1. Writing Revisions
F451 Summer Reading Essay

2. Does your paper begin with a hook?
Weak Hook
Strong Hook
Herman Melville once said, “It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.” Chris McCandless traveled into the Alaskan wilderness with few possessions in search of himself.
Herman Melville professed that “It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.” Chris McCandless perished in the Alaskan wilderness attempting to live a life rooted in Melville’s mantra.
Does your paper begin with a hook?

3. Does your thesis statement contain a three-prong essay map?
Weak Thesis
Strong Thesis
Chris McCandless, a reckless narcissist, brought pain to those closest to him.
Chris McCandless, a reckless narcissist ,brought pain to his parents, his sister, and his friend, Wayne Westerberg.
Does your thesis statement contain a three-prong essay map?

4. Does your paragraph contain vague wording?
Strong Wording
This says something about a human’s need to live a very noble life.
Chris McCandless’s decision to venture into the wilderness reveals a human’s desire to live a noble life.
Does your paragraph contain vague wording?

5. Does your paragraph contain “to be” verbs?
Vague Wording
Strong Wording
A lack of human intimacy is a major reason McCandless died alone in the Alaskan wilderness.
McCandless successfully evaded human intimacy, and therefore died alone in the Alaskan wilderness.
Does your paragraph contain “to be” verbs?