1. Chapter 6
Love

2. Love There are many kinds of loving relationships.
This chapter will help you to clarify your views and values about love

3. Discuss
“Love is essential for both physical and psychological wellbeing.” Do you agree or disagree with this quote? Why?

4. Love
There is evidence that people who do not have love in their lives are at a higher risk for a range of illnesses.

5. Exercise
Although we treat the issues of love, sexuality, and intimacy in three different chapters, these topics cannot be completely separated.
You will make connections between these 3 topics, and, hopefully, apply them to yourself.
This personal inventory should help get you started.
Answer these questions as they actually apply to you now.

6. Exercise
Take this same inventory again, and give the responses that indicate how you’d like to be.

7. Discuss
How are love, sex, and intimacy related, in your view?

8. Group Exercise
In a group, make a list of all the conscious reasons you have, or have had in the past, for not allowing yourself to love others or receive love from them

9. Group Exercise
What do you imagine it would be like to have a loving relationship with YOU?
Share your fantasy of the good things you could do for the other person, the risks of the relationship for the other person, and how he or she might feel about loving you.

10. Group Exercise
What are some ways you could change so that you would be more lovable?

11. Group Exercise Where did you learn how to love?
What standards do you have for how to love? What model have you followed?

12. Group Exercise
What stages or patterns do you see in your significant relationships?
What initial assumptions do you make as you enter a relationship?

13. Discuss
What are the meanings love has for you? Discuss in specific terms what it means to love another person.

14. Exercise
It has been said that we cannot love others if we cannot love ourselves. However, sometimes loving ourselves can be difficult.
Make a list of what you like about yourself.
Imagine that your best friend was here. How would they describe you? What would they say are your best qualities?

15. Discuss Read your list to someone else.
How comfortable/uncomfortable is it to read this list?

16. The Art of Loving, by Fromm
“Self-love [is] respect for our own integrity and uniqueness and It cannot be separated from love and understanding of others.”

17. Ingredients of a Long-Term Love Relationship
Self-acceptance
Acceptance by one’s partner
Appreciation of one another
Effective communication
Commitment
Realistic expectations
Common interests
Collaborative decision making
Ability to deal with conflict effectively

18. Meanings of Authentic Love – A Personal Perspective
LOVE MEANS
Knowing the person
Caring about the person & demonstrating caring for them
Having a responsibility toward the person (not for them)
Having respect and dignity for the person
Accepting imperfection
Growth for both people in the relationship
Having trust for them and yourself
Being vulnerable
Allowing for imperfections

19. Characteristics of Inauthentic Love
Pseudo-love may look like authentic love, but it stifles growth
One whose love is inauthentic
Attaches strings to loving and loves conditionally
Is possessive
Depends on the other person to fill a void in life
Needs to be in charge and make decisions for the other person
Lacks commitment
Puts little trust in the relationship
Has rigid, unrealistic expectations

20. Discuss
The question is raised in this chapter—Is it worth it to love? What are your reactions to this question?

21. Exercise
Think of someone that you love. What specifically do you love about them?
What are some of the ways that you fail to demonstrate love for that person?
What specific steps can you take to demonstrate your love for others more?

22. Barriers to Loving and Being Loved
MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT LOVE
Love is eternal
Love implies constant closeness (the Prophet)
We fall in and out of love
Love is exclusive
True love is selfless
Love and anger are incompatible

23. Fears of Loving and Being Loved
What are common fears associated with loving others and being loved?
Fear of isolation
Fear of being discovered
Uncertainty of love
There are NO guarantees

24. Discuss
In what ways do you think you can nurture the love and caring you have for the significant people in your life? What can you do to express to these people the degree of your caring?

25. Discuss
Discuss the issue of how lovable you see yourself as being. Why would another person want to love you? What do you have to offer? What characteristics do you have that are attractive? How could you become more lovable?

26. Homework
Please answer the “Time to Reflect” questions on pages 187 – 188 for your homework assignment.