1. Marital Oneness – What it is and how to keep it
Marriage Enrichment
Marital Oneness – What it is and how to keep it
Welcome – 2nd Marriage Enrichment Event
Stand alone
Builds…but doesn’t build on everything
Some similar but different
Begin with prayer

2. Prayer
God, you instituted the marvelous union of marriage. When two come together in your name, we know that you have not joined them to frustrate them, but to bless them. Help us to follow your will for our lives, putting into practice the love with which you have filled us, so that we might be the blessing to our spouse that you intend. To that end, bless us this evening that our time together might be for the good of our marriages. Amen.

3. Refresh our memory – highlight for those here first time
The man with the light bulb is meant to be where you work on the section by yourself
The man with the white board is when I will teach
The couple with hearts is when you work on the section together with your spouse
The people around puzzle pieces is where you work together with the other couple at your table

4. 2. What do you think oneness in marriage means?
1. What is your view of what marriage is all about (in other words, how would you describe it to a 6-year old who asks, “What does it mean to be married)?
2. What do you think oneness in marriage means?
1 minute 30 seconds

5. Times Up!
It was a glorious marriage, the kind that fully reflected all the joy and promise a marriage can have
He was delighted with her and she with him
Like so many couples at the start, they felt comfortable and safe with one another
There was a deep attraction and deep knowing of each other
But like too many marriages, what started out with great promise led to great frustration
Over time, barriers grew where closeness had been
Blame and bickering intensified
They grew distant from one another and the Lord
You know this couple – Adam and Eve

6. Marital Oneness = a place where
Genesis 2:24,25 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Marital Oneness = a place where
This passage is quoted by Jesus and Paul as the foundation for our understanding of marriage
By letting them amplify our understanding of this passage, we can learn a great deal about the nature of marriage as God intended it to be
Jesus responds to Pharisees who questioned him about divorce
Not really interested in answer, but trying to trap Jesus
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” (Matthew 19:4-6)
He speaks to oneness versus separateness (a truth running through Bible – Trinity; members of church; Christ and Church; marriage)
Telling them that divorce not God’s perfect plan because marriage is about two people mysteriously becoming and remaining one for rest of lives.
Wants a covenant of spiritual unity in which souls and hearts of both are joined before him and with him providing direction and meaning in bond of love. (spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical)
In his first recorded words Adam expressed joy over God’s magnificent gift to him – agreeing with God that here was a helper suitable for him in every way
The love which man and woman formerly be devoted principally to their parents is now to be devoted above all to each other
FELT NO SHAME
A closeness and acceptance implied with those words
When looking for a spouse, were you looking for one to argue with
Looking for someone to be your best friend and support
Sensed the possibility of shameless relationship with absolute acceptance
trust, openness, and vulnerability can thrive

7. interests pursuits companionship Caring sharing
Genesis 2:24,25 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Oneness is not just sexual intercourse, it is…
To involve a community of ______________ and _______________
 Mutual _______________________
___________ and _______________ in love
interests
pursuits
The foundational teaching about oneness rests in the physical union of husband and wife
By sexual intercourse, husband and wife are joined together in a union uniquely intimate
The bodily members of the one become the bodily members of the other
The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. (1 Cor 7:4)
God’s way of passing on gift of life
companionship
Caring
sharing

8. Build Trust
Marital oneness has a lot to do with trust. Trust is built when a person allows themselves to be vulnerable and the other person doesn’t ridicule, dismiss, or make light of that vulnerability, but instead acknowledges that vulnerability and makes it their own.
Where does this vulnerability take place? When couples are together! When they are connected! When there is a focus on what you can be doing for your spouse; not on what your spouse should be doing for you! After all, if you are looking for faults in your spouse - you will find them. But it is also true that if you are looking for ways to show fondness to your spouse - you will find them!!
5 minutes

9. Times Up!

10. Marital Oneness = not the ,
Ephesians 5:31,32 - “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Marital Oneness = not the ,
loss of a person’s identity
Greek word “mystery”
Astonishment or shut-mouth (When something is a mystery, what can you say?)
Preeminent point is relationship between Christ and church (but also pointing to oneness is inherently mysterious)
Profound mystery
Not primarily that marriage unites husband and wife into one
More so – the one-way love of Christ
Redeemed us into his Church, his bride
He is her head, she is his body – so closely are the two joined together into one
Paul expresses quiet awe as he reflects on the mystery of Christ and the church – and on the fact that there can be in the human experience something that reflects this divine unity – Christian marriage
Can’t develop true biblical oneness by having one person’s identity disappear or be engulfed by the other to form one big blob
Some people, “The two shall become one…but what one?”
One of the most powerful images of oneness conveys a wonderful diversity in unity (body of Christ)
Click to reveal answer…click to reveal next slide

11. Ephesians 5:31,32 - “For this. reason a man will leave his father and
Ephesians 5:31,32 - “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. US ME
YOU
Note that two distinct persons come together in the marital union: you and me.
But there is also a third, crucial identity - US

12. Marital Oneness = not the , but God’s
Ephesians 5:31,32 - “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Marital Oneness = not the ,
but God’s
loss of a person’s identity
What do you think oneness in marriage means?
Husband and wife do not remain separate entities anymore
Because the two are one – husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies
It’s the natural thing to do. Everybody looks after his own needs. He eats and sleeps, dresses and grooms himself. Shouldn’t a husband just naturally show the same kind of devoted care and concern for his other “self” – or the rest of “himself”
design that two come together to form a new oneness that is unique

13. Barriers to Oneness
Genesis 3:7 - Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Barrier #1 ___
They covered the parts of their bodies that were one of the most wonderful ways of expressing intimate oneness
No longer felt the freedom of acceptance, emotions according to God’s will, and covered where they were most different
Is that what we do – cover-up our thoughts and opinions when with someone who sees things differently
Comes a sense of separateness
Self-protection and the fear of rejection

14. Barriers to Oneness Barrier #2 __ Lack of proper communication
Ecclesiastes 4: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling,” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” This too is meaningless—a miserable business! 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Barrier # __
What’s a friend?
People we relax with, open up to, and count on
Provides companionship, support, warmth, and protection
Deep intimacy – take many forms
This means being able to share what’s really in your heart and have it richly heard by another
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)
Key to great friendship in marriage will be learning to share, and to listen carefully for what’s within each other’s heart
Lack of proper communication

15. Barriers to Oneness Barrier #3 __ Selfishness
Galatians 3: You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.
Barrier # __
Selfishness

16. A Comparison
It has been said, “Give me a sin and I will give you selfishness as its root.” It’s true! Think of a sin and you will find selfishness standing behind it with a sinister smile. This selfishness, as we saw above, is a barrier to martial oneness. In order to combat it, then, we need a reminder of the difference between Christ-like love and natural (selfish) human love.
As a table group, fill in the blanks (a list of words are provided) to reveal the difference between natural (selfish) human love and Christ-like love.
2 minutes 30 seconds

17. Times Up!
Christ-like love helps you weather the storms of married life. However, natural human love can very easily follow these destructive behaviors…

18. Romance phase – “We have so much in common, and we are so in love
Romance phase – “We have so much in common, and we are so in love.” Transition phase – “Things aren’t quite what we expected. We seem to approach many important things quite differently, but he/she will probably change what I don’t like soon. Reality phase – “We still have these differences, and I’m getting a little frustrated with him/her.” Retaliation phase – “I’ll show him/her that he/she can’t deal with me that way and expect me to continue to be loving.” Isolation phase – “I’m just too hurt to try to continue to love and trust and be kind. We just have grown too far apart.”
Notice how Christ-like love doesn’t base itself at all on the response or lack of response of the other. It rejoices where a mutual loving service exists, but it doesn’t depend on that to keep on loving!

19. The Great Love Chapter
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor. 13)
4 minutes

20. Times Up!
Good section to read through periodically – see how you are doing (not to see how spouse is doing)

21. Compassion builds trust because…
Colossians 3: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Compassion builds trust because…
it means we’re willing to bear someone else’s pain. A true friend sticks around not just during the good times but also when it will cost him/her something. Our motivation is our Savior who was wounded for our transgressions.

22. Kindness builds trust because…
Colossians 3: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Kindness builds trust because…
it treats someone better than they deserve. Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t treat you the way you deserve?

23. Humility builds trust because…
Colossians 3: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Humility builds trust because…
it doesn’t put oneself above the other. It finds joy in meeting other people’s needs and making their life better.

24. Gentleness builds trust because…
Colossians 3: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Gentleness builds trust because…
in that vulnerable state you aren’t put down/shot down/what you said isn’t considered ridiculous. Gentleness removes fear and stays away from angry or careless words that are hard to forget.

25. Patience builds trust because…
Colossians 3: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Patience builds trust because…
you are willing to take time. You take time for the things you love. Patience builds trust because you cut others slack.

26. “forgive as the Lord forgave you”
“As God’s chosen people”
“holy and dearly loved”

27. Christ-like love gives us a whole new pattern to follow:
Christ-like love teaches us that the goal in marriage is not to bend my spouse to meet my expectations, but to be molded from the inside out by God to meet his expectations for me as a husband/wife.
Christ-like love teaches us to see our differences as a blessing in our marriage.

28. Date Night Activity Date Night Devotion
Marriage Enrichment
Friday, November 2 – Barriers to Marriage and Oneness (Part 1)
?TBA? – Barriers to Marriage and Oneness (Part 2)
TBA – Communication: A Key to a Great Marriage
TBA – Connection: Completing a Great Marriage