1. Candy Questions Why did you pick that candy?
Does that candy have something to offer you that others didn’t?
What do you have in common with your candy?
What is the difference between you and the candy?
Can you imagine yourself living without the candy?
Could you be happy if another candy took it’s place?

2. What are the consequences or results of your choice?
i.e. if you chose too fast, did you regret it?
If you choose too fast you might realize there was one you liked better
If it’s unfamiliar with you might not like it
Maybe it seemed like something you wanted but it was melted or stale inside
Took seriously….satisfied
Tried something new…find a new favorite candy!

3. Your “key” to unlocking a happy marriage.
Mate Selection
Your “key” to unlocking a happy marriage.

4. There a many theories related to the mate selection process… Will be discussing just a few of these today to broaden your knowledge and understanding.

5. Theories of mate selection…
Theory of Propinquity
Exchange Theory
Complimentary Needs Theory
Time and Place Theory (Happy Collision)
Filter Theory

6. Theory of Propinquity We marry people we know.
If you only know people from school, work, church, college, etc., that is who you will marry.

7. Exchange Theory
We evaluate our worth and find someone of similar worth.
We find people for us with similarities to us (looks for looks, money for money, etc.)
People will exchange or barter to make up in areas (ie my looks for your money).
This is why it is not uncommon to see people getting married that look like brother or sister.

8. Complimentary Needs Theory
We find people that compliment our needs.
Dominant people find submissive people.
A nurturing person finds someone who wants to be mothered.

9. Time and Place Theory (Happy Collision)
Fate… we marry the person we are supposed to when the time is right.
This theory suggests that we could have married many of the people that we dated but the timing wasn’t right.
This is against societies expectations that there are times in our life when we should get married because that is the next step: after college, after establishing our career, when returning from military service, etc.

10. More on the Happy Collision
People generally marry about 4 years after they begin to date on a regular basis.
This theory also states you will marry someone within the geographical area that you live (long distance relationships require more time and money).
Average ages for marriage are:
*US men-29
women-27
*Utah men-25
women-23
Was 23 and 26 in 1990 and 20 and 22 in 1960
Why do you think people are getting married older?

11. Filter Theory
We filter out people that don’t meet our criteria (color of hair, height, age, etc.)
The three types of filters are:
Biological
Social
psychological

12. Biological Filters Most people choose the same gender.
We choose someone close to our age (most 22 year old men are not looking for a 54 year old woman).
We can rule out our relatives…
Physical features are usually similar to ours, ie. Body type, weight, height, etc.

13. Social Filters
We often marry within our same social class or income level.
There is an increase chance of marriage success when we stay in our own class.
Race is the least-likely line to be crossed in mate selection.
Most people marry within their own religion.
We try to find someone of similar intelligence and education.

14. Psychological Filters
Based on conscious and unconscious needs of people.
These needs are based on childhood experiences.
People will often marry someone similar to their opposite sex parent.

15. What are your filters?
List at least two in each category…..

16. Other considerations…
You need to determine if your personalities go well together and here are some aspects you should consider:
Amount of personal space needed.
Type of love language.
Seriousness or lightness of personality.
Gender-role compatibility.
Interests and hobbies.
Desire for achievement.
Are they picky, meticulous, detailed, sloppy, etc.?

17. The BIG Questions Does this person make you a better person?
Would you rather be with this person than any other person in the world?
Could you spend the rest of your life with this person?
Could you spend the rest of your life without this person?

18. There are no gray areas when answering those questions… if you have doubts, you need to look at the relationship very seriously.

19. 4 Corners

20. Make Your Own List
Must Haves
Would Be Nice
Can’t Live With
This is an assignment but will not be turned in. Write it in your Notebook and come check it off with me.

21. Remember…. You attract what you ARE, not what you WANT
You must develop the same qualities that you would want your spouse to have

22. Essay Write a 1-2 page essay that addresses the following:
What are the main qualities that you want in your spouse?
What qualities or attributes will you bring to a marriage? (how will they help your marriage?)
What qualities do you need to develop before marriage? (how will you develop them?)
Print off or submit on canvas