1. Dealing with People Problems or Sartre was Totally Right
Nicholas McCall

2. People Problems
vs.
Problem People

3. A Foundation Know your personality
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is one type
Be cognizant of other personality types, emotions, and moods
Or be branded, “perceptually deficient”

4. Common Moods

5. Even Teams Have Moods

6. Language Matters

7. Helpful Words We both seem to want…
Let me see if I understand you…[rephrase]
I could support what you propose if…
Who else besides us has something at stake?
We seem to agree on X, but differ on Y…
You seem to be saying, [restate and rephrase]… Is that right?

8. Fighting Words Are you SERIOUS? You are just plain wrong You always…
You never…
How can you say that?
You’re kidding…
You can’t be serious…
I can’t believe you said that
What were you thinking?
I understand your point, but let me tell you what really happened…
That’s a dumb idea
How can anyone as smart as you claim to be really believe…?

9. Conflict Visualized

10. On Being Right It makes us feel superior We get to do things our way
The Rewards of Being Right
The Risks of Being Right (and making someone else wrong)
It makes us feel superior
We get to do things our way
We feel in control
We avoid being controlled
Our values are confirmed
Victory is sweet
We win the argument
We win the battle
It may make someone feel inferior
Others may do less than their best out of disgust
The other person may feel powerless
Others resent being controlled by us
Others’ values are violated
Defeat is bitter (and remembered)
May lose a relationship
May lose the war

11. Dealing with Conflict

12. The “No Asshole” Rule as described from the Harvard Business School Press
Avoid hiring assholes when you can
Don’t allow them to get away with it
Actually, have just one asshole in the organization
Coping
Try to effect change
Leave, or fire the person
Learn to not care

13. Basic Conflict-Resolution Strategies
Avoidance
Ignoring the problem
Defusion
Smoothing
Containment
Bring in third-parties
Confrontation
Set up an office pool

14. Disruptive People in Meetings
Interrupting, polarizing, sidetracking, emotionalizing issues, challenging leader, threatening to resign
Prevention
Assign a special task
Take the dominator’s items off the agenda
Ask others to join meeting and refuse to argue

15. During the meeting
Turn all of the dominator’s questions into statements
Debates are win-lose; refuse to argue
Agree to everything trivial
Escalate the argument into chaos, adjourning when the dominator takes over
BUT
Keep cool; anger means giving away power
Use this sparingly; this kind of technique can easily backfire

16. A Few Tidbits Welcome conflict
Avoid compromise, strive for satisficing
When in dialogue
“Tell me about X.” when asking a question
Let the person keep talking until he or she tires
Use (uncomfortable) silence

17. Horror Stories Why Did L.A. Noire Take Seven Years to Make?
EA: The Human Story

19. Resources
Dealing with Difficult People, Harvard Business School Press, 2005
Denning, Peter J., “The Profession of IT Moods,” Communications of the ACM, v. 55, no. 12, Dec 12, 33-35
EA: The Human Story, 11/10/04
Gordon, Jack. Managing Conflict at Work, Pfeiffer, 2003
Managing Conflict: Straight Talk from the World’s Top Business Leaders, Harvard Business School Press, 2007
McMillen, Andrew. Why Did L.A. Noire Take Seven Years to Make?, 6/24/11
Schmidt, Warren H., and Hateley, BJ Gallagher, Is it Always Right to be Right?, Amacom, 2001
Sherman, V. Clayton, From Losers to Winners, Amacom, 1987
Walton, Richard E., Interpersonal Peacemaking: Confrontations and Third-Party Consultation, Addison-Wesley, 1969