1. Dating Advice for Men

2. Not knowing where to meet people
Obstacles to Dating?
Not knowing what to say
Lacking confidence
Not knowing where to meet people
Any more?

3. The Basics Present yourself well Look at the person you are talking to
Smile
Be positive
Personal space – arm’s length rule

4. Where to meet new people
Online forums i.e. gaming sites or topical/interest forums
Social groups – this could be Asperger specific or not
Hobbies or interest groups – meet someone with a similar interest
Online dating agencies (list on hand-out)

5. The Do’s of Dating Be polite! Compliment appropriately Smile!
Ask questions about the other person – show an interest

6. The Don’ts of Dating Don’t just talk about yourself Don’t be late
Don’t make things up about yourself that aren’t true
Don’t swear excessively
Don’t just end the date or conversation abruptly

7. Initial Conversations
How do I first start talking to someone?
Role Play: example of a bad first conversation
Role Play: example of a good first conversation
How did the other person react?
Remember: 50:50 involvement – it’s not all up to you!

8. How to tell if she fancies you?
If she’s agreed to a date, it’s a pretty safe bet that she has already seen something in you that she likes – you’ve got yourself a first date – this in itself speaks volumes
Tell tale signs:
Eye contact – she makes eye contact with you when you are talking
Physical contact – if she bumps into or brushes her hand against you, this could be her way of saying she is interested
Body language – look out for an open stance
Smiling – if she is genuinely smiling, you will be able to tell by her eyes
Signs she is not interested:
Spends a lot of time on her phone, yawning or looking away, biting her fingernails, crossed arms.

9. Online Dating
Dating websites – on the hand-out. Mates and Dates, for example.
Getting your profile right – Aspiration service can help
What makes a good profile picture?
Include in your profile: personal description, hobbies, interests, what you’re looking for
Keep it positive!

10. 10 minute break – please use the pieces of paper provided to write down any questions

11. What to put in a first online message?
Introduce yourself
Say why you are interested in them – what did you see in their profile that made you want to contact them?
Do you have things in common? If so, ask a question about it.
If the other person doesn’t reply – they might not have seen the message, could be busy, it might be an old profile they’ve not deleted yet, or they might think you’re not a suitable match for them.
Rejection happens to everyone!

12. Asking someone on a date?
Arrange to meet for the first time in a public place, during the day
Don’t invite them to your house, or go to their house, on a first date
Have a goal to the date, for example getting a coffee that won’t take too long
Ask if there is anything the other person would like to do
Nervous? Practice going to the location before the date
If someone doesn’t want to go on a date, be polite and move on.

13. Dangers of Dating
Online dating can be dangerous and it is important to be aware of the dangers
When dating online, stick with reputable dating sites – see the list we have provided
Protect your personal information – don’t give out your address, bank details
Tell someone where you are going if you arrange to meet someone
Always meet for the first time in a public, safe place

14. What do I talk about?

15. First Date Tips
Everyone gets nervous on a first date – including the other person!
Likewise everyone can be awkward or uncomfortable
Importance of small talk – on a first date keep conversation light and casual. Some examples of good questions: Have you been on holiday lately? What is your favourite food? Do you have a big family? Try to follow each question with further questions or discuss your own experience.
If you have enjoyed the date – say so!
Don’t abruptly end the date

16. Preparing for a first date

17. Who should pay on a first date?
It is fairly traditional for the man to pay on a first date with a woman.
If two men are going on a first date, the individual who asked the other person on the date should pay, as it was their idea.
Paying shows that you are interested and will look after the other person – it can also help you to secure another date, as they may insist on paying next time.

18. Telling Someone you have AS
It will be helpful to the other person to explain you have Asperger Syndrome
The other person may not know what this means – explain it to them
Tell them what you like and don’t like – for example, you dislike making eye contact and find body language difficult to read, or you like things to be planned.
Focus on the positives of AS and your personality!

19. Questions Contact details: Kingwood Aspiration 01235 532680
First Floor
6 Lombard Street
Abingdon
OX14 5BJ