinda from Wicked Can write in Greek Technically a professional hacker (punny) Addicted to awful Travel Channel macabre TV shows (a.k.a. Ghost Adventures is my life) Jeremy Irons…nuff said Can recall any students name if they professed a love for Erik/Ramin K/Sly Cooper/Star Wars/Green Day/storm chasing by adding the accenting word fucking love in a formal About Me paper

7. Just Gaging Things I have no word filter Diss Greece - expect me to write all my comments to you in Greek Diss Alabama - expect an F Dont try to find my accent - from this moment on you are destined to fail Σας συνιστώ να μην πάει στο γραφείο μου, γιατί λέω τα πράγματα πολύ ακατάλληλη για τους συντρόφους του γραφείου μου.. (see I have no word filter)

8. One Last Thing I am a blunt, overly sarcastic, patronizing, self- absorbed, oblivious, liberal Republican-minded bitch who will either fail you or pass you in flying colors of the rave rainbow if you actually read the books I assign. If you hate to read…go gauge your eyes out and try to get a job. You wont. You know why? Because you cant read. And you know what reference I just made? No? You already failed my class. Answer: Oedipus Rex, Greek ass tragedy

9. That Awkward List of Countries Ive been to From Before New World Order: Greece, DAS MOTHERLAND Europe: France, Italia, England, Belgium, Spain, Austria, Germany, Czech Republic, Holland Asia: China, Russia, India, Vietnam, Philippines, United Arab Emirates, Georgia, Turkey Africa: South Africa, Tunisia, Egypt, Camroon South Amereeeca: Chile, Brazil, Ecuador, Bolivia, Argentina, Paraguay Australia: Austrailia North America: somewhere in Canada (Im bad at Geology), MERICA, Meheeco, Alaska

10. Places My Dumbass Boyfriend Got Me Food Poisoning In India, Uganda,China, Spain, Canada, Mexico, Thailand, Uzbekistan, Turkey, Lebanon, Italia (the motherlands cousin betrayed me), Greece (I hate my ex so much), Maine, Florida, Alabama (this one is so lame), Arizona, F****** UTAH, Virginia,Montana, New York, and Crete (my serious homies almost killed me)