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The Ask: Invitation to Engagement

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Presentation on theme: "The Ask: Invitation to Engagement"— Presentation transcript:

1 The Ask: Invitation to Engagement
April 10, 2018 Deborah Reidy Tom Doody O. Sophia Johansson

2 Friendship Projects’ Recent History
Commissioner Elin Howe Initiates Efforts Increased Inclusion in Regulations Real Friends—Raising the Possibility Widening the Circle—Implementation Efforts Creating Our Common Wealth—Leadership Toward Social Inclusion and Friendship Pathways to Friendship—Thirteen Agencies Implementation Training and Consultation Pathways to Friendship Expanding Next Year

3 Framing Question How can we best spend a day with participants in Pathways and Creating Our Common Wealth to increase the likelihood of people being served enjoying more friendships with people from outside the usual circles of other service recipients, staff, and families?

4 Agenda Frame the Day, Clarify the Vision
Developing Individual Support Plans Individual Reflection & Group Discussion Practice Talking About, Making the Ask to Invite Others Break Unconscious Bias, Devaluation and How to Offset as the Asker Lunch Benefits and Facilitators Around the Invitation to Relationship The Ask: Call to Action What Doing the Work Requires Wrap Up

5 “The Vision” Our purpose is to increase social inclusion, freely-given friendships, and other meaningful relationships between people with and without disabilities… So that over time communities embrace the gifts, talents and capacities of citizens of all abilities… To the benefit of all.

6 Some Elements of Freely-given Friendship
Freely-Given/Unpaid “Belongs” to Friends—Not Managed by Others Presence/Sufficient Contact Enduring/Long-term and/or Renewable Flexible/Changing/Evolving/Growing Emotionally Engaged/Caring/Heartfelt Honesty/Trust/Openness Practical Support/Help in Times of Need Mutually Rewarding—Perhaps Not Equal

7 Individual Reflection: Personal Status in Relation to the Vision
How do I define the vision to myself? Is my involvement changing my understanding of what’s important to the people I serve? What is changing? Is my involvement changing my understanding of my job? On priorities at work? How? Any work role changes? Am I considering any changes in my personal life? Have I talked to others about friendship building? If yes, what happened? If no, what would it take?

8 Well Crafted Individual Relationship Support Plans
Culturally Valued Analogue—Bring the Ordinary to Consciousness Plans Tailored to Individual Relationship and Relationship Support Needs Principles of the Relationship Supporter Role These elements combine to form an Individualized Support Plan 1000

9 Bringing Ordinary Relationship Lessons To Consciousness
For People in General For Different Age-Groups For Different Subcultures For Different Situations For Different Kinds of Relationships Asking Ourselves—Interrogating Our Experience Asking Others—Interrogating Their Experience

10 Lessons about All Relationships
All People Need a Range of Relationships with Others Deep, Enduring Commitment Is Needed in Some Relationships First Engagement is the Necessary First Step First Impressions Matter Opportunities Require Effort—Often Invitation—To Bear Fruit Getting to Know One Another Involves Efforts to Discover Affinities Relationships Continue to Evolve with Ups and Downs Even Good Friends Will Cause Some Hurts Attention and Effort Will Bring More Friends Despite Inevitable Delays and Setbacks

11 Lessons From The Ordinary: Deepening Roles & Relationships
School—Classmate to School Friend Work—Coworker to Work Friend Home—Neighbor to Neighbor Friend Church—Fellow Parishioner to Church Friend Formal Group—Member to Colleague Informal Group—Presence to “Regular” Family—Weddings/Funerals to Closest Ally

12 Well Crafted Individual Relationship Support Plans
Culturally Valued Analogue— Bring the Ordinary to Consciousness Plans Tailored to Individual Relationship and Relationship Support Needs Principles of the Relationship Supporter Role These elements combine to form an Individualized Support Plan

13 Individualized Support Plans Foundation
Know the Person—Facts Past Present Future Where? With Whom? Doing What? Roles? Strengths and Limitations Opportunities for Relationship and Belonging Know the Person as a Whole Person Identify: Understandings and Insights Needs: Support Needs for Relationship and Belonging

14 Individualized Support Plans Levels Of Support
None—Get Out of the Way Minimal—Suggestions and Encouragement Guidance—Ideas and Coaching Behind—Background Presence and Help With—Presence and Active Assistance For—Inviting, Arranging and Doing To—Create and Structure Good Opportunity

15 Well-crafted Individual Relationship Support Plans
Culturally Valued Analogue—Bring the Ordinary to Consciousness Plans Tailored to Individual Relationship and Relationship Support Needs Principles of the Relationship Supporter Role These elements combine to form an Individualized Support Plan

16 Principles of the Supporter Role: Preparing Oneself
Maintain Clarity of Purpose High Expectations for All Involved Parties Consciousness of Benefits, Obstacles and Facilitators Truly Respecting and Valuing People Modeling Desirable Patterns of Interaction Plan and Prepare and Adapt Thoughtfully for One Person Follow Image Enhancing Practices Encourage Interaction and Engage Openness Explore Possibilities for Repeat Contact Adequate Support and Minimal Presence Act and Ask—Try Again—Be Persistent

17 The Problem is Devaluation
Different in Ways Seen as Significant Person or Group Defined by Difference Differentness is Valued Negatively Person or Group is Valued Negatively Leads to Negative Responses from Others DEVALUATION, NOT DISABILITY, IS THE PROBLEM TO ADDRESS

18 Ingroup/Outgroup Bias
Ingroup Bias: Perceiving people who are similar to you more positively than people who are more different than you. Outgroup Bias: Perceiving people who are different from you more negatively than people who are more similar to you. Lieberman, Rock, Halvorson & Cox, 2015 S: (Similarity) because brains automatically categorize people into ingroups and outgroups, we are biased to think people like me are better than others. E: (Experience) brains are wired to think we see the world as it is and we therefore assume “my perceptions are accurate.” Together, they contribute to something we call social devaluation

19 Mitigating Devaluation: Revaluation
Implement strategies to help people in the outgroup become members of the ingroup (and/or be perceived as more like me than different) There are several proven strategies to mitigate devaluation. For our purposes today, this one is what we are going to focus on. It’s at the heart of

20 Threat Response: Physical to Social
= Could it be that Maslow had it wrong? Neuroscientists think so! The brain equates social needs as important to survival as much as physical needs, the bottom of that hierarchy of needs. For example, social humiliation registers in the brain as strongly as a physical injury. If you think of the last time you felt humiliated, you probably still wince from the pain! © NeuroLeadership Institute 2015, and SEEDS is TM NeuroLeadership Institute 2015

21 The Brain’s Organizing Principle

22 S C A R F © NeuroLeadership Institute 2015, and SEEDS is TM NeuroLeadership Institute 2015

23 Benefits & Facilitators Around the Invitation to Relationships
People with Disabilities—Your person Their Families—Your person Potential Friends—Your person Community Associations Staff and Service Systems Our Communities

24 The Art of the Ask Genuine enthusiasm about the person’s and the potential friend’s gifts and potential Communicate the benefits for us all—for communities Communicate the ask as an invitation rather than an exhortation Be clear and honest about the invitation Offer people “doable” things to do together Create some time and space for consideration Carefully gauge the level of commitment being asked Be conscious of the SCARF Model Be gently persistent, with the other’s permission

25 Generating the “Chutzpa”
“I’m excited” Assume positive intent of all involved parties Remember the reality of unconscious bias: maintain compassion—Admit own struggles Harness the power of vision (“What we carry in our thoughts tend to become manifested.”) Remember how important this is for the people we serve—and our commitment to address their pressing needs

26 Foundations for “Yes” from Fundamental Beliefs and Values
Faith—Religious and/or moral teachings Social Justice—Speaking for fairness of others Community building—Bridging social capital Relationship enrichment—Interdependence and shared growth Personal experience—Standing by others facing similar challenges A.J. Hildebrand

27 Preparing for Inevitable “No”s
Remember: How important relationships are for us all—especially when we have few The time and effort we put into our own relationships—especially when there’s a void Relationships are hard for us all—how loneliness and rejection hurt The central importance of good relationships To learn, and not to blame, then try again Each “no” is one step closer to “yes”

28 Conclusion: Getting Started
Embrace Importance of Friendship & Belonging Know Community Belonging and Freely-Given Relationships are Possible for Everyone Know That Each of Us—No Matter Our Current Role—Can Take Positive Action Live Inclusive Friendship and Belonging in Your Own Life First—Legitimate Invitation to Others


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