Bullying and Play Therapy

Bullying and Play Therapy
By Amanda Gurock, LCSW

Goals of the Webinar Discuss the Statistics Define Bullying
Discuss Different Types of Bullying Discuss the difference between the Bully and the Victim How you can help Learn 4 different intervention to help the Bully Learn 4 different intervention to help the Victim Learn different resources available for you to use

Statistics on Bullying- StopBullying.Gov
160,000 Kids skip school every year due to the fear of being bullied- National For School Engagement 28% of kids in grades 6-12 experience bullying 20% of kids in grades 9-12 experience bullying 30% of kids admit to bullying others 70.6% of kid admit to seeing bullying 70.4% of school staff admit to seeing bullying Only 20%-30% of kids who are bullied notify adults of the bullying

Define Bullying- Stopbullying.gov
Bullying: is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who bully and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

Bullying Defined In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include: An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people. Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Different Types of Aggression
Relational Aggression: is a sneaky and insidious type of bullying that often goes unnoticed by parents and teachers. Sometimes referred to as emotional bullying, relational aggression is a type of social manipulation where tweens and teens try to hurt their peers or sabotage their social standing. Relational bullies often ostracize others from a group, spread rumors, manipulate situations, and break confidences. The goal behind a relationally aggressive bully is to increase their own social standing by controlling or bullying another person.

Cyberbulling: When a tween or a teen uses the Internet, a smartphone, or other technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. If an adult is involved in the harassment this is called cyber-harassment or cyberstalking. Examples of cyberbullying include posting hurtful images, making online threats, and sending hurtful s or texts. Because teens and tweens are always "plugged in," cyberbullying is a growing issue among young people. It’s also becoming more widespread because bullies can harass their targets with much less risk of being caught. Cyberbullies often say things that they do not have the courage to say face-to-face. Technology makes them feel anonymous, insulated, and detached from the situation. Consequently, online bullying is often mean and cruel.

Sexual Bullying: consists of repeated, harmful, and humiliating actions that target a person sexually. Girls are often the targets of sexual bullying both by boys and by other girls. Boys might touch them inappropriately, make crude comments about their bodies, or proposition them. Girls, on the other hand, might call other girls names like “slut” or “tramp," make insulting comments about their appearance or body, and engage in slut shaming. Sexting also can lead to sexual bullying. For instance, a girl may send a photo of herself to a boyfriend. When they break up, he shares that photo with the entire school. In the end, she becomes the target of sexual bullying because people make fun of her body, call her crude names, and make vulgar comments about her. Some boys may even see this as an open invitation to proposition her or sexually assault her.

Different Types of Agression
Prejudicial Bullying: Prejudicial bullying is based on prejudices tweens and teens have toward people of different races, religions, or sexual orientation. This type of bullying can encompass all the other types of bullying including cyberbullying, verbal bullying, relational bullying, physical bullying, and sometimes even sexual bullying. When prejudicial bullying occurs, kids are targeting others who are different from them and singling them out. Oftentimes, this type of bullying is severe and can open the door to hate crimes. Any time a child is bullied for his sexual orientation, race, or religion, it should be reported.

Common Types of Bullies
Bully Victims: often rise up after being bullied. They bully others weaker than them because they, too, have been bullied. Their goal usually is to regain a sense of power and control in their lives. This type of bully is very common. In fact, a large number of kids who bully others have been bullied themselves. Their bullying is a way of retaliating for the pain they are feeling. Other times the bully victim comes from a home riddled with domestic violence or suffers abuse from an older sibling. In these cases, bullying is a learned behavior. Most bully victims are either loners or fall at the bottom of the social ladder at school. This fact adds to the sense of powerlessness and anger they feel. Consequently, their bullying often appears hostile, which can cause the bully to be unpopular. This in turn perpetuates the cycle of the bully victim.

Popular Bullies: have big egos. They are confident and condescending. They usually have a group of followers or supporters and may feel like they rule the school. Additionally, popular bullies have a sense of entitlement that can stem from their popularity, their size, their upbringing or their socio-economic status. They thrive on the physical power and control they have over their victims and may boast about their bullying. Popular Boys most often bully others through physical acts like pushing someone around, taking their books or pinning them against lockers. While popular girls use relational aggression. They spread rumors, are manipulative, and often exclude others. Popular bullies are sometimes the school’s star athlete or perceived school leader. They thrive on the attention and power they get from bullying. Other teens often tolerate this type of bully because they would rather be accepted than bullied.

Relational Bullies: The relational bully is usually a somewhat-popular student who enjoys deciding who is accepted at school and who isn’t. Excluding, isolating, and ostracizing others are the most common weapons used by this type of bully. Most often, the relational bully will use only verbal or emotional bullying to maintain control. Many times, mean-girls are relational bullies. Relational bullies also maintain their power by using rumors, gossip, labels, and name-calling. Typically, they target others because they are jealous or feel they are socially unacceptable. Maintaining popularity is the key reason for relational aggression. The relational bully will do anything to be part of the "in the crowd."

Serial Bullies: The serial bully is another type of bully often found in popular circles. These bullies are systematic, controlled, and calculated in their approach. But parents, teachers, and administrators may have no idea what the serial bully is capable of. On the outside, this type of bully appears sweet, charming, and charismatic to authority figures. But on the inside, they can be cold and calculating and tend to inflict emotional pain on their victims over long periods of time. Sometimes serial bullies will use physical bullying but only if they can be sure they won’t be caught. Serial bullies also are skilled manipulators and liars and are usually fake friends. Their sweet and nice persona is just another way to manipulate situations to their liking. They are able to twist facts and situations to make themselves look innocent or to get out of trouble when confronted. In fact, serial bullies are often so skilled at deception that their victims often are afraid to speak up, convinced that no one will ever believe them.

Indifferent Bullies: Indifferent bullies are often unable to feel empathy. As a result, they can often appear cold, unfeeling, and detached and have very little, if any, remorse for what they do to others. These types of bullies, although less common than the other types of bullies, are often the most dangerous. Indifferent bullies are bullying for the sheer enjoyment of seeing another person suffer and they are not deterred by disciplinary actions. Additionally, indifferent bullies are often vicious and have deep psychological problems that need to be addressed by a professional. Traditional bullying intervention does not usually bring about change in their bullying.

Different Types of Bullying
Physical Bullying: It occurs when kids use physical actions to gain power and control over their targets. Physical bullies tend to be bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than their peers. Examples of physical bullying include kicking, hitting, punching, slapping, shoving, and other physical attacks. Unlike other forms of bullying, physical bullying is the easiest to identify. Verbal Bullying: Perpetrators of verbal bullying use words, statements, and name calling to gain power and control over a target. Typically, verbal bullies will use relentless insults to belittle, demean, and hurt another person. They choose their targets based on the way they look, act, or behave. It’s also common for verbal bullies to target kids with special needs.

Group Bullies: Bullies, who fall in this category, are typically part of a group and have a pack mentality when they are together. They tend to bully as a group but behave much differently when they are alone—even if they are alone with the victim. Usually, group bullies are cliques that imitate the leader of the group and just follow along. Because kids feel insulated when they are in a group, they often feel free to say and do things they wouldn’t do otherwise. They also feel less responsibility for their actions because "everyone is doing it." This is a very dangerous type of bullying because things quickly can escalate out of control.

Victims of Bullies- Olweus
DISCLAIMER: Anyone can become a victim of Bullying but there are different characteristics that have been identified why certain kids become targeted as a victim: Passive Victim: This is the classic bully victim. A passive victim is one who did nothing to provoke the bully except for traits which bullies find easy to prey upon. When a passive victim is being oppressed they express feelings of anxiety, depression, and typically have a low self-esteem. They have very few friends and are often lonely and sad. Olweus goes on to describe how younger children will often show signs by crying, being angry, and withdrawing from previous activities they used to enjoy. The older child will usually find ways to passively avoid the bully by avoidance or escaping. This means they will skip the event a known aggressor will be at or quickly leaving a situation they feel unsafe at.

SUB Groups of Passive Victims: Vicarious victims, or surrogate victims, either witness or hear about bullying incidents at school. They are victims of the school's climate of fear and worry about their own potential to become targets of bullying. As a result of this perceived vulnerability as well as concern about direct retribution from bullies, they choose not to help bullying victims or report bullying incidents even though they often feel sympathetic — which often leads to feelings of guilt (Besag, 1989).

SUB Groups of Passive Victims: False victims represent a small group of students who complain frequently and without justification to their teachers about being bullied by their classmates. This behavior seems to be a bid for attention and sympathy from the teacher. This is problematic for two main reasons: 1) these children should learn that there are legitimate ways to get attention, and 2) teachers who may be unsympathetic about the problem of bullying could use this behavior as an excuse to ignore all complaints about bullying (Besag, 1989). Perpetual victims are those victims who are bullied all of their lives. While "perpetual" refers to the duration of bullying rather than a subgroup of victim, it is interesting to consider the possibility that some children may develop a victim mentality whereby the victim role becomes a permanent part of their psyches (Elliott, 1993).

Victims of Bullies DISCLAIMER: Anyone can become a victim of Bullying but there are different characteristics that have been identified why certain kids become targeted as a victim: Provocative Victim: A child who provokes a bully to take notice of their differences. While there are slightly less children who fit this profile of a bullying victim chances are most people have encountered this type of victim before. They are typically characterized with having disruptive capabilities and often arouse negative feelings such as exasperation, irritability, and annoyance. Because of their inability to connect effectively with their peers they are easily singled out. Often times a bully will target this person because the child is ineffective at protecting them self yet will continue to try, making the bully appear stronger in front of observers. Some characteristics of a provocative victim are aggressiveness, low tolerance for others behaviors, or they may have a disability such as ADHD which hinders their ability to think a behavior through all the way.

Victims of Bullies DISCLAIMER: Anyone can become a victim of Bullying but there are different characteristics that have been identified why certain kids become targeted as a victim: Bully-Victim Cycle: A cycle can be started when a victim feels the need to spread the teasing to other children. Generally they are weaker than the initial bully yet stronger than their own targets. They are more likely to be anxious and depressed than the other types of victims due to the guilt they have for bullying others and the low self- esteem caused by being bullied.

How You Can Help Understand the Bully-Continuum:
The Bully-Victim Continuum: Bullying is often incorrectly characterized as a problem between a single bully and a single victim. Bullying is better thought of as a group phenomenon in which individuals may be involved in multiple roles: Perpetrator – engages in bullying others Victim – targeted by bullying Bystander – witnesses bullying Bully/Victim – an individual who engages in bullying others is victimized by others Uninvolved – not involved in bullying situations

How You Can Help Understand the effects of being a bully victim and be aware of treatment concerns: Depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy. These issues may persist into adulthood. They also have more health problems. Understand the effects of those who Bully Others: Abuse alcohol and other drugs in adolescence and as adults, Get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school, Engage in early sexual activity, Have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults, Be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults Understand the effects of those who are Bystanders: Have increased use of tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs, Have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety, Miss or skip school

4 Interventions for the Victim Liana Lowenstein
Bibliotherpay and Use of Puppets- So I used a story called "How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies." It's a story book. And it was a way to help him understand some of the dynamics involved in bullying, and the book teaches some strategies that children can use to deal with bullying and with teasing. But if you just read the story to the child and then that's it, often children don't integrate the strategies. And so I used puppets and we came up with some different bullying, teasing kinds of scenarios, and we acted them out with puppets. So he would use the puppets to act out the bullying scene and then practice some of strategies that he learned through the book to handle bullying.

Butterflies in My Stomach (Lowenstein, 1999) The therapist introduces the activity by pointing out that everyone has problems and worries. Different ways the body reacts to stress are outlined. The therapist then asks the client if he or she has ever heard of the expression “I have butterflies in my stomach.” If the client is unfamiliar with the expression, the therapist offers an explanation, such as, “When you are worried or nervous about something, your stomach might feel funny or jittery, as if you have butterflies in your stomach. You don’t really have butterflies in your stomach; it just feels like you do.” Next, the child lies down on a large sheet of banner paper, while the therapist outlines the child’s body. (Alternatively, the child can draw a body outline.) Then the therapist gives the child assorted sizes of paper butterflies (see Lowenstein, 1999, p. 11). The child writes his or her worries on the paper butterflies. Bigger worries are written on the larger butterflies, smaller worries on the smaller ones. The butterflies are then glued onto the child’s body outline, inside the stomach. As the child identifies each worry, the therapist can facilitate further discussion by asking open-ended questions, such as, “Tell me more about this worry.” At the end of the exercise, the child can color the butterflies and decorate the body outline. This activity facilitates self-awareness and open communication. It is a useful assessment tool applicable to a wide variety of client populations. This is a particularly useful activity with children who have a multitude of presenting problems, as it enables them to communicate to the therapist which problems are most pressing and need priority in treatment.

Feel Better Bag (Lowenstein, 2006) Encouraging self-care and teaching healthy coping strategies is an important goal for most clients. The Feel Better Bag is used as a tool to facilitate self-care. The child is provided with a bag and fills it with self- care items such as: a stress ball, dream-catcher, picture of a proud moment, etc. The practitioner and child can come up with additional self-care items for the Feel Better Bag or obtain ideas from the book, Creative Interventions for Bereaved Children (Lowenstein, 2006). The child takes the bag home and is encouraged to use the self-care items during times of need.

You’re A Star: Have the child write his name on a big piece of paper (card stock) in his favorite color (if the child can’t write his name- the therapist does)- draw a star around the child’s name. The child then names all of the people in his world that care about him. The idea is to get as many names as possible to fill up the sheet of paper. (therapist's name should be on there). Once the activity is done, explain to the child how he is a star and has many people in his world that cares about him. Express to the child/parents that the picture should be hung up in the kid’s bedroom so when he is struggling or feels sad- he can refer to the picture and know how many people really do care about him.

4 Interventions to Help the Bully Liana Lowenstein
The Way I Want it to be (Lowenstein, 2002) The client draws two pictures. The first on the sheet of paper is titled: The Way My Life Is. The second on the sheet of paper is titled The Way I Want It To Be. The client then discusses the two pictures. The therapist can ask the following process questions: How did you feel during the drawing activity? How are you going to get from the way it is to the way you want it to be? What do you need to do differently in order to get to the way you want it to be? How might therapy help you get to where you want to be? How will you feel when you get to where you want to be? Helps Build Rapport and Helps with Being in Control

4 Interventions to Help the Bully Liana Lowenstein
Angry Box: The client can decorate the box- he/she should write a word or drawing that reflects anger on the box. The therapist puts sentence stems about anger into the box. Once completed the therapist and client take turns pulling the cards out of the box. EXAMPLES: I feel angry every time…., When I tell someone I am angry, I feel…, When I get angry I ….. Helps Client to begin to identify way they are angry, how being angry affects their behavior, and allows self- talk statements to be explored- changing thoughts

4 Interventions to Help the Bully Diane Fray
Pick-Up Sticks: This is a modification of the regular game. The therapist will “bully” the child while he/ she is playing the game. If the client can pick up the stick while being bullied he/she gets two points. If the client picks up the stick while not being bullied, he/she gets one point. Helps Client Understand how others feel when they bully, teaches empathy, and helps child begin to understand ways that they can complete tasks while upset or agitated (remove self from anger)

4 Interventions to Help the Bully Diane Fray
Checkers: you can play the traditional game and have the client make conversation while playing. The client needs to follow the rules and works on accepting winning and losing. Checker Talk: you and the client take turns placing down a checker piece (on top of the other), while placing the pieces- the client and therapist engage in a conversation. (Client needs to stay on topic otherwise the game ends). Helps Client improve their social skills and helps them to discuss different therapeutic topics.

4 Interventions to Stand-By/ Witness
Magic Wand: Make a wand with client. After the wand is completed: 1. ask your client to come up with three wishes in their life that would really make a difference if one or more wishes came true. One of the wishes has to be based in reality. 2. Process each wish with the client. What would they really gain if each wish came true? How would their life be better? 3. Go over goal setting with the client. What would it take to make one or more of the wishes come true in their life? What responsibility would they have to take to make the wish or wishes come true? This allows the child to identify the problem and give a basis of where to start. You can also see what they need in order to feel good.

Worry Monster Who Eats Your worries Away: 1) Use an empty tissue boxes to make the monster but any box would work as long as you can cut out a mouth. Create the monster using paper, eyes, feathers, pipe cleaners etc. You could also make an animal, shark or whatever else may be more engaging for the child instead of a monster. 2) Talk about worries or “thinking” with the child and have them identify some worries, thoughts, frustrations, etc. that they would like to not think of in that moment. 3) Have the child write or draw the worries on pieces of paper and notice the worry or thought. It’s also helpful to let the child know they can simply notice their thought without judging or labeling it (more mindfulness based than CBT). After they have noticed and written down the worry or thought, they can choose to let it go by feeding it to the monster! Helps lessen the anxiety that gets built up in the ones witnessing the bullying

Party Hats on Monsters: Materials needed: paper and drawing instruments (i.e., crayons, markers, paints, chalk, etc.). The therapist begins by instructing the child to draw something that makes him or her feel happy or safe, such as a favorite activity. After the child completes the drawing, the therapist engages the child in a relaxing conversation about what was drawn. Next, the therapist asks the child to draw something that scares him or her just a little. The therapist then tells the child to change the drawing in a way that will make the feared object (e.g., a monster) seem less scary. Either while the child is modifying the drawing or after, the therapist remarks, “It is amazing how many children realize that when they change the picture on paper to make it less scary, they also change the picture in their head so that they are no longer frightened.” The therapist continues over time creating a hierarchy of the child’s fear. Allows child to re-think or re-classify their fears/s.

The Power Animal Technique: Internalizing a Positive Symbol of Strength Materials needed: pictures of a large variety of animals, clay, and drawing materials. The therapist shows the child pictures of a large variety of animals and asks the child to choose one that appeals to him or her. The therapist then asks the child to construct the chosen animal in clay or to make a mask with the animal face on it. The therapist follows the child’s lead. Eventually, the therapist will ask the child to imagine what the animal might do in certain situations and how it might solve a specific problem. By regularly consulting with the animal, the therapist will help the child move deeper into an internalization of the strengths and attributes the child projects onto the animal Builds self esteem and helps client rely on themselves

Resources Available

Summary of the Webinar Discuss the Statistics Define Bullying
Discuss Different Types of Bullying Discuss the difference between the Bully and the Victim How you can help Learn 4 different intervention to help the Bully Learn 4 different intervention to help the Victim Learn different resources available for you to use

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