1. STEP BACK
so kids can step UP!
Deborah Gilboa, MD

2. Chores are the canary in the coal mine of kids’ character…

3. Kids are capable of far more than the stereotypes we perpetuate

4. hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy
INGREDIENTS:
Confidence
Competence
Relationships
hap·pi· ness: noun

5. “Happiness Now” Trap Unattainable Conflicts with resilience
Removes opportunity for resilience “practice”
Causes us to change the narrative to support everything being ok
Limits the resources we offer
We’re terrible at predicting it for others

6. 5 obstacles to Raising kids of great character
Happiness now
Believing comfort is needed for safety
Tracking kids
Placing achievement over character and misusing stress
Solving problems for our children they can learn to solve for themselves

7. Comfort is not necessary for safety
Security
Healing
Identity
Discomfort
Learning
Change
GROWTH
Comfort is not necessary for safety

8. Tracking Trap
From “no news is good news” to “No news means something terrible has happened.” Parents who don’t track are brave Reframing from neglect to responsibility Camps are contributing to the problem with daily s and online photos
From
No news is good news To
No news means you’re obviously dead

9. Achievement Trap
When achievement is the top priority, character easily suffers
Justifies cheating, lying, substance use
Judged externally – others say when you’ve succeeded
No matter how great, can’t control if someone else is better
Pressure is tremendous

10. Stress Strain or tension Necessary for growth Physical Emotional
Psychologic

11. Good & Bad Stress Stress is to resilience as exercise is to muscle
New Stimuli or unknown patterns cause stress
Change leads to stress
Stress can improve response
Good & Bad Stress

12. Problem Solving Trap We are expert problem solvers
Our kids rely on us for that
THEY need the chance to become good problem solvers
Problem solving doesn’t look like problem solving the first dozen (+) times you do it!

14. Resilience Opportunities
Problem solving
Bad News
New Privileges
Resilience Opportunities

16. Why do adults step in? Love Fear Guilt Genuine enjoyment
responsibility
Fear
Future consequences
Relationship rupture
Guilt
Why do adults step in?

17. Words to use Thanks for letting me know
Grateful you’re comfortable discussing this
Glad you and your child have this relationship
Glad we have developed our relationship
Gratitude
I hear that you’re feeling…
I understand feeling….
I’ve felt…
It’s hard to feel…
Empathy
Words to use

18. When-not-if Language Set Remove Model Set expectations
Model the cycle
Remove
Remove the premise of failure
Set
Set expectations
When-not-if Language

19. Make them take out the garbage.

21. Dr. G can help you create change!
Pick a time to talk to her about it! (click this!)