1. Elaboration

2. Definition of Elaboration
Elaboration means. . .
To tell the reader more using
Specific words
Extensions (phrases, clauses)
Onion-like layering of detail
Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts.

3. What does elaboration look like?
ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like. . .
Once when I was in middle school, the kids would
always. . .
Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my . . .
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

4. Develop your point with an anecdote. Student sample
You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

5. What does elaboration look like?
EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like. . .
We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine.
My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they may hide my soccer shoes before a game.
The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me with all …
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

6. Develop your point with an example. Student Sample
The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and also by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports?
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

7. What does elaboration look like?
DEFINITIONS -- are restatements of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it means. This sounds like…
The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean by A La Carte is the little deli line past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

8. Develop your point with a definition. Student sample
One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

9. Practice
Select one of the elaboration techniques: Anecdote, Example or Definition; and write a story about your favorite place you have been on vacation.
Story should be at least a paragraph long.

10. What does elaboration look like?
STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument.
Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late?
Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends?
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life.
Lesson 1

11. Develop your point with facts and statistics. Student Sample
Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low-carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Lesson 1

12. What does elaboration look like?
QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument.
Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when she said,
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Definition of quotation with example
You can elaborate your ideas by quoting someone. The person could be an authority you know or have invented whose words support your idea or argument.
“Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.”
Lesson 1

13. Develop your point with quotations. Student Sample
Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Like statistics, students can be creative with their quotations.
Lesson 1

14. What does elaboration look like?
DESCRIPTIONS --are ways to create vivid images for the reader.
The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and
I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs.
Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through
Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers, and rubber hair wraps,
my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack.
“Must shut off ringer,” I thought.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Explain how you can use description to elaborate.
One way is to use sensory images to create vivid pictures for your reader by appealing to the senses of sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell.
Lesson 1

15. Develop your point with description. Student Sample
Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
Talk about the sensory appeal in this paragraph. “The reader can see the yellow daffodils and green stems, feel the brittleness, and hear the snap of the dry stems.”
Lesson 1

16. Practice:
Select one of the elaboration techniques: Stats/Facts, Quotations, Descriptions; and write about something you feel you are an expert in. For example: Soccer, Piano, drawing,video games,Marvel…
You’re writing must be at least a paragraph.

17. Your Turn
Think about an activity, a sport, or a class you believe should be offered to students at your school. Write a letter to your principal persuading him/her why this activity, sport, or class should be offered.
As you think about your audience, decide what type of elaboration would be most convincing.
(anecdotes, examples, statistics and facts, quotations/expert opinion, description)
Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.
The student samples, Grade 10 Aerobics pre-instruction paragraph and the Elaboration Scoring Guide can be found in the Document Folder. After students have received the elaboration instruction in Lesson One, these pre- and post- samples may be helpful if used in the following ways:
1)Distribute Grade 10 Aerobics. Read orally and discuss with the following questions:
Did the writer stay on the topic?
Was the writer persuasive?
Did the writer use any elaboration techniques?
If you were a principal, would you be convinced? Why or why not?
2) Distribute the Elaboration Scoring Guide. Share the annotations given on this paper and help students see that the language of the scoring guide frames the reasons why this paper is so ineffective.
3) Distribute the Grade 10 Aerobics post-instruction paragraph. Read it orally and have students discuss the same questions. They should notice that this is a much stronger paper. Share the information in the annotations, having students follow along on their copy of the Elaboration Scoring Guide.
Students should see how using elaboration techniques support the topic (a new aerobics class) and develop the writer’s ideas/arguments for it.
After this discussion, have your students do the writing activity on this slide. Students should choose an activity, sport, or class and write a letter persuading the principal to offer it.
Lesson 1