1. Men Are From Mars,
Women Are
From Venus

2. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use
Fine: the word women use to end an
argument when they are right and the
man needs to shut up.
Five Minutes: if she is getting dressed,
this is half an hour; 5 minutes is only
five minutes if you have just been given
5 more minutes to watch the game before
helping out around the house.
Nothing: this is the calm before the storm.
It means “something” and the man should
Be on his toes. Arguments that begin with
“nothing” usually end in “fine.”

3. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use
Go ahead: this is a dare, not permission;
Guys: DON’T DO IT!!!
Loud sigh: although not actually a word,
the loud sigh is often misunderstood by
men. A loud sigh means she thinks you
are an idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over “nothing.”

4. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use
That’s OK: this is one of
the most dangerous statements that a
woman can make to a man. “That’s OK”
means that she wants to think long and
hard before deciding how and when you
will pay for your mistake.
Thanks: This is the least used of all words
in the female vocabulary. If a woman is
thanking you, do not question it. Just say:
“You’re welcome” and back slowly out
of the room.

5. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Words Women Use
Whatever: It’s a woman’s way
of saying: “*&%$ you!”
Don’t worry about it. I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning
that is something that a woman has told a
man to do several times, but is now doing
herself. This will later result in a man
asking, “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s
response see previous: “Nothing” followed
by “Fine!”

6. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus John Gray, Ph.D.
Copyright 1992,
HarperCollins
Publishers,
New York, NY
“The classic guide to understanding the
opposite (gender).”
And remember, everyone, Dr. Gray’s work is a theory; but one based on years of research.

7. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
OK, you psychology students. What is the most frequently expressed complaint that women have about men?
Dr. Gray, that’s an easy one: men don’t listen.
When I want empathy, he thinks I want solutions.

8. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Miss Becky, that is exactly what my research has discovered. OK, then, what is the most frequently expressed complaint men have about women?
Dr. Gray, I believe it is that women are always trying to change us men.

9. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Hey! We feel responsible for assisting you guys grow—to help you improve the way you do things.
I, an open-minded person, appreciate that point. Research, however, shows that while women think they are nurturing us, men feel that women are trying to control them. What men really want is acceptance.

10. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Both Mr. and Mrs. Simoncini are right in their points. So how can we solve those two problems? Well, we must first understand why men offer solutions and women seek to improve. To do that, we need to explore life on both planets. Let’s first head to Mars.

11. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Martians value power,
competency, efficiency, and
achievement. They like to do
things to improve themselves
and develop their power and
skills.
A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.

12. …a man mistakenly assumes she is looking for some advice.
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
So when a woman innocently shares upset feelings or explores out-loud the problems of her day…
…a man mistakenly assumes she is looking for some advice.
Once he has offered a solution, however, and she continues to be upset, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to listen because his solution is being rejected and he feels increasingly useless.

13. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Now we’ll travel to Venus; and we’ll find that Venusians have different values from Martians.
Venusians value love, beauty,
communication, and relation-
ships. They spend a lot of time
supporting, helping and
nurturing one another.

14. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.
That’s so true, Dr. Gray. We Venusians are more concerned with living together in harmony, community and loving cooperation. Communication is of primary importance. To share personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success.

15. Wow!, Dr. Gray. That’s hecka hard for a guy to understand.
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
Wow!, Dr. Gray. That’s hecka hard for a guy to understand.
I know it is, Pete. Just think of the difference this way: men are goal oriented, while women are relationship oriented—they are more concerned with expressing their goodness, love and caring.

16. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
So, Dr. Gray, if everyone on Venus (all women) are very involved in beautiful things like personal growth, spirituality, and everything that can nurture life, healing and growth, why is that so hard for men to grasp?
That’s an excellent question, Lisa. What many women have no conception of is male sensitivity. Let me have a typical Martian explain further.

17. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
I’d be happy to, Dr. Gray. If someone offers to help a woman, it makes her feel loved and cherished. But offering help to a man can make him feel incompetent, weak, and even unloved.
Your point is correct, Homer. When a woman tries to improve a man, he feels she is trying to fix him—he receives the message that he is broken, which may actually humiliate him.

18. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
But, Dr. Gray, it goes the other way too. Often men don’t understand how women are different and sometimes that lack of understanding can make problems worse.
Exactly, Marge. Many times a woman just wants to share her feelings about her day and her husband (or boyfriend), thinking he is helping, interrupts her by offering a steady flow of solutions to her problems.

19. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
So, Mustang students, in summary here are the two most common mistakes we make in relationships.
A man tries to change a woman’s
feelings when she is upset by becoming
Mr. Fix-It and offering solutions to her
problems that invalidate her feelings.
A woman tries to change a man’s behavior
when he makes mistakes by becoming the
home improvement committee and
offering unsolicited advice or criticism.

20. inter-gender relationships.
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
Now, we’ll look at a few of the other jewels that Dr. Gray offers in his book.
So, we have just had a discussion about the most common mistakes people make in
inter-gender relationships.

21. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Thanks, Mr. and Mrs. Simoncini. One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress.
To feel better in stressful situations, Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone while Venusians get together to talk about their problems.

22. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress. They expect men to open up and talk about all their problems the way Venusians do. They need to leave the men alone to solve their problems, but also quietly show support.
And, Miss Becky, men generally do not understand that a woman under stress is not immediately concerned with finding solutions to her problems; rather she seeks relief by expressing herself and being understood.

23. And women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
OK, Mustangs. Have you ever wondered what motivates people of the opposite gender? Here are some of your former and current classmates to answer that question.
Thank you, Dr. Gray. Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed.
And women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.

24. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Although he still needs to receive love, a man’s greatest need is to give love.
And, Jon, it is so important for a woman to feel that she is supported by someone who cares.
Kyle and Whitney, people need to understand these important factors about the opposite gender in order to understand gender motivation.

25. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
The last jewel I have is the following saying: “men are like rubber bands while women are like waves.” As Sergeant Edlao used to say, “Lemme ‘splain.”

26. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Dr. Gray, doesn’t the statement about men being rubber bands mean that sometimes men need to pull away from their partners before they can get closer?
Exactly, Ross. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy (or being alone.)

27. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Here is what I mean, and this can be very confusing for women. Often when a woman starts to talk about things with feeling, a man starts to feel this urge to pull away. This is because feelings draw men closer and create intimacy, and when a man gets too close he automatically pulls away. Eventually, however, he will return and want to talk.

28. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
But, Dr. Gray, men generally don’t realize how their suddenly pulling away and then later returning affects a woman. She often feels when he won’t talk, he doesn’t love her.
Correct, Rachel. That is why women need to make men aware of their feelings in non-threatening ways and men, in turn, have to listen, understand & respect women’s feelings.

29. Hey, Dr. Gray, so what’s this about women being like waves?
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
Hey, Dr. Gray, so what’s this about women being like waves?
Well, Joey, a woman’s self-esteem rises and falls like a wave. When she is on or near the top of the wave, everything is great. But when she hits bottom (is not feeling as good about herself), it is a time for emotional housecleaning.

30. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
You see, in relationships, men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others.
So, when a woman moves into her well, her significant other needs to learn that this is when she needs him the most, and it is not a problem to be solved or fixed, but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love.

31. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Mustang psychology students, I am Barbara Walters. We are now going to watch a segment of ABC News’ 20/20 that I hosted several years ago. It is a good supplement to your study of Dr. John Gray’s theories. Pay attention: you must write a journal reaction when the film is over.

32. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
First, we’ll watch 6 couples, each of whom have marital issues. They are:
Sandy and Art,
Marie and Yves,
Fran and Mike,
Kathy and Pat,
Sandra and Bob, &
Diane and Bruce.

33. In Part I we will watch them interact and discuss their feelings in
Men Are From Mars,
Women Are From Venus
In Part I we will watch them interact and discuss their feelings in
4 topic areas:
Romance,
The Daily Grind,
Coping with Stress, &
Arguing.
Then Dr. Gray will host them at a seminar and will provide them with insight and suggestions to help them in their relationships.

34. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Now write your journal reaction. What did you learn about adult psychological development from both the PowerPoint lecture and the film entitled Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus? Discuss at least 5 different points. In your journal, call this entry: Chapter 3: Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.